Thursday, July 31, 2008

McCain needs Romney for Michigan

If McCain holds any hope of actually winning the election this fall, he needs to tap Mitt Romney as his running mate and he needs to do it soon. "Hagee whores" aside (evangelicals who would refuse to vote for a ticket that included a Mormon), Mitt would create the buzz McCain desperately needs from the conservative base. Of course, McCain seems to be paying little attention to conservatives. In fact, he is distancing himself from them purposefully, as evidenced by this Drudge-linked sfgate article titled, "McCain extends olive branch to Pelosi, Gore". It is a veritable Pelosi and Gore lovefest that makes me want to heave.

We get it McCain, you are a maverino... I mean maverick. However, do you really think you can "out-liberal" Obama?

There are many of us conservatives who have been planning on holding their nose while voting for you, but I fear our ranks thin every time you go off the deep end by praising the likes of Pelosi and stating how much you respect her, and that she is "an inspiration" to millions. Evidently she is an inspiration because she is a woman.(?) That's liberal "Ludacris Logic" that demands all blacks vote for Obama.

Regarding Gore, is this an actual quote?: "I do believe that his goals and his priorities and the visibility that he's given the issue has been good for America and the world." Really? OK, so being on the wrong side of the global warming hoax is not at the top of my issues priority list:

[brief time-out to review my issues priority list]:
#1) National security - an engaged foreign policy - not the "lose at all costs" democrat platform
#2) A pro-life (anti-infanticide) president who would appointment strict constructionalist judges
#3) The economy stupid. Make the tax cuts permanent. In fact, while you are at it, cut taxes some more. Even for the rich, since they are the only ones who actually pay taxes (something like 40% of tax revenues come from the top 1% wage earners).

So c'mon McCain, pick Romney now and get back on track! It is not too late to energize the base and give them someone to be excited about. Rush knows, it ain't you fella. Dick Morris has stated he thinks you need to pick either Jindal, Condi, or Lieberman to shake things up. While I like and respect each of those three (in that order), do we really want to sink to the level of our opponents by making this a "cult of personality" equation? I don't.

Besides, Romney throws a pretty good verbal punch. I would rather listen to him carve up the likes of Obama then listen to McCain drool over the socialists in the other party.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Gimmee Quisp

I'm sure that any time kahleefonyah experiences an earthquake, it must rattle the nerves. Every kahleefonyun has heard scientists predictions that they face a 99.7 percent chance of a magnitude-6.7 quake or larger [Read: THE BIG ONE] in the next 30 years. So when the reports came in after the 5.4 quake in the vicinity of L.A. that there was little damage and no reported injuries, my thoughts immediately turned to Quisp and Quake - the breakfast cereals.

My "Wiki refreshed" memory of my early childhood centers around going directly from the baby bottle to the sugar-sweetened saucers of Quaker Oat's Quisp cereal, a "baked paste of corn meal and syrup" that tasted like Cap'n Crunch. You could get the exact same ingredients and taste from Quake in the shape of gears. Your preference simply came down to who you identified more with in those competitive cartoon commercials pitting the rugged Australian cowboy, Quake, against the quirky space alien from the planet "Q", Quisp.

Who did you identify with?


Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Do you look like your car?

I stopped at a gas station on the way to work the other day and as I sauntered to the counter with the bottle of steering fluid and large coffee, it struck me just how similar I was to my car. I had always heard that people and their dogs looked eerily similar, but their cars?

I drive a white 2000 Oldsmobile Intrigue that, among other issues, leaks power steering fluid. I know when it's time to reload when it squeaks and complains at startup in the morning. Looking down at my coffee I realized I was no better. I would eventually leak my steering fluid and squeak the next morning until I filled back up.

I then started a mental checklist of all our shared attributes. For starters, they don't even make Olds anymore. They broke the mold on both of us. Many would say that was a good thing. We both are just a little past our prime, but hopefully have a few more miles of tread left on our tires.

The instrument panel in my car perpetually glows with the "Service Engine Soon" light. My wife recognizes that same look in my eyes. Hey, the car and I are both long since paid for, so we get neglected at times.

My car also uses oil. Not really knowing much about engines (READ: mechanically retarded) I figure there is an "O" ring or heat shield missing - as the tailpipe on my car throws oily smoke every so often. I sometimes have to add a pint or two between oil changes. You'll have to talk with my gastroenterologist for a complete list of similar symptoms. Let's just say that I'm happy when my car and I both experience normal movements each morning.

This picture (courtesy of Cartman) shows some front-end damage to my hood. I accidently tapped (at ramming speed) a Your Ride mini bus a few months ago. I was distracted by a friend in the next lane at a stop light. The light turned green and we all accelerated. Except for the bus driver. He correctly understood that the green light for the lefthand turn lane was not intended for those of us in the far right lane. My hood wouldn't close after that and I had a friend who owns a bump shop throw a hammer at the hood so that it would at least latch. The alignment is still off, and there are hammer marks on the nose of my hood, but it functions.

When I was in the 8th grade at Holy Reedemer, I ran into a fist at recess. The next thing I remember was opening my eyes and looking up at a very old nun dressed in her full battle gear habit, staring down at me. My nose required reconstructive plastic surgery (hey, I don't do things half-way people) and I wore a face cast for 2 months after that. I have had a deviated septum ever since. The alignment is still off, and there are hammer marks on my nose, but it functions.

So there you have it. Some similarities I share with my car. I'm sure there are many others, including the fact that we both carry a spare tire. So am I the only one, or do you too look like your car? Maybe you have a Milly Vanilly bumper sticker on your car that matches a rear-end tattoo?

Monday, July 28, 2008

Edwards denies surge!

Love child and mistress claims hit Edwards
Fresh allegations of cheating on his sick wife rock former White House hopeful

I'm not convinced of the accuracy of this story.
The married former Democratic presidential candidate, who is among leading contenders to be Barack Obama's running mate, saw his private life given more attention than he would like when Fox News claimed to have "independently verified" details of last week's National Enquirer story headlined: "John Edwards caught with mistress and love child." Reporters from the supermarket tabloid had confronted Mr Edwards at 2.40am on Tuesday in the corridors of the Beverly Hilton, as he was leaving the bedroom of Rielle Hunter, a divorcee whom he was rumoured to have made pregnant last year.
We are supposed to believe that John Edwards allegedly met up with his alleged mistress, allegedly Reille Hunter, at an alleged swank Beverly Hills hotel at supposedly 2AM?

This story was broke by The National Enquirer. This is the supermarket tabloid made famous by it's sensationalist headlines like: "Elvis Ate His Twin," or "Aliens Swipe Britney's Undies." OK, so I made those up, but I would believe either of those allegations before I would believe that John Edwards is not a eunuch. He could always secure a rock solid alibi with a quick visit to the "sex determination lab," set up by China for olympic atheletes.

I think it more likely that Edwards was just "visiting a friend" in the early evening, when he passed a mirror and began to engage in primping. One thing led to another, and before he knew it, it was 2AM.


Edwards is reported to be a leading contender to be Barack Obama's running mate. This story should solidify him as the VP. These sex scandals always seem to raise the polls of the democrats (no pun intended). The democrat left-wing base is comprised exclusively of the intellectually vacuous and the morally bankrupt. Edwards should appeal to their wheelhouse.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Obama - How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

As I listened to Obama's Berlin speech, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had heard it before. It was vaguely familiar.

Another Brick in the Wall Part 1

Daddy's flown across the ocean
Leaving just a memory
Snapshot in the family album
Daddy what else did you leave for me?
Daddy, what'd'ja leave behind for me?!?
All in all it was just a brick in the wall.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.

"You! Yes, you! Stand still laddy!"
Obama: Thank you to the citizens of Berlin... blah blah blather... I come to Berlin as so many of my countrymen have come before. Tonight, I speak to you not as a candidate for President...

Me: Oh thank God!

Obama: but as a citizen -- a proud citizen of the United States, and a fellow citizen of the world.

Me: Crap. It was just a figure of speech. And what's this "citizen of the world" bull?

Obama:I know that I don't look like the Americans who've previously spoken in this great city.

Me:Sorry. I don't have a race card. Go fish!

Obama: The journey that led me here is improbable.

Me:What, did you take a Prius?

Obama: At the height of the Cold War... blah blah blather. [10 minute history lesson]

Me:My eyes, they're feeling droopy. The cadence of your voice, Barry, is sweet nectar to my ears. I no longer care that you have no idea what you are doing or talking about.

Obama:on the day when the first American plane touched down at Templehof... [more history lessons]

Me:You had me at hello you dreamboat...

Obama:In the winter, a heavy fog filled the sky above, and many planes were forced to turn back...

Me:Tears are welling up in the corner of my eyes over the beautiful, albeit empty rhetoric, flowing from the fountain of Barack, like water over rocks in a babbling brook. Babbling. uhhh... It's hypnotic.

Obama:People of the world -- look at Berlin, where a wall came down...

Me:It all makes perfect sense now. Bush bad. The surge worked but he still wouldn't have ordered it.

Obama: People of the world -- this is our moment. This is our time. People of the world!

Me:Yes! I am one with the body! Landru speaks to me! Peace. Love. Hope. Change be upon you. Are you of the body?

Wake up people! Obama is a snake oil salesman. What's that in his hand?...
Another Brick in the Wall Part 2

We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

My debate on the environment with the new Barbie

If you're like me, you've discovered that the new S&M Barbie is quite a good listener and doesn't complain about being kept in your dark glove compartment. If there is one thing Barbie and I agree on the most is that we should drill now. Barbie is concerned, however, with the environment. I explained to her that I cared about the environment, and in fact have blogged about my love for it. "We can drill for oil in an environmentally conscious way. The two are not mutually exclusive concepts," I argued. Barbie just stared at me then with that come-hither look of hers.

A must-see video I found thru Hot Air Stephen Colbert's interview with the Sierra Club's Carl Pope:
I loved the end when Colbert channeled the polar bear thru a sock puppet:
Colbert: On your website, you have endangered animal puppets for sale. I have one right here. This is a Polar Bear.
Pope: Polar Bear.
Colbert: Will you tell the polar bear why you want to protect it.
Pope: You have just as much right to enjoy your life as I do
Polar bear puppet (Colbert): I will feast on your flesh
Pope: I think the polar bear doesn't eat...
Colbert: Your children look delicious. I will crush their skulls with my massive jaws.
Pope: The last thing a polar bear needs is...
Colbert: Sleep lightly.
Pope: OK.
At the conclusion, Colbert calls out the hypocrisy of the tree-hugging wackos: "Mr. Pope, thank you for flying 2,580 miles and emitting 2 tons of carbon to come to talk to me today."

I can't disagree with Mr. Pope when he says the polar bear has as much of a right to life as he does. I just do not extrapolate these rights to the rest of humanity. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If an engine is developed that runs solely on polar bear blood, and polar bear blood can be pumped for 2 bucks a gallon - I'd say, "fill 'er up!"

Also, I thought the 3rd largest deposit of natural gas was Oprah, not Louisiana.

I like clean air and clean water just fine. The only way to keep our environment safe is through capitalism. Don't believe that, go visit China. Enjoy the algae sewage blooms and the 10 foot visibility in the Beijing.

I also like trees. But never as much alive as after they have been chopped down and made into a hockey stick. I believe the tree is happier too.

"Wouldn't you agree Barbie?"

[Blank stare]

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Hey Media - If you love Obama so much, why don't you marry him!

Michael Ramirez -

McCain team slams media 'love affair':
Back in the United States, the wall-to-wall coverage was too much for the campaign of Obama's Republican rival John McCain -- which accused the US media of being "in love" with the 46-year-old Illinois Senator.

"It's pretty obvious that the media has a bizarre fascination with Barack Obama," the campaign said in an email unveiling a new video, featuring television reporters praising Obama.

"Some may even say it's a love affair. The media is in love with Barack Obama. If it wasn't so serious, it would be funny."

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

McCain's Shocking VP Choice

Who will John McCain select for the VP slot? Will it be Mitt Romney, who would give him instant economic gravitas? I don't see what would be in this for Mitt? How about Bobby Jindal? He would certainly fire up the conservative base, but he is a little young just yet. Besides, the contrast between the long-toothed McCain, and green-behind-the-ears young upstart Jindal would ultimately be a detriment to McCain. It would be a constant reminder that he is "older than dirt".

The speculation has ended as John McCain has selected the recently excavated one Thousand-Year-Old Peruvian Mummy to be his running mate this fall.
The mummy is thought to have been an elite member of the Chancay culture, a civilization that thrived in the central coast of Peru from about A.D. 1000 to 1400.

Says McCain: "Listen, I know that I am older than dirt and have more scars than Frankenstein, but you must admit I look young and vibrant next to ol' Pele here."

Monday, July 21, 2008

Donnie & Marci, R.I.P.

20 years ago

On the night of July 21, 1988, a drunk driver blew a red light at the corner of Grand Traverse and Atherton Road driving an estimated 70 miles per hour and killing instantly my brother and his fiancee. Donnie, 23, and Marcie, 21, were on their way home from a friends apartment. They were also scoping the complex out as a potential dwelling place for after they were married - a wedding that was set for October 8th of that year. They were excited and they were happy. They were also wearing their seat belts, and posthumous toxicology tests proved that they were sober. The facts of the case were so heinous that the driver was convicted on two counts of second degree murder. He is out now, a free man - his time long since served. Meanwhile, Donnie and Marcie are still gone. They were young and in love, and they were anxious to start their lives together. They just weren't given the opportunity.

Donnie was my little brother and best friend growing up. He was the youngest of five children. We all miss him dearly.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Subliminal message to Obama - "Google THIS"

The left wing wackjobs at ABC are finding subliminal messages in McCain's new ad featuring the numerous contradictions made by Obama on the war in Iraq. The graphic on the left side is a screen shot taken at the beginning of the ad, before all of the letters have filled in (seen here on the right)...

They whine: "If you type “al qD” into Google, you get this response: “Did you mean: al qaeda.” Well -- is that what the McCain campaign meant?"

uhhhh... hmmmm. Of course, the McCain campaign denies this was intentional. They were upset, however, that the liberal wackos did not notice the resemblance of the microphone in Obama's hand to a mushroom cloud (as they secretly intended) or they surely would have screamed foul.

Says an unnamed McCain aid: "All of that work on the mushroom cloud, and Obama and his cohorts in the media didn't even notice! There isn't even a mention of the fact that this commercial played backwards at 45rpms actually states his FULL name repeatedly... Barack Hussein Obama - Barrack Hussein Obama..."

Friday, July 18, 2008

Obama. Can you hear me now?

Via Drudge,
Cast of 300 advises Obama on foreign policy

"His campaign says that he is well prepared and that he often alters and expands on the talking points provided to him by his foreign policy advisers."

well lad de freekin da! He has an occasional original thought?

"They also tend to be more liberal and to emphasize using the "soft power" of diplomacy and economic aid to try to advance the interests of the United States."

Ah! The Neville Chamberlain school of foreign policy submission and surrender.

A cast of 300. Hmmm. Makes me think of those Verizon network commercials where the subject is followed around by that Buddy Holly look-alike and his minion of hard hat wearing automatrons. Only instead of them providing a cellular network to the subject, they whisper foreign and domestic policy information to Obama the empty suit. Yes, every candidate (and President, for that matter) HAS ADVISERS. But it's clear to me that Obama is naked without his teleprompter and script. President Bush has been routinely made fun of for his garbled syntax, but at least he is a man of conviction - unswayed by the "flavor of the week" opinion polls. In Obama's move to the center in his campaign, he has made some big problems for himself with his lunatic fringe leftist code pink base.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

President Bush is right (once again)

Via Hot Air: Reporter to Bush: Why don’t you formally inform our moron public that they should use less gas?

Mark Smith, AP radio, displays a look of arrogance and elitism at the conclusion of what he believes to be a "gotcha" question to President Bush "...Why have you not sir called on Americans to drive less and to turn down the thermostat?"

The president blows this buffoon out of the water with his answer.(in part)
"They're smart enough to figure out whether they are going to drive less or not. I mean you know it's interesting what the price of gasoline has done - it's caused people to drive less - that's why they want smaller cars - they want to conserve. But the consumer is plenty bright, Mark, the marketplace works...

It's a little presumptuous on my part to dictate to the American public how they live their lives."
And now a local story to prove the president right (again).

I can’t afford a car, but I can afford a scooter,” one of the ladies is quoted as saying.

Hey pic pic, this is what I mentioned in yesterday's comments. The juxtaposition of the arches proclaiming Flint as the vehicle City in the background, with two big ladies riding scooters and crossing Saginaw Street on their way to Halo Burger in the foreground. C'mon! You love it too.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Stolen sewer grates on my nerves!

by Melissa Burden, TFJ: Shudder ripples through Genesee County after General Motors announces cutbacks
The possible ripple effects of any cuts raised immediate concerns in Flint, the birthplace of GM and a community that looks to trucks as a major component of its manufacturing base.

We can sustain ourselves for only so long on selling manhole covers for scrap...

by Bryn Mickle, TFJ: Burton Public Utilities supervisor stands inside a storm sewer manhole... Thieves have stolen around 200 sewer grates and manhole covers ranging in price from $130 to $170 in Burton over the past 12 months and selling them at metal scrapyards for around $20.

Listen mister occifer - When I purchased my manhole cover from the scrapyard, I had no idea that it was stolen. I thought it would make a unique golf ball marker.
The time for plastic manhole covers has arrived.

Best posted comment (so far) from Open2Opine: "Hopefully the thieves are wearing baggy pants and will eventually catch the eye of the police.. "

The good news from this story is that apparently the Burton Public Utilities supervisor has found a new hobby. Here he is pictured in the chimney of a home that recently had it's aluminum siding stripped by thieves.

The weird thing is that the newspaper denies that these photos were staged for either story, and that they found this gentleman this way when they arrived for the standard shot.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Bank Bailout - It's a Wonderful Life II

NOW PLAYING - It's a Wonderful Life II

PICTURED ABOVE: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac wait for their bailout at the window of the Treasury Department Building & Loan, while 150 U.S banks wait their turn.

While "Uncle Sam" is dolling out cash at the window, "Uncle Billy" is hitting the sauce and getting hammered in the back room.

Memorable movie quotes:

Taxpayers: "Where's that money, you silly stupid old fool? Where's that money? Do you realize what this means? It means bankruptcy and scandal and prison. That's what it means."

Freddie Mac: (after wandering into the Wall Street Saloon) "My mouth's bleeding, Bert! My mouth's bleeding! Zuzu's petals... Zuzu... There they are! Bert, what do you know about that! Merry Christmas in July!"

Wall Street: "Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint "atmosphere". Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer? "

Fannie: "Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings another taxpayer gets his wings, which is just a polite way of saying they are getting screwed again."

Me: [ringing the cash register repeatedly] "Get me. I'm givin' out wings"

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Iranian Olympic Athelete(s) Photoshopped?

If you're like me, then you suffer from a left cheek, right cheek Milly Vanilly tattoo regret. If you're like me, you read the news of the day in slow motion so that you can "read between the lines" for the REAL stories. Here are just a few:

This, from Gateway Pundit, via Hot Air: Iran Pulls Swimmer From Olympic Trials After He Draws Same Heat As Israeli Athlete. "The Iranian swimmer, Mohammad Bidarian, has refused to compete with his Israeli rival in the 100-meter freestyle event in Croatia." At least that is the official version. The truth is, Iran has exactly one guy who knows how to swim one pool length and they photoshop the rest. Why can't you two get along, like Miss Kosovo and Miss Serbia? These two babes are competitors in the 2008 Miss Universe pageant, yet still manage to avoid ethnic cleansing each another (as far as we know).

THIS, from World Net Daily: Did UFO buzz President Bush's Crawford ranch? Report: FAA radar tracked unidentified craft flying toward Texas White House. Obviously, Cindy Sheehan must be behind this. I visualize this spaceship dropping off thousands of Sheehan heads, all sprouting legs and wearing code pink T-shirts, protesting President Bush.

The Dark Knight
Evidently, the new Batman movie is getting great reviews. I know my boys have expressed a desire to see this film. Maybe I will join them - I don't know. I've always been disappointed with the big movie versions. I like Christian Bale - but To me, Batman is paunchy Adam West in a hooded spandex unitard, joined by his youthful sidekick Robin "The Boy Wonder". Why did they call him "The Boy Wonder?" Maybe it had something to do with West dressing as the crime-fighting sado-masochist. And another thing... Caesar Romero is The Joker. I know a big deal is being made about this new version (played by Tammy Faye Baker?). But to me, why try to improve on perfection? I mean, THIS is movie magic baby!

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Intellectual Vacancy Syndrome (D)

Sad. Another actor with Intellectual Vacancy Syndrome. This time, the afflicted is Robert Redford. The headline says it all - Actor pins hopes on victory for Obama.

Here are some snippets:
Redford said he hoped Obama would win because... the Democrat embodied the sort of change America needed.

"Where my country is at the moment, I'm not confident of anything. I'm hopeful."

"I think Obama is not tall on experience . . . but I believe he's a really good person. He's smart. And he does represent what the country needs most now, which is change."

"I hope he'll win. I think he will. If he doesn't, you can kiss the Democratic Party goodbye."

Redford exhibits a mental acuity of slightly more than Miss South Carolina in the 2007 Miss Teen USA competition, and just shy of the Obama Girl.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Emperor Cookie Monster

Today's featured artist, Cousinwoofer (yes, this is from my Notre Dame boy. Good, ain't he?) I liked this one featuring the Imperial Emperor from Star Wars as an evil Cookie Monster.

Your Hunger is Your Weakness by ~CousinWoofer on deviantART

Thursday, July 10, 2008

More Jesse Jackson - open mic night!


Vulgar tirade caught on tape by Fox News:
"See, Barack been um, talkin' down to black people on this faith based... I wanna cut his nuts off." - Jesse Jackson

O'REILLY: 'We held back some of this conversation... we didn't feel it had any relevance to the conversation this evening. We are not out to get Jesse Jackson. We are not out to embarrass him and we are not out to make him look bad. If we were, we would have used what we had, which is more damaging than what you have heard'...

Chattering Teeth was not satisfied accepting O'Reilly's refusal to release the rest of Jackson's quote, and this blog was able to obtain the rest of it through thorough investigative reporting (and an inexpensive hooker). Here is the full quote of Jesse's whisperings:

"See, Barack been um, talkin' down to black people on this faith based... I wanna cut his nuts off... Then I'll fry them up and eat them with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Yeahhhh. I'll just relax, and think pleasant thoughts...Chicken pot pie!...Chocolate-covered raisins!...Ehh...Glazed ham!... Heh...heh...heh...they think I'm CRAZY. But I know better. It is not *I* who am crazy. It is not I who am MAD! Didn'tcha hear 'em? Didn'tcha see the CROWDS?

Oh my beloved ice cream I love to lick your creamy center! HOOOWWWWWW...and your oh-so-nutty chocolate covering! You're not like the others... you like the same things I do! Waxed paper...boiled football breath...We're not hitchhiking anymore! We're RIDING!

UPDATE: new video on Jackson's "Hot Mic" ramblings:

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

"Hello, McFly!"

The latest message from the candidate of "Hope" and "Change":
...Instead of worrying whether or not immigrants will learn English, they'll learn English. You need to make sure your child can speak Spanish. You should be thinking about how can your child become bilingual...
"The messiah" Barack Obama

Hey Barry, would you suggest they learn Arabic?

Let's see if I understand this.
1) Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has repeatedly promised to wipe Israel off the map.
2) He continues to enrich uranium needed for the manufacture of nuclear weapons to make this dream of his a reality.
3) Israel appears to be wisely planning on invoking the "Bush Doctrine" and taking out these nuclear facilities before this mad man is successful.
4) Iran is testing missiles and talking more smack about having the ability to hit Israel and US bases if attacked.
5) Meanwhile, Russia threatens a military response to a European based US missile defence system that could counter Mahmoood's diabolical plot.
6) We are less than four months away from selecting the next POTUS at arguably the most dangerous time in the history of man on this planet...
7) And Obama is embarrassed by Americans who can't speak French?

We will be tested in the coming days like never before. Americans have a choice between two men with very different backgrounds of experience. One man with extensive military and leadership experience, and the other who gives a great speech and has some experience as a "community organizer". Guess which one is leading in the polls?

This story struck me as what we could expect a president Obama's "Cup of Tea" foreign policy to look like:
Woman overpowers thief with tea and sympathy
TOKYO (Reuters) - A Japanese woman and her six-month-old baby escaped unhurt from a knife-wielding thief this week after the mother calmed him down with a cup of tea and a chat. The 30-year-old Tokyo woman was walking along a corridor in her apartment building with her daughter Monday when a man brandishing a knife demanded money, the Asahi newspaper said. When the housewife told him she had none, the man barged into her apartment. Hoping to calm him, the woman made the thief a cup of tea, whereupon he put his knife away and began a 20-minute monologue about his life. The woman then gave the man 10,000 yen ($93.34) and ran outside to call the police from a pay phone, the report said. Police rushed to the scene, but the thief had fled and is still being sought.
"Hello, McFly!"

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,
I hope that Pic DaBladePic has been reading Monkeydarts every day to stay up on current events. He is still in the dark if he is relying exclusively on me. As you know blog, I still haven't caught up to the world since returning from vacation. There was something in the news about about yellow cake (white frosting?) in Iraq completely vindicating President Bush. Oh, and Bill Clinton is still swarmy. He It also appears that the war is all but won, and the still arrogant "anti war" candidate (and his party that has been vested in our own defeat all along) is now flip flopping on immediate withdrawal. And the democrat controlled US Congress approval ratings in single digits? Yet this is supposedly not "our" year? *sigh* Still feeling mellon-choly.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Wonders of Watermelon

Could Watermelon Replace Viagra?
Researchers at Texas A&M University said that a substance in the rind of the fruit may relax blood vessels in a manner similar to Viagra, the popular erectile-dysfunction drug.
WARNING: Your thirst may be quenched for more than four hours.

Cantaloupe tonight, can't find my melon!

Like a Rindstone Cowboy!

The real question is, will seedless watermelons make your garden grow?

At least this story now makes complete sense.

Watermelon Nights- The Meth Minute 39

Monday, July 7, 2008

Saggy pants and Goofy boxers

Saggy pants leads to "crackdown", says Dicks

Yes I know I am a week and a half behind times, but this local story first hit the news during my Disney vacation. Besides, that's a pretty funny headline. I couldn't help myself.

This, from the FJ July 3rd follow-up:
(Acting Flint Police Chief David) Dicks told The Flint Journal last week that Flint police will begin arresting people whose pants or shorts droop too low, exposing their hind ends. He said the enforcement is in response to "significant'' complaints from citizens.

This new law enforcement priority has brought a variety of responses.

To some, who view sagging as nothing more than a ridiculous fashion fad that will eventually fade away on its own, the chief's pronouncement is the kind of silliness that once again has made Flint the butt of jokes, so to speak.
I love a good pun. I even like the bads ones. The point is, the crack problem is finally being addressed in Flint. After all, everybody knows that OUR generation NEVER did, said, listened to, or wore anything our parents found objectionable. (insert your own memories of your own 70's wardrobe, hairstyle and 8-track collection here).

"At least our generation didn't participate in indecent exposure", you might say. And I would have agreed with you until the aforementioned Disney vacation...


Disney's "Tower of Terror" (Part 2)
My one and only blog entry regarding the bedbug problem my family encountered at a Disney resort failed to mention the most humiliating and embarrassing episode resulting from this problem. I made the mistake of telling this story to friends and relatives (and brother Snapper), all much to their amusement. Snapper threatened to post his version first. Since it happened to me (and there is a loose tie-in to the "baggy Drawers" story above), here goes.

The "down and dirty" version...
It's one o'clock in the morning. The exterminator has already verified the bedbug infestation and alerted the resort authorities. My wife was shuttled to the resort gift shop via golf cart driven by the night manager. Her mission was a simple one. Pick out sleepwear items for the family. We were being moved to their very last available room in a late night evacuation and we had to leave all of our clothing behind. When she returned, she passed out a Mickey T-shirt and a pair of bright red Goofy boxer shorts to my boys and me. I pulled them on (barely). I was sure that Tina had mistakenly given me Josh's (my 13-year-old) boxer shorts. Alas, no.

"Where's my double Buddhas?," I inquired.

"The store was dark and this was the best I could do!," she answered.

Oh well. It's now the middle of the night. No time to be modest, for everyone is asleep. "Except for the night manager, who is about to get a thrill of her lifetime," thought I at the time. Fast forward. It's 9am the next morning, after having spent the last half of the night in our new room. Our clothes would not be returned to us until 5pm that evening, after the high temperature dry cleaning/bug exterminating proceedure. We had most of the day to spend at the resort, and I planned on drinking (and scratching myself) heavily at the pool. I looked down at my skin-tight Goofy boxers. Wearing these in public would get me arrested in 38 states, but I was determined to walk the half mile walk to the store to grab some pants. I steeled myself, opened the door and was met with sunshine and a bustle of tourists going this way and that. I walked along the canal... walked over the bridge... into the lobby - all the while averting making eye contact with the minions I was passing. I had to be quite a sight. Think Larry Bird (per Greg) or Cousin Eddie (per Cartman). I pretended that I was a European visitor that was wearing the usual attire from his home country. Finally made my way to the back of the store to a pair of khakis and a new T-shirt.

Dooney Da Priest's rap hit, "Pull Your Pants Up!"
Be a real man.
Stand up.
Is that your underwear man?
Pull your pants up!

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy Independence Day!

Happy Independence Day! I just thought I would share what I've been reading and hearing recently on patriotism.

By Charles Krauthammer:
You'll notice Barack Obama is now wearing a flag pin. Again. During the primary campaign, he refused to, explaining that he'd worn one after Sept. 11 but then stopped because it "became a substitute for, I think, true patriotism." So why is he back to sporting pseudo-patriotism on his chest?

Good question. Good answer.

By Jonah Goldberg:
Definitions of patriotism proliferate, but in the American context patriotism must involve not only devotion to American texts (something that distinguishes our patriotism from European nationalism) but also an abiding belief in the inherent and enduring goodness of the American nation. We might need to change this or that policy or law, fix this or that problem, but at the end of the day the patriotic American believes that America is fundamentally good as it is... The notion that what America needs is a redeemer figure to "remake" America from scratch isn't necessarily unpatriotic. But for lots of Americans who like America the way it is, it's sometimes hard to tell when it isn't.

Quotes from Jason Lewis in the opening monologue as guest host Thursday on the Rush Limbaugh radio program:
Patriotism is not this blind loyalty to the state. That was Stalinist Russia. That was the third reicht. Patriotism is also not expecting something from the state. Patriotism is a fidelity in a belief of freedom...

Think about this for a moment. The Russians had patriots, if patriotism is defined as serving the state - loving one's geographic borders - your country. The Germans had patriots. Imperial Japan had patriots. They would die for their country... They were patriots right? No they weren't, not in the context of the American experiment. Everyone lauds John F. Kennedy's speech - his inaugural address. "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country". Kennedy had it wrong on both counts...

Patriotism is not community service. Patriotism is upholding individual liberty... the difference between the lovers of liberty and the left is that the left thinks patriotism is paying taxes. The left thinks patriotism is community service...

Why are they talking about patriotism on the left? Why is Barack giving this speech? Why do you hear all this talk about national service being patriotic? Because they want to redefine patriotism. They want to redefine it meaning that we are going to be wards of the state, and you're highest goal is to serve the government. Now they'll say "the community" they'll say their fellow man but what they mean is the government.
Ron Paul (?) No I'm not a Paulnut. He's wrong about many things, even in this link. But like the "stopped clock" and the "blind squirrel", he has this part right:
The true patriot is motivated by a sense of responsibility and out of self-interest for himself, his family, and the future of his country to resist government abuse of power. He rejects the notion that patriotism means obedience to the state. Resistance need not be violent, but the civil disobedience that might be required involves confrontation with the state and invites possible imprisonment.
So is "service to the community" a bad thing?

by Renaldo Visione
"Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, and to God what is God's."

The Pharisees posed to Jesus a question about whether it was lawful to pay tax to the emperor or not. The Pharisees asked the question with the intention of tricking Jesus into a statement of sedition against the Romans or a statement in violation of Jewish law. But Jesus’ response was to ask those assembled about how the tax was paid. When presented with a Roman coin, Jesus asked whose head was on the coin. The response was, “Caesar.”

Jesus replied, “Then give to Caesar what is Caesar’s, but give to God what is God’s.” (Mark 12:17 and Luke 20:25)
Leftists would say that this is proof that even Jesus is against the Bush tax cuts, and that these "tax cuts for the rich" should be allowed to expire so that we all can once again, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's." I would argue that "community service" and service to our fellow man is our obligation falling under the domain of God, not the government. Sometimes it's hard for liberals to make that clear distinction. Forced servitude to the government is slavery, not patriotism. Confiscatory taxes for socialist programs under the guise of patriotism does not belong to Caesar.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Rush Limbaugh: The $400 Million Dollar Man!

According to Drudge: (I love this part) "Earnings now pace him ahead of the annual salaries for network news anchors: Katie Couric, Brian Williams, Charlie Gibson and Diane Sawyer — combined!"

He's still under paid if you ask me.

Liberals are beside themselves. Vanity Fair contributing editor Michael Wolff had this to say about the Limbaugh deal: “I think it’s a monster error,” Wolff said. “I know – I’m sitting here saying, ‘What are these people smoking?’ You know, the truth is that Rush Limbaugh has been – he’s ridden the rise of conservatism for 25 years and I don’t, maybe nobody quite, quite has been following the news, but that’s coming to an end.” (link via Hot Air)

Conservatism is "coming to an end?" Dream on pal. For the record, I've never heard of you.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Back from Mickey Mouse land

It figures. I return from a Walt Disney World vacation relatively unscathed and throw my back out brushing my teeth before my first day back to work. This after logging an estimated 2 thousand foot miles walking the theme parks and squirming through human traffic to catch the Rock'N'Roller Coaster, with it's 0 to 60 mph start, twists and turns, three inversions, all to an Aerosmith soundtrack. Then across the street to The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror, with it's 200 foot free fall drop (up/down/up/down). Did I mention the walking? I did? The threat of heat stroke and/or lightning strikes? Thankfully I was also able to avoid It's a Small World, with it's macabre collection of little animated talking dollys.

And then there was the late night evacuation (think Mickey Mouse in ghost buster gear, and Donald Duck and Goofy in hazmat suits). Perhaps you read my brother Snapper's third-hand and error-filled account of my ordeal:
DaBlade family Vacation to Wallyworld Update: it seems...or so i have heard from my wife who spoke with my mother who spoke with (heck I dont know, but someone who knows) that all is not going as smoothly as with the movie family Griswold's) Something about a complaint of being bitten by a bedbug of all things (you know the things mom & dad always told you not to get bitten by at bedtime but that you never really saw or heard of or thought actually existed in the world). Well a complaint was made after the 1st night that they do exist and were breading and multiplying and biting DaBlades wife in their bed. Disney spared no expense apparently (thats what I heard) in burning clothing and luggage and opening an account for replacements on them (mickey mouse toothbrushes and disney character tee shirts for everyone. Jerry is said to have accepted many hundreds of dollars in free merchandise alone. I for one former Rockford files fan find this all too convenient and suspect. Does anyone else out there recall the Rockford episode where Angel Martin orders and consumes 4/5 s of a gourmet dinner at a fancy restaurant and attempts to get it comped by loosing silverfish onto his plate from a pill bottle he brought with him? I heard Jerry recalls it and brought a mason jar of bedbugs with him to see hwat he might be able to get for free. Angel got caught. What about DaBlade??????? I'm sure he will try to weasle out of it with a lame denial upon his return much like Angel did.
Let's just say that it was my understanding that you had to make reservations for the popular Character Breakfasts. I guess that's not the case when you are the breakfast and the characters are small and ugly insects that travelled from Europe in the leg hair of a French woman. Oh well. Disney stepped up to the plate on this one as you would expect. This company exhibits the epitome of customer service. This situation was not their fault and I was more than satisfied with their response.

Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.