Thursday, April 30, 2009

Prime-time Press Conference Theme - "A good start"

created by

OBAMA: "I'm proud of what we've achieved, but I'm not content. I'm pleased with our progress, but I'm not satisfied... We have to lay a new foundation."

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

"Photo Op" Shop of the day

photo credit to MSgtEd. Thanks! :)

The truth is written all over our faces (but nowhere to be found on Obama's teleprompter)

LOL!!: NEW YORK – Fox became the first broadcast network to turn down a request by President Barack Obama for time, opting to show its drama "Lie to Me" on Wednesday instead of the president's prime-time news conference.

The truth is written all over our faces (but nowhere to be found on Obama's teleprompter)

This week's episode of "Lie to me" on Fox...
Dr. Cal Lightman can detect the truth by analyzing a person's face, body, voice and speech. Lightman and his team of deception experts assist law enforcement and government agencies to expose the truth behind the lies. Before the opening credits are complete, Dr. Lightman confirms that Obama is lying by noticing the subtle movements of the president's lips as they form words. He spends the rest of the hour not shaving his beard stubble and making sarcastic remarks to the other characters, ala any episode of House or American Idol.

On next week's episode, an international incident hangs in the balance as Egyptian President Mubarak hires Lightman to determine whether or not Obama had advance knowledge of Airforce One buzzing the Sphinx for a photo op.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The first 100 days

The first 100 days
The President takes a break from his tireless efforts in further destroying the U.S. economy and culture with a little golf, followed by a little airborne joy ride.

PICTURED: Air Force One, pursued by F-16 fighter jets, performed low flying slaloms between NYC skyscrapers causing mass panic in the streets. Reports suggest that Obama was in Washington at the time, but witnesses report seeing the president through the cockpit window with his arms raised and a silly grin on his face, like he was riding on a roller coaster.

GIBBS: The president apologizes for the confusion that this photo op caused. It never occurred to him that a low flying jumbo jet darting between buildings would appear to be a terrorist attack... err... I mean a man made disaster attack... thingy. The president promises this will not happen again... unless you're a cow.

Obama finds alternative to buzzing New York City.

Let's join president Obama's press conference already in progress:
OBAMA: I aaaam closely monitoring the swine flu outbreaks between golf shots by checking the swine flu Google tracking map loaded onto my Blackberry. I want to assure the American public - thaaaat at least until Susan Boyle accepts the postion, we don't have a secretary of Health and Human Services during this “public health emergency”, but I still have my Teleprompter. Aaaaand [pause] thaaaat... hold on, hold on [pause] sorry, the – I just noticed I jumped the gun here. [looks at the prompter] Go ahead. Move it up. Have I already introduced all you guys?

Now for the news that Obama voters REALLY care about:
The National Enquirer reports that American Idol competitors and roommates Adam and Kris are feuding! "Adam is gay and a very flamboyant guy from L.A., while Kris is a conservative married man from a small Arkansas town.”

HORRORS! If this report can be believed, Adam and Kris are actually going long periods WITHOUT SPEAKING TO ONE ANOTHER! *sob* *sniffle* Tell me this isn't true! Mister President!??? Help us!!!

OBAMA: I am closely monitoring the emerging feud between Adam and Kris, and this is obviously a cause for concern and requires a heightened state of alert to all of my supporters. But it's not a cause for alarm. I'm getting regular updates on the situation from the American Idol staff, as well as from Simon Cowell himself. Please excuse me now as I have the tee.

In Conclusion:
Obama voters give the president high marks in his first 100 days, despite his abject failure to actually improve anything he touches. Banks continue to struggle, the future of the auto industry is questionable at best, and unemployment continues to skyrocket. Obama's apology tour and his weak-kneed dealings with foreign crackpot leaders has seriously jeopardized national security. We are circling the drain and our president is talking to his teleprompter. Other than all that, Adam is the front runner!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Worthless polls

DISCLAIMER:This sentence link has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this post. Any similarities between this story link and the following random key strokes are purely coincidental.

Swine Flu gets a 69 percent approval rating from the other viruses.
Overall, microorganisms are about evenly divided on the questions of whether torture Tamiflu is justifiable in terrorism flu cases and whether there should be official inquiries into any past illegality involving the treatment of terrorism suspects these mutant germ strains. About half of all microorganisms, and 52 percent of bacteria, said there are circumstances in which the patient should consider employing torture medicines against such suspects.
I guess it matters who you ask the question to and what their objectives are.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Happy Anniversary Babe! (Now go get me a cold one will ya?)

It's been 23 years to the day when Mr. & Mrs. DaBlade tied the knot, and we are still happily married despite the bad omens working against us. No, I'm not talking about that bogus "stalking in my camero near the bus stop" charge while I was in college. I beat that rap. Besides, I made her an honest school girl women, didn't I? Then "What bad omens," I imagine you asking? Let me share a few Hawaiian Honeymoon pictures.

Bad Omen Number One:
We share our anniversary with the Chernobyl disaster. How many of you can say, that on the day you shared your vows with your spouse, the fallout from an exploding Russian nuclear reactor was pluming toward your honeymoon venue. "How bad can it be babe. We'll only be 4 thousand miles closer to this radiation cloud and I'm bringing suncreen with an SPF factor of 15."

Bad Omen Number Two:Pictured is beautiful Hanauma Bay on the island of Oahu.

We hadn't been married a full week yet and Mr. DaBlade lost his wedding ring somewhere in the coral reef while snorkling (after consuming vast amounts of Mai Tais). I remember you being less than amused when I hired those beach-combers with their fancy metal detectors, especially after the search was fruitless. I was not off to a good start. I imagine my gold band is still swimming with the pretty fishys. I would like to return and begin this search from scratch, what do you say?

Bad Omen Number Three:
Pictured is Mrs. DaBlade hanging out of our rental somewhere on the north shore of Kuai. This picture was taken shortly after we learned why the road map turned into a small dotted line after a few hour drive.

A short time later we did find a beatifully secluded white sandy beach that we had all to ourselves, even if it did cost the security deposit on the rental car. Of course, this seclusion only lasted about 30 minutes before it was interupted by that low flying helicoptor with that dude hanging out the side and screaming at us through his bullhorn for us to evacuate. It may have been the rum absorption, but I couldn't quite make out what else he was saying. I thought he was looking for some girl named "Sue Nami" or something. I remember thinking we would just blow this dude off rather than give up this prime beach spot. Much better than the elbow-to-elbow crowds on Waikiki. However, this guy was quite persistant, and I found it difficult to read my newspaper with a helicopter hovering 30 feet above my head. Back in the car and listening to the radio we learned about the tsunami warning that was forecast to hit the Hawaiian Islands after an enormous earthquake struck the Aleutian Islands off the coast of Alaska. We made it back to our hotel just in time to catch the last bus of evacuating tourists.

I took this picture from the "elevated hill" we were evacuated to at the precise time the said tidal wave was supposed to strike.

The irony of the cemetary if the foreground was lost on me at the time because of the rum, and the fact that this was well before the deadly Christmas tsunami of 2004. Thank goodness this was a false alarm because I might have gotten more than a little wet for this shot. As it turned out, we spent one tenth of our honeymoon fortune standing around and eating peanut butter sandwiches handed out by the Red Cross. Not exactly the Hawaiian luau we had heard so much about. I remember stating to a native born Hawaiian that I bet they had to do this drill a few times a year (thinking they were as common as a Michigan tornado warning). "last time 1962," was the reply. Lucky us!

Bad Omen Number Four:
I wanted to golf on the island of Maui and Mrs. DaBlade went along to get along. That speck on the side of the mountain addressing the ball is none other than Mrs. DaBlade.

I insisted she had to play her ball where it lied, so while she was trudging up the mountain to her ball, I was driving the cart in the opposite direction to get this shot, giggling like an idiot all the way. Mrs. DaBlade was not amused. She became even more surly when she developed sun poisoning after the first 6 holes. Rather than seek immediate medical attention for her balooning and swollen lips, I played two more holes. Hey, when was I going to get back here?!

Bad Omen Number Five:
Thurstons lava tube. A wet, dank cave formed by lava. One of us insisted we go in. One of us was quite insistant that we not. One of us went along to get along. The wet atmosphere ruined someone's hair and made the other one pay for it for the rest of the day. I would suffer another reactor meltdown before another bad hair episode. Just sayin'.

Even after ALL THIS (and much more), Mrs. DaBlade has stuck by my side. She is my wife and my best friend, and I love her dearly!

Pictured: This is NOT Renée Zellweger and Tom Selleck on a Hawaiian booze cruise.

Fad Farts Them Two (and other Matthew Stafford anagrams)

PICURED: Quaterback Matthew Stafford, the Detroit Lions Portugese Water Dogs No. 1 overall pick.

I know I'm old enough to know better and shouldn't care, having been burned as a Detroit Lions fan many times over, but why would an 0-16 team with the worst defense in the history of the league spend it's first two 1st round picks for a quarterback and a tight end? Nothing against Matthew "Georgia Peach" Stafford, I'm sure he is a fine young jazz pianist man who will make us all forget about Joey "Blue Skies" Harrington.

To his credit, Stafford is saying all the right things. Of course, for a guaranteed $41.7 million, I could be convinced to say the right things too. Heck, for that kind of money, gimmee a Tiny Tim wig and a ukulele and I'd stand on the street corner and give my best rendition of "Tiptoe Through The Tulips". Poor stafford is too young and separated from this fiasco of a franchise to even know what he's in for. He may have had a future with a different franchise.

As promised, other Matthew Stafford anagrams:
(These are still being analyed using my famous fortune telling skillz, but the early forecast doesn't look good)
A Draft Weft Moths
Moth Farted Wafts
Fart Wafts Method
Fad Fart Wet Moths
Staff That Wormed
Shaft Watt Deform
Team Thwarts Doff
Fad Shaft Term Two

Friday, April 24, 2009

Obama is not Hitler (especially when talking about their art)

Clarence Page takes issue with those mean-spirited Tea Party protesters in his latest column, A protest in need of a sane image. He cites the maniacally socialist web site of the Huffing-glue Post as his "source" for the "10 most offensive tea party signs". In case you missed it (and really, why WOULD you have read the Huffing-glue Post or Clarence Page?) here is the top five signs carried by, who Clarence calls "nut cases":
Madison, Wis.: "Obama's Plan: White Slavery."

Downtown Chicago: "The American Taxpayers Are the Jews for Obama's Ovens."

Sacramento: "Our Tax [Dollar] $ Given to Hamas to Kill Christians, Jews and Americans, Thanks Mr. O."

Tampa: No words, just a color cartoon of President Barack Obama grabbing Uncle Sam from behind and slitting the old man's throat.

Chicago again: "Barack Hussein Obama, The New Face of Hitler"—on a large picture of Adolf Hitler with Obama's face bearing a Hitler-style mustache superimposed over the face of a picture of the original Hitler.
I admit that when I read these, I did not react with a Perez Hilton type hissy fit of astonishment. I was not offended. In fact, I really like Tampa's! That said, there were better signs - many of which I saw on Fox with their excellent Tea Party coverage - or I saw them on all of YOUR blogs I read to help keep my sanity (I know, it doesn't appear to be working :) While I have never been to a leftist hippie democrat marxist protest, I'm sure they never would have such OFFENSIVE signs as these rightwing extremists. *choke*

Clarence seems to take the most offense by the comparison between his beloved messiah-in-chief, Obama, to that of the original genocider-in-chief, Adolph Hitler.

PAGE: "By the way, I have a modest proposal: Can we declare a moratorium on the use of Hitler as a metaphor for anyone but Hitler? Hitler's in a class by himself. Let's not cheapen his horrors by overusing his memory."

He has a bit of a point. Regardless of what Mahmood Akmadeenadude thinks, Hitler is directly responsible for the holocaust and extermination of 6 million Jews. According to wiki, "If you hold Hitler responsible for every death in the European Theater of World War II, that makes him responsible for well over half of those who died in the war (at least 20-30 million deaths)."

Hitler is not in the so-called "pro-choice" democrats league here. 20-30 million is a lot of death, but Roe V. Wade can beat that with 50 million abortions. With his enthusiastic support and promotion of abortion, I don't believe it a stretch to hold Obama personally accountable for ALL 50 million. After all, Obama is in a position to promote life and make a real difference in the elimination of the scourge of abortion but instead, he promotes it. I agree that Obama is not Hitler, but I believe both will have a tough job explaining himself on judgement day.


In other Hitler news, did you hear that 13 paintings done by the famous butcher and part-time artist, Adolph Hitler, recently sold for EUR 100,000?

"They are hardly Picasso," quipped the auctioner. Maybe not, but I believe Adolph's works rank up there with another famous butcher and part-time artist, Jack "Dr. Death" Kevorkian.

So in conclusion:
Obama is NOT Hitler.
Obama is NOT Dr. Death

You be the judge...
Hitler's "Killing Time Before Killing Jews"
(ok, I made that title up)

Kevorkian's "Nearer My God to Thee"
(his actual title!)

Obama's "WTF are you doing bro?!"

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Obama Shaker under development

"Distasteful" Baby Shaker game pulled by Apple.
Apple has removed a downloadable iPod/iPhone game from its online iTunes App Store where the point is to shake a crying baby to death...

According to people who downloaded and played the game, in order to stop the crying sound, the player had to shake the phone vigorously. The game ends when two red crosses appear on the baby's eyes, signifying that it has died.
In this age of liberal tolerance and Obama's affinity and support for infanticide, I ask, "what's the big deal!?" It's OK to promote the continued murder of actual living human babies from conception until sometime after birth (Obama will let us know the definitive time period when his paygrade is raised). However, it is somehow distasteful to cross the eyes of a cartoon baby?

Have some courage Apple! Don't pull Baby Shaker off the shelves just yet. This game finally gives liberals a coping mechanism when confronted with a crying baby (that's not theirs and one they haven't killed yet) on a bus, plane, movie theatre, or Starbucks. It empowers the libs to commit cyber-abortions at will, and provides them a temporary fix until such time they can get themselves knocked up again and do it for real.

I am reminded of the arguments given by the Notre Dame supporters in favor of the Obama invitation.

"We respect diverse viewpoints on issues and we also believe in concerned and genuine dialogue."

So let's start the dialog regarding Baby Shaker. While we're at it, check out the new download.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Have a Cow Over Earth Day!

Longtime readers of Chattering Teeth (and what exactly is YOUR major malfunction?) may recall my 2008 Earth Day post when my knowledge quest to learn about this event began. Since last year's Earth Day, I have spent literally a full year thinking about other things. Is it bad form to blockquote one's self?:
Many worshippers of Earth Day apparently pray to a deity figure called Gaia, or Mother Earth. I'm not sure if she is a drug-induced hallucination, a bit of undigested potatoe, or Al Gore in drag. But in any case, all I can say is, "Gaia, you go girl"!
Well, it's Earth Day 2009, and it's time for me to get back on that green and flatulating horse for the sake of the world. Earth Day just so happens to fall on garbage day at DaBlade's house this year, and I will be sending quite the curb full of refuse to it's final resting place today. Since I don't believe or fear an imminent Earth Apocalypse, I am in the minority and obviously have more learning to do. That's where the newly launched environmental website "Greener Schnitzels" comes in.

If I'm not mistaken, this is Perez Hilton with his gay male bovine roommate in the video teaching us about global warming...

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Prejean - Palin 2012

Carrie Prejean is the most famous runner-up in Miss USA history.
Apparently there is some controversy over some question she was given in some contest or other... I never really read past the headline (sorry). I do, however, want to throw my entire support behind Miss Prejean in her run for the White House in 2012. There is no question in my mind that this is the exact kind of maverick we need. I still love Palin as the vp candidate on the ticket. Palin can fill in any gaps Prejean may have on foreign policy for example. Let's start the grassroots effort now!

WHO'S WITH ME?!!!....

Monday, April 20, 2009

Alala is great!

Alala Akbar! Environmentalmidgets are at it again.
Did you know...?
Hawaiians call this bird "alala". We call them "crows". Alalas were once widespread on the island of Hawaii, but now survives only in captivity. Mainland crows can be found on treetops, electrical wires, buildings, lawns, parking lots, athletic fields, roadsides, towns, garbage dumps and fields across the continent.

So if one desired to see these black cawing devils back on Hawaii, the obvious solution would be to:
(A) For just a few bucks, send them a cargo hold full of ours on the next steamer... OR
HONOLULU – Federal wildlife officials say they plan to spend more than $14 million to prevent the extinction of the Hawaiian crow, one of the rarest forest birds in the world.

The endangered bird, known as the alala, is only found in captivity on the Big Island.

Two bird conservation centers are home to 56 alala. The bird hasn't been seen in the wild since 2002.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service says its five-year plan to restore alala populations includes protection of habitats and management of threats to the species.
If you are an environmentalmidget, then the obvious answer is "B". While the Hawaiian crow and the American crow are virtually identical (except for the tiny and colorful flower leis around the alala's neck), no amount of money should be spared (or printed) in trying to reinsert this bird. Elderly Hawaiians wax nostalgic about the good old days when the alala were so prolific, they were actually ignored and even thought of as nuisances (Just like mainlanders do now).

Oh, and by "threats to the species", they must mean "climate change". Certainly there couldn't be any other reason these birds are no longer free in the wild.

Then again... wasn't this tried before in the 90s?:
Scientists also believe that the 'alala's natural enemy, the Hawaiian hawk, has killed many of the rare crows, especially in areas where ungulate grazing has reduced understory cover.

In the 1990s a program to remove eggs from wild 'alala nests and raise the chicks in captivity was accomplished by workers from the Peregrine Fund under contract to the Fish and Wild Service.

Sixteen birds from that program were released into the wild, but the hawks killed five, and the rest died from other causes. Releases were halted in 1999 because experts feared too many deaths would deplete the bird's genetic diversity.

Did you know...?
that a group of crows is called a "murder"? The Hawaiian Hawks say, "cawl it what you want, just don't cawwwwl us late for dinner"!

Gotta love the greenie weenies! They'll spend weeks cleaning oil off a seal only to have their release party spoiled by the hungry Orca offshore.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Obama finds Jesus offensive

Just shaking my head after reading about Georgetown University's compliance to the White House demand that a Jesus monogram be covered up during Obama's economic speech there. Another Obama outrage.
"The White House wanted a simple backdrop of flags and pipe and drape for the speech, consistent with what they've done for other policy speeches," she wrote. "Frankly, the pipe and drape wasn't high enough by itself to fully cover the IHS and cross above the GU seal and it seemed most respectful to have them covered so as not to be seen out of context."
Will it surprise anyone when similar demands are made of Notre Dame in advance of the Obamasiah's planned commencement address in May?

A White House advance team does a walkthrough:Let's see. Someone needs to get a really, REEEALLY big tarp and throw it over that large gold dome with that chick on top. Looks out of context. We are going to need all the crucifixes coming off the walls. What is this church doing here?[pause] Bascilica of the Sacred what? Get another tarp. What is this cave thingy with the lighted candles doing here?

I don't know what Grotto means, and I don't care that it is a one–seventh replica of the famed French shrine at Lourdes where the Blessed Virgin appeared to Saint Bernadette. Get another tarp.

What about this?!!

Oh! The chief thinks that's him, so it can stay.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

The Day After Tax Day

Tax Day. Thanks to the tea parties, we've survived! (For Obamaholics: Tax day is the day when the 50% of Americans who actually pay ANY taxes at all are treated like Mahmood's goat buddy below).

Obama has ordered the take down of this country as if it were three black untrained teenagers on a raft through his planned trillions in deficit spending and out-of-control confiscatory taxation of this country's producers.

I was (and am) so very inspired by the participation in the tea parties that were held across this nation yesterday. What an awe-inspiring display of middle America standing up and screaming "ENOUGH!" in this grassroots movement. I even welcomed the predictable elitist and condescending coverage of these protests by CNN and their ilk.

Maybe there really is HOPE for CHANGE, ya think?

Iran clones goat (or pulls wool over our eyes?)

Iranian scientists claim they have cloned a goat
Claim? They wouldn't lie to us, would they?
ISFAHAN, Iran (AP) — Iranian scientists have cloned a goat and plan future experiments they hope will lead to a treatment for stroke patients, the leader of the research said Wednesday. The female goat, named Hana, was born early Wednesday...
"With the birth of Hana, Iran is among five countries in the world cloning a baby goat," said Isfahani, an embryologist.

So that's what they're calling it now!
Iran's cloning program has won backing from Shiite Muslim religious leaders, who have issued decrees authorizing animal cloning...

No surprise there!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Tea parties breaking out all over the country today

Psssst, Flintstones... There is a noon demonstration at the Flushing City Hall!

Now for some tea bag fun

Find Guess Who?

Match the title with the popular YouTube video
* No Sugar Tonight (in my Tea)
* Whistling teapot
* The Simplex tea kettle whistling
* ikea tea kettle
* My green whistling kettle
* boiling whistle

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Obama's dog Bo, ordered the Somali Pirate Takedown

PROMISES, PROMISES: Is Obama dog a rescue or not?
WASHINGTON – Is Bo a rescued dog or not? Did President Obama keep or break a campaign promise in picking the purebred as the family's new pet?
Horrors to even ask such a question! Accusing our president of possibly lying about the origins of his new family dog Bo? This, after he single-handedly saved Captain Richard Phillips from the Somali pirates!? How can you question our commander-in-chief after having ordered the end of a week long standoff between the might of the United States Navy, with it's behemoth warships surrounding a rubber raft full of untrained teenagers with heavy weapons?

Back to the dog story:

The Obama girls had been pestering mom and dad for a pooch for some time. Barack and Michelle stated numerous times during the campaign that they wanted it to be a rescued dog from a shelter. This always got the hopes up of his half-brother who lives in a shack in Kenya. Certainly if Obama wanted to rescue a dog from a shelter, he would want to do the same for his own blood? Last I heard, he is still waiting with his nose pressed up against the shanty window hoping to see the presidential limo wind down his dirt path.

I think we have a right to see the doggy papers. Obama admits that Bo spent time in his doggie youth in a Portuguese water dog's madrassa, but insists he was born in Hawaii.
Enter Bo, a 6-month-old puppy given up by his first owner and matched with the Obamas through his breeders. Because he was given up by his first owner as a poor fit and is now with his second owners, the Obamas, but never spent time in a shelter or with a rescue group, Bo is a "quasi-rescue dog,"...
A "quasi-rescue dog?" Because this pure bred lived in a mansion prior to the White House?

Now we know that Bo came out of the same "Hope and Change" litter as Sen. Edward Kennedy's Portuguese water dogs. It is apparent that this dog was bred for the sole purpose of becoming the Obama's family dog, and that the original owner was part of the false trail laid down by his handlers to avoid controversy. Not that I care what dog he owns, or what country is on his birth certificate. This is just another example of Obama saying one thing and doing the other.

Maybe some of his idolizers are getting the message that his teleprompter can not be trusted...
President Obama's most liberal supporters say they are dismayed and disgusted because this administration is invoking the "state secrets" privilege -- just as former President George W. Bush did -- to shield eavesdropping programs from public exposure.

"I wasn't happy when George Bush asserted that he could do these things and I'm not happy that President Obama is now agreeing with George Bush," said Jane Hamsher of Accountability Now.
Shhhhhhush! he's listening!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

a sneak peek at Obama's Notre Dame commencement speech


THE PRESIDENT: I know I don't look like the other Presidents who have spoken here, who may have been native born US citizens espousing free market capitalism and who may have loved this country.

I aaaaam thrilled to be here - in South Bend Indiana, on the campus of Notre Dame, home of the Fighting Irish. Indiana is my favorite of all the 57 states. Not really, but I can't help pandering to the typical white people like my grandmother. Thank you to everyone responsible for painting that huge mural of me with outstretched arms painted on the side of that library building. Looks just like me. Since it faces the football stadium, let's call it "Touchdown Obama", even though I play football like one of them retarded Special Olympians.
[nervous laughter]

I know thaaaaat... there was some controversy over my invitation to be here today, aaaand... I want to thank Father Pfleger [Pause - checking Teleprompter] errr... I mean Father Jenkins - for not buckling to the demands of the bitter clingers and those bigoted one-issue Christians who take umbrage with my anti-life positions. Who's to say that life begins at live birth? That is a question above my pay grade. Surely there are issues we can all agree on, like my socialist takeover of the economy. Why quibble over the small pile of 50-plus million baby carcasses killed by abortions and stacked like so much cord wood while there is still some wealth to spread around? Father Jenkins, your 25 second hand DVDs are on the way.

My being here proves that Notre Dame is not a Christian nation... [Pause - checking Teleprompter] errr... What I mean to say is, after I won the Catholic vote in the election by a tally of 54% to 45%, I think it's fair to say that American Catholics are not comprised of just a bunch of those Christians anymore. You US Catholics are no less likely than others to find abortion morally acceptable, and 63% of you agree with me in support of embryonic stem cell research, despite the fact that it involves the destruction of human life while curing nothing. Welcome to the unholy altar of the left, where we have a big McDonald's type sign that proudly states, "50 million atrocities in the name of Roe V. Wade served".

I was reading an online petition against my visit here ( the form letter there accuses Father Jenkins and Notre Dame of choosing prestige over principles, popularity over morality. Damn straight! Congratulations class of 2009 for rejecting principles and morality as the failed theories of the last eight years.

I look out at you new graduates today and I see young, smiling faces of individuals ready to start the next phase of life hoping to "make a difference" in this world. "Hope" and "Change". [students begin to chant: "Yes we can", "Yes we can","Yes we can"]

As I look upon your adoring and worshipping faces, I am reminded of the joyously blank and vacant stares I always get from my followers, especially those in the MSM. At least you kids have an excuse for your ignorance, having lived the last four years isolated in the bubble of this beautiful campus with your noses in books, babes, and video games. It won't be long before the realities of my policies hit, and you will quickly lose that idealism. When you join the swelling ranks of the unemployed, you will be competing for a limited number of jobs with older and more experienced workers who were victimized by the democrat led collapse of the housing and financial markets. Don't worry, for less than one dollar a month, you too can afford housing in a Kenyan shanty, just like my half-brother!

Wait! What did I just say? Uhhhh... Did some computer whiz kid break into my teleprompter? I meant to say thaaaat... Wait. But but but... hold on, hold on a second. Uhhh uh uh While there are still substantial downdrafts in our economy, hold on... there is a substantial anecdotal flow - and other rhetorical flourish, uh uh uh thaaaat the economy is getting a little bit better.
[students begin to chant:"Stuttering Stanley!" "Stuttering Stanley!"]

Alright, come on. Don't make me put my hand on your shoulder while staring you in the eye. I came down here to visit. See this is what happens. I can't end up visiting with you guys and shaking hands if I'm going to get grilled every time I come down here.

And so, there is only one thing left to say: Go Irish! (Applause.) Congratulations, and in the words of my spiritual mentor Reverend Jeremiah Wright, may God D### America! (Applause.)

Friday, April 10, 2009

Notre Shame

I've been bugging Mrs. DaBlade for her (our) take on the whole Notre Dame/Obama controversy, and she has finally complied. I have only "blogged around the edges" on this topic for fear that my snarky (yet witty) commentary wouldn't do it justice. I believe Mrs. DaBlade's essay more than does this justice and I now feel free to "snark away" later. Enjoy!

I would like to voice my opinion on the Notre Dame scandal as a tuition paying parent of a current ND sophomore and a practicing Catholic. I am a convert to the Catholic faith. I was raised a Lutheran and converted in 1992. I will admit that when I made the decision to become a catholic, I didn't know as much as I do now, however I wanted my family to all go to church together as one faith. When my oldest son (the Notre Dame student) transferred to a catholic high school after completing K-8th grade in our local public school. When he began learning about the faith, I then began falling in love with the one true and apostolic faith. I began reading everything I could about the history of the Catholic Church.

President Jenkins (ND's president) has brought great shame on our Lady's Catholic University. Inviting Mr. Obama to celebrate one of the greatest achievements our adult children will ever have is nothing short of a slap in the face to all the practicing catholic parents and students. Thank God my son is not a senior. There is no way in hell I would ever sit and listen to the most pro-death president in our country's history. When my son decided that Notre Dame was his choice, I was truly happy that he would receive an education from a midwestern ivy league university along with living and studying in a catholic environment. I am now second guessing that decision. If Notre Dame wants to defy the Catholic Church and give Mr. Obama a platform along with an honorary law degree than maybe they should consider removing the catholic identity from their institution. The mission of Notre Dame is supposed to be in agreement with the Catholic Church. However, the catechism of the catholic church states "Since the first century the Church has affirmed the moral evil of every procured abortion. This teaching has not changed and remains unchangeable." (CCC 2271) Or there is always this passage, "From its conception, the child has the right to life. Direct abortion, that is, abortion willed as an end or as a means, is a 'criminal' practice.(GS 27 § 3), gravely contrary to the moral law. The Church imposes the canonical penalty of excommunication for this crime against human life."(CCC 2322).

Mr. Obama's voting record affirms that he is pro-death. He has on every possible occasion voted in opposition to this teaching. By honoring him and giving him this platform, President Jenkins is blatantly going against church teaching. The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops in the year 2004, stated that Catholic institutions not honor those who profess opposition to the Church’s doctrine on abortion and embryonic stem cell research. I am not sure what else has to be said. If Jenkins does not rescind his invitation, then he should be removed from his position. I am concerned about the future of our church if he is allowed to continue saying mass and distributing the body and blood of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I have heard many fellow Catholics (cafeteria Catholics) state that by inviting Mr. Obama we are following catholic social teaching. Catholic social teaching doesn't exist if we continue to allow mothers to kill their own children. Feeding the poor and clothing the naked are irrelevant if you are not allowed to live. If I hear one more person call this a dialogue and not what it is, a monologue I may have to inflict bodily harm. "He is the President of the United States and deserves our respect."

God deserves our respect!

This is not going to be a forum where he will take questions from the audience, that is not is style (no teleprompters). This is a commencement speech, where graduating seniors are supposed to be inspired and look to the speaker as someone who has accomplished great things in their life. Being a Catholic University one would think those great accomplishments may include being pro-life. Another ludicrous argument is the "death penalty is equal to abortion" and conservative Catholics in favor of the death penalty and against abortion are hypicrtical. That too is ridiculous! Again I turn to the catechism, "Assuming that the guilty party's identity and responsibility have been fully determined, the traditional teaching of the Church does not exclude recourse to the death penalty, if this is the only possible way of effectively defending human lives against the unjust aggressor." CCC 2267.

Abortion is always an evil act!

Notre Dame has disappointed many Catholics, but if I had to pick an emotion that could best describe how this has affected me it would sad. I am worried about my kids future. I hope and pray that this generation of young Catholics will realize what God gave them over 2000 years ago, His Church, His bride. I promise you that there will be a price to pay if we all remain silent while more than a million of His children are murdered every year.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Two For Thursday

Allow me to introduce you to today's guest blogger, my beautiful wife of 23 years, Mrs. DaBlade. Mess with mama lion's cubs at your own risk! :)

I am employed at our local Catholic high school. One of my daily responsibilites is to update our student bulletin. This bulletin has information that keeps our students up to date on any pre-college programs along with all of the activities offered in the school. I usually don't read everything line by line however, our middle son is a junior at this high school and is therefore looking into colleges. As I was updating the different dates, I happen to read about a 5 week summer program offered by Kettering University if Flint. Now this is a school that we visited last fall with our son and is on his potential list. We were really impressed with their engineering programs and especially their co-op opportunity. The student goes to school for 13 weeks and then is employed with a participating company for 12 weeks. This is a great way for students to gain work experience and also earn an income while earning their degree. So when I read in our student bulletin that Kettering is offering a 5 week summer program for 11th grade students with a 3.0 GPA interested in science, math and engineering I thought this would be great opportunity for our son to experience this university. However, as I read the requirements I realized he didn't qualify. This is what it read,

"Juniors: Kettering University in Flint will hold the AIM program for African American, Hispanic and Native American students for 5 weeks this summer. This program seeks students with at least a 3.0 GPA and are interested in engineering, who have a strong interest in math and science. More info and application available in the guidance office, application deadline is April 20."

I thought to myself that this had to be a mistake they just forgot to put the W in front of the A or after the M. How could they be so discriminating? So, I made a phone call. The woman on the other end of the phone was very pleasant. I began by telling her that I have a son who happens to be a junior and he visited Kettering last fall. I told her that he is interested in attending a pre-college program. She said "Great let me look up some of the different programs we offer." I told her that I read about the AIM program in our student bulletin and wondered if a white male with a 4.0 GPA could attend. She became a little nervous and said well let's look at the requirements for that one. After she realized he wasn't qualified for that one, she let me look at some of the other programs we have. As she glanced at the "other programs" she began quickly going over the descriptions aloud. "Well here's one, no that is for women, Oh here's one, no that is for minorities. At this time I said, "you mean to tell me you have nothing for a blue-eyed, blonde-haired white, male with at 4.0 GPA?" She then told me I wasn't the first parent to ask that and it appears that the pedulum has swung to the other side. I said call it what it is, reverse discrimination.

I then asked to talk to her boss. She transferred me and I received a voice mail. I left a message with my phone number along with a brief description of what I wanted. About two hours later I received a phone call. He said he was returning my call and he understood that I was looking for a "free" summer program. I then told him that I didn't call about a "free program", that I called inquiring about a summer program for white males with a 4.0 GPA. He said "Oh yes we have one!" I then asked what the requirements were. He told I would have to go on their website and type into the search box "pre-college programs" and it would then direct me to the different programs offered. I pushed a little more for some explaination and after realizing that he didn't want to discuss it I agreed to look it up on the website. I quickly realized why he didn't want to discuss it with me. The program he was talking about is a 5 day program offered to 9th-12th grade students with a cost of $150.00. The AIM program was 5 weeks and guess what it is FREE.

After thinking about this situation I have come to the conclusion that my son is at a big disadvantage. It really doesn't matter how hard he works in high school to get ahead. He is not only the wrong color he is also the wrong sex. This university had many programs offered to women and minorities and he is only able to apply to one. All I want for my kids is a fair chance. I have always told them that if they work hard they will be rewarded. I don't believe that is true anymore. The students that are being rewarded are the one's that happen to be the right sex or nationality. By trying to make things fair society has made it impossible for some of us to be rewarded for old fashion hard work.

Pirates For Obama (Now we know why)

Somali pirates have now thrown down and attacked a U.S. ship. Why not? They have nothing to fear from the spineless weenie in the White House (SWOTUS?). To me, this serves as a microcosm of what we can expect under Obama. We are now viewed as "worthless and weak" (thank you Douglas C. Neidermeyer).

PIRATES IN THE NAIROBIAN is not exactly Jack Sparrow and the Black Pearl:
NAIROBI, Kenya – A U.S. destroyer on Thursday reached the waters where Somali pirates held the American captain of a hijacked cargo ship that was later retaken by the crew in an hours-long high seas drama.

The pirates took Capt. Richard Phillips as a hostage as they escaped into a lifeboat Wednesday in the first such attack on American sailors in around 200 years...

"The pirates are in a very, very tight corner," Middleton said. "They've got only one guy, they've got nowhere to hide him, they've got no way to defend themselves effectively against the military who are on the way and they are hundreds of miles from Somalia."
Not to worry pirates. Obama will soon arrive on the scene to begin negotiations and to listen to your concerns. I'm sure Obama would be happy to offer up some iPods to your crew after bowing repeatedly to your captain. If you'll allow, he will prostrate himself and swab yer decks. Just give him a bucket and a mop.

This would never have happened under Ronald Reagan, one of the top five greatest president in our nation's history (squirm on it libs). The facts speak for themselves. Pirates never attacked us during the Reagan administration. In fact, Reagan exuded so much righteous strength that he solved the Iranian hostage crisis within minutes of his inauguration just by nailing the oath of office flawlessly and without a teleprompter. Iran immediately released the 52 U.S. diplomats they had held for the final 444 days of the Carter administration. (rhetardical mental note: Wasn't Mahmood Ahkmadeenadude, Ward Churchill, and Bill Ayers among the hundreds of radical student hostage takers?)

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Class, get your pencils out, turn your cell phones off and no talking.

I. Developed by researchers at UC Berkeley, CellScope is...
(A) a microscopy system that turns camera-enabled mobile devices into microscopes to diagnose and monitor infectious diseases.
(B) a one-of-a-kind presidential mobile teleprompter with a built in taser and silencer for them really tough questions from conservative Harvard students.

Complete the headline

II. Despite All Evidence, (A)__________ Claims a Successful (B)_____________.

(A) "North Korea", "Madonna", "Barack Obama"
(B) "Malawi Adoption", "Satellite Launch", "Overseas G20 Trip"

III. Megamouth (A)_________ Caught (B)___________.

(A) "Michelle Obama", "Shark","Al Franken"
(B) "With Bare Arms", "and Eaten", "Fondling the Queen"

IV. (A)_________ asks (B)___________ how to improve ties.

(A) "Fidel Castro", "Rush Limbaugh", "Mahmood Ahkmadeenadude"
(B) "Michael Moore", "US lawmakers", "The Driveby Media"

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

More Notre Dame Controversy

'Vagina Monologues' canceled this year!

[Story here] For first time in eight years, Notre Dame students will not perform controversial play

THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS! First, Notre Dame creates a storm of controversy by inviting the infanticider-in-chief, Barack Obama, to give the commencement address this year. Now, Notre Dame muzzles vagina's First Amendment rights of free speech with this tampon of a decision. Sure! Welcome Obama with open arms, but close your legs to the monologues! you're still going to let the dick talk, aintcha?! Sounds discriminatory to me.

OK, full disclosure. I have never actually seen the vagina monologues (unless you count my friend Jon's Bachelor party many years ago). While my personal preference has always been for vaginas to be seen and not heard, I have never begrudged their right to speak out.

OK, I actually glanced at the article I've already linked and commented on. Apparently, the shows producer states, "we were not forbidden by the University to do the Monologues". Blah, blah, blah...
"What happened was that I, and some other people who have been involved in the past, feel like the "Monologues" are an amazing piece that talks about women's sexuality that can be very productive for Notre Dame students," she said. "But unfortunately, what happens when the "Monologues" are put on, is they turn into more of a scandal than an action piece."
Monologues, Monologues, Monologues. Looks to me like you have an aversion to the V word lady.
"The Vagina Monologues" were first performed at Notre Dame in February 2002 as part of a campaign to raise awareness about violence against women, according to a Feb. 27, 2002 Observer report.
Well what could be MORE violent than the OABOMINATION of abortion, yet ND is awarding Obama with an honorary law degree. Which begs the question in my mind...

Do vaginas use teleprompters?

Monday, April 6, 2009


"'ve got a chance to be a difference-maker, a role model, a chance to make other people smile and feel good about you. We are the blue-collar team and this is the blue-collar city."
MSU Coach Tom Izzo

"You want to play for yourself and your team."
Detroit-area native Kalin Lucas.

"The whole state should be proud and excited of this moment."
Magic Johnson

If the Michigan State Spartans basketball team can somehow beat the North Carolina Tar Heels in tonight's NCAA championship game at Detroit's Ford Field, all will be right with the world. The snow will melt and spring lillies will bloom with the rising sun on a new day. Decades of destructive liberal democrat policies that have decimated this state's economy will also suddenly melt away. Michigan's 12% and rising unemployment rate will evaporate, as good paying jobs rain down from the sky, reviving GM and the auto industry. Folks desperate to sell their homes will immediately be presented with a purchase agreement for full values. The fifty Detroit public schools slated to close will be awash in new tax revenues and fill up again with motivated youths from two-parent homes ready to learn. The brain drain of college graduates fleeing the state will turn around, as the best and the brightest flock to Michigan for all of the newfound opportunies and gold nuggets just lying around.

"It will not save us. No basketball game can do that. No matter who wins tomorrow night, Tuesday morning the jobs still will be gone, the factories still silent and empty, the houses still for sale or abandoned altogether."
Detroit Free Press columnist Mitch Albom

Well thank you very much mister pessimist. Mister doom-and-gloom, my glass is half empty. I bet you're a riot to have around at parties.

"I do realize they have a cause. Well, we also have a cause. We want to win a national championship, period, the end. And if you would tell me that if Michigan State wins, it's gonna satisfy the nation's economy, then I'd say, hell, let's stay poor a little while longer."
Tar Heels coach Roy Williams

THAT is funny. I don't care who you are.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Kim Jong-il be illin

The pot-bellied North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-il, launched his rocket that he said was equipped with a communications satellite and not the Illudium PU-36 Explosive Space Modulator
SHOCKING TRUTHS about the recent North Korean rocket launch:.

LIE: The rocket carried a harmless experimental communications satellite made of rainbows and peppermint candy canes and fueled by Everlasting Gobstoppers that did not hurt the environment.

TRUTH: The launch was cover for a test of NK's long-range missile technology so that it can further threaten and blackmail the West. They now have a ballistic missile that theoretically could be armed with a nuclear warhead. The "boy named Kim" might even sell this technology to Iranian president Mahmoood Ahkmadeenadude, causing President Obama to step up his foreign policy startegy of blaming America with eloquent superfluous rhetoric.

LIE: The satellite is transmitting revolutionary hymnes from radio free DPRK's top 20, including the timeless 'Song of General Kim Il Sung' and the danceable and effervescent 'Song of General Kim Jong Il'. Inclusion of remixed hip hop versions by the popular Korean band, DK Jazzy Kim and the Fresh Dongs has not yet been confirmed.

TRUTH: The ugly revolutionary melodies of 'Kwangmyongsong-2' that Pyongyang plans to beam at us from space.
WARNING: Please be seated and hold your loved ones close when clicking the previous link. CAN YOU HANDLE THE TRUTH!?

Friday, April 3, 2009

Our "comedian-in-chief" Obama is bombing

* If you're like me, then every Friday morning during Lent you pack your favorite lunch consisting of Tuna Fish and rare imported Bangladeshian Irrawaddy dolphin meat on rye.

Whoa whoa whoa! Of course I am only kidding! I don't pack my own lunch, my wife makes me the tuna-dolphin sandwich (that is, if she knows what's good for her!)

and now for the news...

Obama the consensus builder at G20 and his philosophy on foreign policy (best described as "blame America")
"Each country has its own quirks and own particular issues that a leader may decide is really, really important, something that is non-negotiable for them," Obama told a news conference.

"And what we tried to do as much as possible was to accommodate those issues in a way that did not hamper the effectiveness of the overall document," he told the jam-packed room of both foreign and American journalists.

Describing his approach to world affairs, Obama said America was a "critical actor and leader on the world stage," but that it exercises its clout best when it listens to other countries' concerns.

Obama declined to make explicit comparisons between himself and President Bush, but the comments were intended to mark a contrast from what critics of Obama's predecessor said was a tendency towards a "go-it-alone" approach.
So How's that approach working with that little pot-bellied North Korean dictator? I'm sure if you just talk to him and listen to his concerns.

Breaking Chattering Teeth Exclusive:
Obama issues warning as North Korea readies rocket.

Obama to NK pot-bellied dictator, Kim Jong-Il: "I'll trade you a missile for an iPod, what do you say? No? What's that about a bolt of retaliatory lightning if I interfere? Do NOT make me send Michelle over there to touch you"! If you're not interested in the iPod, how about a reset button? The Sound Of Music DVD? The secret Hillary Clinton phone sex number?

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Obama Claus strikes again

His lordship the messiah-in-chief, the most high MOTUS with the mostus, Barack Obama, created quite the British controversy when he and Michelle did the two-handed shake of the Queen's hand.

Obama Jokes With the Queen About Jet Lag, noodles, and nodding off. AAAAAwkward!Jimmy Kimmel Live - Jimmy plays a clip of Obama greeting the queen

The Queen then gives Obama her self-portrait and he presents her with an iPod filled with his music and speeches. I wonder if he really meant to give his iPod to her, or at some point after the reception line it was time for the gift exchange and he realized he had forgotten her boxed set of Austin Powers DVDs.

I can see it now. Like that Arby's commercial where the idiot husband comes home with his Arby's sandwich bag and the wife meets him at the door and says, "Happy Anniversary!", and she gives him a new golf bag and clubs. He looks sheepishly at the Arby's bag and painfully hands it over stating, "I got you this".

This guy is Obama with an iPod. I wonder if the Queen responded like the wife by crying "I love you!" and embracing him ina bear hug.

It does beg the question as to what to gift a Queen. Queens have everything, don't they? Of course she already owned an iPod. I mean, I thought it was tough to shop for my kids at Christmas because they already have EVERYTHING. They do not, however, own a pair of mute guards wearing fuzzy hats that are paid to stand outside their bedroom door... Hmmmmm. Next year's idea.

Everyone knows that the English love their spot of tea. Obama could have re-gifted the motherload in tea bags if he could have held off for another week.

Jackie and Dunlap from weigh in:
JACKIE: "What the hell they give the Queen an iPod for? If the Queen want ta hear music, she just call over a Court Jester and have him play the Lute."

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My new condo

This sounds like the start of a joke:
So four Russians, a German and a Frenchman walk into this mocked-up spacecraft and swing the metal hatch shut behind them.
The six men have volunteered to spend more than three months in isolation to simulate the experience of a manned flight to Mars. The crew will subsist on freeze-dried space rations and will clean themselves with wet wipes; they’ll also go without smoking, alcohol, TV, and internet.
This sounds like the rest of us soon in this new Obama economy. All this story needs is Paulie Shore and a urine recycler and we have a hit movie.

I'd finish that mock joke I started, but I have a road trip this morning and I gotta go. Take a shot at it...