Thursday, December 31, 2009

Symmetricality Lost

Lest I forget... Happy New Year.

I don't know about everybody else, but as we exit 2009 and the aught decade, I say, "good riddance. Don't let the googly eyed new years glasses kick you in the barack."

Speaking of those glasses , Jeff over at The Bright Blue Cow realized that the 2010 new years eve glasses would no longer allow the two center zeros to be fashioned into the glasses rims. He made this observation almost a full year ago!!

And yet, Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

After further painstaking research by the Chattering Teeth internet microbots, they've discovered that the Blue Cow's work in this field was not pioneering, which in no way disqualifies him for the Peace Prize. However, the Althouse posted a sketch on January 2nd, 2009, as a sort of prophesy of this year's version of the glasses. At first blush, putting the "1" on the nose is a great solution. After further review... I don't mean to alarm anyone, but I've juxtaposed this sketch with Navin R.Johnson wearing his invention of the Opti-Grab. If these glasses catch on, there will be a pandemic of crossed eyes in 2010.


Body scanners at airports, eh? I wipe my hands of responsibility if the next time I fly, my security body scan of my chiseled and bountiful masculinity falls into female security hands, thereby wreaking the perceptions of their husbands by comparison and ending marriages. I'm like the sun, ladies. Don't stare directly at me or my body xray for more than is necessary.

Drudge has been screaming this headline for the last 24 hours:
Russia may send spacecraft to asteroid
BACKGROUND INFO: The asteroid is Apophis, and in 2029 it will come within 18,300 miles of Earth. The closeness of it's return trip in 2036 will depend upon exactly how it's orbit is changed from the 2029 encounter, but experts currently put the impact probability for 2036 at 1-in-250,000.

Apparently, Russia's space chief doesn't like them odds. He remembers some scientist somewhere (algore?) telling him that this space rock is heading for Russia.

His exact quote: "I don't remember exactly, but it seems to me it could hit the Earth by 2032."

Obviously spoken between sips of vodka, because in 2032 it is on the opposite side of the solar system. I don't know about you all, but I question Russia's motives for wanting to send a rocket to the asteroid to "give it a nudge". Oops! Wrong way! Leave it the alone. Besides, what does Russia have to fear. You could just have Putin stiff-arm this girlie rock and fling it away like so much baby poop.

In conclusion, I wish you all a very Happy New Year. May 2010 be full of joy, health (get well soon Rush!), and a conservative tsunami that swamps the democrats to retake the House. Let's make a resolution to fling Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and the rest of the libs out of office like baby poop.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Yet Another mishmash, hodgepodge, pungent potpourri and flowery bouquet of blog words about nothing

First Richard Reid, now Umar "Farouk You" Abdulmutallab... wake me if Osama Bin Laden's wife-beater t-shirt spontaneously combusts, as I've boxed these three with a bet on this trifecta.

I'm already bored with the "Farouk You" Umar pantie Bomber story. I know I shouldn't be. This president's weak posture invites more of this kind of thing. It seems our national security is in shambles right along side our economy, and there is still 3 years to go in Obama's monarchy. Maybe it's not really boredom I feel, but an overload of sheer terror that has burned itself out and manifested itself thus...

Nope. It's boredom. And if you're still reading this... you feel me.

Still, Obama manages to slightly amuse me... Take his remarks yesterday regarding this "Nigerian suspect" who "allegedly" will be "charged" and IF found guilty, could spend up to 20 years in prison and not get out until he is 40ish!...blah blah blah.

Farouk You Obama. He is a Nigerian Muslim (SAY IT!) terrorist (SAY IT!) who should be quietly turned over to the military and never inquired after again. But alas!

OBAMA: "Had... critical information been shared, it could have been compiled with other intelligence, and a fuller, clearer picture of the suspect would have emerged. The warning signs would have triggered red flags, and the suspect would have never been allowed to board that plane for America."

DABLADE: "Had critical information been shared by the main stream media about Obama during the campaign, a fuller, clearer picture of this suspect would have emerged. The warning signs would have triggered red flags, and this community organizing suspect would have never been allowed to flub the OAF OF OFFICE".

Candice Miller (R-MI): accused the president and his team of "initially being very cavalier" to the incident. "(The president's) staff apparently didn't even tell him about the incident for several hours," said Miller. "This is the same staff that woke the guy up ... to tell him he won a Nobel Peace Prize."

BWAHAHAHA! Good one Candy. May I call you Candy?

Speaking of candy, I like Milky Way bars. Which leads me this story (how about that segue?)

Smallest Object in Outer Solar System Spotted ~ No, it has nothing to do with airport security scans and Barney Frank's testicles. However, if the Hubble telescope can spot a rock that is less than a mile wide and 4.2 billion miles away, maybe it should be pointed at O'Hare during rush hour.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Of Al-Qeada Terrorists, The Terrorized (Detroit Lion's Fans) and Flaming Jock Straps

With Detroit Lion's rookie quarterback Matthew Stafford out with a shoulder injury, and the play of backups Drew Stanton and Daunte Culpepper have - shall we say - been "ineffective"... Coach Schwartz is looking for someone, ANYONE, who can give him solid play at the QB position when the Bears come for a visit this Sunday. Of course, it's tough to play from your back all day because the Offensive Lineman must suffer from severe ADD. They seem to step aside for the rush like a matador sidesteps a charging bull.

But then I had a brilliant thought. Why not name "wannabe terrorist" Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab as this week's starter for the Detroit Lions? It would solve Coach Schwartz' dilema (at least for this week). The Lion's attendance would skyrocket for once, and the TV blackout lifted as Ford Field would be filled to capacity with the local Muslim community. The Lions could learn from Umar how to set their own jock straps on fire before each play to increase the odds of gaining a few yards... and lastly, what better punishment for Umar than to make him wear the Lions uniform?

Nah! I'm all for extreme punishment, but this seems cruel and unusual to me.

Monday, December 28, 2009

“Oprah, Umar Abdulmutallab, Umar Abdulmutallab, Oprah"

I know, I know... that joke wasn't funny the first time around. So sue me.

Speaking of Abdul Farouk Umar Abdulmutallab, what we all really want to know is...
1) ANY AND ALL information related to your "attempted" terrorist attack, including, but not limited to the names and locations of your al-queda co-conspirators...
2) ANY AND ALL information related to your knowledge of any pending attacks...
3) The identity of that sharp dressed man who helped you get on the plane...
4) But what Obama voters really want to know is... Boxers or Briefs?

With Obama at the helm, I have my doubts that we will get the useful information necessary, unless Umar is intimidated by Obama's repeated bowing.

Obama, Umar Abdulmutallab, Umar Abdulmutallab Obama.

Nope. Still not funny.

Seriously, who is this mysterious "suited man" Bill Ayers? who interceded by garnering sympathy for Obama's Mutallab's lack of documents by portraying him as a Kenyan Sudanese refugee? I mean, how gullible IS the American voting public airport security in Amsterdam?

Meanwhile, The First Boogie Board is vacationing in Hawaii. I can't wait to hear what our alleged president will have to say about this alleged terrorist and his "Contingency Operations" against his own underwear.

If Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napalm-itano hadn't already ASSURA'd me, I would be suspicious that maybe, just maybe the system wasn't working that allowed a guy with a presidentially sounding name (who was on the terror list) to board a plane with sparklers taped to his gonads on a MUSLIM FREAKIN' MARTYRDOM HOLIDAY.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Textile Terror

God is definitely good...

al-Qaeda is refining it's tactics. First came Richard Reid, who successfully burned a hole in his own shoe. Now comes
Abdul Farouk Abdulmutallab, who managed to set his own underwear on fire, charring the family jewels in the process. If left to their own devices, theses top muslim scientists may one day figure out how to set their own turbans on fire.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

I probably won't have time to fiddle with this blog thingy until this weekend, so let me take this opportunity to wish you all a blessed and very Merry Christmas. The following video is of one of the songs my father used to play on vinyl oh so many years ago in my youth. My good blog friend Z had never heard it before when I posted it in answer to one of her posts, but she liked the lyrics. I hope those of you stumbling here do also...

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

With Obama in Hawaii, I'm Thinking "Pig Roast" For Christmas

The Obama family is planning to spend Christmas in Hawaii. When I think of Hawaii, I think of the traditional Hawaiian luau, and when I think of Obama a luau, I think "roasted pig".

Therefore, as a public service (what with the First Family on the islands and all), I thought it might be fun to freshen up the basic steps to hosting a...

Pig Roast in Hawaii:

First, it is important to choose the Pig. A successful pig roast will use the correct size of Pig. It is important to get the right size, as a Pig that is too large will be difficult to prepare.

Nor do you want your Christmas pig too skinny, as you would be left with absolutely zero substance.

The preparation of the Pig is also important. Some people choose to use high priced hardware, while other people have managed to make good use out of the items they can readily procure without breaking the bank.

Of course, for the Obama roast, he will spare no stimulus expense. In fact, I can smell his pig from here!

Also, during the preparation period, it is important to prepare the Pig in a way that makes it look traditional. Many people like to stick an apple in the Pig’s mouth.

Selecting the right side dishes is also important. There are certain things that go great in a pig roast and people who have never taken part in such an event may not know which items to select. Side items help make the meal even better and allow guests to enjoy themselves more.

Some folks call these side items "bribes", but democrats insist, "that's how pig roasts are done... with a little sweeteners".

The right sauces and spices are also necessary in order to make the event the best it can be. There are many wonderful flavorings that can make the Pig taste much better. With the right selection, the party is sure to be a success.

How about some "Louisiana Purchase Sauce" to spice up that pig, eh Miss Landrieu? Or maybe you'd prefer a "Medicaid Spice Rub" on your swine, whaddya say senator Nelson?

Just as taste is important so are drinks. It is best to have a unique selection of both alcoholic and non alcoholic beverages. It is fun if the drinks are not common beverages that can be found anywhere.

President Obama may prefer a cold beer with his racist buds and "stupid" cops, but don't forget the Teetotalers. They are not to be confused with the Tea Partyers, but you don't need to worry about them. They will bring their own.

On the subject of alcohol, guess who has remained sober for the last 4 months?

The importance of atmosphere cannot be ignored, either. Atmosphere is incredibly important at an event such as this, as it helps to set the tone for the party. The perfect atmosphere can consist of games and music. It is important for party throwers to find activities that compliment the event.

Oh, and the best news is that joining the Pig Roast is no longer a privilege but a right! No need to make reservations, just crash the party like a Salahi! Be forewarned however, the line will be enormously long, so jump in now to get your slice!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Obama Reads a Book to Children While Senators Destroy Country Under Cover of Darkness

Earlier reports of Obama making a surprise visit to a bunch of DC kids and reading them “The Polar Express” were only partially true. It seems that Obama did make the surprise visit, but the book he read was titled "The Solar Plexus". The mistake is forgiveable since the story lines are similar.

"The Polar Express" is a story about a pajama-clad boy who rides a magic train and comes to believe in Santa Claus.

"The Solar Plexus" is a story about a pajama-clad boy who rides HopenChange and comes to believe he IS Santa Claus.

One makes you feel warm and fuzzy while the other makes you feel like you got socked in the stomach!

The Bartle Doo Obamacare Bill

My friend Mumbles sent me this link...
Health Reform Tells the Unborn: Sorry, No Room in the Inn.
...That our government is hell-bent (pun intended) on passing this “health care” reform by their self-imposed Christmas deadline screams loudly of their determination to turn a deaf ear to the people, cover their eyes to the lunacy of their own legislative actions, and steamroll ahead without caring in the least who they run over. They are public non-servants without integrity or honor. And they bow and pay considerable homage to our non-Leader. They want to hand him this bill as a Christmas gift… how heartrendingly ironic.

The Magi traveled far to bring their most precious gifts to the Newborn King, to bow before Him in worship and give glory to God. This week, our nation just might bow to our phony king and give him not our precious gifts of love, but the blood of our children and the broken spirits of their mothers.
Mumbles and I got hungry and went looking for an *unintellible* burger.

We never did find the legendary Cafo my shina in da bullboburgers, so we settled for a schmeezeburger and a prize.

During lunch, Mumbles shared a slice of his personal philosophy with me. If I understood him correctly, he said this:

"To compel a man to furnish contributions of money for the propagation of opinions which he disbelieves and abhors, is sinful and tyrannical."

I told him that quote sounded familiar and asked if he had heard that from my friend RightKlik. He said no, and near as I could figure, he heard this from some fella named Jeffas Thomerson.

Apparently, there is a line that can be crossed by a competing political party in power, and that's where the trigger option comes in, at least according to Mumbles. A tyrannical and arrogant government that jumps over this line will be met with massive crowds in the streets and civil unrest. Clashes with security police could escalate, and Mumbles says this could be the beginnings of an all out revolution.

Mumbles and I like to discuss the inner machinations of the Iranian state over lunch.

Why? What did you think we were talking about? Potcha delka inda bartle doo?

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Ben Nelson Caves For Blood Money

Painting titled: "Ben Nelson Goes to Hell to join the overwhelming Democrat Majority there"

Now I know the source of that sulfur Chavez has been smelling.
“Change is never easy...but change is what is needed in America today. I will vote for health care reform because it will deliver relief from rising health care costs to Nebraska families, workers, rural communities and employers,” Senator Nelson said.

Friday, December 18, 2009

The Harry Reid Holiday Prayer

The Harry Reid Holiday Prayer
Dear Gaia, Earth mother and green goddess, She who brings forth the bounteous fruits and flowers and other assorted herbs and hemps which can be harvested, dried, rolled or inserted into my hash pipe and bogarted. Hear the prayers of Your children. Help me find the right words to use in the Obamacare bill that will trick Nelson and them other pro-lifers into falsely believing we won't use tax-payer funds to slaughter unborn children and spread their chattel on the ground to nourish your roots. Please bless your supplicants here and in Copenhagen, and Gaia Damn America! Amen.

This is a matter of life or death. Pray for Senator Nelson. Pray for all of the children whose lives are at stake. Pray for our Nation.
"These are children we are talking about. Therefore, as human persons they are endowed with a fundamental human right to life. They should also be able to exercise the first freedom, the freedom to be born and take their place at our side. Rather, the argument has become profanely “sophisticated”. In an age where sophistry has replaced true discourse, its proponents smile while they defend barbarism."
I stumbled upon the following article linked from HotAir. The author, Dan Calabrese, turns the abortionist's scalpel back onto them with this hillarious piece:

Ben Nelson balks at phony abortion language; now it’s time to abort deformed, unwanted ObamaCare:
Every bill should be a wanted bill. It would be a shame to bring an unwanted bill into the world when you have the option of aborting it.

Call it Planned Legislation.

Monstrosities often collapse under their own absurd weight, and if that’s what’s now happening to ObamaCare – and it certainly appears that it is – it’s all the more delicious that the final nail is Democrats’ absurd attempt to pretend their plan wouldn’t pay for abortions.

Fact: If abortion is legal in this country, and insurance pays for it, and tax money is used to either subsidize or regulate the workings of the health insurance industry, then tax money pays for abortions.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Copenhagen Climate Porn

Porn can be destructive, and not just on the beta and vcr machines over the years. Therefore, I do not condone the repeated viewing of the embedded video showing Copenhagen climate hippies receiving the business ends of the Politi's batons.

Brute Use of Force on Healthy Globe Deniers

favorite scene...
1:05 mark - Pony-tailed dreadlocks dude and a "gentleman?" in a powdered blue michelin man coat he will obviously miss when that pesky climate finally manages to warm.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Nut Crackers Needed at Taunton Schools

2nd-grader sent home for crucifix drawing
TAUNTON, Mass. – An 8-year-old boy was sent home from school and ordered to undergo a psychological evaluation after he was asked to make a Christmas drawing and sketched what appeared to be a stick figure of Jesus on a cross, the child's father said Tuesday.

I agree an injustice has been done here, however it is the so-called art teacher who needs immediate disciplinary action. Has this (tongue twister alert) Taunton teacher not taught the basic principles of scale and depth? Not that the kid doesn't need severe discipline also. The Crucifixion is an Easter story young man! *Ruler Whack on hand*

Tonight the superintendent of Taunton Public Schools, Julie Hackett issued a statement in response to the father's allegations:

"It has been reported in the media that a student was suspended over drawing a rendering of Jesus Christ on the cross. This report is totally inaccurate..." We mistakenly thought the kid had drawn Obama on the cross. When we think "Deity", we think Obama.

“Is this the season of joy or oy?” said Rabbi Alfred Benjamin of Temple Shalom in Milton.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Al Gore and Nano-Frosty

These figures are fresh. Some of the models suggest... that there is a 75 per cent chance that the entire north polar ice cap, during the summer months, could be completely ice-free within five to seven years.” -- Al Gore

"Five out of four people have trouble with fractions." -- Steven Wright

"Baseball is ninety percent mental. The other half is physical." -- Yogi Berra

The good news is, it doesn't take very much polar ice cap to make The World's Smallest Snowman.

Nano-Frosty the 0.001 mm Snowman
With an atomic force microscope
and a button deposited platinum nose
and two eyes made out of focused ion beam coals

Monday, December 14, 2009

Melting Ice Sculpture Proves The Globe Is Warming

Polar Bear in the Square in London and Copenhagen:
This life-sized ice sculpture of a polar bear is sitting in London's Trafalgar Square for the next week. Melting. By the end of its stay, probably all that will be left will be a bronze skeleton and a pool of water.

Not even a corncob pipe and a button nose to prove he once existed. *sigh* BTW, What the heck is sticking out of the bear's mouth? Did it eat Al Gore?

MARKETING IDEA FLASH: That's how these Healthy Globe Deniers could make some money for their fake cause... sell ice sculptures with a prize inside. At the core of one you might get a flanneled Al Gore doll, in another, a cardboard cutout of Obama. Reminds me of the Fuzzy Wuzzy Bath Soap.

Please tell me somebody remembers Fuzzy Wuzzy!

Friday, December 11, 2009

SHOCK POLL: Cardboard Cutout Moves Ahead of Obama in the Polls!

SHOCK POLL: A cardboard cutout of Barack Obama now leads it's flesh and blood counterpart in the latest Chattering Teeth poll by a wide margin! The cardboard cutout first appeared on stage in Oslo, Norway at a "Save the Children" benefit. An event, I might add, that the actual U.S. President snubbed.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Strange Blue Goracle Spiral

Courtesy of Cartman :)

Algorepoetgenic Verbal Warming (and other pieces of temporal magnificents)

I woke up this morning anxious to see what I might have blogged yesterday, only to discover that I never posted. I know I had an unending string of brilliant thoughts fueled by the after-effects of anesthesia for a minor out-patient thingy... I just can't remember what they were. According to my wife, I was like the "is this real life" YouTube kid on his ride home from the dentist.

I'm pretty sure the Michael Jackson Jesus juice - milk of sleepnezia put me on a much higher plain of thought, but alas! these pieces of temporal magnificents have dissipated into the etheral atmospheric vapors alongside Al Gore's poetry.

Speaking of Gore's poetry: You may be one of those Algore poetry deniers, but I assure you - "It's not a question of debate. It's like gravity; it exists."

Some call it "junk poetry", but I call it algorepoetgenic verbal warming.

Vapors rise as
Fever settles on an acid sea

OK, this paints an EXACT word picture of what happens to me after that second bowl of chili. And to think that for a few more uncounted hanging chads, this man could have been our president! *sigh*

At least Vanity Fairs' Mark Hertsgaard gets it!
21 lines of verse that are equal parts beautiful, evocative, and disturbing... It’s odd that none of the reviews of Our Choice have mentioned this poem... The result is a surprisingly accomplished, nuanced piece of writing. The images Gore conjures in his (untitled) poem turn a neat trick: they are visually specific and emotionally arresting even as they are scientifically accurate.
I think Hertsgaard just had a Gore crush leg shiver.

One thin September soon
A floating continent disappears
In midnight sun

OK, I suspect I know who else has been dipping into the demerol. The point is, the beauty of Gore's prose tends to take on a different meaning for all. Like multi-facets of the same diamond. For me, that last verse is a continuation of the chili theme, with "September" symbolizing "bathroom", and my toilet as the "midnight sun". You can figure out the rest.

The shepherd cries
The hour of choosing has arrived
Here are your tools

Tools? Pass the two-ply old growth! (courtesy of dr. hirkimer)

In conclusion, I just found notes of my drug-induced thoughts from yesterday. Huh! I coulda swore I was on to something... but it now eludes me. Here's a sample. It goes on for several pages.

All work and no play makes DaBlade a dull boy. All work and no play makes DaBlade a dull boy.All work and no play makes DaBlade a dull boy.All work and no play makes DaBlade a dull boy.All work and no play makes DaBlade a dull boy.All work and no play makes DaBlade a dull boy...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Tiger Woods Mistress Fibonacci sequence

The Daily Mirror had the number of Tiger Woods mistresses at six yesterday. I hear it's up to something like 11 right now. I have always thought it to be bad form to count someone else's strokes on the course. However, when Tiger's "score" gets up to here, let me know. An intervention (and a Nike boycott) will be in order.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Christmas trees banned at Copenhagen (along with real science)

Here I am off to Copenhagen, the exciting climate summit that will attempt to blackmail the U.S. into unnecessarily diverting hundreds of billions of dollars to curb harmless carbon gasses. Speaking of gas emissions, PHEW! I'm really sorry people. Airline peanuts always do that to me... Nurse! Can ya get the window? Hey bud, you gonna eat those?

Why am I going to Copenhagen you ask? It just so happens that I was hoping to get hired as a cyclist for the pedal-powered Christmas tree in Copenhagen's City Hall Square. Alas! Now I hear the United Nations has instituted a Climate Summit Christmas Tree ban. It must have just dawned on them that the Christmas tree is a religious symbol that conflicts with their scam religion of global warming. Whenever Obama travels to venues sporting those pesky Christian symbols like crosses, he just has his people cover them up with large drop cloths.

All of the trees have been ordered "de-needled" and immediately rolled into cigarette papers, only to be sold to the masses of arriving hippies for the summit.

Like I've always said, a tree that is soaking up the rain and the sunshine and growing in the field is never truly happy until it is freed from it's condition (with our help and the help of a jagged-toothed saw), tied on the roof of a car (leaking it's sappy life's blood from it's stump) it's lifeless corpse erected in a warm house and decorated with colorful lights and ornaments.

Speaking of hippies and dead trees, the following video can never be blogged too much.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Did Santa Lose His Workshop to Foreclosure?

I may have been born last night, after having fallen off a turnip truck, but I'm smelling something like ozone in Denmark. First, I'm not a big believer in coincidences. Secondly, I have trouble believing in the "occurrence of events that happen at the same time by accident but seem to have some connection." (thanks merriam)

So when I see that Obama met Santa Claus as a preclude to this week's "holiday tree" lighting ceremony on Thursday, and the very next day Santa turns to a life of crime, I have questions!

It is well documented that Obama has an aversion to patriotic lapel pins and was always uncomfortable when our National Anthem is played ("What do I do with my hands?...")

On the other side of the coin (a coin that no longer engraved with "In God we Trust"), Mister Obama has taken every occasion to show his subservience to every Islamic monarch, Japanese emperor, Communist dictator, and third world thug by either enthusiastically bowing to them in surrender, or joining their book club.

Now we enter the Christmas season, and mister Obama reminds us at every occasion that "we are no longer a Christian nation."

Mayor Wiseman says "Obama's speech on Tuesday night on the war in Afghanistan was deliberately timed to block the Christian message of the 'Peanuts' television Christmas special."

If that's not outrageous enough for you, how about the fact that Obama refused to bow to Santa. Not. Once. Is that because Santa is an iconic figure who represents a Christian holiday?

As I've said, I have questions. As far as I know, Bad Santa is armed and dangerous and is still at large.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

What we really need are fake jobs (read "green") for fake problems (read "global warming")

I have always lived by this motto: Brevity, that being an economical use of both words and pictures to succinctly illustrate a concept or idea, is the soul, or "essence" if you prefer, of wit, which is to say "humor" of a common sense nature. It reminds me of this Calvin Coolidge quote on the header over at Mr. Dart's place:

"You can't know too much, but you can say too much."

That said, and with as little rhetorical flourish of verboseness as possible, there is nothing in this American Thinker piece titled "Jobs Summit will not produce jobs" that I can paraphrase, blockquote, or in any other fashion give a fair representative sampling that does it justice. You. Must. Read.

After having solved the Afghanistan situation, Obama will now turn his full attention to his most critical objective - That being his tireless efforts on his reelection campaign. Recognizing that Americans are concerned with the economy and the escalating unemployment rate, Obama hopes to raise his poll numbers by giving the impression that he cares with today's jobs summit.

Will Obama try to appease his opponents by announcing a Capitalism Surge and invoke the free market principles of lower taxes and smaller government, only to pull out of capitalism all together in 18 months as a 4th quarter h/t to his base?

With these brainiacs working on the problem, what could possibly go wrong?

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Obama's Afghanistan Strategy

OK, this is getting ridiculous. How DO they do it?

OBAMA: " is in our vital national interest... After 18 months, our troops will begin to come home."

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Obama to Announce Serge Strategy To Appease Base

Obama is angry over his house party security breach. Worst case scenario, the First Teleprompter could have been compromised. The president needs the teleprompter in top condition for his planned speech tonight where, after months of dithering, he will finally lay out his Afghanistan strategy.

Chattering Teeth has learned that Obama will not give General McChrystal all of the 40,000 troops he's requested, but has compromised with a more limited Serge. That's right. All 42 gay art gallery maitre d's named "Serge" will be sent into the Taliban fray.

OK, that was stupid. But I did like that movie.