HEY DER HAPPY HALLOWEEN DER NEIGHBOR!
You are probably wondering why your child has dis note. Ever hear da saying, "It takes a village to raise a child"? Yah y'betch yah? Well did yer kid EAT da village? When Coach Herb Brooks said, "The legs feed da wolf" in dat Miracle movie, did your boy run out and eat da wolf an den de entire hockey team ta boot? Uf Da!
Seriously, your kid so fat dat when he come Trick-Or-Treatin, he had so many double chins I thought he was dressed up like a pancake stack. Nice costume by the way, him just wearing a GoodYear hat; he looked just like a blimp. A Goodyear blimp floatin' a stack of pancakes, UFF DA! Also, tell your kid he's doing it wrong when he rings my bell and screams, ""Trick or Meatloaf!"
Your child's fingers look like large saaaausages, in my opinion, and should not be consuming sugar treats to the extent of some children this Halloween season. NO CANDY FOR YOU DIS HALLOWEEN!
If yous have a problem with this letter, feel free to come over der and inta da wood chipper ya go der!
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