Today, I'd like to unveil my 2016 Blog New Year's Resolution #6. But before I do, let's recap the top 5 resolutions I carry over from year-to-year.
#1 I will make every effort to post on a more regular basis, even when on temporary asylum in a Russia airport.
#2 This blog will persevere to obtain the rest of the story through investigative reporting (googling) and keeping an inexpensive hooker on retainer.
#3 Iwill make evry efort to proofr-ead at least 10% of my bloogs 6efore posting.
#4 I promise the continued arrangement of words in such a way as to project flowery rhetorical flourish and self-defecating humor (without the aid of a teleprompter... or diapers).
#5 DaBlade will continue to wear lederhosen while executing this blog until (A) Everyone reads his scribblings daily, or (2) Lederhosen becomes mainstream business-casual attire.
I now will officially add...
#6 I promise to no longer use sarcasm as a lazy form of humor in this blog because I now realize sarcasm is actually hostility disguised as humor. sarcasm derives from the Greek word “sarkazein” which literally means “to tear or strip the flesh off.” The last thing I want as your blog host is to offend the atheists, the secular humanists, the progressives, the marxists and/or the effeminates and transgenders. That's a mouthful. Let's just call them democrats. Or "freaks" if you prefer. In a nutshell, I just want the freaks to consider the Chattering Teeth Blog their very own internets "safe space".
Be safe in your New Year's celebrations tonight. I think I may spend it by going to see that new movie titled "Concussion". I think it's a movie about how football can cause headaches, or something. Hey, it has Will Smith with a bad fake accent in it, so it has to be good. I'll just grab a couple Appletinis at the concessions for me and my new good buddy, Kenneth.
Hope I find a parking spot!
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