Let's play "WHO AM I?"

POP QUIZ QUESTION: "WHO AM I?"
This individual has caused tensions to rise over the last week. This maniacal narcissist has been here before and is ready to thumb their nose at critics in the international community once again. Defense Secretary Robert Gates recent silence on this issue makes clear the U.S. is not prepared to do anything about it. Japan does not want this individual's debris scattered across their island nation. This individual was asked to "think twice" by a spokesman for Save the Children.
"WHO AM I?"

[Cue whistling of the Jeopardy theme in your head here]

If you answered North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il, stop now and reread DaBlade's entire Chattering Teeth archives as punishment for failing to spot this simple misdirection. Just kidding. We don't torture here.

The correct answer is none other than American popstar and Material girl Madonna, who is back in Africa to use her fame and fortune in an effort to extract another Malawi orphan from their country and culture.


Don't misunderstand. I am not anti-adoption by any stretch. I have nothing but admiration for the love and dedication of couples who pool their limited resources in order to adopt and love a child. I do, however, question the righteousness of Madonna swooping in like some plantation Belle looking for another future musician to accompany her little David, the Malawi orphan she adopted in 2006 and shown here on lead guitar. The High Court in Lilongwe has adjourned the case reviewing Madonna's adoption application until Friday.

I do have a suggestion for Madonna that would speed up the lengthy process of filling out her stable of musicians, while throwing in an entire future dance troope! She needs to partner up with Octo-Mom, Nadya Suleman, to surrogate a batch of Malawian embryos. You've heard of the Jackson Five. Now comes the Octo-Malawians!

By the way, cube posted recently about a Three Stooges remake. Is it me, or wwould Kim Jong-Il be perfect as Larry Fine? Of course, it would depend on getting Putin to play Curly and Hugo Chavez as the ornery Moe. *sigh* We can dream, can't we?

Our President Worm

A tenacious worm is wriggling its way across the globe and making itself a wordwide problem. It is modifying itself to make it become harder to stop. The worm takes advantage of those who haven't kept up to date, and suckers them into clicking on him. No I am not talking about the computer virus known as Conficker. I was referring to Obama's overseas trip this week.


America's messiah-in-chief, Barack Hussein Obama, will arrive in Britain Tuesday for the G20 summit. He will be accompanied by his posse of 500 staff (and a team of Special Olympian bowlers), in an armour-plated limousine (with a trunk full of slightly used reset buttons and "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" DVD to add to Gordon Brown's collection).

In the far back seat of the limo known as "The Beast" (the nickname "Thunder Thighs" was already taken by the Secretary of State) will be "First Caddy", Mike 'Fluff' Cowan, originally brought on board by the administration to carry Obama's Blackberry (and since given the added responsibility of lugging around a fully-charged portable teleprompter).

Wherever MOTUS is, you can rest assured that Fluff is nearby. Of course, the limo will now be driven by Rick Wagoner, former GM CEO, now First Chaffeur.

The $300,000 presidential limousine is also equipped with a tear-gas cannon and oxygen tanks (probably with the drop down masks we've seen on airplanes) for those emergency situations when Fluff flatulates, after having child-locked the windows. "Never again" promised Obama to Michelle, and now Fluff only has to feign a giggle and Obama scrambles to initiate the drop-down masks.

Speaking of Fluff's carbon footprint, this presidential limousine doesn't sound very green to me. Unless, of course, Al Gore is strapped under the hood and providing the power by peddaling away. It would be the first time in his life he was actually usefull.

Oh, and the White House kitchen is making the trip on tax payer's dime. An Aegis destroyer, originally deployed to deal with North Korea's missile launch, will first make an unscheduled detour to England to drop off the presidential supply of wagyu beef.

Why can't Obama sacrifice by eating the local food? What ever happened to "when in Rome..."? Then again, comedian Jim Gaffigan makes a good point when stating that British food has to be bad when considering they use vinegar to improve it's taste while we use it to clean windows.

Speaking of "Rome", US security teams have already carried out three visits to prepare for Obama's first official visit to Britain (no doubt in search of a suitable venue for Obama's increasingly popular "Wednesday Toga parties").

So in conclusion...* A computer virus threatens to turn our PCs into "zombie" machines and "botnet" armies and Obama followers.
* Microsoft has modified its free Malicious Software Removal Tool to detect and get rid of Conficker.
* As for the malicious presidential removal tool, we have to wait for the Jindal/Palin 2012 upgrade.

logic loop of contradiction

Self-imposed blog blackout lifted temporarily for an obligation on my part to complete the blog "Circle of Life". I had to smile (which hasn't been easy this week) when I visited Chuck's blog this morning. He plugs a recently discovered blog (www.ihatethemedia.com) and credits fellow blogger Z for pointing him to it. Chuck posted this picture of himself wearing the T-Shirt he won.
Hint: Look closely at his computer monitor



Thanks for the subliminal product placement advertising Chuck, and thanks for making me laugh!

Disclaimer: For the record, I love both "the media" AND the blog "I Hate The Media". Will this cause a logic loop of contradiction in my brain?

So in conclusion:
I. Visit these blogs frequently, repetitiously, repeatedly, routinely and often.
Chuck Thinks Right
geeeeeZ
I hate The Media
II. Support your local media
III. Laugh.

I will be away from the blog this week on special assignment trying to capture Obama's escaped Teleprompter. It was last seen hanging out the passenger side window of a white Ford Bronco believed to be driven by it's good friend, the president's Blackberry phone.

Lions, Chimps, & Michael Jackson

Last week the Detroit Lions traded defensive tackle Cory Redding (and a fifth round draft pick) to the Seattle Seahawks for linebacker Julian Peterson.
Rhetardical Question: Why would the Lions trade one of the few talented players they had last year, who also happened to be a leader in the lockerroom with a good attitude? I know Julian Peterson is a great pickup, but he would have become available anyway! Detroit football fans may never get to re-live those glory years of 8-victory seasons enjoyed during the Fontes era with moves like this. *sigh*

MORE LIONS EXCLUSIVES!
Three more lions are getting a "new lease on life". No, I'm not talking about three more football players from last year's historic 0-16 season being given a ticket out of town to join Redding. I'm talking about the three lions currently living in a rat-infested junkyard in Kansas being relocated to the Detroit Zoo.

"Big cats' owner agreed to move after a man was mauled at sanctuary strewn with cars, junk."

The local sheriff said...

...the refuge was more junkyard than sanctuary, strewn with old cars, tires, cow skulls and rats. A man was mauled by a lion at the refuge in February after sticking his hand into their enclosure.

Toto, We ain't in friggin Kansas anymore. Who woulda thunk keepin lions as pets was dangerous? What could possibly go wrong? It's not like the junkman kept chimps and gave them cookies and wine in long-stemmed glasses, taking baths together and cuddling in the bed (in other words, treating them like Michael Jackson treated his overnight guests in Neverland).

In case you were lazy and didn't click, the above link is to about "Travis the Chimp", now famous for attacking and ripping off the face of it's owner. Speaking of which, maybe that's where Michael Jackson's nose went... Hmmmm.

Haircut - Part Deux

Like a firefighter working tirelessly against a wildcat drought-induced brush fire (in high winds and against seemingly impossible odds), so have I been spending the better chunk of my dwindling free time fighting unwanted and misplaced facial hair in a never ending effort to keep the eyebrow and ear hair at bay. It's a battle I can never hope to ever "win", and will just have to settle for an impasse (as we stare at each other over the littered demarcation zone). I do believe my "enemy" has instituted a recent troop surge strategy, so I may seem a little distracted today. I would blame this unwanted facial hair all on the aging process except for the fact that my eyebrows have always seemed to have an attitude that I insisted on sporting a bald forehead.

I get my haircut at a local shop, and sometimes I get a new person that hasn't heard any of my self-deprecating jokes concerning my eyebrows. There is always that awkward and uncomfortable look they give me when they ask if I would like the eyebrows trimmed. I never waste this opportunity to entertain myself (friends of mine already know that cracking myself up is my entire life's philosophy). "Sure," I'll say. "Let me know if you find my spare car keys". Sometimes I will look incredulously at the scissors in their hand and answer, "With that? I think you're going to need a bigger gun." I might even suggest the hedge trimmers that Charlie used last month. For some reason, I find it funny when I'm not drawing even a sympathy smile and I'll pile it higher. Usually I will decline the barbers help on battling the brow, as I would not ask them to put themselves at risk if I am not willing to myself. Usually I just say, "no thank you. It's where I keep my loose change." Or I might tell them I like to comb the brow back to cover the thin spots on my crown.


Did you ever wonder...?

AIG

GALLUP: Three in four Americans (76%) want the government to take actions to block or recover the bonuses insurance giant AIG paid its executives after receiving federal bailout funds.

CNN: Barney Frank wants to exercise his "ownership rights" (over AIG, not Sergio, his new page boy).

I believe the Obama voters have it all wrong. Instead of insisting these bonuses be given back, they should insist that each one of them be given a similar $165 million bonus. In fact, why shouldn't the democrats exert their ownership rights and just make the minimum wage $165 million per hour?

Shave and a haircut - Two bits

Spaceweather.com reports today that the Earth will have another close shave with a newly discovered space rock.
************************

ASTEROID FLYBY: Newly-discovered asteroid 2009 FH is flying past Earth today, March 18th, only 85,000 km (0.00057 AU) away. That's a little more than twice the altitude of a geosynchronous communications satellite. There is no danger of a collision with the 20-meter-wide space rock--just a close shave. Experienced amateur astronomers can track 2009 FH using this ephemeris. It is shining about as brightly as a 14th magnitude star.

Into the hallway children! Single file, if you please!

I always felt safe with a schoolbook and it's half-inch binding protecting my head. Especially when I was 6 years old and the tornado sirens were blaring away and our teacher (who had been through the Beecher tornado) went completely insane. My mom always came up to the school and checked us out when there were tornado warnings. It wasn't supposed to be allowed, but school administrators knew that my mom packed more punch than an "F5" when crossed.

As for the space rock, I will stand in the backyard with my cellphone camera at the ready, and will immediately post the picture when I can nail it. Hopefully, this will not be another Tunguska event. I just planted those shrubs last year!

Universetoday.com brings up a good question regarding 2009 FH:

Interestingly, this new object comes only two weeks after a larger (50 metre wide) asteroid was spotted passing the Earth at a similar distance. So it begs the question, why are we seeing so many asteroids lately?

I wonder if the astronauts on the ISS are assuming the position again. Duck and cover! I do this every time Obama steps up to his teleprompter.

Are these cascades of space rocks a sign of the Obama apocalypse? Are these actually the scout ships of a pending alien invasion? Is it a case of mistaken identity, and these reported space rocks are really just astronaut Heidi's tool and makeup bag racing around in geosynchronous?

Obama has sucked the green right out of St. Patrick's Day

From DaBlade's email bag (thanks to MSgtEd)...


Poll question: How many green beers would one need to consume at Obama's St. Patty's Day toga party at the White House before the beer goggles kicked in, causing Nany Pelosi to look "hot"?

OK, no more "rhetardical" questions. By the way, where IS George?

At least we can all agree that White House press secretary Robert Gibbs is a sarcastic A--hole.

Question: "One quick followup: Former Vice President Cheney was on State of the Union yesterday. He had a lot -- a lot of criticism of this White House.

"To boil it down, on national security, he said the president's policies were making the country less safe. And on the economy, he was charging that the president is taking advantage of the financial crisis to vastly expand the government in all kinds of ways -- health, education, energy.

"How do you respond to those kind of allegations from the former vice president?"

Gibbs: "Well, I guess Rush Limbaugh was busy ... so they trotted out the next most popular member of the Republican cabal.

YouTube vids of Cheney telling it like it is, and the above silly question/"answer".

I do have to hand it to Gibbs that at least he is working without a teleprompter. His lies and obfuscations are delivered without so much as an "aaaaand" or a "thaaaaat", speech cadence so common in an Obama address because he is stalling while desperately trying to read the next sentence. It is interesting how Obama and his spokesman pounce on critics like a gang of Chicago thugs. Of course the leftwing blogoshere loves this stuff, with their headlines reading "Republican Cabal", "Gibbs Slams Cheney", "Gibbs Delivers Verbal Slap at Cheney", "Rush Was Busy", etc. and so on ad nauseum.

To be completely honest, I always found myself wishing that the Bush White House would defend themselves with these types of caustic comebacks. Put me at that podium and the gloves would come off if I had to take questions from the likes of the Helen Thomases and the rest of the handmaidens on the left. In retrospect, his dignity and professionalism is appreciated even more now that it is gone. Sure, Tony Snow could deliver a bitingly sarcastic line in front of a hostile press corps, but he did it with humor, honor and dignity. You either have it or you don't, as it doesn't translate well on the teleprompter.

Michigan Madness

The "N.I.T." will have to be spelled without Michigan this year, as the Wolverines break the 11-year NCAA tournament drought with the No. 10 seed in the South Region. Will they make a "Beilein" to the final four at Ford Field in Detroit this year? Now THAT would be sweet! At least the Ed Martin taint has finally been purged.

Good luck to everybody in their various office pools (DISCLAIMER: Except those competing against me, in which case - Good luck to me!). Here are some Youtube vids to set the mood.

No Sleep Til April

A takeoff on The Beastie Boys - No Sleep Till Brooklyn

BRACKETMAN, A MARCH TRAGEDY

Not a takeoff on Elton John - Rocketman
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GAKOLOnfV4

Basketball Jones
"I need help, ladies and gentlemens."


That basketball was like a basketball to me.

Congratulations '94 Flint Icelanders

2009 Bantam AA LCAHL CHAMPIONS!!


Wow! What a way to end the hockey season with an 8-1 Little Caesar Amatuer Hockey Association Championship victory over Plymouth Stingrays at the Hockeytown State Fair Grounds. It was a tight game through the first two periods, with the Stingrays actually striking first and carrying the 1-0 lead into the second. Midway through the second period, my boy JC crashed the net and cleaned up a rebound over the gooaler's shoulder to tie it up. Now our boys were off to the races. JC had a breakout monster game, with two goals and three assists! *proud dad!*

Many of these boys are Flint Powers bound, which bodes very well for the future of their hockey program. Powers lost in the semi's (Final Four) to the eventual champion, Cranbrook, Saturday by a score of 1-0 in the D3 State HS playoffs. Powers lost last year to Calumet 1-0. Another great run by a strong Powers squad again. We'll close the deal next year...

The 94 Icelanders will gather once more as a team to watch the Detroit Tigers take on the Cleveland Indians for the LCAHL Detroit Tigers Day at Comerica Park on May 3, 2009. All Little Caesar Playoff Championship Teams will be honored during the game.

It's Pi Day! (please sharpen your pencils)

A shout out to cube over at The Blog for reminding me that today is Pi Day, 3-14. The original Pi just so happens to be my second favorite, immediately following pizza pi. Sometimes when I am just kicking back and relaxing, my mind wanders and I find myself doodling on a napkin using Pi to solve complex algorithms and random vectors. Sometimes I just doodle by drawing rough ovals representing pepperoni pizza. It depends on my mood.

As I prepare the grill for today's picnic Pi holiday family celebration, I will remind my kids about the sacrifices of Pi and it's constituting of a 'countable' infinity. When we get tired and feel like quitting, just think of Pi hanging in there and continuing to grind the sausage with another number. There is no "I" in "Pi"... errr... OK, maybe there is, but there is no "quit" in "Pi". May we conservatives adopt Pi's tenacity in the long fight ahead. Please join me in this non-synchronized moment of silence in deference and honor to that number that just refuses to give up. [Pause] Amen.

Doodling Numbers
I wanted to play with the Pi-Search
cube pointed at, but I needed some numbers to work with. I converted "DaBlade" to "41212145" using the complex "A=1, B=2..." alpha-numeric code (that I believe was first used by the German U-Boats during WWII). I then plugged in this numeric equivalent of my cyber moniker into the Pi search engine. Here is my shocking discovery!

Searchstart: 41 The string 41212145 occurs at position 1,651,809 counting from the first digit after the decimal point. The 3. is not counted.

All this time I thought it was just random chance that "1,651,809" happened to be my favorite number.

Weird!

Happy Friday the 13th

TSG: Ghoulish mentally handicapped cage fighting:

MARCH 12--Six employees of a Texas home for mentally disabled adults have been charged with encouraging residents to fight each other. The "fight club" ring at the Corpus Christi State School was discovered by cops after investigators obtained cell phone videos showing the workers goading residents to brawl in common areas of dormitories at the state facility.

Unsubstantiated reports include the arrest of Michael Vick allegedly trying to sneak out the back.

By anyone's definition, this "Texas home for mentally disabled adults" has failed miserably at it's primary mission. I would go so far as to say that this home is morally bankrupt for sinking to this level of depravity.

Therefore, we can only conclude that this Corpus Christi State School is deserving of being propped up with an infusion of emergency funds. I think a few $Billion from Obama and the democrats should cover it. Isn't that the ratio of dollars to saved jobs under Obama's "stimulus"? The messiah-in-chief has already been credited with saving 25 cop jobs for one year in Ohio with the paltry $Trillion or two, and saving a half dozen jobs at this home would put a large feather in Huggy Bear's economic pimp hat!

"LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!"


Ali vs Foreman was known as The Rumble In The Jungle. Ali vs Frazier was "The Thrilla in Manila".

What should we call the upcoming rematch between patient's Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Jones? I hear Mrs. Johnson won the first bout by decision.

TelePrompters for the Homeless (and other eloquent words)

My dear blogsters,
Posts have been, and may continue to be a little thin this week due to my volunteer work down at the shelter passing out homemade mobile teleprompters. Yes, I know that I possess a herculian-sized heart of humanitarianism. You don't need to tell me.

I fashioned these teleprompters after the cameras from that T.V. show where the contestants are fitted with a harness with an attached camera pointed back at themselves as they run through some abandoned building that's supposed to be haunted. I obviously have replaced the camera/floodlight thingy with my "Chatter-prompter", comprised of a clipboard with eloquent words on them and a penlight taped on the front for those dark alleyways. Oh yeah, it also has one of those built in drinking helmets with the hands-free "softdrink holders" on top, with plastic tubing that functions as a straw for the wearer.

"How can eloquent words help the homeless?", you ask.

Look no further than the example of our current president of the United States to see how valuable eloquent words can be. Think of two brothers who share the same genetic code. One has learned the gift of eloquent words, while the other has not. One lives in the White House while the other lives in abject squalor in a cardboard shack outside Nairobi.

I'm hoping to develop this invention further and seek a patent where I make gobs of money. Our president may in fact be interested in the hands-free mobility this device will offer for those unplanned impromptu questions from pesky reporters as he makes his way to the 'copter. I realize I need a catchy marketing message. It is a work in progress, but here's what I have so far:

Give a homeless man a book and he uses it for toilet paper reads for a day. Teach a homeless man to wear the Chatter-prompter with eloquent words, and he just might be your next president!

So far these Chatter-prompters have been well received down at the shelter. Most of the satisfied receipients seem to initially like the drinking helmet with the softdrink holders. I am hopeful that with time, they may learn to actually read, thereby igniting the power behind the eloquent words.

With sincerity and humble herculian humanitarianism,

DaBlade

Obama fantasy world - RESET your problems away

Did Obama originally dismiss the NYT reporter who asked whether or not he was a socialist, or was the messiah-in-chief caught without his teleprompter again? As the story goes, Obama was thinking about the exchange as he got on the 'copter, so he decided to call the newspaper from the Oval Office to clarify. Yeah, right. Translation: His handlers realized Obama left a hanging curveball out there and wanted him to do some followup damage control.

Some of Obama's 'copter epiphany:
“It was hard for me to believe that you were entirely serious about that socialist question,” he told reporters... I did think it might be useful to point out that it wasn’t under me that we started buying a bunch of shares of banks. It wasn’t on my watch. And it wasn’t on my watch that we passed a massive new entitlement -– the prescription drug plan -- without a source of funding..."

[insert newborn baby crying noises inside your head here]
"Not on MY watch..." Wa ha ha!

Forget that his promised $Trillion dollar spendathon has nothing to do with stimulating the economy and everything to do with taking advantage of a good crisis to set his socialist programs in place. All Obama needs to do is speak articulate words and we are all "reset" and filled with HOPE.

What? You're depressed and in need of hope?

Here's your RESET BUTTON!
[insert Hillary Cackle noises inside your head here]

See how easy that is? Forget that the little red reset button gift (while certainly more valuable than the DVDs that Obama gifted Britain's Gordon Brown) symbolizes nuclear annihilation. Obama intended this "gift" to symbolize a RESET of relations between the U.S. and Russia. As Ronald Reagan might say, "This joke bombing begins in 5 seconds."

Let's try a few more.

In the news:
The proximity of one of our Navy ships to the China coast led to a sort of macho chest bumping comfrontation. The Chinese sent ships out to shadow and harass the USNS Impeccable, an unarmed ocean surveillance vessel. The Chinese closed to within 25 feet.

"The Navy ship responded by spraying one of the vessels with its fire hoses, but the Chinese ship closed further to within 25 feet and its crew members disrobed to their underwear, the Pentagon said."

Water cannons soaking Chinese sailors in their underwear. Sounds like the mosh pit at a Village People concert. NTTAWWT and NTIWK (Not that I would know)! It would be an understatement to say that this episode will not go down in history as an epic naval battle for either of these two countries. However, since this confrontation has frayed relations under Obama's watch, AND led to hurt feelings and a large dry cleaning bill for the Chinese...

Here's your RESET BUTTON!


North Korea, led by that short little man with the big glasses who wears funny pajamas, claims they are preparing to launch a communications satellite. In reality, they will be test firing a ballistic missile capable of targeting the U.S. with a nuclear warhead. Pyongyang still has their bun in a knot from Bush labeling them as an axis of evil. There are hints that we may shoot down this missile shortly after launch. "The communist regime warned that even the slightest provocation could trigger war." In other words, don't even look at them cross eyed.

I do love their threat of war if we knock down their missile, thereby proving their military impotence. It's like they are saying, "Don't slap us around like a cheap $2 street walker or we will get mad!" In any case, This is happening under Obama's watch, so Pyongyang?...

Here's your RESET BUTTON!


That's easy! All we need to do is hand out these cheap plastic buttons that say "OVERCHARGE" in Russian, and "RESET" in English, and we can all cackle like Hillary and get along. Why didn't Bush think of this?

"You stupid (smack) idiot! You (smack) filty worm!

Misdomer

Who knew that "Notre Dame" was French for "Not the Dome"...

If you look closely at the bottom left of this picture, you just might see in the background the golden dome that sits atop the University of Notre dame's Main Building. The problem is that when I took this picture, I thought I was taking the dome in all of it's goldeny glory. Nothing against the Washington Hall, for as you can plainly see, it's a handsome building in it's own right. It's just that I didn't realize it was what filled the viewscreen.

"How is this possible?," I imagine you asking incredulously. Well, I used my whatcha-ma-callit camera phone. Or is it phone camera? Whatever. The point is, it was my first time. Actually this was my second time. The first time I used this phone camera thingy was seconds earlier, when I managed to snap a surprisingly clear photo of my left index finger. Anyway, those things are meant for oral communication, as they don't aim worth a crap.

Now in my defense, the sun was shining in my eyes as I sat on the park bench, sipping on a $4.25 caramel frappucino purchased at the campus Starbucks in the nearby student union, LaFortune. My back hurt from the over 3 hour drive to pick up my boy and take him home for spring break. I had left him in his dorm room to pack while I slipped out to get a quick campus and caffeine fix. It was a perfect setting. I sat on the bench in the spring-like warmth, and heard three gongs of the bell emanate from the Sacred Heart of the Bascilica across the way. I looked up at the beautiful Golden Dome and noticed a small bird sitting on the statue of the Virgin Mary's head. "What a great picture this will make!," thought I, apparently assuming there was a 500X telescopic lense inside my miniature flip top.

I had always thought of myself as a somewhat tech savvy kinda guy. I never was naive enough to think I lived on the cutting edge, but I always assumed I could operate a tele-camera phone thingy.

I WANT OBAMA TO FAIL

In case there was any doubt. Here is just but one more reason... What better use of Federal tax dollars than the continued promotion of infanticide?
Obama will continue his advancement of the culture of death on Monday, provided his handlers prepare him the necessary paperwork and successfully load "words" into his Teleprompter (otherwise, he is like a flashlight without the batteries). The messiah-in-chief is expected to sign an executive order Monday that will repeal restrictions on the Dr. Mengele style embryonic stem cell research and once again open the floodgates to this diabolical and insidious desecration of human life. These restrictions were put in place by President Bush to limit this inherently evil experimentation to the so-called 21 existing stem cell lines already in existence in 2001. These restrictions were unacceptable to the godless libs, as it did not allow for continued killing and cheapening of human life under the shallow and phony guise of "research", and has slowed the advancement of their pro abortion liberal agenda.

Because stem cells obtained from very early embryos are believed to be capable of morphing into any tissue in the body, scientists think that they will yield fundamental insights into the underlying causes of many diseases...

uhhh... capable of morphing?
"Wonder Twin powers, activate!"

Jane "The feeble-minded democrat": Even if they don't "yield insights into diseases", what's the big deal about a mountain of slaughtered and discarded babie embryos? It's worth the risk of upsetting a few Christian extremists for the chance that researches might stumble upon a more effective beauty cream to help keep me looking youger.

Opponents, however, have argued that research on human embryonic stem cells has become unnecessary because of scientific advances, including promising studies involving adult stem cells and the ability to transform them so that they appear to have many of the properties of embryonic cells.

Jane "The feeble-minded democrat": Why use a non-controversial and completely ethical alternative that does not result in any baby deaths? How does THAT advance the overall pro choice, maximum death, militant feminazi agenda? My democrats would have to come up with another ruse than the continued bogus reason of "medical research".

unbornwordoftheday.com:
"God’s love does not differentiate between the newly conceived infant still in his or her mother’s womb and the child or young person, or the adult and the elderly person."

Hockey update, complete with fight video!

I know. Nobody else cares. As you can see, this didn't stop me...

NHL -
Now this is the way differences in politics should be worked out. It would certainly weed out the likes of Al Franken, Harry Reid, Barney Frank, and The One "hisself". We'd likely still be stuck with Pelosi, since by the looks of her, she apparently can take punches about the face. Now, time for that hockey breakout committee meeting.

03/03/09 - Detroit's Aaron Downey Vs St. Louis' Cam Janssen


With Tomas Holmstrom due back in the lineup soon, tonight's game against the Columbus Blue Jackets might be Aaron's last game this season, and possibly as a Red Wing. You just know that Aaron and Columbus' enforcer, Jared Boll, will become familiar with each other. Boll is 6-foot-3, 195-pounds, and leads the league with 20 fighting majors. No invitation for tea with the Queen, these two!

"I thought Downs did a good job for us on back-to-back nights, keeps the flies off, good energy," coach Mike Babcock said.

High School Hockey
Division 3 State playoffs update (ho hum).
Yes, that one high school team mentioned previously is still alive. Regional Finals are today at noon, while the Quarter finals, Semi Finals, and finally the final State Finals at Compuware on Saturday, March 14th for the lst two standing. whatever.

Bantaam AA Little Caesar's Championship -
Sunday, March 15, at the Hockeytown State Fair Arena. Our own Flint Icelanders will battle the Plymouth Stingrays in this season finale that promises to be a classic! Here are the boys after a tournament win at season's start.

GO FLINT!

The CHATTERING TEETH TIMES

POLITICS

I never bought into the whole birth certificate conspiracy, but like the late great Socrates once stated, "I don't know nuthin' 'bout 'nuthin". So, who knows? I certainly am not opposed to folks getting fired up and speaking out against the unwanted tissue mass currently occupying the Oval Office.

Alan Keyes unleashes on the alleged Usurper!


KEYES: "...This is insanity. It's as if we have put insane children and adolescents in charge of our government. .. A couple of years ago we were arguing over every penny in the United States budget and it was quite clear we did not have enough money to go around. Will somebody (tell) me where we came up with $2 Trillion dollars in the course of the last six months? Did we wish for it out of the air? Have people gone mad in this country? You don't have that money. We are claiming that a bankrupt government can save a bankrupt banking system..."

Can't argue with any of that. Then again, I guess you could, but you'd be wrong and just look silly.

CLASSIFIED ADS

Remember, FULL DISCLOSURE when trying to sell your house!

Personally, I like my neighbors just fine. I've even met a few of them. However, I'd need to change "neighbor" to "President".

FUNNY PAGES



This blog would like to thank (blame) "the shang" for contributing the Keyes link, "The Dedicated Spartan" for the neighbor pick, and "MSgtEd" for the chimp joke.

Michelle Obama abuses right to bare arms

Michelle Obama flashes her bare and toned arms for People Magazine, while flexing her foreign policy muscle. The Obamas can now claim success at something, that being the destruction of our long time friendship with England...
like it was so much baby poop.

"...first the sending back of the Winston Churchill bust, then his snub to Gordon Brown... Britain's friendship is something Obama will come to regret having dispensed with so lightly. This was not the act of a global statesman, but of a hormonal teenager dismissing her bestest of best BFs for no other reason than that she felt like it and she can, so there."

While Michelle's newfound pride in her country no doubt continues to swell, my shame and embarrassment for it grows exponentially. The Obamas have now humiliated our greatest ally in this very dangerous world and those chickens are looking for a place to roost.

Meanwhile, $900 million of our hard earned tax dollars will end up in the pockets of the militant Islamic movement Hamas. We can only hope this bailout works as well as the rest of the bailouts already performed on GM and the banks. If it does, Hamas will go bankrupt in mere months.

America, you deserve the "CHANGE" you asked for. I hear the soup's ready, so let's all join the conga line!

Bailout Barbie

Tattoo Barbie, fun for the whole family?
Barbie “Totally Stylin’ Tattoos” for ages five plus. The toy comes with tattoos and a tattoo gun for the dolls and for the kids! So is this harmless little fun and no worse than Cracker Jack press-on tats, or are we one step closer to the abyss?

I'm sorry, but there is no way my loved one gets this accessory.

I predict next year's hot new Barbie will be "Bailout Barbie's Tattoo Regret", complete with tattoo remover funded by the 2009 stimulus bill.

An Obama Free "Stream of Consciousness" Wednesday

My morning ritual involves caffeine and internet news surfing. Sometimes I just read the headlines and fill in the blanks myself and move on. I mean, who has time to click on all these links? You have to pick and choose and be selective on how to invest the limited resource of your time. I guess the fact that you are reading this means that maybe you aren't as discerning.

Like I was saying, you can usually tell what an article is about by the hyperlinked headline. Take for example, this headline: Scientists make HIV strain that can infect monkeys. I don't have to read that article because I can guess what it's about. Namely, that if your friend's pet monkey tries to rip your face off, scientists have invented a way for you to defend yourself by infecting the maniacal monkey with HIV. Wouldn't it be quicker to just shoot it?

OK, that didn't sound right and my curiousity was now sufficiently peaked that I in fact clicked that headline and did a careful 5 second scan of the first paragraph before moving on to something more interesting. Apparently, my first interpretation was off a tad. This article has something to do with eventually finding a vaccination solution to human HIV infections, and scientists want to infect monkeys so they are properly motivated to help us with the lab work in this worthy quest.

Sidebar: Who remembers Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp? I LOVED that show.


My point is, my powers of headline interpretation were immediately tested with this diddy (courtesy of Cartman): Scientist Solves Mystery of Belly-Button Lint

First off, I had no idea there was a mystery here. Belly button lint is comprised of the elusive Higgs boson God particles, right? I quickly gave up and read the story. Now I will never get those 3 minutes of my life back. I'm still better off than old Georgie the Austrian chemist with the three year belly button fetish. I can't believe that I am actually about to block quote this story...

Steinhauser collected a whopping 503 pieces of navel lint during his research, presumably in his spare time and on his own dime.

Wow. He must really have needed to make a toupee' pretty badly. Now if he could only convince the science chimps working on the HIV vaccine to abandon this for the more important pursuit of helping him solve the mystery of belly lint, then there just might be hope for mankind and chimpkind alike.

I wonder if Steinhauser kept a booger wall as a child?

TOGA PARTY WEDNESDAY'S AT OBAMA'S PLACE!

The messiah-in-chief and his wife, the first lady of tanned and toned arms, have turned the White House into a frat house with all the partying and carousing this article implies.

Since the presidency changed hands less than six weeks ago, a burst of entertaining has taken hold of the iconic, white-columned home of America's head of state. Much of it comes on Wednesdays.

The stately East Room, where portraits of George and Martha Washington adorn the walls, was transformed into a concert hall as President Barack Obama presented Stevie Wonder with the nation's highest award for pop music on Wednesday.

shouldn't it have said the ONCE stately East Room? The piece goes on with a seemingly endless 6-week flaunting display of a total lack of reverence for The White House shown by The One and his entourage. Everything from "foot-stomping" a cappella groups, an Earth, Wind and Fire concert, conga lines of drunks in the State Dining Room, and a Super Bowl party of chips and dip and beer farts. I'm all for having fun, but what ever happened to showing a little dignity and decorum for the historic symbol of the United States?

Besides which, what message are you sending your paltry little subjects, sir? While you are grooving to a Stevie Wonder song performed by STEVIE WONDER, the economy continues to collapse under the promised weight of your $$TRILLION DOLLAR PLUS spendathon. PUT ON A STEVIE WONDER CD NEXT TIME, IT'S CHEAPER!

The One: My plan is like a three-legged stool. Tax, spend and PAR-TAY!

That's another thing sir! Your ludicrous budget is rife with blatant and hidden tax increases on everybody, not just the wealthy.

The One: Did someone say that Ludikris is in da houz? Michelle, get the door. Ludikris is here!

Wrong. I said you are ludicrous... nevermind. The point is that you did a great job playing the class envy card to win this election by promising to tax the wealthy only and to "spread the wealth" to the Henrietta's waiting in the long soup line. Aside from the fact that your plan as stated is un-American, it is also a lie. Your little stage show recently reinforced this lie by even promising a tax cut for 95% of Americans. While Michelle is holding "girls night" parties inviting secretaries, policymakers and girlfriends over to the White House for "pop corn" and to watch the feature film "He's Just Not that Into You," you submit a budget that reduces the tax deductions regular folks can claim on their mortgages and their charitable contributions. A budget that includes greenhouse taxes on industries that will be passed along to consumers in a massive hidden energy tax. All this while, your policies have caused the DOW to sink below 7K (and falling). Retirement accounts wiped out from your callous and wanton disregard for those you purport to be helping.

By the way Barry, when you were in Canada and Michelle had her little girls night? I hear she had a troop of male strippers there because "she's not that into you". Don't worry though, she couldn't get anywhere near them with Barney Frank in the room stuffing bailout money into their G Strings. Be warned though. I hear that Michelle has since thrown Barney out of the girls club.


From the email bag:
Pass it on please!
*Nope ... didn't see this on TV !
These pictures are from protests at Osamabama's visit to AZ. Did you see any of this on TV or in the papers? Of course not! If this had been Bush it would have been headlines in every major paper and the lead story of the 5 communist TV networks, (CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, CNBC). That's why we need to circulate this
stickerpatch.blogspot.com:80/2009/02/obama-at-dobson-high.html

What does Obama, Barbie, and HS Hockey have in common?

They are all answers to today's pop quiz.
This blog is distracted because...
A) The messiah-in-chief has submitted a budget with "the single largest increase in federal spending in the history of the United States", while driving the deficit to levels that will cripple our economy and pile on debt for generations.
B) Barbie Turns 50!

C) High School Hockey playoffs begin tonight
D) The obligatory "ALL OF THE ABOVE"

"When in doubt, Charley out".

In other words, answer "C" every time you are clueless on a multiple choice. At least that's what my high schooler says is his emergency strategy for the SAT and ACT tests. While he bases this on anecdotal evidence (a friend of a friend got a "29" this way), it does happen to be this week's correct answer to the above poll question.

Tonight at Peranis Arena: Pre-regional hockey game at 5 p.m., between Flint Powers Catholic and Lapeer West.
Thursday, March 5th: Regional Semifinals. The winner from the above *POWERS-COUGH!* *ahem* excuse me, will take on the winner of tonight's 7PM matchup between Flint Kearsley and Lapeer East.
Saturday, March 7th Regional Finals at Peranis (noon).
Wednesday, March 11th, Quarter finals at Lansing Summit
Friday, March 13th Semi Finals at Compuware
Saturday, March 14th State Finals at Compuware.

Can't make it? Then check out Bill Khan's Division 3 hockey pre-regional Live blog. He does a fantastic job with these.

GO POWERS!

Pieces of Eight

From the email inbox:(thanks Shang)
In honor of the mother of the octuplets, Denny's is offering a new breakfast meal:
The Octo-Slam - You get fourteen eggs, no sausage, and the guy next to you has to pay the bill.

and then there are the fish stories.

Staff at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium in California say they have identified the "trickster" who flooded and damaged their "ecologically designed floors":

They blame the soaking they discovered Tuesday morning on the aquarium's resident two-spotted octopus, a tiny female known for being curious and gregarious with visitors. The octopus apparently tugged on a valve and that allowed hundreds of gallons of water to overflow its tank.

Aquarium spokeswoman Randi Parent says no sea life was harmed by the flood...

Well la-de-da! What a relief, 'cuz the first thing I worried about when I read this story was if all the little gold fish and sea urchins were unharmed. *sniff* They made it! *sob*

First off, what is an "ecologically designed floor"? It's dirt, right? So their dirt floor suffered water damage in this unsuccessful prison break attempt? And as for no sea life being harmed from this eight-legged SOB's little "prank", I'd ask, "why not"? If I'm running this joint, the first thing I'd do is spring for a tiled floor and raise ticket prices a buck or two. The next thing I'd do is add calamari to the cafeteria menu this week.

"Isn't calamari a dish made from squid, not two-spotted octopis?"

Right you are, mister "cephalopodologist"! However, never forget that "revenge is a dish best served cold", and in this instance, revenge is made from the filleted tentacles and beaten and tenderized carcass of a certain little "trickster" that forgot it's place. Namely, to swim around the tank entertaining the paying customers with an occasional ink spray or two. Let that be a lesson to the rest of the little fishys. There is a new sheriff at the Santa Monica Pier Aquarium and Sea Food Bar and Grill! Tomorrow's special: Waterboarded Tuna on rye, and "I found Nemo" Clown Fish pâté.

Immediately upon reading this story, I did an exhaustive 2 or 3 minute google search hoping to find a PETA response. What I found instead was a similar story from November of last year involving a talented octopus in a German aquarium.
"You've Been Punked! By an Octopus"

When employees at the Sea Star Aquarium in Coburg, Germany, were puzzled by the constant short-circuiting of lights, they thought it was a result of technical difficulties. It turns out, however, that Otto the octopus was just trying to get the irritating light turned off...

It took three days and the detective work of several employees to learn of Otto's clever antics, which included climbing to the rim of his tank and squirting water at the lights above to turn them off. The cephalopod has also been caught redecorating his tank by tossing its contents around, throwing rocks at the tank glass, and juggling hermit crabs.

I am not surprised that it took the German investigators three days to solve this case. I've watched every episode of Hogan's Heroes in my youth and, no offense to the German people, but if Colonel Klink, Schultz and General Burkhalter couldn't find those underground tunnels, they definitely would be outsmarted by a hermit crab juggling Octopus.

A hermit crab juggling Octopus!

I've attended many animal shows at theme parks - Everything from trick performing dogs, cats, ferrets, birds, seals, walrusses, dolphins etc., etc. However, I've NEVER seen an Octopus juggling hermit crabs. Otto needs to be the headliner for this aquarium, like Shamu is for Sea World. Give Otto his own aquarium at center court, complete with stadium seating. You could even have the splash zone marked off to warn folks with ink allergies. This theme park could be called...