Joe goes to the show

Sold-out movie thwarts Bidens
He's a heartbeat away from the presidency, but that apparently didn't help Joe Biden get a movie ticket Saturday night.


Chattering Teeth exclusive! INSIDE my head SOURCES!
RANDOM MOVIE PATRON: So I'm waiting in line in front of Joe Biden and his entourage. He kept tapping my shoulder and telling me that Hillary Clinton was much more qualified than he was to be vice president of the United States. I guess he just wanted to make small talk.

JOE "THE BIDEN": I wanted to see that Benjamin Button movie. I hear it's about some guy who starts aging backwards WITHOUT painful botox injections and plastic surgery. I was curious to know if this Benjamin character takes on the appearance of a wedge of apple pie held down on it's plate by saran wrap?

BOX OFFICE BABE: I recognized him as soon as he came up. He had a black jacket and jeans on. His hairplugs were neatly coifed above his unmoving forehead. Kinda looked like a slice of apple pie with tight plastic wrap over it. It was definitely him.

SECRET SERVICE AGENT: So I get to the window and try to purchase the tickets and this gal says they are sold out. SOLD OUT!? I told her, "Lady, That's Joe "The Biden" and his wife Jill over there," but she wouldn't budge. I even told her about how Obama ordered him to get Joe outta his hair for a while. She insisted they had no more seats.

JOE "THE BIDEN": When I was told this, I went BALLISTIC! I swear my forehead might have twitched! That suit with the dark sunglasses that follows me around told me to calm down, that there weren't any seats left.

SECRET SERVICE AGENT: And then Joe starts yelling that he didn't need a stinking seat. He says, "I'll stand up! I'll stand up for the movie. Let's all stand up for Benjamin!"

Jill: I asked about other shows, but he really wanted to see 'Benjamin Button'. He was getting unruly, so I bought tickets to "Yes Man", as it seemd fitting. We gave him a large buttered popcorn and that seemed to calm him down.

JOE "THE BIDEN": Oh Jill? Where's my three-lettered word? You know, C_O_K_E ?