Tiger Woods: "I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again."

Tiger Woods canceled another meeting with state troopers on Sunday, setting off this low-speed police chase. Tiger's golf cart is reportedly hitting speeds of 30 MPH, lending evidence to recent internet rumors speculating that Tiger has adjusted the governor. So far Chopper 4 has been unable to identify the passenger in Tiger's golf cart.



So were Tiger's injuries caused by his hot Swedish model wife, Elin Nordegren, or was he attacked by his SUV? That's what the cops want to know.

There are still more questions than answers with this whole business. Like, was Tiger "driving" this Cadillac Escalade while still married to Buick? Were the loving couple just playing an innocent game of night glo golf, with Elin simply striking where it lies? Did the police find a discarded bloody golf glove at the scene, and why did some guy named "Kato" insist he was the Wood's caddy?

Tiger's Twitter?
TIGER: "This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. I will certainly make sure this doesn't happen again".

For the record people, if DaBlade is found at 2AM bleeding from facial lacerations, and his loving wife is standing over him with his 9-iron "helping" him... you may safely assume that alcohol is involved.