McConnell Promises to Boldly Acquiesce to Obama's Pen and Phone

CT NEWS: I am sitting down with the presumed new Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, the morning after the big midterm elections. Congratulations sir, and thank you for doing this. So tell my reader(s?), what's first on the agenda?

MITCH: The American people have spoken and the message is loud and clear. They want bold, new Republican threats of compromise, before they completely cede all authority to Obama's phone and pen.

CT NEWS: What about ObamaCare? You stated last week that it would take 60 votes in the Senate to repeal, yet you had previously suggested the budget reconciliation process could be used to repeal ObamaCare with just 51 votes. Which is it sir?

MITCH: Now I'm thinking a full unanimous vote should be required so as not to offend anyone.

CT NEWS: I'm beginning to believe there won't be much difference from the Harry Reid days. What about the massive debt and out-of-control spending?

MITCH: I will propose we slow the rate of growth of the $Trillion dollar deficit by several hundred dollars over the next ten years. Unless the media thinks that's too draconian. What I can promise we won't do is shut down the government. Or threaten impeachment for continued lawlessness. Let me check the opinion polls and I'll get back to you.

CT NEWS: You have surrendered the power of the purse and impeachment as means to stop Obama. So I have to ask, what will the Republicans do to stop the president's plans to declare amnesty for millions of illegals?

MITCH: That's where I draw a line in the sand. I guess I would be forced to give him what could be construed as a dirty look and ask him not to do that again.

CT NEWS: That's all the time we have. I know I'm now fired up! Go sock it to 'em sir!