Obamerican History and the gnarled, intertwining branches of government

6th GRADE TEACHER (in the not too distant future): Good morning my young lesbians, gays, bi-sexuals and transgendereds!... oh, and you too boys and girls? Please stop talking and/or fornicating with your neighbor, roll up your prayer rugs, extinguish all non-medical marijuanna - and please put your condoms, dirty needles and any recently aborted fetuses under your desks.



Today's godless common core socialist progressive state-controlled lesson plan explores the three branches of our federal government. We will not be wasting time learning about some dead racist white crackers who wore powdered wigs in the late 1700s, and how they intended separation of powers to work. I mean really children, that is so racist, and sooooo yesterday!

Think of today's three branches of government as a braided rope. Three separate strands twisted and working together, and becoming stronger as a unit than they are on their own and working against the State. 

It's called tinsel strength children, but you can call it whatever you want on the next quiz for an "A"!

The first and most important branch is the Executive branch, which is the president. Before 2008, the president held no power over the other two branches, and sometimes the president would have to compromise with the mean old Republicans or they would threaten to shut down the government!

***audible shocked gasps and sobs erupt in the classroom***

I know, children. Back then, if the president acted outside the rules written on some old parchment by those old, dead, white racist crackers, he could be impeached!

***looks of confusion from the stoned 6th grade seniors***

That means the president wouldn't be able to golf every day.

***audible shocked gasps and sobs erupt in the classroom***

Settle down children. President Obama changed all that. In fact, we can skip the other two branches of government, because they both now work in concert together and do what the Democrat President says. It's much simpler this way children. No push back. No opposition. No gridlock. And if someone gets it in his or her head to go rogue against the State?... Don't worry. The media would report them, and let's just say that 3-strand rope we talked about would take care of the problem. 

Those little rugrats grow up so fast to join the swelling ranks of the rest of the millions of Americans on disability, social security, unemployment compensation and food stamps!