DaBlade's Mailbag of tips and tricks this Solstice Season!

Dear 'Blade,

My wife and I are secular humanist atheist progressives who really enjoy celebrating the holidays by giving gifts to our adopted 52-year-old trans gendered man who now identifies as our 6-year-old daughter (but is really our sex slave). 

At this point, you must be wondering why I am writing you for advice, as I seem to be living the perfect life. The problem is that we thought we purchased the perfect gift for our little girl to open for winter solstice, but now I'm afraid we'll just have to recycle it without even giving it to her.

It's the PlanCity Eco Town Building Set. The box says it "consists of an eco home, eco train station, eco charging station, eco street accessories and eco play mat, all of which have been created to encourage ‘clean energy’ playtime. Under the Green Concept Design PlanToys manufacturers utilizing a minimal waste concept. PlanToys long-term commitment to social programs promotes healthy child development..."

Well, Mister 'Blade, my wife Hank and I obviously want to promote healthy child development.

However, now we learn that what we have been told by Al Gore, our liberal professors and godless democrat politicians have been lies. NASA has just reported that burning fossil fuels not only doesn't cause Global Warming, but that burning fossil fuels actually COOLS the planet!

How can I give our little man-girl this Eco Town Building Set now? I don't want her to grow up to be a twisted environment destroyer!

Signed,
Confused in San Trans Freekshow, California

My Dear Little FreakShow Family,
Fear not! Don't recycle that Eco Town Play set just yet! By adding just a few additional items, you can save this gift from a fate with the landfill and stop that mascara from running down your little man-girl's cheeks on Winter Solstice morning! 

Just include the Penguin and Polar Bear Ice Cube Trays sold separately. 

That way, HeShe can see the damage done by windmills and solar panels and electric cars by watching the slow melting death of her little paly cubes. Or include an Erector set and start her building some fossil fuel burning and planet-saving power plants and smoke stacks!

You're welcome.