BREAKING: MUELLER REPORT ADVANCE PEEK

CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - This blog has secured an advance peek at the Mueller collusion report and his puppeteers are not going to be happy! One of our crack under-cover operatives (me) posed as a faux pizza delivery man and successfully gained entry to Special counsel Robert Mueller's residence and smuggled out 3 hours of surveillance footage taken from a hidden camera in his clip on bow tie.

Mueller is visible in this footage practicing presenting his report in front of a mirror that he is rumored to be delivering for real to the new attorney general, William Barr, sometime in the coming week.  Mueller was supposed to have been working on this report these last two years, but this video of his report board makes it obvious he has just started it and is cramming to make deadline.

The special prosecutor had been secretly tasked by the former president and his upper-level political hacks in the F.B.I. and the D.O.J. in manufacturing evidence against the current President Trump in order to set the coup table for his eventual overthrow and disenfranchisement of his almost 65 million voters. Unfortunately for them, Bob Mueller is not real bright and consequently got his signals crossed, as evidenced by his report board showing the actual collusion in the last election.

Mueller's report suspiciously resembles a recycled elementary child's science fair project, and even comes with a paper mache' volcano fashioned in the horrifying likeness of Hillary Clinton, as she spews eruptions of baking soda and vinegar from her prodigious pie hole. Mueller also was experimenting giving his report in black face and wearing a noose for sympathetic effect.

THE END

HAHA!!! Statue vandals seem to have mistaken WWII hero for actual Lee target statue...

If you don't succeed... 
Try, try again.

Dances with Lawsuits

Nick Sandmann’s Attorney has filed a lawsuit against the Washington Post for $250 Million, and has said that Nathan Phillips “Will be Sued for His Defamatory Lies”

Watch out Fake News outlets, Enter the Sandmann
Say your prayers Fake News Media
Don't forget my son
To include everyone
I tuck you in, warm within
Keep you free from sin
'Til Nick Sandmann's attorney comes
Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand

We're off to MAGA MAGA land

BREAKING: Lip-syncing Nigerian Brothers in Jussie Smollett Scam Exposed as Milli Vanilli!

Oh what tangled Lynching Rope he weaves

"Empire" actor, Jussie Smollett, performs a homophobic hate crime against himself in a court house bathroom during a break for his arraignment on charges of falsifying a hate crime against himself. 

In a statement late Saturday his lawyers say: "Nothing is further from the truth and anyone claiming otherwise is lying."

Democrat women in congress providing laundry service for congressmen

A blood stain is hard to remove, but not for those soulless democrat witches in congress. Just HOW do they get their whites so WHITE? 

Black laundry might matter for the average social justice warrior, but shouldn't you also have this white privileged for YOUR laundry of over-sized unmentionables at home?

These democrat women hold hands daily with the butchers at Planned Parenthood and are themselves awashed in the flowing blood from over 50 million massacred babies - yet they manage to get those pesky blood stains out! FINALLY! AOC has found the purpose for which she was created, as she irons Mitch McConnell's white Seersucker.

Ginsburg Would be Resuscitated If That’s What the President Desired

What if Ruth Bader Ginsberg actually shows for President Trump's SOTU speech tonight?

What if she predictably falls asleep?

What if the president then adlibs the words Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam recently used regarding babies and applies them to The Despicable RBG?

“If RBG is napping... the Justice would be laid on a stainless steel gurney. The Justice would be kept comfortable. The Justice would be resuscitated if that’s what the President and the nation that elected him desired, and then a discussion would ensue between Sean Hannity and the president."

In other news... 
Ginsburg makes 1st public appearance since cancer surgery

Experts now claim that it was actually a life sized and animated Ruth Bader Ginsburg Action Figure.

"The dead give-away was the fact that she walked perfectly erect and was not bent over and shuffling like the old crone," said an anonymous source. "She seemed to enunciate and there was no drool on her chin from any recent narcoleptic naps..."

SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW UNDERWHELMS

What the hell did I just watch? That's what I was thinking after the Super Bowl half time horror show. The main act featured an almost 40-year-old Adam Levine staring at the camera like a deer in the headlights while singing in a key usually reserved for a coyote after having inadvertently stepping into a rusty and forgotten Coil Spring Jaw Trap.

Actually, now that I think on it - this hypothetical coyote would sound demonstrably more mellifluous. At least I wouldn't have the urge to chew through my own 'paw' in order to free myself from the TV remote as I did while this maroon was wailing,,,

Admittedly, I was initially under the assumption that this lead singer was actually the drug lord for some MS-13 Mexican drug cartel, based on the fact that he had desecrated his entire body and covered it in assorted tattoos. I only know this because he felt the need to take his shirt off. I'm not sure if he thought this made him look sexy or whether he realized he resembled an Auschwitz prisoner and was hopping someone would throw him a biscuit.

When it finally dawned on me that this was Adam Levine, one of the judges on the tv show The Voice, I was full on amused as I realized this performance must be entirely satirical. I would have been just as amused had some other tv host (say, Bob Barker) come out prancing and singing.

My amusement turned to horror, however, when Big Boi Virginia's Democrat Governor, Ralph Northam made a surprise guest appearance in black face while attempting to do the moon walk. That's racist.

I thought the highlight of this performance had to be Nathan Phillips, that stolen valor indian who who got scalped by the Covington Catholic high school boy. He took the stage chanting and beating his li'l Playskool drum so loud that it drowned out the wailing white man. The social justice warriors went crazy!

Or maybe I had nodded off.

In any case, it's not surprising that the NFL gets it wrong again. I'll bet that 98% of the tv audience had the same reaction as I did, and also muttered, "What the hell did I just watch?". Football fans tend to be good 'ol boys full of whiskey, beer and toxic masculinity - not a bunch of effeminate Star Bucks sippin' skinny jeaners or the cop-hating activist kneelbaggers who were in their locker rooms desecrating the flag during this show.

We would have much preferred listening to Adam's co-coach on The Voice, Blake Shelton, sing about the boys 'round here. ...or a wounded coyote for that matter.

All's well that ends well. Congrats to Tom Brady, the G.O.A.T.!!!

GO PATS, and GO BLUE!