SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW UNDERWHELMS

What the hell did I just watch? That's what I was thinking after the Super Bowl half time horror show. The main act featured an almost 40-year-old Adam Levine staring at the camera like a deer in the headlights while singing in a key usually reserved for a coyote after having inadvertently stepping into a rusty and forgotten Coil Spring Jaw Trap.

Actually, now that I think on it - this hypothetical coyote would sound demonstrably more mellifluous. At least I wouldn't have the urge to chew through my own 'paw' in order to free myself from the TV remote as I did while this maroon was wailing,,,

Admittedly, I was initially under the assumption that this lead singer was actually the drug lord for some MS-13 Mexican drug cartel, based on the fact that he had desecrated his entire body and covered it in assorted tattoos. I only know this because he felt the need to take his shirt off. I'm not sure if he thought this made him look sexy or whether he realized he resembled an Auschwitz prisoner and was hopping someone would throw him a biscuit.

When it finally dawned on me that this was Adam Levine, one of the judges on the tv show The Voice, I was full on amused as I realized this performance must be entirely satirical. I would have been just as amused had some other tv host (say, Bob Barker) come out prancing and singing.

My amusement turned to horror, however, when Big Boi Virginia's Democrat Governor, Ralph Northam made a surprise guest appearance in black face while attempting to do the moon walk. That's racist.

I thought the highlight of this performance had to be Nathan Phillips, that stolen valor indian who who got scalped by the Covington Catholic high school boy. He took the stage chanting and beating his li'l Playskool drum so loud that it drowned out the wailing white man. The social justice warriors went crazy!

Or maybe I had nodded off.

In any case, it's not surprising that the NFL gets it wrong again. I'll bet that 98% of the tv audience had the same reaction as I did, and also muttered, "What the hell did I just watch?". Football fans tend to be good 'ol boys full of whiskey, beer and toxic masculinity - not a bunch of effeminate Star Bucks sippin' skinny jeaners or the cop-hating activist kneelbaggers who were in their locker rooms desecrating the flag during this show.

We would have much preferred listening to Adam's co-coach on The Voice, Blake Shelton, sing about the boys 'round here. ...or a wounded coyote for that matter.

All's well that ends well. Congrats to Tom Brady, the G.O.A.T.!!!

GO PATS, and GO BLUE!