What We Learned From The Democrat Debate (A Shocking Chattering Teeth Exclusive)

Full disclosure. I did not watch the Democrat debates last night as I am not clinically insane or mentally retarded. However, I am disturbed and off-balance enough to click a link on the morning after that stated Elizabeth Warren refused to shake Bernie's hand at the conclusion.

"In the video above, Warren can be seen moving toward Sanders. But the Massachusetts senator pulls her hand back when Sanders extends his."

As I watched this video, the disembodied voice in my head kept screaming:
WHAT COULD THIS MEAN? WHAT ARE THE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS SLIGHT? and.. I CAN'T EVEN SEE THE WIRES THAT ANIMATE BERNIE'S CORPSE!

But then I gulped my coffee and feverishly continued my research for this extraordinary post which will likely become my life's "Opus". Apparently, Warren and Sanders had a little dust up during the debate about whether or not Bernie had told Warren in 2016 that a woman couldn't win the presidency.

Warren stated, "So, can a woman beat Donald Trump? Look at the men on this stage. Collectively, they have lost ten elections. The only people on this stage who have won every single election that they’ve been in are the women.”

At this point I'm thinking, #1 Which category above is Warren counting the Peter-Puffer from South Bend?, and #2 This is exactly the kind of leadership and topics the American people in flyover country care most about and discuss at the kitchen table.

So why did Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren not shake Bernie's hand at the end of the debate? I'll tell you.

I have dedicated my entire life and lengthy career, if not the last 5 minutes tirelessly performing duckduckgo searches in support for this nonsensical blog post, in the study of Native Americans. Their culture, traditions and languages. 

The top lesson in the "Five things we can learn from Native Americans" is that they...
1. Never Say “Goodbye”

It's true. The Indians didn't even have a word that translates to "goodbye". Instead, they say something to the effect, “until we meet again.”

The Lakota, commonly known as the Sioux, do not have a word directly meaning 'goodbye' in their Native language. Instead, the Lakota tribe uses “Toksa”, a phrase meaning “see you later”. The Ojibwa don't have a way to say "goodbye" exactly. They say, "gigawaabamin", which is like saying "see you later" (and is usually said by the Injun pit boss at the local casino after you've lost your last $5 chip). The Cherokee word is “Donadagohvi” which not only means, “'til we meet again,” but also, "Four More Years of the Don."

Therefore, and in conclusion to this scholarly piece, I contend that Warren wasn't slighting Sanders by refusing to participate in an American tradition of shaking hands in "good bye", rather she was confused by the gesture. The video does appear to show Warren shaking hands with the other debate participants, which appears to disprove my chief hypothesis - but if you blow up the still frames, she is clearly just passing out wooden nickels and just ran out by the time she got to Bernie.

P.S. "Chief Hypothesis" is on the Trump Train.