McCain needs Romney for Michigan

If McCain holds any hope of actually winning the election this fall, he needs to tap Mitt Romney as his running mate and he needs to do it soon. "Hagee whores" aside (evangelicals who would refuse to vote for a ticket that included a Mormon), Mitt would create the buzz McCain desperately needs from the conservative base. Of course, McCain seems to be paying little attention to conservatives. In fact, he is distancing himself from them purposefully, as evidenced by this Drudge-linked sfgate article titled, "McCain extends olive branch to Pelosi, Gore". It is a veritable Pelosi and Gore lovefest that makes me want to heave.

We get it McCain, you are a maverino... I mean maverick. However, do you really think you can "out-liberal" Obama?

There are many of us conservatives who have been planning on holding their nose while voting for you, but I fear our ranks thin every time you go off the deep end by praising the likes of Pelosi and stating how much you respect her, and that she is "an inspiration" to millions. Evidently she is an inspiration because she is a woman.(?) That's liberal "Ludacris Logic" that demands all blacks vote for Obama.

Regarding Gore, is this an actual quote?: "I do believe that his goals and his priorities and the visibility that he's given the issue has been good for America and the world." Really? OK, so being on the wrong side of the global warming hoax is not at the top of my issues priority list:

[brief time-out to review my issues priority list]:
#1) National security - an engaged foreign policy - not the "lose at all costs" democrat platform
#2) A pro-life (anti-infanticide) president who would appointment strict constructionalist judges
#3) The economy stupid. Make the tax cuts permanent. In fact, while you are at it, cut taxes some more. Even for the rich, since they are the only ones who actually pay taxes (something like 40% of tax revenues come from the top 1% wage earners).

So c'mon McCain, pick Romney now and get back on track! It is not too late to energize the base and give them someone to be excited about. Rush knows, it ain't you fella. Dick Morris has stated he thinks you need to pick either Jindal, Condi, or Lieberman to shake things up. While I like and respect each of those three (in that order), do we really want to sink to the level of our opponents by making this a "cult of personality" equation? I don't.

Besides, Romney throws a pretty good verbal punch. I would rather listen to him carve up the likes of Obama then listen to McCain drool over the socialists in the other party.

Gimmee Quisp

I'm sure that any time kahleefonyah experiences an earthquake, it must rattle the nerves. Every kahleefonyun has heard scientists predictions that they face a 99.7 percent chance of a magnitude-6.7 quake or larger [Read: THE BIG ONE] in the next 30 years. So when the reports came in after the 5.4 quake in the vicinity of L.A. that there was little damage and no reported injuries, my thoughts immediately turned to Quisp and Quake - the breakfast cereals.

My "Wiki refreshed" memory of my early childhood centers around going directly from the baby bottle to the sugar-sweetened saucers of Quaker Oat's Quisp cereal, a "baked paste of corn meal and syrup" that tasted like Cap'n Crunch. You could get the exact same ingredients and taste from Quake in the shape of gears. Your preference simply came down to who you identified more with in those competitive cartoon commercials pitting the rugged Australian cowboy, Quake, against the quirky space alien from the planet "Q", Quisp.

Who did you identify with?

http://www.quisp.com/index.html

or...

http://www.quake.com/index.html

Do you look like your car?

I stopped at a gas station on the way to work the other day and as I sauntered to the counter with the bottle of steering fluid and large coffee, it struck me just how similar I was to my car. I had always heard that people and their dogs looked eerily similar, but their cars?

I drive a white 2000 Oldsmobile Intrigue that, among other issues, leaks power steering fluid. I know when it's time to reload when it squeaks and complains at startup in the morning. Looking down at my coffee I realized I was no better. I would eventually leak my steering fluid and squeak the next morning until I filled back up.

I then started a mental checklist of all our shared attributes. For starters, they don't even make Olds anymore. They broke the mold on both of us. Many would say that was a good thing. We both are just a little past our prime, but hopefully have a few more miles of tread left on our tires.

The instrument panel in my car perpetually glows with the "Service Engine Soon" light. My wife recognizes that same look in my eyes. Hey, the car and I are both long since paid for, so we get neglected at times.

My car also uses oil. Not really knowing much about engines (READ: mechanically retarded) I figure there is an "O" ring or heat shield missing - as the tailpipe on my car throws oily smoke every so often. I sometimes have to add a pint or two between oil changes. You'll have to talk with my gastroenterologist for a complete list of similar symptoms. Let's just say that I'm happy when my car and I both experience normal movements each morning.

This picture (courtesy of Cartman) shows some front-end damage to my hood. I accidently tapped (at ramming speed) a Your Ride mini bus a few months ago. I was distracted by a friend in the next lane at a stop light. The light turned green and we all accelerated. Except for the bus driver. He correctly understood that the green light for the lefthand turn lane was not intended for those of us in the far right lane. My hood wouldn't close after that and I had a friend who owns a bump shop throw a hammer at the hood so that it would at least latch. The alignment is still off, and there are hammer marks on the nose of my hood, but it functions.

When I was in the 8th grade at Holy Reedemer, I ran into a fist at recess. The next thing I remember was opening my eyes and looking up at a very old nun dressed in her full battle gear habit, staring down at me. My nose required reconstructive plastic surgery (hey, I don't do things half-way people) and I wore a face cast for 2 months after that. I have had a deviated septum ever since. The alignment is still off, and there are hammer marks on my nose, but it functions.

So there you have it. Some similarities I share with my car. I'm sure there are many others, including the fact that we both carry a spare tire. So am I the only one, or do you too look like your car? Maybe you have a Milly Vanilly bumper sticker on your car that matches a rear-end tattoo?

Edwards denies surge!

Love child and mistress claims hit Edwards
Fresh allegations of cheating on his sick wife rock former White House hopeful

I'm not convinced of the accuracy of this story.

The married former Democratic presidential candidate, who is among leading contenders to be Barack Obama's running mate, saw his private life given more attention than he would like when Fox News claimed to have "independently verified" details of last week's National Enquirer story headlined: "John Edwards caught with mistress and love child." Reporters from the supermarket tabloid had confronted Mr Edwards at 2.40am on Tuesday in the corridors of the Beverly Hilton, as he was leaving the bedroom of Rielle Hunter, a divorcee whom he was rumoured to have made pregnant last year.

We are supposed to believe that John Edwards allegedly met up with his alleged mistress, allegedly Reille Hunter, at an alleged swank Beverly Hills hotel at supposedly 2AM?

This story was broke by The National Enquirer. This is the supermarket tabloid made famous by it's sensationalist headlines like: "Elvis Ate His Twin," or "Aliens Swipe Britney's Undies." OK, so I made those up, but I would believe either of those allegations before I would believe that John Edwards is not a eunuch. He could always secure a rock solid alibi with a quick visit to the "sex determination lab," set up by China for olympic atheletes.

I think it more likely that Edwards was just "visiting a friend" in the early evening, when he passed a mirror and began to engage in primping. One thing led to another, and before he knew it, it was 2AM.

ACTUAL HOTEL VIDEO OF EDWARDS AND REILLE BEHIND CLOSED DOORS!


Edwards is reported to be a leading contender to be Barack Obama's running mate. This story should solidify him as the VP. These sex scandals always seem to raise the polls of the democrats (no pun intended). The democrat left-wing base is comprised exclusively of the intellectually vacuous and the morally bankrupt. Edwards should appeal to their wheelhouse.

Obama - How can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?

As I listened to Obama's Berlin speech, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had heard it before. It was vaguely familiar.

PINK FLOYD -
Another Brick in the Wall Part 1

Daddy's flown across the ocean
Leaving just a memory
Snapshot in the family album
Daddy what else did you leave for me?
Daddy, what'd'ja leave behind for me?!?
All in all it was just a brick in the wall.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.

"You! Yes, you! Stand still laddy!"

Obama: Thank you to the citizens of Berlin... blah blah blather... I come to Berlin as so many of my countrymen have come before. Tonight, I speak to you not as a candidate for President...

Me: Oh thank God!

Obama: but as a citizen -- a proud citizen of the United States, and a fellow citizen of the world.

Me: Crap. It was just a figure of speech. And what's this "citizen of the world" bull?

Obama:I know that I don't look like the Americans who've previously spoken in this great city.

Me:Sorry. I don't have a race card. Go fish!

Obama: The journey that led me here is improbable.

Me:What, did you take a Prius?

Obama: At the height of the Cold War... blah blah blather. [10 minute history lesson]

Me:My eyes, they're feeling droopy. The cadence of your voice, Barry, is sweet nectar to my ears. I no longer care that you have no idea what you are doing or talking about.

Obama:on the day when the first American plane touched down at Templehof... [more history lessons]

Me:You had me at hello you dreamboat...

Obama:In the winter, a heavy fog filled the sky above, and many planes were forced to turn back...

Me:Tears are welling up in the corner of my eyes over the beautiful, albeit empty rhetoric, flowing from the fountain of Barack, like water over rocks in a babbling brook. Babbling. uhhh... It's hypnotic.

Obama:People of the world -- look at Berlin, where a wall came down...

Me:It all makes perfect sense now. Bush bad. The surge worked but he still wouldn't have ordered it.

Obama: People of the world -- this is our moment. This is our time. People of the world!

Me:Yes! I am one with the body! Landru speaks to me! Peace. Love. Hope. Change be upon you. Are you of the body?

Wake up people! Obama is a snake oil salesman. What's that in his hand?...
IT'S A COOKBOOK!

PINK FLOYD -
Another Brick in the Wall Part 2

We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

My debate on the environment with the new Barbie

If you're like me, you've discovered that the new S&M Barbie is quite a good listener and doesn't complain about being kept in your dark glove compartment. If there is one thing Barbie and I agree on the most is that we should drill now. Barbie is concerned, however, with the environment. I explained to her that I cared about the environment, and in fact have blogged about my love for it. "We can drill for oil in an environmentally conscious way. The two are not mutually exclusive concepts," I argued. Barbie just stared at me then with that come-hither look of hers.

A must-see video I found thru Hot Air Stephen Colbert's interview with the Sierra Club's Carl Pope:
I loved the end when Colbert channeled the polar bear thru a sock puppet:

Colbert: On your website, you have endangered animal puppets for sale. I have one right here. This is a Polar Bear.
Pope: Polar Bear.
Colbert: Will you tell the polar bear why you want to protect it.
Pope: You have just as much right to enjoy your life as I do
Polar bear puppet (Colbert): I will feast on your flesh
Pope: I think the polar bear doesn't eat...
Colbert: Your children look delicious. I will crush their skulls with my massive jaws.
Pope: The last thing a polar bear needs is...
Colbert: Sleep lightly.
Pope: OK.

At the conclusion, Colbert calls out the hypocrisy of the tree-hugging wackos: "Mr. Pope, thank you for flying 2,580 miles and emitting 2 tons of carbon to come to talk to me today."

I can't disagree with Mr. Pope when he says the polar bear has as much of a right to life as he does. I just do not extrapolate these rights to the rest of humanity. I've said it before and I'll say it again. If an engine is developed that runs solely on polar bear blood, and polar bear blood can be pumped for 2 bucks a gallon - I'd say, "fill 'er up!"

Also, I thought the 3rd largest deposit of natural gas was Oprah, not Louisiana.

I like clean air and clean water just fine. The only way to keep our environment safe is through capitalism. Don't believe that, go visit China. Enjoy the algae sewage blooms and the 10 foot visibility in the Beijing.

I also like trees. But never as much alive as after they have been chopped down and made into a hockey stick. I believe the tree is happier too.

"Wouldn't you agree Barbie?"

[Blank stare]

Hey Media - If you love Obama so much, why don't you marry him!

Michael Ramirez - www.ibdeditorials.com/cartoons

McCain team slams media 'love affair':

Back in the United States, the wall-to-wall coverage was too much for the campaign of Obama's Republican rival John McCain -- which accused the US media of being "in love" with the 46-year-old Illinois Senator.

"It's pretty obvious that the media has a bizarre fascination with Barack Obama," the campaign said in an email unveiling a new video, featuring television reporters praising Obama.

"Some may even say it's a love affair. The media is in love with Barack Obama. If it wasn't so serious, it would be funny."

McCain's Shocking VP Choice

Who will John McCain select for the VP slot? Will it be Mitt Romney, who would give him instant economic gravitas? I don't see what would be in this for Mitt? How about Bobby Jindal? He would certainly fire up the conservative base, but he is a little young just yet. Besides, the contrast between the long-toothed McCain, and green-behind-the-ears young upstart Jindal would ultimately be a detriment to McCain. It would be a constant reminder that he is "older than dirt".

The speculation has ended as John McCain has selected the recently excavated one Thousand-Year-Old Peruvian Mummy to be his running mate this fall.

The mummy is thought to have been an elite member of the Chancay culture, a civilization that thrived in the central coast of Peru from about A.D. 1000 to 1400.

Says McCain: "Listen, I know that I am older than dirt and have more scars than Frankenstein, but you must admit I look young and vibrant next to ol' Pele here."

Donnie & Marci, R.I.P.

20 years ago

On the night of July 21, 1988, a drunk driver blew a red light at the corner of Grand Traverse and Atherton Road driving an estimated 70 miles per hour and killing instantly my brother and his fiancee. Donnie, 23, and Marcie, 21, were on their way home from a friends apartment. They were also scoping the complex out as a potential dwelling place for after they were married - a wedding that was set for October 8th of that year. They were excited and they were happy. They were also wearing their seat belts, and posthumous toxicology tests proved that they were sober. The facts of the case were so heinous that the driver was convicted on two counts of second degree murder. He is out now, a free man - his time long since served. Meanwhile, Donnie and Marcie are still gone. They were young and in love, and they were anxious to start their lives together. They just weren't given the opportunity.

Donnie was my little brother and best friend growing up. He was the youngest of five children. We all miss him dearly.

Subliminal message to Obama - "Google THIS"

The left wing wackjobs at ABC are finding subliminal messages in McCain's new ad featuring the numerous contradictions made by Obama on the war in Iraq. The graphic on the left side is a screen shot taken at the beginning of the ad, before all of the letters have filled in (seen here on the right)...

They whine: "If you type “al qD” into Google, you get this response: “Did you mean: al qaeda.” Well -- is that what the McCain campaign meant?"

uhhhh... hmmmm. Of course, the McCain campaign denies this was intentional. They were upset, however, that the liberal wackos did not notice the resemblance of the microphone in Obama's hand to a mushroom cloud (as they secretly intended) or they surely would have screamed foul.

Says an unnamed McCain aid: "All of that work on the mushroom cloud, and Obama and his cohorts in the media didn't even notice! There isn't even a mention of the fact that this commercial played backwards at 45rpms actually states his FULL name repeatedly... Barack Hussein Obama - Barrack Hussein Obama..."

Obama. Can you hear me now?

Via Drudge,
Cast of 300 advises Obama on foreign policy

"His campaign says that he is well prepared and that he often alters and expands on the talking points provided to him by his foreign policy advisers."

well lad de freekin da! He has an occasional original thought?

"They also tend to be more liberal and to emphasize using the "soft power" of diplomacy and economic aid to try to advance the interests of the United States."

Ah! The Neville Chamberlain school of foreign policy submission and surrender.

A cast of 300. Hmmm. Makes me think of those Verizon network commercials where the subject is followed around by that Buddy Holly look-alike and his minion of hard hat wearing automatrons. Only instead of them providing a cellular network to the subject, they whisper foreign and domestic policy information to Obama the empty suit. Yes, every candidate (and President, for that matter) HAS ADVISERS. But it's clear to me that Obama is naked without his teleprompter and script. President Bush has been routinely made fun of for his garbled syntax, but at least he is a man of conviction - unswayed by the "flavor of the week" opinion polls. In Obama's move to the center in his campaign, he has made some big problems for himself with his lunatic fringe leftist code pink base.

President Bush is right (once again)

Via Hot Air: Reporter to Bush: Why don’t you formally inform our moron public that they should use less gas?

Mark Smith, AP radio, displays a look of arrogance and elitism at the conclusion of what he believes to be a "gotcha" question to President Bush "...Why have you not sir called on Americans to drive less and to turn down the thermostat?"

The president blows this buffoon out of the water with his answer.(in part)

"They're smart enough to figure out whether they are going to drive less or not. I mean you know it's interesting what the price of gasoline has done - it's caused people to drive less - that's why they want smaller cars - they want to conserve. But the consumer is plenty bright, Mark, the marketplace works...

It's a little presumptuous on my part to dictate to the American public how they live their lives."

And now a local story to prove the president right (again).

“I can’t afford a car, but I can afford a scooter,” one of the ladies is quoted as saying.

Hey pic pic, this is what I mentioned in yesterday's comments. The juxtaposition of the arches proclaiming Flint as the vehicle City in the background, with two big ladies riding scooters and crossing Saginaw Street on their way to Halo Burger in the foreground. C'mon! You love it too.

Stolen sewer grates on my nerves!

by Melissa Burden, TFJ: Shudder ripples through Genesee County after General Motors announces cutbacks
The possible ripple effects of any cuts raised immediate concerns in Flint, the birthplace of GM and a community that looks to trucks as a major component of its manufacturing base.

We can sustain ourselves for only so long on selling manhole covers for scrap...

by Bryn Mickle, TFJ: Burton Public Utilities supervisor stands inside a storm sewer manhole... Thieves have stolen around 200 sewer grates and manhole covers ranging in price from $130 to $170 in Burton over the past 12 months and selling them at metal scrapyards for around $20.

Listen mister occifer - When I purchased my manhole cover from the scrapyard, I had no idea that it was stolen. I thought it would make a unique golf ball marker.
The time for plastic manhole covers has arrived.

Best posted comment (so far) from Open2Opine: "Hopefully the thieves are wearing baggy pants and will eventually catch the eye of the police.. "

The good news from this story is that apparently the Burton Public Utilities supervisor has found a new hobby. Here he is pictured in the chimney of a home that recently had it's aluminum siding stripped by thieves.

The weird thing is that the newspaper denies that these photos were staged for either story, and that they found this gentleman this way when they arrived for the standard shot.

Bank Bailout - It's a Wonderful Life II

NOW PLAYING - It's a Wonderful Life II



PICTURED ABOVE: Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac wait for their bailout at the window of the Treasury Department Building & Loan, while 150 U.S banks wait their turn.

While "Uncle Sam" is dolling out cash at the window, "Uncle Billy" is hitting the sauce and getting hammered in the back room.

Memorable movie quotes:

Taxpayers: "Where's that money, you silly stupid old fool? Where's that money? Do you realize what this means? It means bankruptcy and scandal and prison. That's what it means."

Freddie Mac: (after wandering into the Wall Street Saloon) "My mouth's bleeding, Bert! My mouth's bleeding! Zuzu's petals... Zuzu... There they are! Bert, what do you know about that! Merry Christmas in July!"

Wall Street: "Hey look, mister - we serve hard drinks in here for men who want to get drunk fast, and we don't need any characters around to give the joint "atmosphere". Is that clear, or do I have to slip you my left for a convincer? "

Fannie: "Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings another taxpayer gets his wings, which is just a polite way of saying they are getting screwed again."

Me: [ringing the cash register repeatedly] "Get me. I'm givin' out wings"

Iranian Olympic Athelete(s) Photoshopped?

If you're like me, then you suffer from a left cheek, right cheek Milly Vanilly tattoo regret. If you're like me, you read the news of the day in slow motion so that you can "read between the lines" for the REAL stories. Here are just a few:

This, from Gateway Pundit, via Hot Air: Iran Pulls Swimmer From Olympic Trials After He Draws Same Heat As Israeli Athlete. "The Iranian swimmer, Mohammad Bidarian, has refused to compete with his Israeli rival in the 100-meter freestyle event in Croatia." At least that is the official version. The truth is, Iran has exactly one guy who knows how to swim one pool length and they photoshop the rest. Why can't you two get along, like Miss Kosovo and Miss Serbia? These two babes are competitors in the 2008 Miss Universe pageant, yet still manage to avoid ethnic cleansing each another (as far as we know).

THIS, from World Net Daily: Did UFO buzz President Bush's Crawford ranch? Report: FAA radar tracked unidentified craft flying toward Texas White House. Obviously, Cindy Sheehan must be behind this. I visualize this spaceship dropping off thousands of Sheehan heads, all sprouting legs and wearing code pink T-shirts, protesting President Bush.

The Dark Knight
Evidently, the new Batman movie is getting great reviews. I know my boys have expressed a desire to see this film. Maybe I will join them - I don't know. I've always been disappointed with the big movie versions. I like Christian Bale - but To me, Batman is paunchy Adam West in a hooded spandex unitard, joined by his youthful sidekick Robin "The Boy Wonder". Why did they call him "The Boy Wonder?" Maybe it had something to do with West dressing as the crime-fighting sado-masochist. And another thing... Caesar Romero is The Joker. I know a big deal is being made about this new version (played by Tammy Faye Baker?). But to me, why try to improve on perfection? I mean, THIS is movie magic baby!