There is Fluff in the Stimulus

CHATTERING TEETH EXCLUSIVE:
Mike 'Fluff' Cowan has been appointed as Obama's official Blackberry caddy.


There had been a question as to whether or not Obama would be allowed to keep his "beloved BlackBerry" until last week, when White House spokesman Robert Gibbs announced a compromise had been reached.

Obama complied, and is now using a super-secure BlackBerry with a new e-mail address (although by now I'm sure he has Ackmadeenadude, Chavez, and Hamas in his "Fav Five").

"The president has a BlackBerry through a compromise that allows him to stay in touch with senior staff and a small group of personal friends," Gibbs said.

See what I mean?

Chattering Teeth has learned made up that part of this cell phone security compromise involves Obama's insistence on the creation of a new post of "First Caddy". Obama has tapped Mike 'Fluff' Cowan to carry his cell phone.

Mike 'Fluff' Cowan gained celebrity status as the gruff and fluffy 'stached golf caddy for Tiger Woods for two and a half years. It's rumored that Tiger fired Fluff in 1999 because he was getting too big for his britches. (This is the same reason Eddie Van Halen fired David Lee Roth and maybe why Fluff has never auditioned for vocals with the band). Prior to his work with Tiger, Fluff caddied for Peter Jacobsen, and most recently for Jim Furyk.

"Fluff has been great to work with so far," gushed Obama. "When we are on the move, Fluff is always checking the cell phone signal and alerts me when we are down to three bars. An emergency call is made for the immediate construction of a new cell tower to increase coverage and boost my signal. No more dropped calls for me, and additional, albeit unnecessary, infrastructure for you".

"I think I'm gaining his trust," Fluff stated of Obama. "Yesterday, he asked me to carry 'The Basketball' while he tied his shoe, and he hands me the briefcase carrying nuclear launch codes". I shook it and said, "I thought they called this 'The Football'." "We had a good laugh over that one!," said Fluff.

White House spokesman Robert Gibbs states that President Obama is very happy with Fluff's performance. "He keeps the phone dry when it's raining, wiping it down with his towel after the president hands it back to him. Fluff will give him advice on just about everything, from the stimulus package to the Sudoku puzzle the president is working on".

I guess we can be happy that NOT ALL of the trillion dollars is being wasted.

Are "squeegy-ready" projects good for your complexion?

Obama has said that, "Only government can provide the short-term boost necessary to lift us from a recession".

"Yes Only Government Can". What ever happened to your campaign slogan of "Yes we can"?

This is not a "stimulus bill", this is a wasteful big government spending bill. $650 million set aside for digital TV coupons? Are you kidding me? Are there any earmarks to pay for a conversion to "wireless" for The Flying Wallendas?

It would make as much sense.

Obama hailed his recovery plan, saying it would "save or create more than three million new jobs over the next few years." I have no doubt that the increase in windshield squeegiers at intersections will skyrocket. Problem is, intersections in the future may not be as "busy" if Obama is successful in completely shutting down commerce in this country. $819 billion in "squeegy-ready" projects indeed.

The economy is on the brink of total collapse, brought on mainly by overspending. Democrats say the legislation to spend almost a trillion dollars more is desperately needed to save the economy from the prior overspending. Obama says he wants to create an environment in which business can prosper. It carries the same logic as the teen boy in the back seat of his parents car "desperately" attempting to convince his date that "it's good for her complexion".

The Republican house saw through the charade and said "no way, take me home," and they were roundly dropped off on the curb. The self-gratified house democrats now drive on to the senate, where it is said the Republican dates "are easy". Is it too much to hope for that every Republican senator tells Obama's stimulus bill "NO, I have a headache tonight" or "No, I have to wash my hair"?

I have no doubt the messiah-in-chief will get what he wants in the end. Unfortunately the American taxpayer will just "get it in the end".

Obama Stimulus Package One Large Black Hole

Scientists Not So Sure 'Doomsday Machine' Won't Destroy World

I read that headline and at first thought the article was about an analysis of Obama's "stimulus package". Then I read the article. Now I'm sure of it.

Actually, it is about the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), a huge particle-smashing machine set to be fired up this summer. Three physicists have pored over the math equations regarding the LHC's potential for creating small black holes, and have determined that "Math is hard".

Wait, I'm sorry. I got these three physicists confused with my Teen Talk Barbie's findings. Though I have to disagree with her on the “I love shopping!” bit. *puts Barbie back in drawer*

Where were we? Oh yeah, the mathmageniuses stated that those microscopic black holes "won't simply evaporate in a millisecond as had previously been predicted". Instead, these mini holes could exist for... *please pause while the physicist completes his equation at the chalk board*... "six times five is thirty one, carry the three... Six, seven, eight, and nine - Just one more, I'm doing fine. The last little finger is number ten. Now I'll count them all again..."

ANSWER: "more than a second."

Under such long-lived conditions, it becomes a race between how fast a black hole can decay — and how fast it can gobble up matter to grow bigger and prevent itself from decaying.

The three Stooges physicists do state that "it does not seem possible" these black holes will grow "to catastrophic size". So, nothing to worry about then? FoxNews.com points out "a few other things that didn't seem possible once," meaning that scientists have been horribly wrong before. Thank goodness we have Al Gore, inventor of the internets and global warmings, to be the final arbiter on this. Watch for his sequel book and slideshow presentation for Earth in the Lurch 2 this summer. If Al is worried, we will all be able to breath a sigh of relief.

In Conclusion
Three physicists: "I can count, want to see? Here's my fingers -- one, two, three."
Barbie: “Will we ever have enough clothes?”
DaBlade: Under Obama's "stimulus package", government will have no problem gobbling up tax dollars to grow bigger. That large sucking sound is not the LHC, but the accelerated decaying of the U.S. economy under Obama's trillion dollar giveaways.

The Rod Blagojevich Show

Blagojevich Says He Thought of Oprah for the Senate. When this was reported, it caused Oprah to fall from her treadmill, which in turn caused a small earthquake, a tremor really, at only 3.2 on the richter scale.

I have reported that it was Michelle who trumped him on that, because she didn't want the "Big O" anywhere near her president "little o". Obviously, the first lady-messiahette has heard the same rumors as this reporter. Washington Whisperers tell me that Oprah has a huge crush on Michelle's husband. I've learned that her infatuation with the messiah-in-chief is the reason why she is back on the diet trying to shed a few pounds. It would need to be a battleship's worth if she wants to avoid squashing the lightweight.

This got to me thinking, what if Oprah and Blago swapped professions like in the movie Trading Places. Politics for show biz. Oprah would need to beat that impeachment thingy while Blago gets his own morning show.

I imagine The Rod Blagojevich Show to be a cross between The Phil Donahue and Jerry Springer shows, with Blago running up and down the aisles of his studio audience thrusting his microphone in their faces and shouting something like “I’ve got this thing and it’s f—-ing golden!,” until someone puts him down with a blow to his back with a folding chair. Other episodes he might discuss his f—-ing book list or a f—-ing new soufflé recipe.

Or maybe Blago would have an interview segment where he tries to find characters who are more despicable than he is, so he would look better by comparison. It would get boring after a while if he just interviewed democrat politicians. One week he might bring in someone like the coach of that Texas high school girls basketball team that beat another team 100-0.

It might go something like this...

BLAGO: Coach, you recently got fired for what I would call doing your f--ing job! You won the f--ing game 100-0. Was that not good enough for your school board?
COACH: Actually, they said it was shameful and an embarrassment that we ran up the score. I wouldn't apologize because we played the game as it was meant to be played and 'cuz my girls kicked a$$!
BLAGO: F—- them!
COACH: Now I'm not the heartless b--tard they are portraying me to be. I am well aware that the Academy specializes in learning disabilities, and our opponents were girls with short attention spans and dyslexia.
BLAGO: What were we talking about? Oh yah. Your firing was prompted by a parents complaint that you had your girls continue to jack up 3-pointers in the fourth f--ing quarter, like it's a crime to parachute home.
COACH: I thought to myself, "dyslexia", and quickly realized that our opponents would actually feel BETTER by losing by a score of 0-001 rather than, say 99-0.
BLAGO: What happened to the f--ing presumption of innocence?

I liked it better when the wackos stuck to tv shows instead of politics, but they've found a home in the democrat party. That said, I would much rather watch The Rod Blagojevich Show than Oprah.

Dunk Tank Monday

White House counsel Greg Craig Obama signed an executive order calling for the closure of the prison at Guantanamo within the year. "I did sign that, didn't I greg? Do I have any more upcoming executive orders that satisfy campaign promises to a weenie left constituency group at our national security expense? Do I Greg?"

Now what to do with the terrorist prisoners?

Surely not even Obama will simply release them back to their home countries, would he? *harumph* Especially after it has just become known that the current #2 Al Queda chief used to bunk at Club Gitmo. But then the only alternative is to have them brought here onto our own soil. I don't like that at all. How about putting them in a detention facility at a U.S. base off our nation's shores?... And around we go. Sure would be easier if our troops didn't take prisoners on the battlefield! HINT!

Nancy Pelosi rejected Republican Rep. Bill Young's suggestion they be put in her own back yard at Alcatraz prison.
"Perhaps he's not visited Alcatraz... it's a tourist attraction. It's a prison that is now sort of like a -- it's a national park," stated Pelosi.

I say just install a ferris wheel and merry-go-round and turn that sucker into a full blown amusement park. The expatriated Gitmo jihadists could man the dunk tanks (Blind folded and upside down, of course). One dollar for three throws. Recession or not, I can almost see the line of vacationing families heading west for this. California's budget would be back in black in no time!

Or perhaps Obama should put Jimmy Carter to work building homes for these unfortunate gentlemen. They could live in peace as Bill Ayre's neighbors. Nah! Forcing anyone to live in a Carter built home is just cruel and unusual punishment.

I've got it! Replace the current Detroit Lions roster with these prisoners. The current group of players certainly handle the pig skin like it's against their religion, we might as well try these guys. Let the terrorists suffer the humiliation of being associated with this franchise week after week. If anyone could be successful in sucking the will to live out of these terrorists, it would be Mr. Ford, along with ex-president Matt Millen. House the prisoner players in secure barracks beneath the stadium and pipe in recordings of sports cliches from all previous Lions coaches all night long.

This would be funny if not for the serious jepopardy we find ourselves in with Obama at the helm.

Ghost of Free Markets Past

PICTURED:The ghost of free markets past drags a heavy chain of debt forged by years of fiscal neglect and government spending. Obama has promised to lengthen this chain aggressively during his rule.

Last Thursday, 200,000 people gathered on the Mall in Washington in The March for Life to protest on the 36th anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. You wouldn't know this if you simply followed the MSM. Close to zero coverage of this. Yet if 2 or 3 nutjob "progressives" from PETA or Code Pink collect on a street corner somewhere to protest mistreatment of a 100-year-old lobster or the existence of a U.S. Marine recruiting station, you can bet your a$$ there would be hundreds of reporters and photograhers there to record it and to cheer them on. *sigh*

Speaking of nutjob progressives, did any of you get the same text message from Obama as I received from him this morning?

It read:
People of the world, I command you to STOP listening to Rush Limbaugh so that I have a free hand in getting things done. from your messiah-in-chief, President Barack Obama... P.S. I WON!

I responding with my own text message back that read:
You're going to have to put your hand on my shoulder and attempt to give me an intimidating stare when you talk to me sir. I promise I'll try not to laugh in your face.

My insolence seemed to grab his undivided attention.

OBAMA: I will not be defied.
ME: "I will trump YOU on that."
OBAMA: You are not of the body! Have you not said THE PLEDGE?!
ME: Get used to it.

Meanwhile, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell says his party will pose a "principled resistance" when appropriate, but will also try to work with the Obama administration.

What the heck does that mean? I picture Pee Wee Herman on the ground after having been kneed in the groin by the giant schoolyard bully, handing over his lunch money from his prone position (like he does every school day), then mumbling quietly to himself after the bully leaves: "OK, just this one more time."

I don't enjoy being so harsh on McConnell, but the Republicans are responsible for our current predicament by turning their backs to conservative ideals and principles. As a result, the "Democratics" are in firm control of all three branches of government, while McCain and the rest of the "Republicanics" are waving the unofficial fourth branch of government, that being the "olive branch", as if they are seeking The One's head nod of approval.

What priorities of Obama's do Republicans plan to work with him on? Perhaps he deserves complicit cooperation in the TRILLION DOLLAR + spending spree that includes the complete government takeover of the banking system and complete destruction of our economy and of free markets. After this, why not just throw in nationalized health care. His tax cuts (sic) to those who don't actually pay any taxes. Should we be agreeable that Obama will close Club Gitmo and grant the terrorists held there freedom to continue war against us? Should we get excited that he will be squandering even more of our future tax dollars into the bottomless pit of the public school system; of fake "GREEN" technologies with zero payback; with the boondogle "bricks-and-shovels" government jobs that do nothing for economic growth, but rather just adds to the anchor of debt that already resembles Scrooge's invisible, yet monstrous chain?

I know! we should all just resign ourselves to the left's advancement of the culture of death by putting an end to our objections to it. We should simply start drinking the red Kool Aid of fetal blood and snacking on freeze-dried fruit and human embryo trail mix so we can be as desensitized to the 36 years since Roe V Wade legalized this mass slaughter and butchery of some 50 million human beings.

Obama has stated his desire to decrease abortions during his campaign. He has demonstrated this "priority" in his first week of office by signing an executive order that Rescinds Protection against Torturing, Killing Children in the Womb.

*My cell phone buzzes with an incoming text*

OBAMA: Resistance is futile.
ME: LONG LIVE THE BLOGGER RESISTANCE! (you all know who you are).

WORSHIP ME!

A cyber DaBlade Drudge hat tip to dmarks for pointing me to this site where you can create your own icon in the same style as the Obama "HOPE" icon.

As you can see below, I used this tool for good instead of evil.

Friday Fish & Chips

A new species has been discovered in Venezuela. A freakin' CLIMBING CATFISH!

A grasping pelvic fin allows this new catfish species to climb vertical surfaces like an inch worm.

WTF!! Trust me. No good can come from "a specialized pelvic fin that decouples from its body and moves backward and forward independently." Just ask Bill Clinton.



BTW, do we really need catfish coming up for air and walking around in our world? What the heck is evolution up to? Call me a cynic, but I don't think these climbing catfish come in peace, equipped as they are with bony armor that protects their head and tail. Warning. DO NOT NOODLE THESE!

Once these creatures establish a foothold on land, don't be surprised when they start employing Spartan battle tactics used at Thermopylae. The bone-chilling "WE ARE SPARTA!" battle cry would instead be "WE ARE Lithogenes wahari". Sure, this doesn't sound nearly as intimidating, until you wake up with one of these whiskered-faced nightmares nose to nose with you as you open your eyes.

Obama help us if these innocent looking creatures turn out to be Samlon.

"Did you mean SALMON?"

No, I did not. If you had to ask, then you haven't read The Legacy of Heorot, by Niven, Barnes, and Pournelle. If you are a fan of science fiction/horror novels, I suggest you run out and noodle yourself a copy immediately.

DAY ONE & NO HURRICANE!

Wednesday afternoon:
White House press secretary Robert Gibbs expressed doubt that "President Obama will take the oath of office again, to rectify any lingering concerns over the legality of the mangled version".

Per Drudge: "At 7:35 pm, Roberts administered the oath of office again to obama in the map room."

First lesson from this new administration: Ignore every utterance from press secretary Robert Gibbs' lying pie hole.

Quick poll question:
Since the first oath was flubbed so badly that a do-over was necessary, who was president between the oaths? Was George W. Bush still president by default, or is it non-negotiable that the exiting president's administration expires at noon on Inauguration day? Maybe we were rudderless and without our messiah-in-chief for over 30 hours!

*HORRORS at the thought!*

Caroline Kennedy told the NYT that she was, you know, available to run things, you know, temporarily.

Al Haig sent Obama a text message to his Blackberry after the initial oath stating, "As of now, I am in control here."

"We're going to try to seat Al Franken," said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.

Meanwhile, George Soros quietly continues to pull the strings behind the scenes as the true power of the party.

"It's all moot now, as Obama is most certainly MOTUS after the second oath was flawless," stated White House press secretary Robert Gibbs. I guess that settles that then.

Obama has officially assumed his Throne (formerly known as "chair") in the Oval Office. Sitting behind a cleaned desk, he makes a few quick phone calls. Reports state he made his first call to President Abbas. I would venture to guess that his next calls were to the rest of the Arab world, Castro, Chavez, Ahkmadeenadude, and possibly Oprah. Not sure of the order.

At some point, Obama opens a desk drawer and finds an envelope marked, "To: #44, From: #43". As is tradition, it was a personal note from the exiting president to he incoming president. What did it say!? Your guess is as good as mine.

"It simply stated 'MISHUN AKOMPLUSHED' scrawled with a crayon in big block letters," said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs.

Shut up sir. You have no credibility here. As for the note, we can be confident that it was full of class and sincerity, just like the man who wrote it.

Oaf of Office

Except for a few stragglers, the crowds have dispersed. The cleanup crew is left with quite the mess. There is the typical mess you would find with any large crowd like discarded bottles, cans, and assorted trash. However, when this many democrats get together, you just know the cleanup will be a little tricky. There are mounds of condoms here, a shovel full of an aborted fetus over there. It is also apparent that ex-astronaut Lisa Marie Nowak was not the only adult wearing diapers on this solemn day. Ewwww! Is that a pile of used StadiumPals?

I'll tell you what. That Barney Frank knows how to throw a party in his basement.


And then there was the mess created by the 2 million Mallers attending the Inauguration of The-messiah-in-chief. The President messiah of the United States. The MOTUS! The MOTUS with the MOSTESS!

As promised, I didn't watch any televison yesterday (except for the Fox supernatural series,FRINGE), but I did listen to a little of Rush during lunch and he was covering the inauguration. I couldn't stop LAUGHING when I heard that Roberts and Obama flubbed the Oaf of Office!

ROBERTS: I, Osama Bin Lade.. eh I, Osama Obama. Alabama Osamba. Bric-a-brac arama. Sounds like Candleabra. Not Bin Laden. What is his name?
OBAMA: "I, Barack Hussein Obama, (pause) aaand do solemnly swear... (pause) thaaaaaat..."
ROBERTS: Blah blah blah. Something here about "faithfully", Suuure! As if! Faithfully. That's a Journey song ain't it? *Roberts starts to sing* "Highway run - Into the midnight sun - Wheels go round and round...". Sorry about that. Where were we? Oh yeah. Faithfully execute... yada yada yada. That you'll pretty much ignore the Constitution of The United States?
OBAMA: True Dat.

Constitutional scholars state the flub is insignificant. "An honest mistake".

I also found this a little peculiar...

Rev Joseph Lowery gives the benediction:
JOSEPH E. LOWERY: And in the joy of a new beginning we ask you to help us work for that day when black will not be asked to give back, when brown can stick around, when yellow will be mellow, when the red man can get ahead man, and when white will embrace what is right.

What is this? Dr. ML Seuss?

Rev Joseph Lowery continues the benediction:
Let there come a day when green eggs and ham will be consumed in peace with purple jam said Sam I am. Spread on brown wheat toast that will not boast. Unlike the white bread, for it will make you dead. It is made from the poisons of white flour. Bush tortured prisoners like Jack Bauer! Let all those who hear my racist prayer say amen.

CROWD: Amen.

...And somewhere, the "good" Rev Jeremiah Wright says, "G-- D--- America!"

And then there was the "na na na na" chant of "good bye" by tolerant and inclusive MOTUS! worshippers toward
President George W. Bush. Bad form indeed.

A 100% "You Know Who" Free blog today

I woke up a short time ago in a cold sweat and more than a little disoriented. I was thinking, "Something... historic... significant... about... today." I was still a little fuzzy as I shook the cobwebs out of my head. "Why do I feel all strange...?"It was like the answer was just outside my peripheral vision. Two words kept coming to me like a mantra - HOPE & CHANGE, HOPE & CHANGE, HOPE & CHANGE! And as the fog lifted, I realized my problem. My Spiderman pajamas were on backwards! I HOPE I CHANGE out of them! The footies on them are a little constricting!

Yes I'm kidding! Like my wife would let me sleep in Spiderman pajamas. Get real people! What kind of grown man wears footies? It's called satire. A little misdirection. I wanted you to think that I was talking about "He Who Must Not Be Named" today.

Truthfully, I did feel strange when I awoke this morning, but it was only because I had slept with my cheetah-print thong on backwards again. Strap goes in back. Strap goes in back. Some things are impossible to remember.

It did cause me to have a very scary nightmare. It was a cross between an old Twilight Zone episode titled "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet" and the significance of today's events.

In the original TV show, William "Captain Denny Crane Kirk" Shatner plays a salesman on a flight home, after having spent 6 months in a sanitarium recovering from a nervous breakdown. He has a window seat on the plane, out of which he sees a gremlin on the wing messing with the engine. Every time he screams and draws other's attention, the gremlin flies out of sight. This goes on and on until the end where Shatner's character saves the plane, but ends up in a straight jacket for his efforts.

In my nightmare, I was the salesman with the window seat, but every time I looked out of my window, instead of a gremlin, I saw that creepy mustached guy from the YouTube video of Sarah Palin's visit to the turkey farm. To my horror, he was jamming a turkey into the engine of the Airbus!


I must have been thinking about the recent water landing into the Hudson by an Airbus that had sucked up a flock of geese. I also must have been dreading the overkill of coverage from all media outlets related to "He Who Must Not Be Named".

So in conclusion, what have we learned?:
* Don't look out the window today. Read a book instead.
* Watch old movies or TV shows for entertainment.
* Strap goes in back.

Transistors Tuned to "The One" Frequency

Inauguration (and Woodstock concert). The opening acts are almost over. Cerebral (sic) speeches by leftist Hollywood elites are coming to a close. Swaying to the hippie music and the folk singers on the mall grounds are wrapping up. Bring out those Bic lighters (or lit cell phones for the youngins) and call out the main act! It's almost time for The One to take the stage for our salvation!

Speaking of cellphones, did you see where the carriers are begging the ObamaZombies to go easy on the mobile communications for fear that their networks will be overwhelmed?

For those coming to pay homage to the BlackBerry-toting president, the inauguration has the potential to be a wireless Woodstock. If, that is, the networks can handle it.

Hmmm. A comparison to Woodstock. Where have we heard this before? Could the NYT be closet Chattering Teeth readers?


Back to the phonecall pileup issue. As the late great Chris Farley would say, it's a "big guy in a little coat" problem. Cellphone companies have erected temporary towers to handle some of this additional cell traffic. I imagine these antennas were probably put on porta-potties and Al Franken's head... or is that redundantly repetitive? Both are full of the same material.

It would be a tragedy of unparalleled proportions if the networks became so overwhelmed that EVEN ONE critical text message of "OMG!!!" never gets delivered to it's intended recipient.

And then there is the potential security issue with Obama's Blackberry. I believe I have come up with a solution to this problem. Sometimes you have to take a step backward in order to move forward again, and technology is no different. Simply equip The One with a Mister Microphone, and pass out transister radios to the minions so they can pick up his broadcasts.

Who remembers the following Mister Microphone commercial from 1981?
(watch for these...)
:15 to :23 Barack and Biden fighting for face time?
:24 to :27 I guess we see who won.
:28 to :34 Bill Clinton in Little Rock?



"Hey, good looking, I'll be back to pick you up later."

Bill Couldn't have been talking to Hillary.

The Obama Peace Train

Pictured: The messiah-elect's train ride from Philadelphia to Washington (or at least how I imagine it, as I haven't had the time nor the stomach to watch any coverage of this approaching slow motion train wreck of an administration).

Obamamania. I can't watch. I will read bits and pieces (with numerous breaks in between), but I will not be able to watch. With the wall to wall coverage being planned for the messiah-elect's inauguration, it will take some effort to avoid.

Here's what I don't get...
First, the homeless are thrown out to make way for The One and his entourage. Now the prostitutes are being told to zip it and keep it zipped with the declaration of a prostitute free zone. Why is Obama turning his back on the voting blocs and various coalitions that got him elected? With so many democrats coalescing in one place, what would you have them do for fun now? Were Bill Clinton and Barney Frank informed? No homeless or prostitutes allowed at a democrat gathering is about as stupid as a smoking ban in a cigar shop.

I find it ironic that Obama invokes Abraham Lincoln. Sure, they both hail from Illinois, and both apparently enjoyed train rides. But it was the white Republican guy who ended slavery, and the black Democrat will bring it back in the form of the big government master to a degree we have never witnessed before.

The bitter winds of change

The messiah-elect's Inauguration (and Woodstock Concert) are just days away. 1.5 million people are expected to attend these outdoor "festivities" amidst unprecedented security (and reportedly over a dozen strategically placed porta-potties). As starry-eyed worshippers of The One are packing for this roadtrip, I would suggest to them they include their longjohns and electric socks. It may be a little chilly. The bitter winds of change, Obama style, are racing toward all of us like a devastating Nor'easter gale.

Remember when Hurricane Gustav was bearing down on the gulf coast back in August? The libs at the Daily (Wac)Kos were beside themselves with joy at the prospect of a horrible storm punishing those nasty Republicans during their evil convention. The NYT asked if the timing was Karmic Payback.

Well we here at Chattering Teeth headquarters refuse to reciprocate and lower ourselves to their level. We hold no ill will towards these folks by cheering on colder temperatures. In fact, we are worried for the health and well-being of Washington's homeless population, what with Obama's roadies kicking them out of the area.

"District of Columbia and federal authorities are telling homeless people that they'll soon have to vacate the large chunk of property that will be secured before President-elect Barack Obama's inauguration Tuesday."

Wow. Obama appears to be modeling his administration after his beloved communist Chinese. He went out of his way to praise China for all of their infrastructure investment in the lead-up to the Olympics. Now, he is following their lead in sending the Migrants and Homeless Packing.

We can assume Obama's voters haven't educated themselves since election day and will be fully unprepared if dangerously low temps are in the forecast. Maybe his sheeple expect roadies to pass out wool sweaters upon their entry to the hallowed grounds. After all, he was elected to take care of all their needs. In fact...

If his followers get cold and hungry, all The One needs to do is have one of his disciples pass a basket containing 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish (a hoody and a 40-ouncer) amongst his minions.

Many have blogged about all of the Obama paraphenalia and souvenirs for sale in commemoration of this histeric event. Everything from dinner plates with The One's likeness, to coffee mugs, T-shirts, bumper stickers, etc. The over-commercialization and merchandising of Obama's inauguration is sad. All these folks are missing out on the true meaning of this event, that is, to quietly celebrate his birth (and skin pigmentation).

Is Inauguration Day weather a good prediction of the incoming administration's performance? You tell me.

Franklin D. Roosevelt: Torrential rains flooded his open car.
John F. Kennedy: An 8-inch snowfall
Ronald Reagan: Warm and sunny
Barack Obama:??? BITTER and a Chance of snow

Will it be "Christmas in July"?

Yes, it's the middle of January and my Christmas lights are still up. I am quite aware that Christmas has come and gone. I used to make fun of those folks who would leave their lights up past New Year's Day. I also know that the outside temperature is "negative frozen jewels". There is no way I am climbing a ladder in these sub-zero temps. I will remove the lights when the snow melts and actually exposes the lights. Even if it takes all April. There was a window of opportunity between Christmas and New Years, where we had outside temps in the low 60's. I remembered thinking, "I'll do it later".

Which brings me to Step 3: Work hard for employer, but ALWAYS procrastinate with the honey-do's. If there are chores stacking up at home but there are other activities you would rather do (remote control/tv/couch) why torture yourself?