I'm Cuckoo for Nutro Max!

Meet Archie, a previously pampered miniature schnauzer who is feeling the pinch from the recession. According to this story on booming pet-food sales, there hasn't been any canine culinary cut-backs in Archie's home. His owner's might be unemployed and subsequently buried in credit-card debt, on the verge of a home foreclosure and down to eating macaroni and cheese, but Archie is still getting his customary three squares a day.

"...retail sales of pet food are up 4.5 percent in 2009 at about $18 billion. Future pet-food sales are projected to top $21 billion by 2013."

So how is poor Archie feeling the pinch, you ask? He has had to wait a little longer between clippings. His pathetic and neglectful owners have admitted under questioning that they have even skipped the usual Archie treat here and there. HORRORS!

I am concerned for Archie and the stress this poor pooch must be under. Stress is a killer, and there certainly is plenty of things for Archie to be stressed about!

Obama's stimulus spending spree is in the process of causing economic collapse while war rages in Afghanistan. General McChrystal has made an emergency request for more troops, but Obama chooses instead to travel to Copenhagen and pimp for a 2016 Chicago Olympics. Our weak-kneed American president is inviting future conflict all over the globe, as more and more Americans are losing their jobs, their homes, and their futures because of his policies.

But Archie doesn't have a clue or a care in the world about all that. No, Archie is in danger from stress-related health issues every day he has to wonder why he isn't getting a steady stream of "foofy" toys and tasty treats. Suffer the poochies! For the love and praise of Barack, I ask you - Is this still Amerika?

So in conclusion, human discretionary income down; pet-food sales up. I admit to being a guilty party to this equation. My lab Ally is well fed.

On an unrelated subject, did you know that Nutro Max dog food are chock full of Glucosamine and Chondroitin? I don't know what those thingys are, but maybe they add to the Cocoa Puffs flavoring.

Michelle Obama or The Incredible Hulk?

The First Lady sits down for an interview with Prevention magazine and her message to women is:Do what makes you happy

First lady Michelle Obama says women should do what makes them happy, a lesson she says she learned after realizing her two children, her husband and her physical health feed off of her good moods.

Sounds to me like Michelle is moody and has a temper.

For the first time in my adult life, I'm in a good mood.

OK, she didn't really say it like that, but trust me - that seems to be the gyst. For some reason I am reminded of the Incredible Hulk. For those individuals unfamiliar with the show/movie, here is a plot recap:

Dr. Bruce Banner, thanks to a gamma ray experiment gone wrong, transforms into a giant green-skinned hulk whenever his pulse rate gets too high.

When Michelle Obama's pulse quickens, her toned arms come bursting from her sleeveless gown, and her scowls chase her husband off to chain-smoke on the patio to avoid her ire.

It's time to play "Who said it", Michelle Obama or The Incredible Hulk?

"You're making me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry."

"My husband is happier when I'm happy."

"My happiness is measured against theirs. When they're in a good place, I feel really good."

"Even now I can feel it, buried somewhere deep inside, watching me, waiting... But you know what scares me the most? When I can't fight it anymore, when it takes over, when I totally lose control... I like it."

The Ibuprofen Golf Invitational Classic

DaBlade and the Chattering Teeth staff (comprised characters from my multiple personality disorders) return after a weekend of golf at and around the beautiful Otsego Club and Resort in northern Michigan. Friday was spent chasing the white dimpled-ball around Wilderness Valley and Black Forest. Saturday morning, after everyone popped their favorite brand of Ibuprofin (hey, we're getting old) it was 18 holes at the Gaylord Country Club.

Outing organizer and older brother Snapper wisely traded in the traditional Saturday afternoon round of torture golf for pizza, college football and favorite brands of liquid pain relievers at the Logmark Bar and Grant Grille.

That's an inside joke, but hopefully the contingent of 20-something youngerlings in the group now understand that if you (hypothetically speaking) hurl over the balcony after a tequilla shot, you will be named after that act and brutally teased until someone else takes your title and your place at the balcony... Up Chuck and Ralph held the title the longest so far.

Sunday morning found us teeing off on the Tribute. After the round, we gathered a final time to distribute the prize monies in the clubhouse cabana. Playing the legendary "19th hole", we watched in shock and awe as the Detroit Lions beat up on the Washington Redskins and ended the second-longest losing streak in NFL history at 19 games.

Hmmmm. 19:
Abraham Lincoln, the sixteenth president. Thomas Jefferson, the third president, and 16 and three make 19 again. What is so deep about this number 19? Why are we standing on the Capitol steps today? That number 19 -- when you have a nine you have a womb that is pregnant. And when you have a one standing by the nine, it means that there's something secret that has to be unfolded.

Much like when I sequester myself to the kitchen pantry/panic room for the weekend, I have no clue what is going on in the world of politics.

So in conclusion, I spent my Sunday in much the same fashion and state of mind as Obama.

United Nations Three Stooges - BO, MOE, and A'Jad

UN lineup: First came Lib leader BO, president of the world, followed by Libyan leader Moe Khadaffy. Mahmood Ahkmadeenadude followed much later due to Khadaffy's speech going into triple triple overtime. My scorecard showed that Obama was only slightly more anti-semitic in his remarks than Ahkmadeenadude, who by comparison was clear and concise in his desire to see Israel wiped off the map.

Khadaffy looked splendid in his rust-colored toga with an Africa-shaped broach pin, and accenting his ensemble with a black beret over his wild doo that resembled large rodents trying desperately to escape. He would look equally at home at the UN podium or twirling his favorite female bodyguard on Dancing With The Stars. During his remarks, he reopened the JFK and Martin Luther King assassinations, absolved the Taliban from responsibility for 9/11, and claimed paternity of Rielle Hunte's love child. I believe this is what caused the Canadian diplomats to walk out.

MOE: "It's just a shame we can't have Obama as president of the United States forever." We've only got a rare moment in time here while Obama, an African, is president of the United States to actually fix the problems of the world because once Obama's gone the American people, the United States, is going to go back to being its ugly self again.

Khadaffy finally left the stage after he ran out of post-it notes from inside his robe and had ingested all of the crumpled pages from his yellowed legal pad.

Next up was the Iranian president. Ahkmadeenadude wasted no time launching a verbal assault against Israel. He was about 15 minutes into his remarks when Khadaffy appeared from offstage and pushed Mahmood aside, apologizing, but stating that he would be remise if he forgot to state that Beyonce had the greatest video of all time.

Then again, I may have mixed a few things up cuz my pitched tent collapsed on me at this point.

Scientific Consensus hurts my Hippopotamus

Report: Bush's America Defending Harsh Interrogation Techniques "Bad" - Obama's Appeasement and Surrender Strategy "Good".

At least that's how I'm reading this "scientific study", which reeks of a conclusion in search of some manufactured supporting evidence. That's how true science is done these days, right? Forget about where the sum of all the evidence leads.

The new Scientific Method seems to be...
1) Hypothesis (Created while sitting cross-legged in the lab while smoking a fatty with the buds)
2) Prove your hypothesis by using hockey stick graphs, while disgarding those fact thingys that might kill your buzz.
3) Communicate through a complicit media that all "progressive thinking" scientists are in consensus on your conclusion.
4) An Al Gore slideshow or Michael Moore movie a bonus for your efforts.

The author of this paper admits he got the idea for this "after reading descriptions of the CIA's Bush-era interrogation methods". Well certainly then, he must have at least interviewed and/or tested those prisoners who have been interrogated by the CIA, right? WRONG.

Their report also doesn't mention this fact that "US officials gained valuable information that saved innocent American lives because Khalid Sheik Mohammed was waterboarded, deprived of sleep, and forced to wear a diaper."

That doesn't support their little theory. We should be more concerned that we might have damaged Khalid's hippocampus (or worse yet, made him to suffer a really bad case of diaper rash).

DISCLAIMER: For the record, not all diaper-wearing, sleep deprived adults should be considered terrorists.

I ain't no rocket surgeon, but if I had to rely on getting information from a prisoner in order to prevent a terrorist attack, I would put my money on tough CIA operatives rather than a group of hippie, white labcoat-wearing "Psychologists for Social Responsibility" and "Psychoanalysis Professors".

Season 6 premier of House - 3 out of 4 Vicodins

I sat down on the couch last night to watch the 2-hour Season 6 premier of House, with the remote in one hand and a bottle of Vicodin in the other. OK, not really. I was actually popping peanut M&Ms, but it is an addiction nonetheless. I don't know about you, but I was disappointed with the ending.

Not the part at the end where House buried his face into the cake at his goodbye party. That was spectacular, and obviously the act of a crazy man. Anyone who would copy the comedic stylings of Soupy Sales belongs in a psychiatric hospital, and I was sure that Dr. House would get his walking papers revoked at this point. But no...

I was sad to see Dr. House get released from the nut house at the end of the 2-hour premier because I was thinking that the cuckoo's nest was a great setting for two or three seasons at least. I mean, Jack Bauer from 24 has spent more time in various air ducts while bleeding from his thigh than Dr. House spent in therapy.

It would have been great! A brilliant, yet clinically insane doctor/patient of the Mayfield Psychiatric Hospital cures and tortures his crazy peers, while constantly popping stolen meds and plotting his escape. As George Costanza would say, "There's a show."

But alas, House will return to the sterile hospital set, surrounded by his team of doctors, who all have mild quirks in comparison to the bipolar Alvie, the super hero Freedom Master, Silent Girl, etc. There will be an endless stream of sick people going to the hospital. House will examine them, torture them, diagnose them, and sometimes cure them.

That is, if House didn't lose his touch. He has always believed the price for his magical medical powers was his drug addiction and his anti-social behavior. Would Van Gogh been as brilliant an artist with both of his ears in tact?

That is a very deep thought for me, and I don't think I am yet ready to learn who I am without my peanut M&Ms.

Panda-monium Monday

I have to grab my motorcade and run down to the market. Nothing says breakfast like organic Tuscan kale in a big ol' bowl with some milk, heavy on the sugar, and I'm all out. In the meantime, this amuses me...

Well, go figure. The brainiacs at the previously linked site took down the panda flutist. Therefore, I've linked to the original bungler in the jungle...

Panda Tull

Old Charlie Obama stole the handle and
The train won't stop going --
No way to slow down.

Woot

Silence is implied assent

Yo-ho-ho! It Be Talk Like a Pirate Day

Avast matees, as yee might imagine from the picture taken betwixt 17 er 18 yearrrs ago, International Talk Like A Pirate Day always be a pretty larrrrge deal around DaBlade's house, even beforrre the scalawags Ol' Chumbucket and Cap'n Slappy declarrred it a holiday in 1995.

Me first mate apearrrs to rrrather be in Davy Jones' Lockerrr than talkin' like a pirate with his fatherrr, but the day has grown on him like barnacles on the hull of me grand ship. Heee beee no landlubber.

If I know me son, there be a few "Damn ye, yellow-bellied sapsuckers" bein' thrown 'round the Keenan dorm room today. "Aye, dat be me boy!"

Go Irrrrrish!

Choose Life (and take Notre Dame over Michigan State)

Obama's Commencement invitation last May caused great controversy, with many questioning The University of Notre Dame's commitment to Catholic doctrine and the sanctity of life. ND's President Fr. John Jenkins has taken some hits for having extended this invitation to the infanticider-in-chief, but only after Obama promised not to flaunt it by wearing a baby skull necklace over his commencement gown. (I'm only guessing here)

In an apparent attempt to heal those wounds, Jenkins sent an e-mail blast out Wednesday announcing the formation of a Task Force on Supporting the "Choice for Life". (have you really resorted to using the left's lexicon Father?)

To prove his commitment to "the choice for life", he promised to join the students in the national March for Life in Washington, D.C. on Jan. 22. I'm guessing his sign might say something like...

NOTRE DAME USUALLY CHOOSES LIFE!

OR...

MOST OF ND STUDENTS ARE NOT UNWANTED TISSUE MASSES

OR...

OUR CAMPUS WALLS 100% CORPSE-FREE

Sorry. I guess I'm still a little bent with Obama's visit and the whole honorary degree thingy. And maybe I'm just a little torqued with the loss to Michigan last week (right Chuck?). My snarkiness is solely directed at Jenkins and not the University of Notre Dame as a whole. I still love Notre Dame, despite it's current leader. I can say the same thing about this country after all. I also continue to be a loyal Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate fan, though the jury is still out on the warm-and-fuzzies for Charlie.

Why the continuing hostile feelings toward Jenkins? Because he has so far, refused to drop the charges against "the dozens of pro-life protestors arrested last spring for 'crimes' such as saying the rosary and wearing pro-life t-shirts."

"Apparently the irony was lost on Jenkins that while he will be preparing to protest against Roe v. Wade, the actual Roe, Norma McCorvey, will be preparing for her criminal trial for protesting at Notre Dame after she was arrested under orders from Father Jenkins," notes pro-life advocate Tom Brejcha of the Thomas More Society legal group

Speaking of fallen Catholics, pro-choice Catholic and Secretary of Health and Human Services Kathleen Sebelius refuses to say whether or not she receives Holy Communion. First of all, you can't be "Pro-Choice" and "Catholic". The two concepts are completely and utterly mutually exclusive. Hypothetically speaking, it would be like a young Kenyan born child desiring to grow up and become the President of the United States.

PICTURED: Sebelius demonstrates the proper way for so-called pro-choice Catholics to approach the Eucharist.
SECRETARY SEBELIUS: Well, the Archbishop in the Kansas City area did not approve of my conduct as a public official and asked that I not present myself for communion.

REPORTER: Do you continue to take communion?

SECRETARY SEBELIUS: I really would prefer not to discuss with you.That's really a personal--thank you.

bun-in-a-knot Thursday

Sometimes my continuing mission of blogging for self-amusement gets detoured by news stories that get my bun in a knot.

On the foreign policy scene - we have Obama scrapping the missile shield in Europe, shortly after Sarkozy's warning that Iran is still working on a nuclear weapons program. Comb, swirl and bobby-pin.

On the domestic scene - we have bun-in-a-knot overload. On one hand, we have ACORN, which I must admit is a very efficient organization of nuts. Then we have PEANUT (an organization of one nut), a/k/a "president Carter", who has accused Obama's dissenters of being motivated by racism.

As for what motivates Carter, I am reminded of this scene from the movie Annapolis:

Twins: People who live in Arkansas, you know what their favorite state is?
Jake Huard: No.
Twins: Mississippi. Cause Mississippi's the only thing that keeps Arkansas from being the worst state in the whole country.

So in conclusion, Obama is Carter's Mississippi.

For the record, when I say something puts my bun in a knot, it is a figure of speech. I'm obviously a cornrow guy.

and then there was THIS outrage. Gentlemen, strong stomaches a must if you plan to watch the following video. You may want to have a box of tissues handy. This... *lip quivering* is... hard.


I'm sorry, but if my kid did this, I'd be dolling out a resolution of disapproval.

This Blog Is A Proud Cog in The Right Wing Noise Machine

Joe Wilson, stand up, Joe, let 'em see you. Oh, God love ya, what am I talking about? I tell ya what, you're making everybody else stand up pal, thank you very much. I tell ya what, stand up for JOE!

According to this WaPo story, White House officials are engaged in an internal debate over how hard to hit back at their conservative opponents. I thought they had already settled on "twice as hard"?

"In a world with Fox News and Rush Limbaugh and the Drudge Report and everything else that makes up the right-wing noise machine, nothing is clean and nothing is simple," a senior administration official said. "You don't stomp a story out.

You ride the wave and try to steer it to safe water."

Ride the wave and steer it to safe water? You're gonna need a bigger boat

There is a conservative tsunami coming and the Obama administration and democrat controlled house and senate can feel the cold waters rising around them. Their stimulus joy-riding in the back of Kennedy's lib mobile is coming to a predictable fate.

CRANK UP THE VOLUME on the "right-wing noise machine", guaranteed to drown out Obama and his siren song of lies.

Democrats to scold Wilson today

The Democrats are planning to slap "a resolution of disapproval" on Joe Wilson today, barring a last-minute apology to Congress for yelling "You lie!" during one of Obama's really tall tales.

NOOOO!! NOT A RESOLUTION OF DISAPPROVAL! HAVE THEY NO SOUL!? THE HUMANITY!

I Admit having no idea what that is, but it sure sounds innocuous and says more about Pelosi and company than it does about Wilson, who has already apologized directly to the liar-in-chief. Is there a monetary sanction or fine attached, like my frankitty frank curse jar that I always have to feed quarters when the frankitty president is on my blamitty blam TV? If not, who gives a rat's toxic asset.

a senior House Democratic aide said: “It goes directly to the issue of conduct on the House floor. It was a breach of decorum and it can’t be accepted.” We can not stand for even one peep from our opponents on the other side of the aisle, as it might disrupt the democrat's raucous applause and "standing Os".

I'm pretty sure I know what my response would be if Pelosi and company tried to give me a rebuke.

One thing I've learned from this whole episode is that there is no such thing as an "unprecedented breach of decorum" in my living room since Obama took office.

Attention K-Mart Shoppers. Kanye West inda House!

Also in the news, Sheik Osama calls out Sheik Obama in his latest NetFlix cave release and is almost as hate-filled and anti-American as Michael Moore's latest efforts.

Tape excert...
BIN LADEN: "Yo 'Bama!, I’m really happy for you, I’ll let you finish, but I have to agree with that Kanye West gentleman and say that the lovely Beyoncé does have one of the best videos of all time, second only to my cave video series of course. Oh yah, and you are powerless to stop the war in Afghanistan. There. Hope that helps and deflects the blame away from you with your left base constituents. Just keeping it real brother. Is this thing still on...? "

YOU'RE SOAKING IN IT - More blood of another innocent victim is on the hands of the so-called "pro-choice" crowd

James L. Pouillon (The Sign Guy) protested daily against the horrors of abortion for more than two decades, and for that he had to die.
At least that is what went through the mind of his killer yesterday morning, as he went out in search of settling some scores on a list of three. He started his morning by spraying multiple gunshots from his car and killing Mr. Pouillon as he demonstrated in front of Owosso High School, "because he didn't think kids should have to look at dead babies on their way to school".

There is some typical liberal logic for you.

OBAMA: "I don't know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts, but I think it's fair to say, No. 1, any of us would be pretty angry at the sign guy. No. 2, the sign guy acted stupidly by misrepresenting a woman's right to chose. No. 3, If you get hit (Tiller), we will punch back twice as hard."

OK, so those are pieces of Obama quotes from other equally stupid statements not having anything to do with this story, but you just know this is how he feels about it. If CNN can make shit up, why can't I?

Remember when Scott Roeder shot and killed mass-murdering baby killer (and family practitioner), doctor George Tiller? The left almost unanimously blamed all pro-lifers as somehow contributing to this shooting by not preaching the left's mantra that human babies are nothing more than chattel.

While I certainly have not lost any sleep over the death of late-term baby slaughterer Tiller, I have consistently made the point that it is Roe v Wade that needs to figuratively take multiple bullets and left to die at the side of the road with other previous unjust and immoral "laws".

Sorry for the above graphic metaphor. That is like showing a bloody picture of an aborted baby to a "pro-choicer". They shouldn't be subjected to the results of their belief, right?

Killing the killer, Tiller, (say that three times fast) didn't stop the abomination of abortion. As long as this immoral law remains on the books, you can rest assured that another Godless liberal sociopath will take up Tiller's banner, for attention and/or profit, and continue to vigorously disembowel human children.

May it also be true that James Pouillon's sign and cause be taken up by those of us he has inspired. This cause will live on until the pro-life movement successfully overwhelms the pro-death liberal democrat crowd and results in the overturning of Roe V Wade.

Rest in peace Mr. Pouillon. God Bless you and keep you sir. You've earned your heavenly rest. Let us pick up your sign and take it from here.