THE CAP IS STILL HOLDING!!

I'm not talking about the oil well cap... I am refering to Obama's "Vacation Golf, B-Ball and Rally Cap".
In defense of Obama tirelessly focusing on vacations like a laser beam:

Obama's three-day Maine vacation has provoked outrage, just like Bush's Crawford trips did. But Reihan Salam says such getaways don't just rejuvenate the president—they remind us he's human.

HUH!? He's.... "human"? You mean he is not the messiah? Do you know what you're saying Mister Reihan Salam? This is blasphemous rhetoric against The One!

One gets the impression that we've reached a similar conclusion about our presidents: as long as there is distress in the land, Barack Obama, his wife, and his two children must remain in the White House, suffering in the sweltering heat and looking dour, never betraying signs of relaxation or a simple love of life.

Hmmm. Why should we insist he remain inside his house, "suffering in the sweltering heat and looking dour, never betraying signs of relaxation or a simple love of life"??? It's not like he is one of us tens of millions of unemployed human debris he has left in his wake of destruction.

Oil well, Schmoil well. THAT kind of destruction takes some doing and effort, and a little R&R might just be the ticket. In fact, I look forward to the day when he is put out to pasture for good.

What's on your Kindle?

I received a Kindle as a birthday present from my wife last August. I was just reviewing my "library" of downloads on my Amazon account, and was amazed to find I had read over 50 books in less than a year. Here is a montage of most of them...



As you can see, I went heavy on the Mystery & Thrillers, with a dab of Science Fiction, Horror and a few classics. (Absolutely no vampire romances allowed).

This, along with a few "real" books made from paper, not to mention the few hours per day on average spent in a voracious consumption of online news.

A Facebook friend commented on a similar link this way: "so do you love it? I've been looking at them but I am not sure I can give up the whole smelling the book, turning the pages, etc."

My response: It's awesome. I recognize the irony from a guy who's fortunes are tied to wood pulp. Many of theses books were free downloads, or discounted to cost under $1, mostly classics easily found on the internet or new authors looking to make a splash. Most of them were very good, and books I never would have even glanced at in a bookstore. Witha Kindle, you can carry around a veritable library in a carryon, and at move time, save a box or three.

So I ask you, what's on your Kindle?

The Great Obama Depression

Recession is when it happens to everyone else
Depression is when it happens to you.

I can't recall the soothsayer who originally coined this phrase, and frankly am not interested in initiating the exhaustive 2 minute google search to find out. I'm just not that curious. I can, however, attest to the wisdom of the statement, having entered into the Great Obama Depression with my layoff back in February. Fact is, this is a Depression for millions of Americans living in the expanding shadow of the Obama regime.

Since last we spoke, my wife also lost her administrative job due to declining enrollment at the school. Neither of us were interested in donning brown shirts and scouring the neighborhood as census workers for the socialist-in-chief, so that greatly lessened the pool of potential future employers.

Needless to say, we have been economically devasted by these events. You could also say we were highly leveraged, what with tuition payments for one son attending Notre Dame and the other two in Parochial schools (not to mention hockey bills and other necessary sundries). Frank and Dodd's democrat housing scam caused us to be approximately $90k upside down in our house. Did I mention we lost our income? The perfect sh*# storm.

On the positive side, I just dropped off some suit pants to get altered, having lost 25 pounds in the last 5 months. Some loss was due to stress, but mostly I did this on purpose by taking better care of myself and watching what I eat. Besides, government cheese can make one lose their appetite.

The good news is that after months of fruitless attempts at finding work in Flint, Michigan, I expanded my search and was successful in landing a position in Wisconsin. They're lucky to get me, and I feel just as blessed to be going there. Many of my friends were shocked to learn I was sticking with the newspaper industry, but like I've told them, my experiences here have left my sphinxter perpetually puckered. That said, I'm going to a market that is relatively stable by comparison, and to a company that is as strong as it gets in this business. I will be earning about half as much as I was a little over a year ago, but Hillary thankfully sent me a slightly used red reset button, so it's all good.

Also on the positive side is that my middle son will be just down the road in Milwaukee attending Marquette. He is excited about school again now that he will be joing the Navy ROTC program offered there.

So what does the future hold? How should I know, but my plan is to start consuming cheese in vast quantities, washing it down in responsible amounts of Spotted Cow, and kicking butt for my new employer.

Hmmm. Maybe I should have waited on getting those waist lines taken in.

The next few weeks and my upcoming move should prove to be busy, so I probably won't be hanging around this spacious Chattering Teeth office on a regular basis during this period. Once I'm settled in though, I hope to run a vacuum and dust off this blog's counter tops again.

Sh*t Helen Thomas Says

New this fall on Al Jazeera TV, it's the new comedy, "Sh*t My Teacher Says".
You'll laugh uproariously at the off-the-cuff quips and mindless drivel from cantankerous old Elementary teacher "Mrs. Hezbollah," played by longtime White House correspondent Helen Thomas. It's non-stop hilarity in season one's pilot episode, when the ancient and kindly Mrs. Hezbollah fills her students with revisionist history, while at the same time advocating the benefits of religious cleansing.



MRS. HEZBOLLAH: Tell the Jews to get the hell out of Palestine. The Palestinian people are occupied and it’s their land. The Israelis should go home to Poland, Germany, America and everywhere else.

Audience Laughter sound bite

STUDENT: My dad says there has never been a land known as Palestine, and therefore there is no such thing as a Palestinian people, language or culture, and that the Jewish people have thousands of years of history in the land of Israel. By the way, isn't today's lecture supposed to be about the American Indian?

MRS. HEZBOLLAH: Tell the Americans to get the hell out of North America. The American Indian people are occupied and it’s their land. U.S. citizens should go home to England, Europe and everywhere else. Except for the illegal Mexican immigrants. They can stay.

Audience Laughter sound bite

STUDENT: My dad says that Homo erectus immigrated out of Africa about a million years ago. Would you have them return?

MRS. HEZBOLLAH: I'll pack my bags immediately.

Audience Laughter sound bite

Hey Obama! You're soaking in it!

Listen to Madge the busybody's reasons for becoming a manicurist in this old Palmolive commercial. This is the exact same answer Obama could give for wanting to become president (if he were honest).



"Palmolive softens your hands while you do the dishes."

Let's change that up to read...

"BP-oilmolive destroys your coastline while you give your speeches."

I'VE GOT A SPECIAL PURPOSE!

HAHA! My letter from Steve Martin made Letters of Note! I'm SOMEBODY NOW!

BP's Oil Repelled by B.O.'s B.S.

The leak responsible for gushing 800,000 gallons of oil a day into the Gulf of Mexico has finally been plugged with Obama's used teleprompters!

Scientists had been scrambling to find a material that would effectively plug this gaping maw (the hole in the seabed, not Obama's pie hole) in a tactic known as a Top Kill. Heavy mud, cement, tire shards and even golf balls have been tried, yet to no avail.

"The problem was the pressure of oil and gas escaping from the well was simply too powerful to overcome with these materials," explained Phil McCraken, a BP engineer. "That's when I started to brainstorm for a material that possesses it's own blowback pressure... something that not only defies logic, but also repels it. That's when I had the Eureka! moment."

Engineers believe that the oil flow is staved off by a continuous flow of rhetorical flourish emminating from the teleprompters, acting like a sort of force field and containing the hole. Meanwhile, the drilling of relief wells are expected to be completed by August, putting an end to this sad chapter of America's second worst man-made disaster.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs says President Obama has no comment. In fact, Obama will have no more comments on anything until engineers complete the construction of a "relief teleprompter" in a few days. Sadly, we will have to wait for the next presidential election in 2012 to finally put to rest this administration and America's worst ever man-made disaster.

Pictured: Obama is speechless as he examines a piece of broken teleprompter that had washed ashore.

Did you plug the hole yet daddy?

A Parting Shot From Editorial?

Does that spell what I think it spells?

A Beautiful Progressive Mind

I am celebrating 4/20 day today. Yes, I am well aware that it is April 22nd and many of my cohorts in cannabis consumption have already celebrated this holiday two days ago, it's just that weed makes me procrastinate. Besides, I was all out of stash until today because my neighbor bogarted my supply (along with my Fritos) and I haven't had the means to replenish my stockpile until today when my Obama money was deposited.

I just want to take this opportunity to thank y'all who are still working for your contribution, as I blog through the blue haze of a freed mind. Suddenly Obama is making a tremendous amount of sense to me. I only hope that my ash cloud doesn't cause any more airline delays...

CAGE THOSE MANGY COYOTES!

I believe I know what this is all about and I am ouraged!

Arizona lawmakers on Tuesday passed one of the toughest pieces of immigration-enforcement legislation in the country, which would make it a violation of state law to be in the U.S. without proper documentation.

It would also grant police the power to stop and verify the immigration status of anyone they suspect of being illegal.

We are supposed to believe that the timing of this legislation, on the eve of the first round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs between the Detroit Red Wings and the Phoenix Coyotes, is purely coincidental, right? Well I'm not buying this mister!

The overwhelming majority of the Wings are foreign born, hailing from Canada, Sweden, Russia and Finland. Of course, that holds true for Phoenix, as well as every other NHL team. The fact that all of the Wing's papers are in order does not preclude Phoenix authorities from rounding them up for an immigration check, say a half hour before game time tonight. REAL CLASSY ARIZONA!

Well I say, bring it on. The Wings will still be left with two forwards, two defensemen, and their starting goalie. They'll play short-handed for the entire game one and STILL beat the Coyotes.

Presumed Red Wing lineup for Game One:
F - Justin Abdelkader - Muskegon, Michigan
F - Drew Miller Dover, - New Jersey
D - Brett Lebda - Buffalo Grove, Illinois
D - Brian Rafalski - Dearborn, Michigan
G - Jimmy Howard - Syracuse, New York

Rest up boys! I believe you'll be getting all the ice time you want. CAGE THOSE MANGY COYOTES!

Illeism - the act of referring to oneself in the third person

DaBlade believes we have to add to this list.

CT EXCLUSIVE: Another Adoption Gone Bad

The 48-year-old Obama was sent alone on a one-way flight back to Kenya today by his American adoptive citizens with a note pinned to his lapel that read:
To whom it may concern,
For the safety of our security, economy, and future, we no longer wish to be governed by this community organizer. He has severe psychopathic issues and socialist behavior. We were misled and lied to during his campaign about this man-child’s mental stability.
Regards,
We The People

Oh yah, here is an unrelated story about some russian kid.

RUN JOHN, RUN!

Englers Back in Michigan

Former Michigan Gov. John Engler and his wife, Michelle, have bought a lakefront home in Shiawassee County, fueling speculation about a return to politics.
...
Engler, a Republican, has declined to address questions about whether the move might signal an interest in a 2012 campaign, when U.S. Sen. Debbie Stabenow, a Democrat, faces re-election.

No offense to my neighbors in Shiawassee County, but if I was a former governor of this once great state and I was going to spend half a million dollars on a quiet retirement home in Michigan - with NO INTEREST IN RETURNING TO POLITICS - I can think of half a million better places than one which happens to be 20 miles northeast of Lansing.

So would Engler's return to politics be a good thing or a bad thing for Michigan?

To answer that, all you need do is scan some of the comments in the above linked article. Keep yesterday's lesson, (liberalism is a brain disorder) in mind if you do. Here is my favorite so far... "Good luck John..We have long memories..Don't even think of running for office here..Your support of Bush and the economic policies that devastated Michigan will never be forgiven..Try Texas, you should be able to beat that jerk they currently have there.."

That is actually quite mild in comparison to most of the hate-filled, intolerant and ignorant comments from the majority of libtards in this state. Do you want more evidence that Engler was a great governor other than the fact that he is despised by the left?

Let's take a look at just how Engler's policies "devasted Michigan", shall we?

Michigan Governor John Engler 1991-1997 Accomplishments
http://www.state.mi.us/migov/gov/Archives/engleraccomp9197.html

Let's just look at the top 3 here...

BEFORE ENGLER: In 1990, unemployment was 7.6 percent. I know this sounds low in Obama's world, but back then it was -- the worst among the nation's 10 largest states.
AFTER ENGLER: Unemployment is (1997) a record low 4.0 percent -- the strongest job market in America.

BEFORE ENGLER: Michigan was losing jobs and families to other states. Sound familiar?
AFTER ENGLER: Michigan companies have created more than 500,000 jobs since 1991.

BEFORE ENGLER: Property taxes were third highest in the nation.
AFTER ENGLER:Biggest tax cut in history reduced school property taxes by more than 80 percent.

So in a perfect world, Engler replaces Stabenow in the senate, and Ted Nugent replaces Granholm in the governor's mansion on Mackinaw Island. Hey, I can dream, can't I?

"uhhh... I'm Pro-Choice Because I Said So!"

This story made me sick to my stomach - Gendercide: China's shameful massacre of unborn girls means there will soon be 30m more men than women

Apparently it's not uncommon in communist China for beautiful baby girls to be left to die in nearby gutters, what with their "one child" policy, and given the fact that females are not afforded any value above chattel in their culture. These "mothers" are simply exerting their right to choose under legalized abortion, are they not?

"You are only a girl. You are spilt water."

Surely even the staunchest so-called "pro-choice" women in this country can no longer rationalize their barbaric views regarding abortion, can they? How could they denounce this massacre of their own gender and yet still condone the practice of infanticide in any form in this country?

The "choice" can't be any clearer. Either you embrace your neighbor's "unenumerated right" to murder their own child or you must accept the fact that abortion is an abomination in all cases.

...and the results are in. Feminazis can speak out of both sides of their piehole.


and the signs said...
* EVERY HUMAN HAS THE RIGHT TO CHOOSE WHAT'S RIGHT FOR THEM
* PRO-WOMAN PRO-CHILD PRO-CHOICE
* THIS FAMILY SUPPORTS PLANNED PARENTHOOD
so I tucked my hair up under my hat, and I went in to ask them why?

"Just because I'm pro-choice doesn't mean I'm pro-abortion!"

Sorry libs, you can't have your fetus and eat it too.

Liberalism really is a brain disorder. It is the only way I can see how they can justify their twisted belief system, and therefore you hold little chance of swaying a liberal to the right side of an issue.

It got me to thinking that logic and reasoning works just as well with a liberal as it does with a protective mother. That is meant to be a smooth segue into the following, which is really all I wanted to blog about today.

My older brother Greg likes to tell the story about when he was a teenager (17 or 18?) and wanted to go on a weekend bike trip (10-speeds, not Harleys) up north with some neighborhood buddies. Now brother Greg, being a bright yet devious teenager, knew that mother would have initial doubts about giving her approval, and so brother Greg formulated his strategy in advance. He wanted to ensure, through the sheer power of his logic, that she would be forced to acquiesce and let him go. Like a boxer who choreographs his moves before entering the ring, Greg felt he had the knockout punch, if it even came to that. You see, he knew the story of our father running away and jumping trains cross-country when he was but just 13-years-old. A little 'ol bike ride pales in comparison to this, and even mother couldn't argue the fact that her husband was a fine man no worse for wear.

Now I know I am drawing this out, and you no doubt are ahead of me when I tell you that our mother flatly rejected him at every turn. If this was in fact a boxing match, my brother's punches were sad and feeble efforts and mother's chin was made of iron.

"It's just for a few days."
"NO!"
"We will not be taking the main roads."
"NO!"
"My friend's parents are letting them go!"
"NO!"

Seeing that his jabs were ineffective against mom's rope-a-dope "just say no" coverup, he went for the "dad jumped trains as a boy" roundhouse uppercut, and asked how she could still say "no" in light of this new evidence. she blocked and countered with a devastating blow of "BECAUSE I SAID SO" one-punch knockout shiver.

Now whenever one of us was sent to the canvas in this fashion by mom rejecting our plea, we almost always falsely assumed she did so without prejudice, and interpretted her "BECAUSE I SAID SO" to mean "go ask your father".

So brother Greg goes to our dad and tells him what happened, asking him to intercede with mom. Since our father was not a crack user, he very rarely thought it prudent to overrule her. When brother Greg laid out his plea to our dad, his wise response has lived on in our family's history, and it is a lesson I have tried very hard to pass down to the next generation with my sons.

"Son, you make a reasonable argument for a reasonable man. However, there is something I think you need to understand. Your mother is no reasonable man."

I shouldn't have to make the obvious distinction between the motivations of a protective mother to that of a protective liberal, so I won't. Consider it your homework assignment.