Tuesday, February 14, 2012

History teaches us that THE OBAMIAN PERSECUTIONS will backfire

I ran across this article on ancient Rome's DECIAN PERSECUTIONS (on pbs.org of all places) and was struck by the raw similarities to what President Obama is doing with this HHS mandate. See if you can spot them.

It is the middle of the 3rd century and the Roman Empire is in great crisis, and Emperor Decius is "under great pressure". There exists:
* sheer corruption in the aristocracy, from the Emperor down.
* There is a sense that we are being besieged on the borders, that the barbarians may be coming in at any moment.
* the Persians are dangerous.
* the Germans are dangerous.
* There's a great sense that anything that upsets this ancient contract between the Romans and the gods has got to be dangerous to (their power).


and with a slight re-write to conform to today's reality, we get...

It is the beginning of third millennium and the United States is in great crisis, and Emperor President Obama is "under great pressure". There exists:
* sheer corruption in his administration, from Obama down - from the democrat schemes that collapsed the housing market and have brought this country to it's knees; the Solyndra bankruptcy and an avalanche of other ongoing green subsidy scams; the Fast and Furious gun scandal that cost the life of a border patrol agent; the GM and car company takeovers; to governing against the will of the American people by jamming an unwanted socialized medicine health bill down their throats - to name a few.
* There is a sense that we are being besieged on the borders, and the fear that Republicans may actually try to secure the borders and stop the flow of these future democrat voters.
* the Persians are close to developing nuclear weapons to be used for their stated goal of wiping Israel off the map.
* the imminent European economic collapse is dangerous.
* There's a great sense that anything that upsets this ancient contract between the Romans democrats and the gods unions has got to be dangerous to their power.


So what does Obama do? Well, what did Emperor Decius do?
(In) the year 250, the Emperor Decius decides that Christians are a real enemy of the Roman order, that they must be dealt with empire-wide, with all the police power that the emperor can bring to bear upon them. And he issues a decree that everyone has to sacrifice to the Roman gods and they must produce a certificate signed by a Roman official that they have done so.
Sounds like the HHS mandate against the Catholic church to me, and so the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops spoke out.
So, the Romans bring to bear all the power they have at their disposal. They say, "All right, let's hit the leaders. Let's find these bishops and bring them into court and force them to recant, and if they won't, we'll eliminate them... And so you have bishops fleeing to the countryside and you have others being martyred. You have ordinary people, for the first time, being rounded up, forced to sacrifice, or if they can buy a forged certificate of of sacrifice. There's some of those which have actually survived.
"And the odd thing is it fails...."

And so will Obama.
The net effect of this is that a new cult of the martyrs appears in Christianity, which strengthens the the church, which feeds on anti-government sentiment in many segments of the empire, - those remote geographical areas distant from Rome which have always been suspicious of Rome. This simply brings those into the Christian fold and in many ways, it backfires. So the Decian persecution is very short-lived....
Let us pray that the Obamian Persecution is short-lived as well.

Friday, January 27, 2012

My Daily Haiku with my Barbie collection

I call this one...
"Lather rinse and repeat":

Life is rock and roll
Sisyphus Vesuvius
Pyroclastic flow


Discuss.

If you're like me, you are a middle-aged male who likes to discuss politics and pop culture with his collection of Barbies. They all come from a diverse background of varying plastic-based vinyl molds, so it's usually a lively debate. As I tell them repeatedly, it doesn't matter the size of your colorful wardrobe or the value of your accessories, especially when you're at the bottom of a pitch black sock drawer.

So I lined them up on the window sill this morning and read them my Haiku.

At first, they just sat there in stunned silence, staring back at me through souless, painted eyes.


Pictured (left to right): My 1959 original Barbie, S&M Barbie, Earring Magic Ken and my tattoed-up Tokidoki

I take another pull from my brown bag as I wait, and the silence is finally broken.

Ken: I think it means that life is awesome. You know... sex, drugs and high-energy rock and roll!

Tokidoki: Since Haikus are Japanese poetry and I am the only Japanese inspired doll, I think I am the most qualified here to do the interpretation.

Ken: OK. And?

Tokidoki: (pause) I got syphlis once from a tat needle.

S&M Barbie: He said "Sisyphus", not "syphlis" ho.

1959 original Barbie: If I remember my Greek Mythology correctly, Sisyphus was a king who ticked off the gods, so his punishment involved having to roll a large boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this throughout eternity.

Ken: I didn't study Geek Monopoly, but I would think being named Sisyphus was punishment enough. At least he wasn't forced to listen to Miley Cyris' "The Climb" in a continuous loop on his iPod. Not even the gods could be that cruel.

S&M Barbie: Hey! I like that song!

Ken: Try Boston's "Satisfied" instead. (starts to sing) "You gotta have a little rock 'n' roll music to get you through the stormy weather... cuz Win or lose, it's alright... nothin's gonna help you more than rock and roll."

1959 original Barbie: Be quiet and learn something. In 1942, a gentleman by the name of Albert Camus had a philosophical essay published titled, "The Myth of Sisyphus." In it, Camus argues that Sisyphus symbolizes "man's futile search for meaning" and concludes with this: "The struggle itself...is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

Tokidoki: So basically Hannah Montana had it about right. It is the climb.



Ken: Talk about a "man's futile search". At least Sisyphus wasn't unemployed in the Obama economy. Maybe that's where the volcano in the Haiku comes in.

I hear a car pull into the driveway. "Back in the sock drawer people!"

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Secular Grinch

He HADN'T stopped Tebow from Tebowing! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes, or bags!



He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore. Then the secular Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Tebowing, he thought... doesn't come from a score. Maybe Tebowing, perhaps... means a little bit more!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Woman hit with tacos during argument in Flint

Think outside the pun
FLINT, Michigan — A woman was struck with tacos Thursday after getting into an argument with her child's father in Flint, according to a police report.

The woman called police around 4 p.m. after the man began arguing with her while they sat inside her vehicle outside a residence.

During the argument, the man threw tacos at the woman before taking her black purse and exiting the vehicle. The man then allegedly grabbed a brick and threw it through the driver's side window before fleeing to an unknown location.

The Flying Taco
All I have to say is "FOOD FIGHT!!!" I thought tomorrow was "Taco Tuesday"?

Somehow, I don't think that throwing Tacos would slow down a charging Michael Moore, Flint's most famous native son.

Great comments from fellow Flintoids!

"When they take this taco from my cold dead hand!"
When they outlaw tacos, only criminals will have tacos.

Hopefully they were soft tacos

Lettuce get to the meat of the matter here...

Never bring a taco to a chalupa fight.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Children of the Corn

In an attempt to shrug off his expected poor showing in today's Hawkeye Cauci, Republican Presidential hopeful Jon Huntsman was quoted last week as saying, "They pick corn in Iowa."

Armed with a disposable cell phone and an Iowa phone directory, I decided to put his allegations to the test.

Shock Mock Poll Results:
When Iowans were given a choice between A random generic ear of corn or Jon Huntsman, they "picked corn" 5 to 1. Huntsman was also outpaced by write-in candidates, an arrogant carrot and punch-drunk bunch of grapes.



In a retraction attempt, Huntsman tries a final appeal to Iowans:

"Corn is the fruit of the sea... err, I mean vegetable of the fields. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, corn muffins, corn bread, corn-kabobs, corn creole, corn gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried creamed corn. There's corn casserole, corn salad, corn holios, pepper corn, corn soup, corn stew, corn and potatoes, corn pancakes, corn mash. That- that's about it."

Sunday, December 25, 2011

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

For 2,000+ years in a row...


Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Endorsement Alert! Newt Gingrich's coat button

It stands the best chance of taking out Obama.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Radioactive Metal from Iran

This is not what I mean by "radioactive metal"...
Pictured: "Ayatollah Ali 'ZZ Top' Khamenei", supreme leader and lead guitarist - and Mockmood "straggle beard" Ahkmadeenadude, lead singer and president of the band The Hidden Imams.

I read a lot of fiction and have an overactive imagination, so when I read a news blurb about Russian customs agents at Moscow's main airport seizing an Iranian attempting to smuggle radioactive material disguised as pencils onto a flight to Tehran, my "Uh-oh geiger counter" starts to spin.

Highlight quotes from the article:
* It was not immediately clear if the substance could be any use to Iran's controversial nuclear program.

* The pieces contained Sodium-22, she said, a radioactive isotope of sodium that could be produced in a particle accelerator.

* Kelly Classic, a health physicist at the United States' renowned Mayo Clinic, said: "You can't make a nuclear bomb or dirty bomb with it."

* Another expert, Michael Unterweger, group leader for the radioactivity group at the U.S. National Institute of Standards and Technology, said it can be used as a calibration source for radiation instrumentation.

Unterweger said "it's really strange" that so much Sodium 22 was in the luggage, but if he were the Russian authorities "I wouldn't worry about it."
An Iranian caught trying to smuggle a suitcase full of radioactive materials DISGUISED as pencils into Tehran, and we should assume it's purpose is innocuous and not worry about it? I believe Mr. Unterweger will immediately draw Obama's interest for the newly created position of Iranian Apologist Czar. What a doofus!

Listen, I'm sure it comes as no surprise that I have no idea what Sodium-22 is, or what the Iranians were intending to use this for, but I will most certainly worry about it. I will, however, go out on an olive branch limb and assume this material is not bound for a really busy Iranian dentist in need of a warehouse full of calibration equipment. Give me a break!

Using my imagination and wild speculation, could this sodium-22 stuff be used for the purpose of throwing off nuclear forensics AFTER an explosion??

Nuclear forensics, the analysis of nuclear materials recovered from either the capture of unused materials, or from the radioactive debris following a nuclear explosion, can contribute significantly to the identification of the sources of the materials and the industrial processes
used to obtain them. In the case of an explosion, nuclear forensics can also reconstruct key features of the nuclear device.


In other words, instead of launching a nuclear weapon at Israel from their homeland and guaranteeing a devastating response, could Iran smuggle a nuclear truck bomb into Tel Aviv and somehow cover their "footprints" by using this Sodium stuff and maybe frame Russia as the plutonium source?

Instead of hand-wringing apologists assuming the best intentions of the terrorist Iranian regime and president Mockmood Ahkmadeenadude, we need to face the hard reality that they are building nuclear weapons and will use them on Israel AND US just as soon as they are ready. He has stated as much.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Obama's Christmas Booze (a Chattering Teeth song parody)

I am aware I may be committing a blogdemeanor by taking a shortcut and posting the following song parody. It's just that my wife really likes this song (and I don't) so when it comes on the car radio, I keep myself amused by singing my alternate lyrics in my head.

Sung to the tune of The Christmas Shoes

It was almost Christmas time, there I stood in another line
Tryin' to buy that last gift or two, not really in the Christmas mood
Standing right in front of me was a wild-eyed man pacing anxiously
Mumblin' sounds like hobos do
And in his hands he held a bottle of booze.

His clothes were worn and old, he was dirty from head to toe
When it came time to pay for his liquor
I couldn't believe what I heard him slur

[Chorus:]
Sir, I want to buy this booze, because of Obama, geeez!
It's Christmas Eve and this booze is just my size
Could you hurry, sir, cuz there's not much time
You see I've been unemployed for quite a while
And I know this booze will make me smile
And I want to get wasted in case Obama is on TV tonight

He counted pennies for what seemed like years
Then the cashier said, "DaBlade, there's not enough here"
He searched his pockets frantically
Then he turned and his bloodshot eyes looked at me
He said Obama made Christmas suck at our house until the sheriff forced us out
"A job... a house... a retirement lose
Somehow I've got to buy me this Christmas booze"

So I laid the money down, I just had to help him out
I'll never forget the look on his stubbled face when he said
On Obama's TV face I will urinate

[Chorus:]
Sir, I want to buy this booze, because of Obama, geeez!
It's Christmas Eve and this booze is just my size
Could you hurry, sir, cuz there's not much time
You see I've been unemployed for quite a while
And I know this booze will make me smile
And I want to get wasted in case Obama is on TV tonight

[Bridge:]
I knew I'd caught a glimpse of democrat's "love"
As he thanked me and stumbled out
I knew that God had sent this unemployed
To remind me just what the coming election is all about


Fact check. I used a little artistic license here. While it's true that Mrs. DaBlade and I lost our house to foreclosure last year after we both were laid off, we vacated said domain many days before the sheriff knocked. We are doing fine now though, living in a house we traded in our 401k for. Ah well. What's a retirement anyway? Mrs. DaBlade is now gamefully employed, and I'm getting some work here and there while I look for something more permanent. Oh, and DaBlade certainly isn't drinking his troubles away as described by my caricature in the parody. While not a tea-totaler, I can't even remember the last time I had an adult beverage (not counting the Blood of Christ at Sunday mass). Finally, as for the TV, I'm blaming the dog.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Mitt Romney loses fortune in a series of ill-advised $10,000 wagers

FLASH FORWARD: ONE DAY IN 2013

ASSOCIATED PRESS - After losing the Republican presidential nomination for the 2012 election, Mitt Romney seemingly fell off the face of the Earth. He wasn't heard from until he was discovered panhandling this week on a back street in Massachusetts holding a cardboard sign with a hand-written advertisement that read:

"I HAVE A GOD GIVEN GIFT OF JOB CREATION IN THE PRIVATE SECTOR BUT HAVE FALLEN ON HARD TIMES. $10,000 WOULD BE APPRECIATED. GOD BLESS!!"



Romney, currently homeless, was reportedly worth about $200 million up until losing the 2012 nomination. He says he made 20,000 bad wagers in a row but felt his luck was changing.

Meanwhile, President Gingrich continues to restore America...

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Mysterious object near Mercury identified!!

The Mysterious planet-sized object spotted near Mercury created a firestorm of speculation on the internet that it belonged to a cloaked alien spaceship. Engineers at Chattering Teeth have determined, however, that it is only Santa, so you can go back to sleep.



Kinda cool though, eh?

Play that funky music Romney!

In keeping with the Peanuts theme from my last post, and the Romney camp's demands to Chattering Teeth for equal time, we have this (Caution: very rough photoshop job and not nearly as nice as the faked obama birth certificate)



WOODSTOCK: "Free Bird!"

Speaking of Romney and music, you did hear that he has chosen Kid Rock's "Born Free" as his presidential campaign theme song, right? It's unknown if the Obama camp will choose Rock's "Devil without a Cause". I kinda like "American Bad Ass" for Gingrich.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Shocking GOP endorsements!

Donald Trump has made his decision...

It's Aussie!



This may explain Donald Trump's hair

You certainly can't argue with algebraic topology.

And now for the Dan Quayle endorsement:
"I like Mitt Romneye. Or is it Roemnee?... Rhomnoe?"