Obamaphone Lady replaces Jim Lehrer as moderator for Presidential Debate

By now you've all seen the recently released video with the divisive, outrageous and race-baiting rhetoric made with an accent that is a cross between a faux minstrelesque and a post-modern ebonics ghetto. No, I don't mean Samuel L. Jackson's latest classy "Wake the F' Up" Obama commercial. Nor am I talking about the Obamaphone lady from Cleveland who wants to "Keep Obama in president, you know... (because) Romney, he sucks! Bad!" I'm referring to The Daily Caller video from 2007 of Obama doing his best Kanye West immitation. 

"What's happening down in New Orleans? Where's your dollar? Where's your Stafford Act money?" Makes no sense. Tells me the bullet hasn't been taken out. Tells me that somehow the people down in New Orleans they don't care about as much."  - Barack Hussein Obama

By the way, I found it odd that the above quote wasn't the easiest to find in it's entirety this morning. The quote was all over, but most of them had an ellipsis replacing "Tells me the bullet hasn't been taken out" portion. I have no idea what Obama meant by that line, nor what it means that news orgs are deleting that reference. Any ideas?

"I do!"

Chattering Teeth: Mrs. Clinton!? Everybody, please give a warm welcome to Secretary of State Hillary Clinton to the Chattering Teeth Blog Studios. This is quite a surprise. So what's with taking out the bullet thingy from Obama's hate speech?

HILLARY: He didn't say "bullet", he clearly said "bullshit"... as in, "Tells me the bullshit hasn't been taken out". I believe he was complaining about Fox News still being on the air.

CT: With all due respect Mrs. Clinton, that's just plain silly. What about your thoughts on the video?

HILLARY: I think the video is disgusting and reprehensible. Let me be clear, the U.S. government had absolutely nothing to do with this video and absolutely rejects it content and message. Of course, we have a long tradition of free expression and we do not stop individual citizens from expressing their views, no matter how distasteful they may be.

CT: Wow. Pretty harsh criticism of the president and your boss, don'tcha think?

HILLARY: Wha? No! I ain't no ways tarrrred! I was talking about GEICO's latest "Two Tickets to Paradise" Commercial featuring Eddie Money.



HILLARY: As for the other, it's just a cynical attempt to actually vet our leader - and there is no justification, none at all, for The Daily Caller being allowed to release this unflattering video.

*RING* *RING* *RING*

CT: Excuse me Hillary, but I need to get this. Hello, Chattering Teeth Blog Studios, CT speaking.

OBAMA: The future must not belong to those who slander me, your prophet... errr... I mean your president. I know there are some who ask why we don’t just ban such a video. Some say the answer is enshrined in our Constitution, which unfortunately protects the right to practice free speech. At least for now. Here in 2012, at a time when anyone with a cell phone can spread offensive views about me around the world with the click of a button, the notion that I can control the flow of information is obsolete. Of course, I've dedicated a few $Trillion to search for a way.

Meanwhile, in a totally unrelated story, Daily Caller Editor-in-Chief Tucker Carlson was arrested this morning - roughed, cuffed and perp-walked to an undisclosed location on suspicion of... uhhhh... jaywalking or something.

Democrat Campaign Debate preview: "No zingers, just eye candy"

Obama: "There is no question... thaaaaat my opponent is a skilled debater... aaaaand I don't want my supporters to put to much stock in the outcome. I’m just supposed to be eye candy here for you guys."

NO ZINGERS!? Why else would I watch the debate? That would be like Apollo Creed promising not to swing back at Rocky Balboa. Defend yourself if you can mister president! You have the ref and the state-controlled boxing "announcers" in your pocket. My goodness, they don't even have to be good zingers! You have a built-in laugh track. Try it sir.

I'm Barack Obama and I approve this message. Mitt, enough about my birth certificate, yours is an apology from the condom factory. Ba dum dum.

[IMAGINE MSM LAUGH TRACK HERE]

Inspired, Obama pushes his luck...

Mitt, you so rich, you actually PAID all the income taxes you were legally obligated to pay, THEN on top of that gave 30% to charity!

[*30 SECONDS OF CRICKETS* followed by MSM LAUGH TRACK]


"If you're expecting that, that's probably not what he's going to deliver," campaign spokeswoman Jen Psaki told reporters on Air Force One... He wants to speak directly to the people on their couches at home.

People on their couches... AH! THAT'S why he appeared on The View on the heels of a deadly terrorist attack. It was "People on their couches - eye candy - debate prep". I'm sure he received some useful foreign policy advice from the likes of Whoopie, Behar and company. 


In conclusion, this debate is Romney's for the taking. He has a record of achievement and the facts on his side, while Obama has a disasterous and indefensible record. The media pundants in his pocket will deny this, and poll after skewed poll will show Obama ahead. Not to worry, because it will be a landslide Romney win. People with Obama phones, your minutes are almost up!

The Flying Nun Strikes Again

The Flying Nun was a sitcom that ran for three seasons from 1967 to 1970 and I never missed an episode. You could say I made it a habit (sorry).  Of course the family TV only received 3 channels, two of which could only be watched on good weather days (albeit with extremely fuzzy reception) and only then when the watcher displayed a deft hand on the dial controller for the outside 50 foot antenna attached to the house.

Sally Field had the starring role as Sister Bertrille. I forget what exactly was the premise of this sitcom or the weekly plots...

I'm thinking she was a crime-fighting nun who could fly when pointing her gull-winged cornette into the breeze. Memories of her flying over the countryside is really the only memories I retain from this show, but isn't that enough?

I was reminded of this awesome show when I stumbled upon this story

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The government's "Fort Knox" of weapons-grade uranium storage has ended a contract with a unit of an international security firm two months after an 82-year-old nun and other nuclear activists broke into the site. 

 My first thought was that Sister Bertrille is 82? I mean, to breach this site would have required nighttime stealthly ninja-like paragliders with superpowers, right? Or the Flying Nun. If only the Israelis had a battalion of these ladies. Game over Iran.

The point is, what this nation needs more than anything during these trying times is a return to this beloved TV series. OK, maybe not running the original series in syndication. What we need is a remake befitting today's unique challenges and fears. The Flying Ninja Nun! Better yet, how about a major motion picture with a budget the size of the Avengers movie.

Heck, maybe 82-year-old Sister Bertrille joins the crime fighting Avengers in their sequel. Can you imagine? You thought Iron Man, Hulk, Thor and Capt'n America were formidable - throw this lady into the mix and fuhgettaboutit!

OK, I actually took a time out to read the article I've already linked to that led to those most excellent ideas above. Apparently I was incorrect in assuming the nun flew over the walls of this "secure" facility.

The nun, Megan Rice, and two others cut perimeter fences to reach the outer wall of a building where enriched uranium was stored. 

OK, in this day of islamofacist terrorism, THAT is slightly disturbing. Maybe Sly Stallone as Rambo could pull this off using wire cutters, a bow and a quiver with an unlimited supply of magical arrows, but an 82-year-old SISTA SOLDJA!?

No sense crying over spilt Plutonium. Stitch up the chain link fence, put a new lightbulb in the guard tower lamp and move on. My only hope now is that Sister Megan can learn to fly. And why not? I can see the opening show narration now!

Sister Bertrille, a former anti-nuclear activist who was irradiated by uranium rays during one of her facility security breaches is barely alive! Sisters, we can rebuild her. We have the Holy water and this ridiculous looking winged hat. We have the capability to build the world's first Nuclear Powered Flying Nun! Sister Bertrille will be that nun. Better than she was before. Better, stronger, faster.

Yahoo's Name Game

Did you play the The Name Game yet? (I said "Name" not "Blame" - Obama will play the Blame Game again in next week's debate) In the meantime, a brainless diversion. Does your name really lend clues to your political leanings? Well, in my case it was accurate. And 100% of "Mitts" are Republican and 100% of "Baracks" are socialists democrats. They do not show in the results, so I'm just filling in the blanks like the regular media does. That's allowed, right?

Keep in mind, this is a breakdown by name of political donors. Folks who actually GAVE $$ to one or the other political campaign. I'd be interested to see a similar chart of the 47% who don't pay taxes.

BREAKING: JIMMY HOFFA'S BODY FOUND IN SANDRA FLUKE'S "CRAWLSPACE"!

OK, not really. Jimmy has been missing for 37 years while by most accounts Miss Fluke's crawlspace is in the lower 30s.

But in the spirit of this year's political Democrat tagline: "Let no Hole go to waste"

The latest in the search for Jimmy Hoffa...

but first let's recap.

On July 30, 1975, Teamsters mobster Jimmy Hoffa visited a suburban Detroit restaurant for a planned meeting with a wiseguy from 'Jersey and another nose-bender from Detroit. He hasn't been heard from since.

Foul play has long been assumed, but I wonder if he just got a bad coney island hotdog from the drivethrough while he waited for his buddies. After all, what kind of friend would let you suffer from a tummy ache without giving you a merciful triple tap center mass, roll up in large rug and off the Ambassador bridge?

But I digress.

The point is, there has been a 37 year long macabre game of "Where's Waldo's Stinking and Decomposing Corpse?" ever since. Rumors persist that his body is encased in concrete at Giants Stadium, another that his bones are entombed at a nearby horse farm, and still another has him swimming with the 'gators in a Florida Swamp.

The latest tip from a dying man (usually a reliable source in Hitchcock films) has led investigators to search under a Detroit suburban driveway. Apparently, ground penetrating radar has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt "that the earth had been disturbed at some point in time" there.

In other words, we can safely rule out the possibility that the 12-foot-by-12-foot concrete patch was naturally occurring. After intense and expensive "Environmental" testing, investigators are pretty sure the concrete was poured purposefully in this location (probably between 2X4 wood forms!) many years ago - thereby "disturbing the earth".

In an ongoing expenditure of taxpayer dollars, soil samples taken by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality at the site will be examined by a Michigan State University forensic anthropologist for signs of human decomposition. This MSU scientist has experience in this field as he has recently been studying this year's version of the Spartan football team for evidence of same.

What a bunch of democrat bureaucratic jackasses! Just dig a hole already! Seriously, gimmee a sledge, a case of LaBatts and an afternoon and I could have this done for them.

By the way, if "Five-O" comes sniffin' around to ask me where I was and what I was up to on July 30, 1975, I gots me a pretty tight alibi.  This was a month before my 14th birthday, and while it would have been logistically possible for me to make this 60 mile trip on my mountain bicycle with the banana seat and tall flag off the back, there is no way that dude's rigor mortis frame would have fit between my handlebars.

Be Like Betty Botter and Buy a Bit of Better Butter

Betty Botter bought some butter,

"But," she said, "this butter's bitter.

If I bake this bitter butter,

It will make my batter bitter.

But a bit of better butter -

That would make my batter better."

So she bought a bit of butter,
Better than her bitter butter,
And she baked it in her batter,
And the batter was not bitter.
So 'twas better Betty Botter
Bought a bit of better butter.

Barack Obama is "THE REPLACEMENT REF"

From Chattering Teeth Pictures, the feel good movie of next year!

He's a former neighborhood community football game organizer who was thrown into a job that was much too big for him.  You'll laugh and you'll cry, as the bungling ex-president bumbles, stumbles and bows repeatedly through blown call after blown call.


Here's what they are saying...

Jerry Lewis: "Almost as funny as my 1960 hit Cinderfella. Loved it when he mistakenly entangled players with his teleprompter cord"

CNN: "They're all Gutsy Calls!!"

Green Bay coach Mike McCarthy: "I've never seen anything like that in all my years watching movies."

Animal Crackers

Animals are conscious and should be treated as such

ARE animals conscious? This question has a long and venerable history. Charles Darwin asked it when pondering the evolution of consciousness. His ideas about evolutionary continuity - that differences between species are differences in degree rather than kind - lead to a firm conclusion that if we have something, "they" (other animals) have it too.

Well, no wonder your conclusion is wrong. Your premise is based upon a dude who spent all of his free time with cold blooded reptiles and pea-sized brain avians (no, I'm not talking about democrat voters this time). The correct answer is that we share an animating spirit with animals, but in addition to that, God created us with an eternal soul.

Read the article if you must (though I don't recommend it). Lots of chin-pulling academ-idiocy going on here. Neuroanatomical this, and neurochemical that. Yet it's perfectly fine to murder a human baby if it is in proximity to the mother's female monster's womb.

Loved this part though, cuz it got me humming a cool tune.

I was also disappointed that the declaration did not include fish, because the evidence supporting consciousness in this group of vertebrates is also compelling.

Obviously, this fella never studied under Kurt Cobain

And I'm living off of grass And the drippings from the ceiling But it's ok to eat fish Cause they don't have any feelings

Iranian Friday Night Lights

Soccer Grenade Update, A Chattering Teeth Exclusive!

Did a friendly cheer from the visiting Saudi Arabian squad lead to an over-zealous fan throwing grenade?

Yah Team!

Soccer Grenade In Iran Explodes - If they get the nuke it would be bad for the game

Maybe you saw the video. A soccer match between an Iranian team and the visiting Saudi Arabian team.

During a stoppage of play, a group of players are visible arguing with the referees. It's not clear what the dispute was about. I'm guessing it was either about a perceived blown call on the field of play, or just to complain about that anti-Islam video.

Meanwhile, a nearby player picks up a round object and casually walks it over to the sideline where he gives it a little toss off the field of battle. It hits the ground and immediately explodes.

A GRENADE EXPLODES IN IRAN!! This is... news? Folks, the blame for this clearly lies with the player for not identifying exactly what the object was before picking it up. In Iran, if you blindly pick up an unidentified round object, don't be shocked if it's a grenade. Or some other explosive device. Or a severed infidel head for that matter. It's just a culture thing.

Would it be news if a YouTube video came out showing an American blindly picking up an object before identifying it, say - on the streets of New York City - only to discover they were holding a used condom? An old and rusty heroin needle? An aborted fetus?

Like I said, it's a culture thing.

We love our sports over here too. For me, I love going to Comerica Park to watch my Detroit Tigers play. There has been a time or three when the umps blow a call that goes against the home team. I've never witnessed a tossed grenade in response. Maybe a few "F-Bombs", but everyone still has their fingers when play resumes. Of course, we have real sports over here. If I were subjected to a soccer game, I have no idea what kind of inhumanity to man to which I'd be capable.

So in conclusion, the soccer match was called due to showers (of shrapnel), and the Tigers lost 12 - 4 to the As. Them no good flin flarn fritter fratter f&$#s!!!

Faded Pieces of Papyrus could sink Romney Campaign (Hope Mainstream Media)

Newly discovered faded pieces of papyrus written in Coptic in the fourth century, throw into question earlier documents that were the basis for "Romans" in the Gospel.

Apparently a new translation of this ancient text says it actually refers to "Romney" and not the "Romans" who treated the dependent slaves cruelly and who ultimately crucified Jesus.   

Leaked Video! Romney now states that "47% of Tsetse flies are dependent on an unsuspecting host"

Today's headlines...

Mitt Romney's '47 Percent' Comments Are 'Not The Way I View The World' 
Insensitive to mature maggots! 
Obama compassionately for redistributing germs 
Romney's comments rock campaign... 
May lose turd sitter's votes 

OK, actually 100% of these little vampires feed on the blood of vertebrate animals. However, both Tsetse flies and liberalism are known to cause human sleeping sickness.
 
pics on Sodahead

Meanwhile, from David Letterman's guest couch: Obama says he "works for everybody, not just for some". Uhhh mister president? You're doing it wrong.

Was Elvis watching the anti-Islam movie in 1970 something when he shot his TV?

No time to follow up on this, but am a little curious as to the identity of the dude in the picture I see on my homepage Drudge. It looks like Mort from Bazooka Joe being taken in for questioning.
 
Not sure why (stale bubblegum?), but in this new world order, just insert any conservative blogger who irritates Obama and he will have them roughed, cuffed and brought in for "questioning".


Then again, maybe this insensitive comic is the cause for unrest among the otherwise peacefull desert dwellers in the Middle East.

Michelle Obama grilled by hostile "press"

Whether you like Michelle Obama or not, you have to give her some respect for doing something her husband will not - That is, exposing herself to a hostile press. Sure, they were only elementary and middle school kids she met at a campaign stop at a Virginian YMCA. But they sure were tougher than anything Obama has been through.

The kids had tough questions for the first lady (here are a few):

"As she entered the room, one boy pointed at her and yelled “Obama.” The First Lady said “No, I’m his wife.”

Random Kid: Are you the president?
Michelle: “I am not a president. I am married to the president,”
Random Kid: Where is Obama?
Michelle:  “He’s at work."

Then, according to the story, Michelle "then asked the adults, 'Where is Barack Obama?' She was told he’s in Colorado today." Apparently, Michelle didn't believe the children were as gullible as the average liberal when told that Barack "was at work".  Of course, the confirmation that he was in Colorado did not preclude the probability that he was on the golf course at that moment while the Middle East was burning.

Back to the grilling...

Random Kid: Do you like Barack Obama?
Michelle: “I do like Obama, I like him a lot.”

How about THAT question folks? Even these young minds struggle against indoctrination and the NEA approved template that Obama is actually "likeable". They have TVs at home and know better. As for Michelle's answer, what would you expect her to say? However, she does sound a little like a "corporate wife" if you ask me.


When asked by a kid where the Obamas would live if President Obama loses, "The First Lady said they could figure that out later," according to the pool report...

Another boy asked her if she thinks Obama will get outrun by Mitt Romney. “I watch TV,” he said by way of explanation, adding that he sees a lot of Romney on TV.

“He does have a lot of commercials,” the First Lady answered.

What this report doesn't mention is whether or not those last two questioners (we'll call them little Woodward and Bernstein) will have IRS agents auditing their parent's tax returns.


When Michelle had enough, she snapped a command to "eat your vegetables!" before storming out.

Nice job kids! Those hard-hitting "gotcha" questions seemed rehearsed and lead me to believe that the children had advance notice of the First Lady's visit. I imagine the first graders meeting in the corner of the gym having the following conversation that shows up on Youtube because of an "open cellphone connection":


(muddled YouTube audio)
Unknown Child 1: "That’s the question....Yeah that’s the question. "Do you like Obama?..."
Unknown Child 2: "Your question? Your statement?"
Unknown Child 1: "I mean your statement. Not even your tone, because then she can go off on liking him a lot –"
Unknown Child 2:  "And then if she does, I think we can just follow up and say ‘but this morning your answer is continuing to sound' –" the sentence is cut off by an audio feed interruption,
Unknown Child 1: "No matter who she calls on, we’re covered on the one question.”

But that kind of thing wouldn't happen with REAL reporters.


BTW Michelle, I have an answer to the housing question from above... That is, if George will take you in.

Hey Obama, if I Apologize, will you resign?

NOTE: This blog requires a photo ID. Just hold it up to the monitor and gimmeee a looksee. Good. Also be advised, unlike the U.S. Marines at the U.S. embassy in Cairo, this blog uses live ammunition with my liberal armor penetrating "Thought Bullets". You may now proceed.

The similarity between my statement below, and yesterday's condemnation by Hillary Clinton of the Anti-Islam Film she believes led to Islamofacists storming of our embassies and killing Americans on 9/11 is purely coincidental. If pressed, I can PROVE several words from my statement are different from hers. Obviously, the repeated bowing and apologies for our freedom has not worked for Obama, but I am willing to give it a try if they put so much stock in it...

I want to say a few words about the events unfolding within the Obama regime that affect us all. The Federal Reserve is promising to inflict more devastating and inflationary "Obama re-election stimulus" upon us at home, and the AQQE3 (Al Queda Quantitative Easing) - or Obama and his surrogate's apology tour, Day 3, abroad. 

I want to take a moment to address Dinesh D'Souza anti-Obama movie circulating the country that has added to Obama's apparent declaration of war against the economy of the United States and our national security.

Let me state very clearly -- and I hope it is obvious -- this blog had absolutely nothing to do with this movie. I  absolutely reject its content and message (fingers crossed). Chattering Teeth’s commitment to Christian intolerance goes back to the very beginning of the reign of Obama, peace be unto him (and the cock crowed 3 times).

To us here at Chattering Teeth Studios, to me personally, this movie is disgusting and reprehensible (*cough* *cough*). It appears to have a deeply cynical purpose: to denigrate a great president and to provoke Tea Party rage against his socialist agenda.

But as I said repeatedly, there is no justification, none at all, for responding to this movie with additional violence against our economy with the monetary flooding of $40 billion of mortgage-backed securities per month. There is no justification for the suicidal foreign policy of weakness, the latest demonstration evidenced by Obama agreeing to meet with the Muslim Brotherhood Egyptian President next week (scheduled between his late night talk show spots no doubt), but refusing to meet with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to plan on how to avoid Israel's nuclear annihilation.

Listen Mr. President, I get it. D'Souza's film is hurtful. But storming the walls of our Constitution is not the answer!...

Wait a minute, never mind! You were perpetrating your destructive agenda upon us long before D'Souza's film. I take back my apology above. Instead, I'll just satisfy myself in doing my part in your complete and utter defeat come this November.