BREAKING: MUELLER REPORT ADVANCE PEEK

CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - This blog has secured an advance peek at the Mueller collusion report and his puppeteers are not going to be happy! One of our crack under-cover operatives (me) posed as a faux pizza delivery man and successfully gained entry to Special counsel Robert Mueller's residence and smuggled out 3 hours of surveillance footage taken from a hidden camera in his clip on bow tie.

Mueller is visible in this footage practicing presenting his report in front of a mirror that he is rumored to be delivering for real to the new attorney general, William Barr, sometime in the coming week.  Mueller was supposed to have been working on this report these last two years, but this video of his report board makes it obvious he has just started it and is cramming to make deadline.

The special prosecutor had been secretly tasked by the former president and his upper-level political hacks in the F.B.I. and the D.O.J. in manufacturing evidence against the current President Trump in order to set the coup table for his eventual overthrow and disenfranchisement of his almost 65 million voters. Unfortunately for them, Bob Mueller is not real bright and consequently got his signals crossed, as evidenced by his report board showing the actual collusion in the last election.

Mueller's report suspiciously resembles a recycled elementary child's science fair project, and even comes with a paper mache' volcano fashioned in the horrifying likeness of Hillary Clinton, as she spews eruptions of baking soda and vinegar from her prodigious pie hole. Mueller also was experimenting giving his report in black face and wearing a noose for sympathetic effect.

THE END

HAHA!!! Statue vandals seem to have mistaken WWII hero for actual Lee target statue...

If you don't succeed... 
Try, try again.

Dances with Lawsuits

Nick Sandmann’s Attorney has filed a lawsuit against the Washington Post for $250 Million, and has said that Nathan Phillips “Will be Sued for His Defamatory Lies”

Watch out Fake News outlets, Enter the Sandmann
Say your prayers Fake News Media
Don't forget my son
To include everyone
I tuck you in, warm within
Keep you free from sin
'Til Nick Sandmann's attorney comes
Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand

We're off to MAGA MAGA land

BREAKING: Lip-syncing Nigerian Brothers in Jussie Smollett Scam Exposed as Milli Vanilli!

Oh what tangled Lynching Rope he weaves

"Empire" actor, Jussie Smollett, performs a homophobic hate crime against himself in a court house bathroom during a break for his arraignment on charges of falsifying a hate crime against himself. 

In a statement late Saturday his lawyers say: "Nothing is further from the truth and anyone claiming otherwise is lying."

Democrat women in congress providing laundry service for congressmen

A blood stain is hard to remove, but not for those soulless democrat witches in congress. Just HOW do they get their whites so WHITE? 

Black laundry might matter for the average social justice warrior, but shouldn't you also have this white privileged for YOUR laundry of over-sized unmentionables at home?

These democrat women hold hands daily with the butchers at Planned Parenthood and are themselves awashed in the flowing blood from over 50 million massacred babies - yet they manage to get those pesky blood stains out! FINALLY! AOC has found the purpose for which she was created, as she irons Mitch McConnell's white Seersucker.

Ginsburg Would be Resuscitated If That’s What the President Desired

What if Ruth Bader Ginsberg actually shows for President Trump's SOTU speech tonight?

What if she predictably falls asleep?

What if the president then adlibs the words Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam recently used regarding babies and applies them to The Despicable RBG?

“If RBG is napping... the Justice would be laid on a stainless steel gurney. The Justice would be kept comfortable. The Justice would be resuscitated if that’s what the President and the nation that elected him desired, and then a discussion would ensue between Sean Hannity and the president."

In other news... 
Ginsburg makes 1st public appearance since cancer surgery

Experts now claim that it was actually a life sized and animated Ruth Bader Ginsburg Action Figure.

"The dead give-away was the fact that she walked perfectly erect and was not bent over and shuffling like the old crone," said an anonymous source. "She seemed to enunciate and there was no drool on her chin from any recent narcoleptic naps..."

SUPER BOWL HALFTIME SHOW UNDERWHELMS

What the hell did I just watch? That's what I was thinking after the Super Bowl half time horror show. The main act featured an almost 40-year-old Adam Levine staring at the camera like a deer in the headlights while singing in a key usually reserved for a coyote after having inadvertently stepping into a rusty and forgotten Coil Spring Jaw Trap.

Actually, now that I think on it - this hypothetical coyote would sound demonstrably more mellifluous. At least I wouldn't have the urge to chew through my own 'paw' in order to free myself from the TV remote as I did while this maroon was wailing,,,

Admittedly, I was initially under the assumption that this lead singer was actually the drug lord for some MS-13 Mexican drug cartel, based on the fact that he had desecrated his entire body and covered it in assorted tattoos. I only know this because he felt the need to take his shirt off. I'm not sure if he thought this made him look sexy or whether he realized he resembled an Auschwitz prisoner and was hopping someone would throw him a biscuit.

When it finally dawned on me that this was Adam Levine, one of the judges on the tv show The Voice, I was full on amused as I realized this performance must be entirely satirical. I would have been just as amused had some other tv host (say, Bob Barker) come out prancing and singing.

My amusement turned to horror, however, when Big Boi Virginia's Democrat Governor, Ralph Northam made a surprise guest appearance in black face while attempting to do the moon walk. That's racist.

I thought the highlight of this performance had to be Nathan Phillips, that stolen valor indian who who got scalped by the Covington Catholic high school boy. He took the stage chanting and beating his li'l Playskool drum so loud that it drowned out the wailing white man. The social justice warriors went crazy!

Or maybe I had nodded off.

In any case, it's not surprising that the NFL gets it wrong again. I'll bet that 98% of the tv audience had the same reaction as I did, and also muttered, "What the hell did I just watch?". Football fans tend to be good 'ol boys full of whiskey, beer and toxic masculinity - not a bunch of effeminate Star Bucks sippin' skinny jeaners or the cop-hating activist kneelbaggers who were in their locker rooms desecrating the flag during this show.

We would have much preferred listening to Adam's co-coach on The Voice, Blake Shelton, sing about the boys 'round here. ...or a wounded coyote for that matter.

All's well that ends well. Congrats to Tom Brady, the G.O.A.T.!!!

GO PATS, and GO BLUE!

Rare behind-the-scenes footage of Pelosi's delegation being forced to de-plane just prior to takeoff..

Trump cancels Nancy Pelosi's planned vacation trip an hour before departure -

Pelosi and Schumer make thoughtful pitch for the dissolution of these United States

First, our great President, Mr Donald J Trump, delivered a much overdue address to the nation from the Oval Office pitching to the American public the need for funding the border wall. Next came the response from Pelosi and Schumer. I had no intention of watching it...

but just as I was reaching for the TV remote,  there they were...  the camera begins to pan in on two macabre figures behind some kind of torture podium... "are these demons from the depths of hell?," I ponder... shivers down my spine, I begin to tremble... I try to scream as the figures now fill my screen and the plastic faced apparition begins to speak..
finally I find my voice... REDRUM!!! 

Pelosi and Schumer's response was even mocked on social media.

HERE'S NANCY AND CHUCK! now that'll give ya nightmares.

will somebody give Schumer a toy train to play with, and maybe an extra dose of powder on the massive forehead, as my my large, flat screen LED is being taxed to it's limits...

AOC's Bird Brain Box

Actually, Democrat socialist bird brain Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez did not say that.  She actually said, "I think that there’s a lot of people more concerned about being precisely, factually, and semantically correct than about being morally right." There. Doesn't that sound a lot more eloquent?

You've watched Bird Box, right? According to Netflix metrics, 45 million subscribers did. Of course, these tools are no doubt counting my wife in that tally, and she only made it to about the 10 minute mark. I am a little more easily amused (and entertained) so I pried my eyes open until the bitter end.

One of the more memorable quotes from Sandra Bullock's character,

‘Please don’t take my children!’

which is what parents of college bound children should be screaming these days.

Jim Acosta's Thanksgiving Family Invitation Restored!

- With New Kiddie Table 'Rules' of Decorum

But first, a dad joke.

Dad joke: What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

Answer: One weighs a ton and the other is a little lighter.

I read that about a week prior to my inadvertent massacred delivery to my 2-week-old granddaughter, Lydia.

Grandpa Version: What's the difference between a Rhinoceros and a butane lighter?

I assume the punchline would have remained relatively the same but I can't be sure since it was never delivered - for after saying my version of the setup out loud, I instinctively knew something had gone horribly wrong. I looked into the beautiful face of my granddaughter, who seemed blatantly unaware of my unfortunate  faux pas. Either that, or she was simply being polite by not calling me out. Her father (my 27-year-old son) who happened to be standing nearby and within earshot was not as gracious. Apparently he knew the joke and therefore my hatchet job done to it, and couldn't wait to interrupt his wife's unrelated conversation in order to whisper this to her. All I can say is that the smiles on their faces as they looked at me was way more humor-filled than the responses illicited by the right telling of that joke, whatever that is... Winning!

And now it's time for my latest poorly executed and copyright infringing photoshop for your enjoyment (or disdain)...

In old news, the organ grinding CNN's very own cymbal banging monkeyboy, Jim Acosta, has had his press pass restored, but with some strings attached.

Here are the latest WH press conference Acosta Rules:

The guy who runs the place is a little temperamental, especially about the jackass leftist so-called reporters not following precedent and well established procedure. Just follow the ordering procedure and you will be fine. As you walk in the place move immediately to your right.
The main thing is to keep the line moving. you hold the microphone loosely, speak your question in a loud, clear voice, step to the left and receive your answer. It's very important not to embellish. No extraneous comments. No questions. No followups. And if you don't get your bread?

In conclusion, we have our second granddaughter! So much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving to all of my blog friends out there!

CNN'S JIM ACOSTA SNEAKS BACK INTO PRESS CONFERENCE

I think he used the dumb waiter...

Crazy Mumbling Nancy is Wielding the Gavel Again

I've been on blog break for a bit. The wife and I have since been BLESSED with the birth of our second granddaughter. Her older sister is about 19 months. As the father of 3 boys, I couldn't be happier with these two beautiful young ladies. I even know a lot of the songs in Moana by heart (though admittedly I might change the lyrics slightly... "I see what's happening here... You're face-to-face with grandpa and he's strange."

I only tell you this for context, as this midterm result has me thinking about this old cartoon.


All day long yesterday, my Facebook feed was jammed with selfies of my FB "friends" posing with their "I VOTED" stickers. With few exceptions, these photos didn't give me warm fuzzies of camaraderie and fellowship - they made me cringe since I know their politics. "Great! Another leftist jackass or uneducated twit voted!," I would think. They pretend to celebrate the freedom to vote, while at the same time undermining the very foundations of our constitution that allow these votes to actually be counted. They vote in Venezuela. They vote in Russia. They vote in North Korea. In fact, it's mandatory under penalty of law and there is only one candidate.

So no, I am not happy these progressive leftist socialist jackasses voted. While I am not beating my chest or sitting in the road crying like these same snowflakes did the morning after Trump's election - only me at the prospect of crazy mumbling nancy wielding the gavel again. I'm just sad for my granddaughters and what kind of country will be left.

originally posted shortly after obama's re-election in 2012.

Just say the words...

I had a dream last night. I was huddled in the back of a plane cruising level at 30,000 feet with several other passengers. The date was September 11, 2001. Terrorists had taken control of the cockpit and were at the controls while others guarded the front of the cabin with box cutters. One of the passengers received a call on their cell and the information received was devastating. As the passenger shared this information, it became clear that this was not a traditional hijacking. The plane would not be diverted to Cuba, nor would our release be negotiated. Regardless of the soothing lies and false promises from the terrorists that "all would be well" if we just cooperated, we were helpless passengers on a suicide run and we would not survive. Most sat there in shock at the news, some sobbing, some praying.

Then a young man in a baseball cap with eyes of focused intensity came forward and quietly laid out a plan to charge the cockpit. I don't recall his exact words, as my fading memory on this point is murky and elusive, as remembered dreams are want to be. I do recall, however, that his message was inspiring. While our odds were impossible, he made us understand that we still had choices. We could choose to bow to this tyranny by remaining quietly in our seats, thereby potentially buying us a little more time but solidifying our collective fates. Or we could leave the false and temporary safety of our foxhole to fight against this tyranny, and die if necessary, for ideals like "freedom" and "liberty".

If this is our time, isn't it better to go on our terms?  If we can't wrest the controls from the terrorists, then isn't it better to drive the plane into an empty field in our attempt? If we are to go, should it be by passive subservience, thereby condemning those at the business end of the terrorist's flight plan?

My dream took a strange twist at this point, as visions passed before my like those old black and white newsreels. General Washington Crossing the Delaware... The battlefield at Gettysburg, filled with cannon smoke and cries of the dying... Heroes leaping into the cold water off the back of an amphibious troop carrier and racing toward the beaches of Normandy - the air filled with bullets and shrapnel thicker than a spring rainstorm.

And then instantly I was back in the plane. That's strange! Slightly more than half of the passengers have moved to the front of the plane and are dancing and laughing and chugging the miniature bottles of hootch pilfered from the galley with the terrorists. More free stuff is promised to them as long as they cooperate. Meanwhile, the party continues as the plane barrels on towards oblivion.

The young man in the baseball cap (I think his name was Todd) looked at me with those eyes of focused intensity and said, "....

TO BE CONTINUED

he's back?