If you're like me, you have sold all of your old and broken gold nipple rings for cash to buy gas. If you're also like me, you enjoy a good cup of steaming java in the morning while surfing the internet. That's why I was out of sorts Tuesday morning as I sat at my computer and a blank web page stared back at me. I checked the connections and rebooted the modem to no avail. I called the cable company and a recorded message informed me that there was a service outage in the area. Greeeaaat! At least I knew it wasn't me.
Oh well. I still had my coffee. Nectar of the gods. On the way in to work yesterday, a radio DJ read the news and mentioned a Harvard University study that found: "Coffee drinking -- even more than six cups a day over the course of almost 20 years -- won't kill you, and may even help you live longer."
This is good news to me. I drink at least that much coffee. Who knew it was medicinal? I always felt that it was therapeutically mood altering. Of course, the mood darkens a tad when you wait in line like a heroin junky before shelling out four bucks at Starbucks. I could get a gallon of gas with four bucks! Oh well, I can get about 23 miles to that steaming cup of java too, and if I don't buy it I can guarantee I'll run out of gas. Fill 'r up!
By the way, what's that foreign language "size" code going on there at Starbucks?
Me: "I'd like a large coffee please."
Starchick: "Do you mean a Tall, Grande, or Venti?"
Me: "I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese! Give me the el granday large-o biggee-ist size ya got back there."
Starchick: "Venti."
Me: "No I'll take it to go. I have time to sip it. Maybe I'll order it intravenously next time."
Starchick: "That'll be four bucks please."
I think I'm getting verklempt! Talk amongst yourselves.
Similar to how I place my order at Starbucks. I always say "I'll have a large regular manly coffee, no froth, frills, tiny umbrellas, doilies or iced anything. Hey, ya got any doughnuts? That sir is no doughnut!! It's a pile of pine nuts and granola on some sort of a wafer concoction that my wife would die for. Good day to you!"
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