Biden's boring address

I tried to watch Biden's speech last night but I kept zoning out. I think I caught the gyst of it though. I actually thought his son, Beau, was much more interesting in the introduction. Politics aside, it is a very engaging and emotion-filled story that is the kind of drama tailor-made for TV.

By the way, what's up with Biden's hairdo? I know he had hair plugs stapled on, but why does he wear a mini-mullet? It is really distracting.

OK, another aside. Biden names his sons "Beau" and "Hunter"? Bow hunter? Has this been talked about before? I don't care enough about liberals in general, or Biden specifically, to know if this has been discussed before. If not, I really think the PETA people should ask some hard questions of Joe. After all, bow hunters kill innocent woodland creatures! Ted Nugent is a bow hunter for Gaia's sake! What secret killing instincts does Biden possess by naming his kids so violently? Oh, and his wife "Jill" rhymes with "kill". But I digress. Back to the stupid speech.

"Yes. Yes, I accept your nomination to run and serve alongside Osama, I mean Barack Obama." Freudian slip. Freudian slip."

My eyelids are feeling very heavy. Biden is boring! Wheres the messiah? The news anchors have been gushing that maybe we just miht get a glimpse at him this evening. Tears are welling up in the corner of my eyes just thinking about the possibility that the messiah might grace us with a surprise visit. I feel faint at the thought.

My dad always told me, "Champ, when you get knocked down, get up. Get up."

Finally! A pleasing visual! Biden with a bloody nose. And what an inspiring analogy... America sucks. We have all been knocked down by George Bush. But we are all "champs" and Obama and Biden will pick us up and dust us off.

OK, now he is talking about his mother teaching him that everybody fails at some point in their life. The camera pans to her in the audience. Typical wrinkly white-haired white women.

"When I got knocked down by guys bigger than me, she sent me back out and demanded that I bloody their nose so I could walk down that street the next day."

Again with the violent symoblism. I thought this was an anti-war party full of dope smokers in tie dyed T's, who just believe in peace, love, and understanding. Love is all we need. Imagine all the people (CITIZENS OF THE WORLD!) living for today! Even that Achckmadeena-dude will see the messiah's light! What's with Joe and his Big Bad Mamma kicking everybody's asses? I digress again. Back to this silly speech...

"My mother's creed is the American creed: No one is better than you. You are everyone's equal, and everyone is equal to you." Unless you are an unborn child. Then you are not equal and don't deserve to live. Your existance is at the whim of your mother. Biden, Pelosi, and the rest of the so-called "Catholic democrats" are an obama-nation to their faith. I love them (love the sinner) but I hate their sin (abortion/liberalism).

"But today that American dream feels as if it's slowly slipping away. I don't need to tell you that. You feel it every single day in your own lives. I've never seen a time when Washington has watched so many people get knocked down without doing anything to help them get back up. Almost every night, I take the train home to Wilmington, sometimes very late. As I look out the window at the homes we pass, I can almost hear what they're talking about at the kitchen table after they put the kids to bed." They are saying, "America sucks!"

Isn't that inspiring? Joe, why are you imagining voices in your head? Did the hair plugs burrow too deep? "Washington" needs to take care of us, is that it Joe? Washington should provide us with all of our needs. "Free" health care. "Free" energy. A windmill on top of every shack that our homeless half-brothers sleep in. "FREE" everything! Yeah, that would work!

Oh goody. Now Biden is talking about the great one. Let's listen in. "You know, I believe the measure of a man isn't just the road he's traveled; it's the choices he's made along the way..." What about the associations he has made? What if he surrounded himself with racist hate-mongers in "church" and terrorists as neighbors? Would that give us a measure of a man Joe?

Now the audience, comprised mostly of miscreants, hippees, and "life's lottery losers" are chanting an anti-McCain slogan... "That's not change. That's more of the same!" Of course, they are stepping all over each other in the delivery. But it is really catchy! Their constituency just needs a catchy slogan that fits on a bumper sticker. They are not a collection of real deep thinkers for the most part. They just want Washington to hold them and tuck them in at night.

Blah, blah, blah. Now he keeps repeating that McCain was wrong and Obama was right on matters of Iraq and the like. Revisionist history. Saying it repeatedly doesn't make it so Joe. These are your biggest lies yet. Playing right to the liberal wacko base.

"May God bless America and protect our troops."

Somewhere, Rev. Wright is thinking: "God bless America? No, no, no,..."

I'm going to fall asleep smiling with visions of Biden sporting a bloody nose.