A Conservative Coup - Can you hear me now?

I woke up this morning with renewed enthusiasm and vigor after yesterday's historic spanking administered to Obama's agenda, with the Republicans taking back the House. There was even a Republican or two elected right here in Michigan, including our new Governor-elect and "One Tough Nerd", Rick Snyder.

Now back to my feeling of euphoria. I am hopping around the house like the reformed Ebenezer Scrooge on Christmas morning, with a goofy grin on my face and joy and love in my heart. I'm doing the Ebenezer jig and singing like a drunken sailor. I changed the words of his song a little...

"Obama doesn't know anything, he never did know anything... but now you know that he doesn't know..."

I have no prized goose to cook for dinner, but since this is a symbolic reference, the part of the cooked goose will be played by Obama. Or would he be the ghost of Marxists past? Ah well, casting to be done later.

It wasn't a perfect showing, admittedly, what with Reid and the Dems narrowly holding the senate. Harry Reid clung to his Nevada seat like a stubborn colon polyp refusing to budge. Hey, sometimes on election day the voters will "snip off the things they find when they go up and, no more" and other times they don't.

So while not perfect, I know how to answer my kids queries regarding the election results when they ask, "Did you plug the hole yet daddy?".
Yes, the hole has been plugged. We will cement this midterm victory and put a permanent cap on Obama's destructive agenda come 2012. For now we must be content to look up in the sky and realize that those are our planes now... almost.

Speaking of colon polyps, Tim Kaine, chairman of the Democratic National Committee, misinterpretted the results this way:

“Voters sent a message that change has not happened fast enough.”

Exactly right Mr. Kaine. The voters did not scream for a change in direction. They LOVE the direction toward economic oblivion. We just are not happy with the SPEED Obama and the dems are driving us there and we are an ignorant bunch, clueless to the concept of cause and effect.

Oops, my bad. I slipped into that stupid car analogy metaphor thingy that Obama loves to use so much. Seems I'm not alone in this though. The new Republican "Speaker-Elect", if you will, John Boehner, said this to a cheering throng last night:

"We hope President Obama will now respect the will of the people, change course, and to commit to making changes they are demanding."

Obama respecting the will of the people? Yah, right. I guess we'll find out this afternoon when Obama reads from his teleprompter on this subject today. Maybe it will go something like this:

OBAMA: My fellow Americans. As you know, I inherited a mess from George Bush. He took a joyride in our car and left it in a ditch. Since my election, I have had my boots on - my Mom Jeans covered in mud - trying to push that car out of the ditch. It's hot down there. There is garbage, dead fetuses and used condoms down there. Looks like the National Mall after a liberal rally. Not pleasant. But I've been pushing that car for you. I only stop to take a smoke break, but I make sure that Nancy is pushing while Harry is trying to steer. When Nancy bitches and asks for them to change positions, Harry whines that his skin is sensitive to the mud, and besides, her "gavel" is bigger than his. Break over.

Now you, the American voter, have spoken. You have ignorantly given the keys back to the Republicans in the House. Did I mention that these are the same guys who have been standing and watching us, sipping on their slurpees? Boehner was kicking dirt down and mooning us. Now I am supposed to respect the will of the people and promise to become more centrist, compromising with the Republicans?

Hell no! They can get in the car, but they have to ride in back next to my socialist mop. I recognize that you, the American people, are just upset with the speed of my change, not the direction. Remember, when you want to move the car forward, you put the transmission thingy to "D" for "drive". "D" also stands for "Democrats". If the gears slip into "R", then we go in "reverse". Get it? "R" for "reverse" and for "Republicans". Clever, right?

Now suppose I let them get behind the wheel. I still own the senate, and the media for that matter. A balanced budget? A repeal of my Obamacare? Don't even think about it. The gears will slip into Neutral and we will just be gridlocked. "N" for "Newt", remember him? I need the tires moving on this car to get us out of this ditch. The mud is only up to the wheel wells and if I'm going to dig this car all the way to my partners in China, I need to keep the car digging.

That is why I accept the intent of the American people, if not the will. I know what you really meant. Time for a bootlegger's turn.

Mr. president, I will gladly accept the car stuck in neutral than where you have been driving us. Check your dashboard. The GPS is rerouting.