Did Obama Steal Alaskan Baby & Sell on Black Market For Reefer Money?

‘Oh my God, it is Obama’

Jolene Jackinsky was at Anchorage International Airport on Monday looking for an airline when she ended up in a waiting area for private flights where a man she thought looked like Obama was sitting.  “As I got closer, I thought: Oh my God, it is Obama,” she recalled Friday from Newhalen, a small Alaska village where she’s vacationing. Obama then walked up to her and...

WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRESSIVELY HEARTWARMING BLOG POST WITH AN EMERGENCY DISCLAIMER FROM YOUR BLOG HOST EXTRAORDINAIRE:

Dear Reader(s), I must admit to not reading the rest of this linked article beyond what I've block quoted? above. You may feel free to click the link and continue this 'feel-good' story, but I caution you that you are likely to become dumberer for it, as it is posted on one of those mainstream fake news sites called the Washington (com)post.

For the smarterer readers who may have a macabre curiousity regarding this interraction between an Alaskan native and our marxist former president - here is how I imagine this to have played out.

JOLENE: Oh my God, it is Obama!

(Obama then walked up to her and said:)

OBAMA: You had me at 'Oh my God'. No sense being redundantly repetitive.

JOLENE: Got it. So where is the wife, Michelle?

OBAMA: She went to load my luggage and golf clubs in the Caddy's trunk and is pulling around to the front.

JOLENE: She's not really traveling with you, is she?

OBAMA: No she is not. As the former leader of the semi-free world, I just didn't want to seem so pathetic sitting here in an airport lobby by myself like some kind of creeper. Who is this pretty girl? (ripping the 6-month-old baby from her mother's grasp)

JOLENE: Her name is Giselle.

OBAMA: Not anymore. She will be called "Denalia" from here, on. It's just a thing with me to re-name stuff while I'm here in Alaskastan.

(When Denalia’s father approached, Obama joked, “I’m taking your baby.”)

WE INTERRUPT THIS DISTURBING RE-ENACTMENT TO VOICE DOUBT THAT OBAMA WOULD ACTUALLY TELL THIS FATHER THAT HE WAS "TAKING" HIS BABY (BUT THIS IS WHAT MY CHANNELING SKILLS ARE TELLING ME... MAYBE I'M GETTING RUSTY?)

JOLENE: My baby Giselle... errr... I mean baby Denalia was calm and content during the brief encounter. I think she experienced a 'contact high'.

“I think it’s unreal and pretty exciting that I get to have a picture with him and my baby,” she said. “Not a lot of people get to meet him.” I'll miss my little Denalia, but I can always have another baby.

THE END