Chinese Man O' War

 Chattering Teeth News - Two weeks have passed since the first $5 Chinese spy balloon was shot down by an $8 million dollar AIM-9X Sidewinder missile. President Biden was later told of his bold decision, and he mumbled, "F...f..f.fighter jet. F-22 or F-22 1/2, whatever it takes." 

Now we learn that yet another Chinese Balloon was just shot down over Alaskan airspace, and early reports are disturbing. While some speculated that the first balloon was a sort of trial balloon to gage our response, this latest balloon appears to have been weaponized - and not with a small EMP-producing nuclear warhead - but something far worse and the stuff of nightmares!

Witness whistle-blowers on the ground at the wreckage site are reporting that the latest balloon was dangling several million Chinese Finger Traps on individual 40,000 foot fishing line like some kind of macabre tentacled Portuguese man o' war. 

While the jellyfish's tentacles contain barbed stingers meant to incapacitate small fish and crustaceans, the bamboo finger traps of brightly colored shades of blue, red, green, and purple would certainly attract and paralyze the vast majority of woke America. 

While these finger traps are not particulary deadly (except to ADM Levine's new nail polish) it is predicted that the distraction would allow an unmolested Taiwan invasion.

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