Prime-time Press Conference Theme - "A good start"

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OBAMA: "I'm proud of what we've achieved, but I'm not content. I'm pleased with our progress, but I'm not satisfied... We have to lay a new foundation."

Quizzes by Quibblo.com

"Photo Op" Shop of the day

photo credit to MSgtEd. Thanks! :)

The truth is written all over our faces (but nowhere to be found on Obama's teleprompter)

LOL!!: NEW YORK – Fox became the first broadcast network to turn down a request by President Barack Obama for time, opting to show its drama "Lie to Me" on Wednesday instead of the president's prime-time news conference.


The truth is written all over our faces (but nowhere to be found on Obama's teleprompter)

This week's episode of "Lie to me" on Fox...
Dr. Cal Lightman can detect the truth by analyzing a person's face, body, voice and speech. Lightman and his team of deception experts assist law enforcement and government agencies to expose the truth behind the lies. Before the opening credits are complete, Dr. Lightman confirms that Obama is lying by noticing the subtle movements of the president's lips as they form words. He spends the rest of the hour not shaving his beard stubble and making sarcastic remarks to the other characters, ala any episode of House or American Idol.

On next week's episode, an international incident hangs in the balance as Egyptian President Mubarak hires Lightman to determine whether or not Obama had advance knowledge of Airforce One buzzing the Sphinx for a photo op.

The first 100 days

The first 100 days
The President takes a break from his tireless efforts in further destroying the U.S. economy and culture with a little golf, followed by a little airborne joy ride.

PICTURED: Air Force One, pursued by F-16 fighter jets, performed low flying slaloms between NYC skyscrapers causing mass panic in the streets. Reports suggest that Obama was in Washington at the time, but witnesses report seeing the president through the cockpit window with his arms raised and a silly grin on his face, like he was riding on a roller coaster.

GIBBS: The president apologizes for the confusion that this photo op caused. It never occurred to him that a low flying jumbo jet darting between buildings would appear to be a terrorist attack... err... I mean a man made disaster attack... thingy. The president promises this will not happen again... unless you're a cow.

Obama finds alternative to buzzing New York City.


Let's join president Obama's press conference already in progress:
OBAMA: I aaaam closely monitoring the swine flu outbreaks between golf shots by checking the swine flu Google tracking map loaded onto my Blackberry. I want to assure the American public - thaaaat at least until Susan Boyle accepts the postion, we don't have a secretary of Health and Human Services during this “public health emergency”, but I still have my Teleprompter. Aaaaand [pause] thaaaat... hold on, hold on [pause] sorry, the – I just noticed I jumped the gun here. [looks at the prompter] Go ahead. Move it up. Have I already introduced all you guys?

Now for the news that Obama voters REALLY care about:
The National Enquirer reports that American Idol competitors and roommates Adam and Kris are feuding! "Adam is gay and a very flamboyant guy from L.A., while Kris is a conservative married man from a small Arkansas town.”

HORRORS! If this report can be believed, Adam and Kris are actually going long periods WITHOUT SPEAKING TO ONE ANOTHER! *sob* *sniffle* Tell me this isn't true! Mister President!??? Help us!!!

OBAMA: I am closely monitoring the emerging feud between Adam and Kris, and this is obviously a cause for concern and requires a heightened state of alert to all of my supporters. But it's not a cause for alarm. I'm getting regular updates on the situation from the American Idol staff, as well as from Simon Cowell himself. Please excuse me now as I have the tee.

In Conclusion:
Obama voters give the president high marks in his first 100 days, despite his abject failure to actually improve anything he touches. Banks continue to struggle, the future of the auto industry is questionable at best, and unemployment continues to skyrocket. Obama's apology tour and his weak-kneed dealings with foreign crackpot leaders has seriously jeopardized national security. We are circling the drain and our president is talking to his teleprompter. Other than all that, Adam is the front runner!

Worthless polls

DISCLAIMER:This sentence link has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of this post. Any similarities between this story link and the following random key strokes are purely coincidental.

Swine Flu gets a 69 percent approval rating from the other viruses.

Overall, microorganisms are about evenly divided on the questions of whether torture Tamiflu is justifiable in terrorism flu cases and whether there should be official inquiries into any past illegality involving the treatment of terrorism suspects these mutant germ strains. About half of all microorganisms, and 52 percent of bacteria, said there are circumstances in which the patient should consider employing torture medicines against such suspects.

I guess it matters who you ask the question to and what their objectives are.

Happy Anniversary Babe! (Now go get me a cold one will ya?)

It's been 23 years to the day when Mr. & Mrs. DaBlade tied the knot, and we are still happily married despite the bad omens working against us. No, I'm not talking about that bogus "stalking in my camero near the bus stop" charge while I was in college. I beat that rap. Besides, I made her an honest school girl women, didn't I? Then "What bad omens," I imagine you asking? Let me share a few Hawaiian Honeymoon pictures.

Bad Omen Number One:
We share our anniversary with the Chernobyl disaster. How many of you can say, that on the day you shared your vows with your spouse, the fallout from an exploding Russian nuclear reactor was pluming toward your honeymoon venue. "How bad can it be babe. We'll only be 4 thousand miles closer to this radiation cloud and I'm bringing suncreen with an SPF factor of 15."


Bad Omen Number Two:Pictured is beautiful Hanauma Bay on the island of Oahu.

We hadn't been married a full week yet and Mr. DaBlade lost his wedding ring somewhere in the coral reef while snorkling (after consuming vast amounts of Mai Tais). I remember you being less than amused when I hired those beach-combers with their fancy metal detectors, especially after the search was fruitless. I was not off to a good start. I imagine my gold band is still swimming with the pretty fishys. I would like to return and begin this search from scratch, what do you say?

Bad Omen Number Three:
Pictured is Mrs. DaBlade hanging out of our rental somewhere on the north shore of Kuai. This picture was taken shortly after we learned why the road map turned into a small dotted line after a few hour drive.

A short time later we did find a beatifully secluded white sandy beach that we had all to ourselves, even if it did cost the security deposit on the rental car. Of course, this seclusion only lasted about 30 minutes before it was interupted by that low flying helicoptor with that dude hanging out the side and screaming at us through his bullhorn for us to evacuate. It may have been the rum absorption, but I couldn't quite make out what else he was saying. I thought he was looking for some girl named "Sue Nami" or something. I remember thinking we would just blow this dude off rather than give up this prime beach spot. Much better than the elbow-to-elbow crowds on Waikiki. However, this guy was quite persistant, and I found it difficult to read my newspaper with a helicopter hovering 30 feet above my head. Back in the car and listening to the radio we learned about the tsunami warning that was forecast to hit the Hawaiian Islands after an enormous earthquake struck the Aleutian Islands off the coast of Alaska. We made it back to our hotel just in time to catch the last bus of evacuating tourists.

I took this picture from the "elevated hill" we were evacuated to at the precise time the said tidal wave was supposed to strike.

The irony of the cemetary if the foreground was lost on me at the time because of the rum, and the fact that this was well before the deadly Christmas tsunami of 2004. Thank goodness this was a false alarm because I might have gotten more than a little wet for this shot. As it turned out, we spent one tenth of our honeymoon fortune standing around and eating peanut butter sandwiches handed out by the Red Cross. Not exactly the Hawaiian luau we had heard so much about. I remember stating to a native born Hawaiian that I bet they had to do this drill a few times a year (thinking they were as common as a Michigan tornado warning). "last time 1962," was the reply. Lucky us!

Bad Omen Number Four:
I wanted to golf on the island of Maui and Mrs. DaBlade went along to get along. That speck on the side of the mountain addressing the ball is none other than Mrs. DaBlade.

I insisted she had to play her ball where it lied, so while she was trudging up the mountain to her ball, I was driving the cart in the opposite direction to get this shot, giggling like an idiot all the way. Mrs. DaBlade was not amused. She became even more surly when she developed sun poisoning after the first 6 holes. Rather than seek immediate medical attention for her balooning and swollen lips, I played two more holes. Hey, when was I going to get back here?!

Bad Omen Number Five:
Thurstons lava tube. A wet, dank cave formed by lava. One of us insisted we go in. One of us was quite insistant that we not. One of us went along to get along. The wet atmosphere ruined someone's hair and made the other one pay for it for the rest of the day. I would suffer another reactor meltdown before another bad hair episode. Just sayin'.

Even after ALL THIS (and much more), Mrs. DaBlade has stuck by my side. She is my wife and my best friend, and I love her dearly!

Pictured: This is NOT Renée Zellweger and Tom Selleck on a Hawaiian booze cruise.

Fad Farts Them Two (and other Matthew Stafford anagrams)

PICURED: Quaterback Matthew Stafford, the Detroit Lions Portugese Water Dogs No. 1 overall pick.

I know I'm old enough to know better and shouldn't care, having been burned as a Detroit Lions fan many times over, but why would an 0-16 team with the worst defense in the history of the league spend it's first two 1st round picks for a quarterback and a tight end? Nothing against Matthew "Georgia Peach" Stafford, I'm sure he is a fine young jazz pianist man who will make us all forget about Joey "Blue Skies" Harrington.

To his credit, Stafford is saying all the right things. Of course, for a guaranteed $41.7 million, I could be convinced to say the right things too. Heck, for that kind of money, gimmee a Tiny Tim wig and a ukulele and I'd stand on the street corner and give my best rendition of "Tiptoe Through The Tulips". Poor stafford is too young and separated from this fiasco of a franchise to even know what he's in for. He may have had a future with a different franchise.

As promised, other Matthew Stafford anagrams:
(These are still being analyed using my famous fortune telling skillz, but the early forecast doesn't look good)
A Draft Weft Moths
Moth Farted Wafts
Fart Wafts Method
Fad Fart Wet Moths
Staff That Wormed
Shaft Watt Deform
Team Thwarts Doff
Fad Shaft Term Two

Obama is not Hitler (especially when talking about their art)

Clarence Page takes issue with those mean-spirited Tea Party protesters in his latest column, A protest in need of a sane image. He cites the maniacally socialist web site of the Huffing-glue Post as his "source" for the "10 most offensive tea party signs". In case you missed it (and really, why WOULD you have read the Huffing-glue Post or Clarence Page?) here is the top five signs carried by, who Clarence calls "nut cases":

Madison, Wis.: "Obama's Plan: White Slavery."

Downtown Chicago: "The American Taxpayers Are the Jews for Obama's Ovens."

Sacramento: "Our Tax [Dollar] $ Given to Hamas to Kill Christians, Jews and Americans, Thanks Mr. O."

Tampa: No words, just a color cartoon of President Barack Obama grabbing Uncle Sam from behind and slitting the old man's throat.

Chicago again: "Barack Hussein Obama, The New Face of Hitler"—on a large picture of Adolf Hitler with Obama's face bearing a Hitler-style mustache superimposed over the face of a picture of the original Hitler.

I admit that when I read these, I did not react with a Perez Hilton type hissy fit of astonishment. I was not offended. In fact, I really like Tampa's! That said, there were better signs - many of which I saw on Fox with their excellent Tea Party coverage - or I saw them on all of YOUR blogs I read to help keep my sanity (I know, it doesn't appear to be working :) While I have never been to a leftist hippie democrat marxist protest, I'm sure they never would have such OFFENSIVE signs as these rightwing extremists. *choke*

Clarence seems to take the most offense by the comparison between his beloved messiah-in-chief, Obama, to that of the original genocider-in-chief, Adolph Hitler.

PAGE: "By the way, I have a modest proposal: Can we declare a moratorium on the use of Hitler as a metaphor for anyone but Hitler? Hitler's in a class by himself. Let's not cheapen his horrors by overusing his memory."

He has a bit of a point. Regardless of what Mahmood Akmadeenadude thinks, Hitler is directly responsible for the holocaust and extermination of 6 million Jews. According to wiki, "If you hold Hitler responsible for every death in the European Theater of World War II, that makes him responsible for well over half of those who died in the war (at least 20-30 million deaths)."

Hitler is not in the so-called "pro-choice" democrats league here. 20-30 million is a lot of death, but Roe V. Wade can beat that with 50 million abortions. With his enthusiastic support and promotion of abortion, I don't believe it a stretch to hold Obama personally accountable for ALL 50 million. After all, Obama is in a position to promote life and make a real difference in the elimination of the scourge of abortion but instead, he promotes it. I agree that Obama is not Hitler, but I believe both will have a tough job explaining himself on judgement day.

***********************

In other Hitler news, did you hear that 13 paintings done by the famous butcher and part-time artist, Adolph Hitler, recently sold for EUR 100,000?


"They are hardly Picasso," quipped the auctioner. Maybe not, but I believe Adolph's works rank up there with another famous butcher and part-time artist, Jack "Dr. Death" Kevorkian.

So in conclusion:
Obama is NOT Hitler.
Obama is NOT Dr. Death

You be the judge...
Hitler's "Killing Time Before Killing Jews"
(ok, I made that title up)


Kevorkian's "Nearer My God to Thee"
(his actual title!)


Obama's "WTF are you doing bro?!"

Obama Shaker under development

"Distasteful" Baby Shaker game pulled by Apple.

Apple has removed a downloadable iPod/iPhone game from its online iTunes App Store where the point is to shake a crying baby to death...

According to people who downloaded and played the game, in order to stop the crying sound, the player had to shake the phone vigorously. The game ends when two red crosses appear on the baby's eyes, signifying that it has died.

In this age of liberal tolerance and Obama's affinity and support for infanticide, I ask, "what's the big deal!?" It's OK to promote the continued murder of actual living human babies from conception until sometime after birth (Obama will let us know the definitive time period when his paygrade is raised). However, it is somehow distasteful to cross the eyes of a cartoon baby?

Have some courage Apple! Don't pull Baby Shaker off the shelves just yet. This game finally gives liberals a coping mechanism when confronted with a crying baby (that's not theirs and one they haven't killed yet) on a bus, plane, movie theatre, or Starbucks. It empowers the libs to commit cyber-abortions at will, and provides them a temporary fix until such time they can get themselves knocked up again and do it for real.

I am reminded of the arguments given by the Notre Dame supporters in favor of the Obama invitation.

"We respect diverse viewpoints on issues and we also believe in concerned and genuine dialogue."

So let's start the dialog regarding Baby Shaker. While we're at it, check out the new download.

Have a Cow Over Earth Day!

Longtime readers of Chattering Teeth (and what exactly is YOUR major malfunction?) may recall my 2008 Earth Day post when my knowledge quest to learn about this event began. Since last year's Earth Day, I have spent literally a full year thinking about other things. Is it bad form to blockquote one's self?:

Many worshippers of Earth Day apparently pray to a deity figure called Gaia, or Mother Earth. I'm not sure if she is a drug-induced hallucination, a bit of undigested potatoe, or Al Gore in drag. But in any case, all I can say is, "Gaia, you go girl"!

Well, it's Earth Day 2009, and it's time for me to get back on that green and flatulating horse for the sake of the world. Earth Day just so happens to fall on garbage day at DaBlade's house this year, and I will be sending quite the curb full of refuse to it's final resting place today. Since I don't believe or fear an imminent Earth Apocalypse, I am in the minority and obviously have more learning to do. That's where the newly launched environmental website "Greener Schnitzels" comes in.

If I'm not mistaken, this is Perez Hilton with his gay male bovine roommate in the video teaching us about global warming...

Prejean - Palin 2012

Carrie Prejean is the most famous runner-up in Miss USA history.
Apparently there is some controversy over some question she was given in some contest or other... I never really read past the headline (sorry). I do, however, want to throw my entire support behind Miss Prejean in her run for the White House in 2012. There is no question in my mind that this is the exact kind of maverick we need. I still love Palin as the vp candidate on the ticket. Palin can fill in any gaps Prejean may have on foreign policy for example. Let's start the grassroots effort now!

WHO'S WITH ME?!!!....

Alala is great!

Alala Akbar! Environmentalmidgets are at it again.
Did you know...?
Hawaiians call this bird "alala". We call them "crows". Alalas were once widespread on the island of Hawaii, but now survives only in captivity. Mainland crows can be found on treetops, electrical wires, buildings, lawns, parking lots, athletic fields, roadsides, towns, garbage dumps and fields across the continent.

So if one desired to see these black cawing devils back on Hawaii, the obvious solution would be to:
(A) For just a few bucks, send them a cargo hold full of ours on the next steamer... OR
(B)

HONOLULU – Federal wildlife officials say they plan to spend more than $14 million to prevent the extinction of the Hawaiian crow, one of the rarest forest birds in the world.

The endangered bird, known as the alala, is only found in captivity on the Big Island.

Two bird conservation centers are home to 56 alala. The bird hasn't been seen in the wild since 2002.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service says its five-year plan to restore alala populations includes protection of habitats and management of threats to the species.

If you are an environmentalmidget, then the obvious answer is "B". While the Hawaiian crow and the American crow are virtually identical (except for the tiny and colorful flower leis around the alala's neck), no amount of money should be spared (or printed) in trying to reinsert this bird. Elderly Hawaiians wax nostalgic about the good old days when the alala were so prolific, they were actually ignored and even thought of as nuisances (Just like mainlanders do now).

Oh, and by "threats to the species", they must mean "climate change". Certainly there couldn't be any other reason these birds are no longer free in the wild.

Then again... wasn't this tried before in the 90s?:

Scientists also believe that the 'alala's natural enemy, the Hawaiian hawk, has killed many of the rare crows, especially in areas where ungulate grazing has reduced understory cover.

In the 1990s a program to remove eggs from wild 'alala nests and raise the chicks in captivity was accomplished by workers from the Peregrine Fund under contract to the Fish and Wild Service.

Sixteen birds from that program were released into the wild, but the hawks killed five, and the rest died from other causes. Releases were halted in 1999 because experts feared too many deaths would deplete the bird's genetic diversity.

Did you know...?
that a group of crows is called a "murder"? The Hawaiian Hawks say, "cawl it what you want, just don't cawwwwl us late for dinner"!

Gotta love the greenie weenies! They'll spend weeks cleaning oil off a seal only to have their release party spoiled by the hungry Orca offshore.

Obama finds Jesus offensive

Just shaking my head after reading about Georgetown University's compliance to the White House demand that a Jesus monogram be covered up during Obama's economic speech there. Another Obama outrage.

"The White House wanted a simple backdrop of flags and pipe and drape for the speech, consistent with what they've done for other policy speeches," she wrote. "Frankly, the pipe and drape wasn't high enough by itself to fully cover the IHS and cross above the GU seal and it seemed most respectful to have them covered so as not to be seen out of context."

Will it surprise anyone when similar demands are made of Notre Dame in advance of the Obamasiah's planned commencement address in May?

A White House advance team does a walkthrough:Let's see. Someone needs to get a really, REEEALLY big tarp and throw it over that large gold dome with that chick on top. Looks out of context. We are going to need all the crucifixes coming off the walls. What is this church doing here?[pause] Bascilica of the Sacred what? Get another tarp. What is this cave thingy with the lighted candles doing here?

I don't know what Grotto means, and I don't care that it is a one–seventh replica of the famed French shrine at Lourdes where the Blessed Virgin appeared to Saint Bernadette. Get another tarp.

What about this?!!


Oh! The chief thinks that's him, so it can stay.

The Day After Tax Day

Tax Day. Thanks to the tea parties, we've survived! (For Obamaholics: Tax day is the day when the 50% of Americans who actually pay ANY taxes at all are treated like Mahmood's goat buddy below).

Obama has ordered the take down of this country as if it were three black untrained teenagers on a raft through his planned trillions in deficit spending and out-of-control confiscatory taxation of this country's producers.

I was (and am) so very inspired by the participation in the tea parties that were held across this nation yesterday. What an awe-inspiring display of middle America standing up and screaming "ENOUGH!" in this grassroots movement. I even welcomed the predictable elitist and condescending coverage of these protests by CNN and their ilk.

Maybe there really is HOPE for CHANGE, ya think?

Iran clones goat (or pulls wool over our eyes?)

Iranian scientists claim they have cloned a goat
Claim? They wouldn't lie to us, would they?

ISFAHAN, Iran (AP) — Iranian scientists have cloned a goat and plan future experiments they hope will lead to a treatment for stroke patients, the leader of the research said Wednesday. The female goat, named Hana, was born early Wednesday...

"With the birth of Hana, Iran is among five countries in the world cloning a baby goat," said Isfahani, an embryologist.

So that's what they're calling it now!

Iran's cloning program has won backing from Shiite Muslim religious leaders, who have issued decrees authorizing animal cloning...

No surprise there!