Working from home

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This is another reason why manufacturing needs to be brought back to this country and more jobs that require people to physically have to go somewhere to do something. 

Not that remote work doesn't have its place. I work part-time from home doing home mortgage underwriting now with my wife and dog to keep me company. Bonus, we get some or all of our 4 grandkids at the spur of the moment a few times per week. But I'm a Gramps in his 60s so it works. 

I think about the best job I ever had in my life in the 80s and 90s as a district manager for the Flint newspaper - the typical day had me report to the circulation office in the morning to drink coffee, answer phone messages, write up a schedule, and load up newspapers in my trunk (sometimes just 10 newspapers for skip deliveries and sometimes numerous bundles if I had a route to do).  We had an office full of people and we shared some laughs. Then I would hit the road for the day, (sketchy neighborhoods, here I come) first stopping by my adult carrier's homes to do business and entailing picking up their bill money, contracting new carriers, terminating others (lawyers wouldn't let us say 'hire' or 'fire' paper carriers). Then more of the same with my youth force when they got home from school. Then back to the office for coffee, messages, etc. before going home around 6pm (ok sometimes the boys and I would go for a beer or two). 

It was after my promotions and when I was taken out of the field and put in the office going to meetings all day that the newspaper industry started to collapse. Cause and effect I guess. I'm thankful I was born when I was and able to work outside the home when it counted. I wish we still made newspapers among other things. The state-of-the art multi-million dollar press hall was retrofitted and currently serves as Flint's Farmer's Market slinging vegetables instead of newsprint. But I feel sad for the data analyst above who probably never felt that adrenaline rush while working in the field and wondering if they were about to get shivved. 

Who likes their Earth rare?

 I like my steak medium rare. I like my burgers medium well. I like my Earth well done.

I have devouted a good portion of my adult life (if not the last 3 minutes google-searching) studying rare earth, what is it and why has China decided not to export any more to us. WHAT I FOUND MAY SHOCK YOU!

OK, probably not. But 'rare earth' is not really rare at all. In fact, its abundant. I don't know if China knows this, but they are not going to hear about it from me! I don't need them escalating this tariff war thingy by halting oxygen exports. Or General Tso's Chicken.

I give you Michigan's own Rare Earth

Rare Earth on my way

Get ready 'cuz here I come

Oxymoronic

Blue Suede Skates

 I'm old enough to remember when Kalamazoo, Michigan was known for Elvis sightings in the late 1980s despite passing away in 1977. It seems like there was a morbidly obese fella with mutton chop sideburns and bejeweled caped jumpsuits on every corner back then. You don't hear too many "live" Elvis sightings any more, but fun fact - I usually see the "spirit" Elvis every time I visit my brother over there on the other side of the mitten. Of course, this usually follows a trip to Bell's Brewery and a few of my fav craft beer Two Hearted Ale IPA.  

I almost forgot the point of this post. Congratulations to Kalamazoo's own Western Michigan University and the Bronco's win over Boston University in the championship game of the NCAA Frozen Four men's college hockey tournament. Their first NATTY! Way to bring it back to the Mitten! 

Now I'm strangely in the mood for a peanut butter and banana on white bread.

We're caught in a trap

I love my Elvis sandwich

Always on My Mind

Ring me up before you go-go

 Apparently, the planet Saturn has lost it's ring. So-called scientists would have you believe that the ring is still there, but something called the "ring plane crossing" has oriented the ring per our perspective to be an almost-invisible line.

At least this what Saturn told his wife when he returned from a night at the bar after having told her he had to work late, and forgetting his ring was in his pocket. 

Today's Haiku (with a confusing ending)

Put a ring on it

get the band back together

Lost in Uranus

Apologetics accepted

 Still a proud dad , but deleted photo as I thought better than to draw him any heat. As to school presentations, I never liked them.. I have always hated public speaking. I never knew what to do with my hands... or my tongue for that matter.

No haiku today

I can't come up with any

Will try tomorrow

Judge James and the Giant Impeach

 The House finally got their act together and passed a bill yesterday that will limit activist federal district judges' from making spurious rulings and trying to jam up President Trump's agenda. They've done everything from trying to dictate who he can fire, who he can hire, what gets cut and what gets funded.  

And who could forget when Judge James Boasberg ordered 2 plane loads of Venezuelan Tren de Aragua gang members to be turned around and brought back to the U.S. I ran across this meme of Judge James Boasberg.

Today's Haiku (they can't all be gems)

Jail Rogue Robed Judges 

James and the giant Impeach

Send soap-on-a-rope

Dire Wolf Redux

 This is NOT a photo of Remus, the de-extincted dire wolf with his toy Lamby.

This is Zeke (a/k/a "ZekeyBoy").

Who is Remus?

Colossal Biosciences has successfully de-extincted the dire wolves which disappeared about 13,000 years ago.  DNA and CRISPR technology resulted in 3 pups named Remus, Romulus and Khaleesi (the later of Game of Thrones fame). What's the odds a breeding pair escape from a theme park zoo, evade capture and grow to 7 feet and weighing in around 200 pounds and whose descendants hunt us like so many field mice?  

 

This is 6-month-old Remus, one of the de-extincted dire wolves.

Today's Haiku

Jurassik escape

The island of misfit wolves

Dire consequences

Haiku Hot Dog News

 It was believed to be a record that couldn't be broken, but yesterday it was.

No, nobody consumed more than 83 hot dogs in 10 minutes. That record still stands, and Joey Chestnut is still the hot dog-eating GOAT (for now). 

I'm referring to the NHL record for most goals scored. Wayne Gretzky, also known as "The Great One", scored his 894th and final goal of his career in 1999.  Yesterday, Alex Ovechkin scored his 895 goal - So I wrote this Haiku:

 Alex Ovechkin

Passes Gretzky for most goals

Wayne now "The Good One"

I have scoured the news feeds and I can't find any comment from Ovechkin as to his future plans and whether there is any truth to the rumor that he is now planning to go after Joey Chestnut's record as "The Gurd One". Stay tuned for updates...

Remember when Home Depot had convenient hot dog stands by the exit door? I do - So I wrote this Haiku:

Home Depot hot dogs

Joyful memories now gone

Stands closed since covid

Female Fencer (and othe F-words)

 I read this headline: 

Female fencer disqualified after taking a knee against transgender rival

I was surprised to learn this had nothing to do with a female contractor's attempted repair of a privacy fence that suffered recent storm damage only to be harrassed by her gender-confused neighbor. 

Apparently fencing is a term for combat sword fighting, and this young lady refused to fight a man who delusionally self-identifies as a woman. 

The most pitiable character in this story is the man who wants to fight woman because he thinks he is one. He is either mentally or spiritually sick, or likely both. Instead of helping him by getting him counseling or an exorcist, or likely both - his delusions are encouraged.  

No, the most contemptible character in this story is the judge who actually disqualified the young woman for refusing to fight this man.  If you watch the video, he resembles a pudgy Chris Hayes, as he sashays over to the kneeling lady and smuggly displays a black card, probably taken from his Dungeons & Demons game from home, where he likes to dress up in his furry costume and invite all of his gender-fluid pansexuals over for a party after a full day of keying Teslas.

I'll bet that he was one of those disgusting people who ran around during covid to chastise folks when their face mask was slipping. Never forget that we are still surrounded by these horrible people who were "only following the rules". They were only too happy to report to the authorities when they saw somebody outside on a beach with nobody around for a mile. Or if family was visiting next door. They cheered when one of us lost our job because we refused to allow a toxic and unholy concoction shot into our veins. 

I believe I have a solutuon. Send the transgender fella to a monastery for de-worming, and force the smug judge to fight the female, but with one caveat. The young lady gets to  to fight with a loaded uzi that identifies as a sword. 

READY... GO!

Mi casa, su Cicadas

 I recently read that Cicadas are ready to make their obnoxious presence known again and I can't wait. According to this bug map Brood XIV is due to emerge from it's 17-year sleep cycle. I imagine the first one waking up and saying in his best Robin Williams / Genie impression, "10,000 years will give you such a crick in the neck!" It's a scientific fact that Cicadas are known for exagerating. 

Cicadas? What are those?

They are very large and obnoxious bugs that I would estimate as the size of a large racoon and weighing approximately 20 pounds. At least the ones that congregate high in the tree outside my bedroom window every summer night. While the map doesn't show these critters in mid-Michigan, a few of the larger ones must take it upon themselves to hitchhike north. They climb high in the trees and scream a high-pitched and non-stop fingernails-on-chalkboard tornado-siren-like mating call (think Hunter Biden after a few hits on the crack pipe). They also remind me of some of the contestants on one of those singing shows the wife likes to watch so much. BUZZZZZZZZZ! "YOU'RE GOING TO HOLLYWOOD!"

Thinking of singing bugs, it reminded me of that Don't Bug Me game from my youth.  "Man, don't you bug me. I got my own bugs to. If you think your gonna give your bugs to me, I'm gonna give them right back to you!" (think Hunter Biden in a bubble bath full of prostitutes) 

According to my google machine, male cicadas produce their rhythmic, high-pitched whine using specialized structures called tymbals on their abdomens. I believe this was also the technique used by Neil Peart, the late, great former drummer for the rock band Rush.

So in conclusion...

You now know what I know about the cicada (and the contents of Hunter Biden's laptop). Think about it, though. The last time Brood XIV emerged from the soil in it's 17 year cycle was in the "hope and changey" summer of 2008 and Obama's first year of his first term. Had I the ability, I too would have crawled into a hole for 17 years after getting a glimpse of Barrack and Mooshell, only to emerge with Trump and MAGA at the helm. 

A 17-year cycle. This reminds me that Haikus have 17 syllables (5-7-5). So in tribute to Brood XIV, I have penned them the following haiku.

Let them eat the bugs

Mi casa, su Cicadas

Please sleep off the buzz

Now buzz off!

Day 73 of Trump's second of three terms in office

 and democrats are still confused by the question, "What is a woman?".

That's right, I am coming out of semi-self-imposed retirement of driveling to once again give you the news as I see it (complete with an overuse of hypens, parenthesis and misplaced comas). Don't worry though. I won't prattle on and on with pure, unadulterated  nonsense for 25 hours straight hours like Cory Booker did this week on the senate floor. My blather will be much more concise (and not require a senate floor "mop and shine" if you get my drift).

Before we get started, I need to cover a few items to boost my social credit score.

My name is Jerry. My pronouns are MAGA and mashed potatoes (because what right-minded person doesn't love either?)

I would also like to begin my post today by acknowledging that the internet on which I blog is the occupied traditional information highway territory of the Al-Gore-quin peoples. Despite their claims, The Al-Gore-quin did not invent the internets, but merely massacred the facts and claimed it for their own. Side note - Chief Clinton of the Al-Gore-quins was known to get Pawnee with any Chickshesaw (including the Navajo and HillaryHos). Of course they were followed by the Obamanation tribe and the Joe Biden Dog-faced Pony Soldiers, all horrible stewards of this coutry from The Gulf of America and all the way to our cherished 51st State of Canadamerica. As for the Indians, who are sometimes incorrectly referred to as "Indigenous peoples", no aknowledgment is necessary. Not only did they not inhabited the internet, but they couldn't even invent the wheel in the thousands of years head start here. 

And now for the news...

Yesterday was "Liberation Day" as named by President Trump, where he initiated reciprocol tariffs acoss the board against countries who treat us unfairly. There will be short term economic pain as we transition back to a country that actually makes things. As proof, I ended up paying $350 after tariffs for a Men's Cotton Linen shirt made in Bangladesh because I like the questionable quality and uneven child stitching I find so endearing in my no tuck casuals. 

Still no update on the eventually aquisitions of the frozen wastelands to our north. I'm hoping that Trump also has his eyes on the Island nation of Madagascar off the coast of the horn of Africa as our eventual cherished 52nd State (or 53rd after Greenland?) The climate is tropical and offers another vacation spot after hockey and curling season is over.

As for the border, the March numbers are out and our southwest border saw the lowest number of illegal crossings ever! The infiltration of the future democrat coalition of murderers and rapists, pedophiles and child traffikers, drug cartels and terrorists - has slowed to a trickle. Democrats will just have to make due with their current ranks of murderers and rapists, pedophiles and child traffikers, drug cartels and terrorists.

In February, President Trump signed an executive order to ban so-called trans athletes from girls and women's sports. The State of Maine is refusing to comply, with their Governor citing historical precedent stating, "George Washington powdered his hair to appear as if he was wearing a wig, so...". While I made that last part up, it is true that federal funding has been stopped for Maine. For myself, I always believed Maine to be covered in trees and was not aware anybody actually lived there. Apparently there are people, and the boys there really want to play dressup in the girls locker rooms.

Meanwhile, Elon Musk and DOGE continues to frustrate democrats by exposing waste, fraud and abuse, and saving hundreds of billions of dollars so far. No wonder democrats are in a panic, as their entire platform sits on a three-legged stool consisting of "waste, fraud and abuse". 

Speaking of Elon, what has he ever done to help people? errr... Besides those astronauts he saved on March 18th. I mean lately!

In happier news, Rosie O'Donnell self-deported to Ireland, and Ellen DeGeneres is fleeing to England - thereby lowering the odds to zero of a future Trump expansion there with a 54th and 55th cherished state.

This has been the news as I see it. Please don't key my 2014 Chevy Traverse on your way out. I don't need the tens of dollars of damage that might cause.

BREAKING: Evidence of Kamala's previous work at McDonald's

 Algore's internets is full of Trump McDonald memes today after his historic work as the fry cook and drive thru dude yesterday in PA., and I'm Lovin' It! 

Kamala claims to have worked at McDonald's despite no evidence... UNTIL NOW! DaBlade from Chattering Teeth News has found the evidence that Kamala used to work as the Ball Pit Czar in the 90's. 

"Many have long speculated that Kamala's political career was due to her work in the ball pit, and now we have the receipts," stated the handsome 'Blade, now a recluse who avoids the spotlight after a long and illustrious blogging career.

Kamala's PlayPlace is no more, since McDonald's have long since got rid of their ball pits. They were found to be Petri dishes of germs, and found to contain more than 31 different types of bacteria. The generation of kids who were brought up with the Mickey D's ball pit will forever cherish those memories, as will Willy Brown, Montel Williams, and countless others.

One of my favorite blog posts derived from my fertile mind was the "Politicians in cars getting Cheeseburgers," whereby Trump entertains visiting dignitaries, royalty from overseas, business tycoons - or just Whenever he gets a hankerin' for a late night cheeseburger - the president calls down to his secret motor pool to have James 'Mad Dog' Mattis pull around to the South Lawn door for a quick exfil and gettaway from CNN fake news reporter, Jim Acosta, who is usually hiding naked in some White House bushes taking notes (or something).

Mad Dog has been President Trump's wheelman and impromptu valet ever since he resigned as Secretary of Defense last December. Today, he is driving a mini eco car in order to throw off the press pool, who would never dream that Trump would ever ride in an environmentally friendly car. What they don't know is that Trump had his smart cars retrofitted to run on high octane Polar Bear blood.

THE END

Chinese Man O' War

 Chattering Teeth News - Two weeks have passed since the first $5 Chinese spy balloon was shot down by an $8 million dollar AIM-9X Sidewinder missile. President Biden was later told of his bold decision, and he mumbled, "F...f..f.fighter jet. F-22 or F-22 1/2, whatever it takes." 

Now we learn that yet another Chinese Balloon was just shot down over Alaskan airspace, and early reports are disturbing. While some speculated that the first balloon was a sort of trial balloon to gage our response, this latest balloon appears to have been weaponized - and not with a small EMP-producing nuclear warhead - but something far worse and the stuff of nightmares!

Witness whistle-blowers on the ground at the wreckage site are reporting that the latest balloon was dangling several million Chinese Finger Traps on individual 40,000 foot fishing line like some kind of macabre tentacled Portuguese man o' war. 

While the jellyfish's tentacles contain barbed stingers meant to incapacitate small fish and crustaceans, the bamboo finger traps of brightly colored shades of blue, red, green, and purple would certainly attract and paralyze the vast majority of woke America. 

While these finger traps are not particulary deadly (except to ADM Levine's new nail polish) it is predicted that the distraction would allow an unmolested Taiwan invasion.

END

Ray "X" Attempts to Orchestrate Violent Unrest in Wake of Memphis Cop Beating

 

Ray "X" is not the same guy as Ray Epps, The Fed-Protected Provocateur Who Appears to Have Led the Very First 1/6 Attack on the US Capitol. Any similarities are purely coincidental.

Ray X: I probably shouldn’t say this because I’ll probably get arrested... I'll say it. We need to go into the police station!

Chatteringteeth News -What we know:

* The five Memphis police officers who beat a man to death have been fired and are being charged with second-degree murder.

* The Memphis police chief likened the released video to the 1991 Los Angeles police beating of Rodney King that sparked days of unrest in the city.

* so far, the demonstrations have remained nonviolent (just the same random beatings, stabbings, shootings, looting and property damage much like any other night)

The Deep State puppet masters can't be happy with the fact that all of Memphis is not yet ablaze and that full on anarchy has yet to set in. The plan had been going perfectly. Dumb down the police force across the nation so that any intelligent and patriotic male who was currently a police officer would immediately retire or resign, and new recruits of the same would be discouraged. Relax the job requirements and take on felons and violent offenders into the fold. Shake and stir. If only these five cop's skin pigmentation wasn't so dark, there would already be cities across the country errupting. 

BIDEN AND SON'S GARAGE

 

Obama-era documents were recently found at a storage space in the garage of his home in Delaware. The classified Obama-era documents purport to expose Michelle Obama as "Big Mike", a transgendered college choom mate of the ex-president.

"OK Choomer.."

Biden told reporters that he was "surprised" to learn that his lawyers found the government documents in his garage. He said he was also "surprised" by the "Snap, Crackle and Pop" his breakfast cereal emitted earlier that morning.

Biden defended storing these highly classified documents in several old coffee cans next to oily rags on a shelf, stating that, "it's not like they're sitting in the street," then leaning in and whispering... "The garage is locked."

Biden is reported to be cooperating fully and completely with the Justice Department's review. Of course, the agent in charge has to wear an Easter Bunny costume in order gain the president's trust.

Danny Ocean: We can rob three Las Vegas casinos simultaneously, but we aren't getting into this garage. It's locked.

"it's not like they're sitting in the street."

FBI agent-in-training, Clarice Starling, was finally able to gain access to the garage by administering a severe hammer blow to the padlock. 

After several minutes of rooting around inside, she found what appears to be Joe Biden's Laptop in the glove compartment of his corvette.

Whatever happens with the discovery of these classified documents, at least we can rest assured that the media will cover it fully.

THE END