Target brand perception falls, but it's not 'catastrophic'
| More than 1 million people may be roaring against Target's transgender-inclusive bathroom policy, but the possibility of long-term negative effects is slim, experts say. Though that isn't to say the company won't lose a few customers. |
As I struggled to read through the first paragraph of this leftwing propagandist progressive 'news' article, I felt my eyelids getting extremely heavy, and they started to droop. I was getting very sleepy... sleeepy... sleeeeepy.
Cue wavy lines for the upcoming blog dream sequence...
I was on another undercover blog assignment to investigate and penetrate the very bowels of the local Target store in an attempt to get to the bottom of what folks thought about this new bathroom policy. I was not ready for the nuggets they dropped on me.
The secret to being a successful deep-cover Chattering Teeth blog reporter is my uncanny ability to transform myself into a different person for each job. Regular readers know I take pride as a master of disguise in order to assimilate to my surroundings and to bring you the rest (room) of the story. This won't be the first time I've worn women's undergarments beneath my Bejeweled Hairy Man Transgendered costume, and I fear it won't be the last.
I parked my van in one of the few remaining spaces left in the Target lot and zig-zagged through all the other vans as I started for the door. When I entered the store, there in front of me was a huge Bull Dike greeter who eyed me suspiciously and stated, "Welcome to Target."
I decided to "take the bull by the horns" if you will, and give my disguise the ultimate test. If it failed, this mangirl could easily crush me with her 3-bill linebacker girth. I walked right up to her, sweat dripping from the 3-day growth on my chin and onto my exposed chest hair bursting from my low-cut fluffy blouse. I parted the long, flowing wig hair to the side of my face and asked in a barotone voice through a smear of poorly applied bright red lipstick, "Can you tell me where the ladies room is please? I need to drop a deuce in a hurry!"
As she pointed to the other side of the store, the light reflected on her stubbled face and I swore she looked like a doppleganger for Sandra Fluke, albeit a slightly more attractive version. But the point is, I was in!
I giggled to myself, as I knew I didn't really need to use the restroom. In fact, a regular staple of my disguises includes adult Depends, as I never know how long my undercover assignments will last and I never want to miss a "scoop" due to... well, you get the drift. I just wish I hadn't been wearing this one for the last week and a half in order get the full immersion to my role. Full immersion, indeed.
I found Target store manager Ray P Vans in the back by Sporting Goods putting up a display sign that had a picture of a male child resting on a cot, with a new campaign slogan, "We Got Your Boy Cots Right Here." He looked up, alerted by my musky scent and alluring grunt.
I interviewed Ray P regarding the new transgendered open-bathroom door policy and its impact on sales. While he admitted the store's clientele has "evolved", he said sales for everyday household items like duct tape, candy and balloons were brisk.
I also learned that Target will be unveiling a new Transgendered-friendly marketing ad campaign to leverage this new market niche. New slogans include:
*Transgendereds welcome. Shop 'til you drop - a deuce in the ladies room!
*Come to Target and Take a Load off Wherever You Like!
*Target - Now Playing The Game of Thrones
THE END
Other past undercover assignments
The NFL’s elaborate security network, and how I Punk'd Roger Goodell.
Will Barack Hussein Obama make historic visit to muslim killer's sanctuary mosque?
Will Denver bar owner sue obama?
PLANNED PRIDEHOOD - Lion King Redux
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