Sunday, August 2, 2015

PLANNED PRIDEHOOD - Lion King Redux

This remake of the Disney animation classic, Lion King, currently in production is said to be "State-friendly" and will help "educate" today's youth. The movie will feature Simba, Nala and some of the others from the original cast, and it promises to be a direct response to those mean and nasty pro life zealots who don't believe in a lionesses' rights.


PICTURED: Promotional poster prototype for Planned Pridehood. Remember kiddies, its not really a viable cub until it leaves Pride Rock. In fact, says Rafiki, “Sometimes, if someone delivers before we get to see them for a procedure, then the furry fetus is intact!”

CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - Unless you're a democrat voter, you are aware of the releases of a series of videos exposing Planned Parenthood facilities for what they are - macabre, nazi-like torture, mutilation and death chambers where the chief function is the murder and harvesting for sale of organs from unborn (or newly born) babies.

If you ARE a democrat voter, then you are well aware of the "mean and evil" white hunter who recently murdered Cecil the Lion. You look at this act as a senseless murder and it has you outraged. The former (if some knowledge nugget of this did squeeze thru the blackout gauntlet)... not so much.

Now comes, PLANNED PRIDEHOOD, an animation with a mission to desensitize youth to the butchery these videos exposed and to de-program any child unfortunate enough to have been raised in an "un-progressive" Christian household that values life. *egads!*

***This blog reporter is a master of disguise, and was able to execute this deep undercover assignment by cross-dressing as a Planned Parenthood "Nurse Hatchet". I wore the standard "Liberal Woman" costume from my disguise closet (a butch wig and an inflatable Sumo wrestler suit) - but added a blood-flecked XXXXL smock. This allowed easy peasy access to the animation production studios and executive offices posing as a consultant, where I was able to liberate the plot summary and a few story boards.     

PLOT: Simba knocks up Nala in the tall grass, then splits and leaves her for a transgendered lion with a shaved mane. ("pride" indeed!). Nala decides that the cub she is carrying is no longer a wanted tissue mass, so she goes to see Rafiki, the local Baboon abortionist witch doctor for a 'procedure'.

SCENE: All the animals laugh, dance and grind around to the tune, Circle of Death, as Nala makes her way to Pride Rock and Rafiki's sterile scalpel.

From the day we arrive on the planet... we pledge our loyalty to The State... And we find our place on the path unwinding
In the Circle... The Circle of Death!

Now, poor Nala went into labor on her long walk, and ended up delivering in Rafiki's waiting room hut. One of the hyena nurses giggled and stated, "Its a boy! And its intact!"  Another hyena says, "Let's kill it!"

"Not before we give him a name. How about, Cecil?" *LAUGH* *LAUGH*


SCENE: Rafiki stands on the edge of the cliff at Pride Rock, he holds the squirming unwanted fetus cub up for the animals to watch, as he slits its throat to wild cheers, and the animals dance, sing and grind to the song, "Can You Feel The Blood Tonight."

Meanwhile,

FADE IN: Timon and Pumbaa... I can see what's happening (What?)
And they don't have a clue (Who?)
Quiet! Here comes our intact cub organs and other lion baby parts we purchased!



Now, unbeknownst to Rafiki and his heartless gaggle of assistant hyenas, Doctor Scar was on a nearby rock secretly shooting Cecil with a video camera as his throat was cut as the nurses joked about carving him up.

HORRORS!!!  A Planned Pridehood paparazzi!!! He will probably somehow edit his film to make what we do somehow look wrong!!!

END plot summary. You'll just have to go see the movie when it comes out to see how it ends.

4 comments:

Ed Bonderenka said...

Sounds like it will out-horror the Saw franchise.

dr hirkimer said...

Have you ever actually thought of making a movie? With your titful self, I think it would be a must-see. Oops, I meant witful.

DaBlade said...

dr h, I only have mad skilz to dream up scripts to post here. My dream is to some day be a radio show star like my friend Ed.

Sparky said...

Oh my gosh, we're not going to hell in a hand basket, we're already there!
(Great analogy and right on like always.)