| LANSING (WJRT) (5/8/2020) - Golfers got the OK to get back on the fairways on April 24, but until now they were required to walk the fairways. Gov. Gretchen Whitmer is allowing motorized golf carts again in her latest executive order. |
Additional requirements under the latest from the governor's 42-stage plan for re-opening the golf courses:
1) While golf carts are now allowed, they must be left in reverse. When asked about this seemingly arbitrary requirement a spokesperson stated, "we are not out of the woods yet," which seemed to clarify things quite well.
2) Two to a cart will only be allowed if the non-driver lays on top of the roof while screaming at his partner to 'slow the f*** down!' as they careen wildly on two tires down a side hill toward the tree line.
3) Golf balls must be washed after completion of each hole in the the convenient tee-side ballwashers, regardless of whether or not you suspect an earlier inebriated golfer may have urinated into it.
4) Golfers who fail to achieve a hole-in-one from each tee box will be required to pick up their ball and card a score of 'one' in order to enforce social distancing.
5) No golfer shall be denied permission to play through solely based on a confirmed or suspected diagnosis of COVID-19. (Governor Cuomo helped The Gretch with this one)
6) Lastly, if Governor Whitmer pulls up in the beverage cart, you are required to purchase beer. Failure to provide a large tip will earn you 7 days in jail. Calling her a C*** is punishable by firing squad.
PICTURED: (From left to right) Hollywood, The Rick (DaBlade's golf partner and course chauffeur), and Little Timmy. This picture was taken Thursday, 24 hours BEFORE the governor loosened the cart restrictions. Apparently, the golf course owners in Michigan were standing tall and thumbing their noses because they selfishly didn't want to go out of business. Our home course here is impossible to walk. I still was nervously looking over the tree line for black helicopters and I imagined seeing "that woman" around every bend.
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ReplyDeleteYeah ... as if golf rules weren’t already confusing enough. I’ve never thought PGA rules apply to me, anyway. Lost ball? Screw that. I’m not charging myself two strokes; the damn golf ball cost me $3.50. I don’t bother with score cards, either; my self-esteem doesn’t need it.
No, I think PGA and *MGO rules only apply to professionals (who have nothing better to do than work out in the gym and hit thousands of range balls every day). I play maverick golf: leisurely walks, lots of beers, and the group behind me hollering about my rate of play can just piss off.
*Michigan Governor's Office
I hear ya, Mustang. As our first league president said many years ago, "golf is supposed to be fun." Our [league rules] are pretty relaxed and have somehow become part of the fun.
DeleteYou guys must be good. Those are very narrow fairways.
ReplyDeleteSam, and judging from the pitcure it looks like Mr Blade is the only one playing the black tees. His buddies are sure trusting.
DeleteSam, some are better than others. I'm in the 'others' category but if I knew where the thing was going every time, what fun would that be?
DeleteAnd kid, lol, I was actually back tracking to throw my beer cans away in the recptacle at the blue tees when I turned around to snap this picture. I thought I saw an apparition from my nightmares but after close scrutiny of the picture, I must have been inebriated.
Kid and I batted the ball around a couple of years ago. He still owes me 18 beers. No, wait ... 72 beers with interest.
DeleteI offered Mustang 10 cases of 24 Iron City beer. I'm waiting to hear back.
DeleteHAHAHAHAHA LOLOL
ReplyDeleteInteresting the bitch didn't offer to wash the balls.
I love those tree lined courses as I get to support the golf ball makers much more.
This course (The Majestic at Lake Walden) is awesome. Usually have to travel up north to find one of such caliber. 3 separate nine holes and a big, beautiful lake in the middle. We usually get a pontoon ride included but they shut that down due to the covidity.
ReplyDeleteYou're telling me they allow people who are three sheets into the wind after 18 holes of golf board a boat? Whoa! Just wait until Witmer finds out about that. She won't hear it from me, though. Kid, on the other hand, will do anything for a reward.
DeleteThen don't tell him.
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