Thailand’s “Uncle Fat” Macaque to Join Kid Rock Tour This Summer?

Thailand’s chunky monkey

BANGKOK — A morbidly obese wild monkey who gorged himself on junk food and soda left behind by tourists has been rescued and placed on a strict diet of lean protein, fruits and vegetables. Wildlife officials caught the chunky monkey — nicknamed “Uncle Fat” by locals — after photos of the animal started circulating on social media last month... “He had minions and other monkeys bringing food for him but he would also re-distribute it to younger monkeys,”  said Supakarn Kaewchot, a veterinarian in charge of the monkey’s diet."

Uncle Fat would also "re-distribute" to the younger monkeys? With Hillary, Bernie and Pocahontas a little long in the tooth, it looks like the Democrats might have their new top of the ticket for a run in 2020. Just a simple matter of updating some records to reflect a Hawaiian birth certificate.

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE THINGY!!!

BANGKOK — A morbidly obese wild monkey who goes by the name “Uncle Fat” is said to rule the Bangkok suburbs with an iron fist and ample girth. He has minions and other monkeys 'taxing' and pillaging the countryside and bringing him all the junk food and pop they can carry. Uncle Fat throws a few crumbs to his young military guards while the rest of the subjects are dying from starvation.

Satellite imagery shows that Uncle Fat may be planning a surprise missile test and may be developing a nuclear program.

Stay tuned as this breaking news story unfolds.