Friday, October 20, 2017

Trump "Trinitys" Frederica

What's with the wacky cowboy hat on political hack congresswoman Frederica Wilson? What a despicable person. Of course, President Trump's and General Kelly's responses had me thinking about a particular scene from my favorite western that does not star Clint Eastwood.
Trinity - Quick Draw Bitch Slap

If I had the time and patience, I would have made an actual animated gif, but you'll just have to use your imagination.


Thursday, October 19, 2017

Yo, Just Dronin' on

DRONES ALERT! LAPD becomes largest police department in the nation to deploy the controversial technology.
Advocates say camera-mounted drones could help protect officers and others by collecting crucial information during high-risk situations or searches without risking their safety. For many privacy advocates and police critics, however, the drones stir Orwellian visions of unwarranted surveillance or fears of militarized, weapon-toting devices patrolling the skies.

...The debate over whether  the LAPD should use drones began in 2014, when the department received two Draganflyer X6 drones from police in Seattle — devices the Washington agency unloaded after heavy criticism from the public... the drones were grounded — and ultimately destroyed — before they were ever flown.

Or WERE they???

It seems that at least one police drone has survived this 2014 culling and has managed full immersion and is currently embedded and accepted into a violent Los Angeles gang as one of their own.

PICTURED: LAPD undercover officer, code name "Zumbido". He appears here in silhouette to keep his identity a secret from the various LA gangs like the Crips, the bloods, the Mexican Mafia and the Triads - just to name a few. He Works undercover, wearing street clothes and disguises to blend in with the locals.

The buzz on the street.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Hillary "Boots" Another!

Chattering Teeth News - The New York Giants are at the bottom of the NFC East with a 1-5 record but that may be about to change. Rumor has it that 70-year-old Hillary Clinton will be the Giants new field goal kicker.

Hillary said she broke her toe after apparently running down the stairs in heels and falling backward while dodging imaginary sniper fire. The broken bone was routinely set, but required a boot brace to keep the gnarled & hairy digit in place with the railroad spike pin. The problem was that none of the standard boot braces would fit over the triceratops-like cankle of the former first lady.

That's where an emergency team at NASA came in. The 3am call came in, and they worked tirelessly through the night using cutting edge technology and spare shuttle parts to craft a space-age boot brace worthy for Hillary. A Black Hawk helicopter delivered the hardware to a waiting trauma team, and the boot brace was successfully installed.

Hillary quickly discovered her newfound raw kicking talent by accident, as the first 'pig skin' she launched was actually her husband Bill through her hospital room window after she caught him oogling a chunky female candy striper. Bill was estimated to have travelled 50 yards into the parking lot and was witnessed by NY Giant's coach, Ben McAdoo.  Hillary finally agreed to the coach's pleadings for her to come to the practice field the next day, but only after McAdoo promised to buy a copy of her new book, What Happened.

What happened, indeed. The next morning, Hillary started launching 40-yard 'warm-up' field goals, knocking balls through the uprights just as quickly as Eric the holder could set them in front of her. The rest of the team stood on the sidelines in awe to watch this combnation of cankle and heat shield power. The ball was moved further and further away until Hillary was actually kicking 110-yard field goals from the opposite goal line.

Coach McAdoo says the team started using a nickname for her - 'Carpetbagger' Clinton - because of her proclivity for hitting field goals from anywhere on the 100-yard long carpet. Hillary assumed the term was meant as a pejorative and that the team didn't accept her as a true New Yorker. In fact, after the ball boy cheered, "WAY TO GO CARPETBAGGER!" in response to another 3-pointer, his body was later found in Fort Marcy Park.

Good luck to Mrs Clinton, as she has been named the starting kicker for this Sunday's matchup against the visiting Seattle Seahawks.

Let's hope this sports stint goes better than when Hillary worked as the NY Yankee's closer for a short time in 2009 after she had surgery to repair a fractured right elbow. (one of the earliest recorded injuries from dodging imaginary sniper fire) 

She was throwing the heat in excess of 100-mph and striking out batters. The problem was the Yankee's vertical pinstriped uniforms, and their propensity to make the wearer appear even heavier. Once Hillary donned these pinstripes on her already-massive thighs, the rest of the team became violently ill and she was summarily released.

Back in 2012 Clinton fell again, narrowly avoiding that imaginary Bosnian hitman, but hitting her head and sustained a concussion. Medication dissolved whatever xrays were able to pick up inside her skull, and resulted in Obama's foreign policy. It's all in her new book, soooo...

THE END

Sunday, October 15, 2017

Obama's official portraits news you've been waiting for!

Barack and Michelle Obama choose artists to paint their official portraits
The Smithsonian revealed on Friday the two artists set to paint official portraits of Barack and Michelle Obama, and the former first couple's choices are inspired...

Both portraits are set to be unveiled in early 2018 and hang in the National Portrait Gallery. The Obamas each selected the artist that would paint their portrait.
Or how about a little self portrait?


Friday, October 13, 2017

The Chattering Teeth Haunted Blog Post

Welcome to my digital Halloween haunted blog post of horrors. This post may make you wet heave in your mouth a little, sweat from your forehead in anxiety and to wring your hands in discomfort. You will likely wonder how you ended up here at the dead end of the internet, and you will probably leave via the quickest link out of here with a look of distaste and revulsion (if not simply smashing your device against on the sidewalk or nearest wall). In other words, you will suffer much the same reaction to every other post I've ever digitally littered here.

Your first stop is here in the Jimmy Kimmel's Torture Chamber of Unfunny Clowns. 

Imagine you are herded into a dark and musty foyer area with your terrified party. The double doors slam shut behind you, and you are now a captive audience for what comes next. A curtain opens and a dim spotlight illuminates Jimmy Kimmel surrounded by other very unfunny clowns. You cover your ears in an unsuccesful attempt to block the wretched sounds of his monologue. It doesn't work. You hear his whiny voice complain about the lack of free healthcare and the injustice of free market capitalism. Your blood-curdling screams are the only sounds that block out his intermittent sobbing.

Suddenly the curtain closes and the doors swing open as your party rushes to exit.

You enter Bernie Sander's "Democrat Socialism - Big Difference" butcher shop and Insane Asylum. 

Pictures adorn the walls of this madhouse. Mao Zedong. Stalin. Pol Pot. Hitler. Ho Chi Min. Kim Sung il. Saddam Hussein. Hirohito. Chiang Kai-Shek. Castro. Che. A crazy old man in a straightjacket with white, fly-away hair stumbles towards you... and in a thick Brooklyn slur, yells - "Democratic genocide. Big Difference!

You run through the asylum, passing bloody butcher shop displays and finally launch through what you hoped would be the exit, but instead you find yourself in...

Harvey Weinstein's Audition Rape Rooms

You see the pervert himself, Harvey Weinstein, and he offers you a way out through the clawing hands. Matt Damon, George Clooney, the Obamas and the Clintons block all other sources of egress and you have no other choice but to run through this gauntlet of Hollywood perversion.

You sprint through this maze only to find yourself confronting your worst possible nightmare.. You are in a replica of the Oval Office. Standing in front of the Resolute desk to greet you is none other tha President [fill in the blank].

AHHHH!
of course, there are many more scary potential future presidential nightmares. This one's mine. What's yours?

THE END

P.S. I have other room ideas I may add. Like:

Michael Moore's "2nd Amendment-free zone"
Hillary Clinton "What Happened? Cankle Walk"
Nancy Pelosi's "Slippery Denture Quake Room"
Chucky Schumer's "Doll House"

So stay tuned.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Michelle Obama's "Palette Glasses"

MOOCH: "It's a feeling of color, almost. On one side of the room, it's literally gray and white, literally, that's the color palette on one side of the room. On the other side of the room, there's yellows and blues and whites and greens, physically there's a difference in color in the tone. Because one side, all men, all white. On the other side, some women, some people of color. And I look at that and I go, no wonder. No wonder we shhhtrugle (struggle)."
(do NOT click the "shhhtrugle" link unless you are a glutton for Mooch-speech)

"...No wonder we don't trust politics. But it's not just politics."

Hi! Billy Mays here again, for Michelle Obama's "Palette Glasses".

Now you don't need to spend a gajillion dollars and financially burden yourself for life with student loan debt in order to get indoctrinated by marxist professors just so you can separate people by skin pigmentation. For just $9.99, you too can shake that old habit of measuring people individually by the "content of their character." AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! The Palette Glasses have a gay-friendly rainbow of colors embedded in the left lense, and a dirty, scratched lense with shades of gray on the right.  

Call now and we’ll send you the Genitalia Blocker with Pirate Patch!




Monday, October 2, 2017

Should-a been-a cowboy

Cowboys in Patagonia
and 45 other "Unbelievably Gorgeous Nature Photos"


...Should have learned to rope and ride.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Star Trek: Discovery - Cagney & Lacey in Space


I'm guessing that Star Trek "trekkies" would not consider me a "trekkie". I've never dressed up in Spock ears, mail-ordered an "away team" uniform or did the whole "na noo na noo" hand puppet greeting.

That said, I've watched all of the original Star Trek series featuring Captain Kirk many, many times. I've watched all (or most) of the Next Generation with Captain Jean-Luc Picard. I've watched the motion pictures except for the last reboot one, but I'll get around to it. That's it. I haven't watched any of the other series spin-offs, like the one with that female captain Janeballs or whatever.

Call me a sexist male chauvinist, but if I'm hurtling through space at warp speed in Klingon territory - with tribbles spilling out of the overhead cabinets - and my survival depends on my captain defeating a reptilian Gorn in hand-to-hand combat, I'll take Kirk. Followed closely by Picard. As for Janeballs, she can top off my tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

So it should come as no surprise that I have no intention of watching this new TV series spin-off, Star Trek: Discovery starring "Cagney and Lacey". Give me TJ Hooker any day. And this decision not to watch was BEFORE I read that this series was to feature an openly gay couple.

Wow, how 'ground-breaking' and 'progressive' of them. It's not like every other show doesn't try to shove this crap down our throats.

These progressive leftists in sports and entertainment have ruined what used to be a means of escape for Americans from the progressive leftists in government (and the Statist media). They have even taken over the football field, and now have their queer eye on taking over space.

I'm sorry, but in my distant future stardate 2258,  Geordi La Forge's blindness is cured with a sweet wrap-around visor, and 'Bones' will have a vaccine to cure these gender disphoria gay genes. Just skip and sashay your way down to sick bay for a quick tricorder reading and a DNA dialysis, and voila'! No more disorder! It's going to happen.

In the meantime, I'll pass on this latest attempt to further the culture rot and accelerate societal decay.

Hey Captain Janeballs, be a doll and give me a little shoulder massage while I watch a re-run of Last Man Standing. Thanks, babe.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Spinster Librarian Jealous of Melania

Librarian Rejects First Lady’s Gift Of Dr. Seuss Books Calling Them ‘Racist Propaganda’
Earlier this month First Lady Melania Trump celebrated National Read a Book Day by selecting some children’s books and sending them to one school in each state. Mrs. Trump selected Dr. Seuss’ Oh, the Places You’ll Go! because it was, “one of her personal favorites that she and her son have read together over and over.”

...Tuesday, the librarian at Cambridge port Elementary School in Massachusetts wrote a response which informed the First Lady the school would be rejecting the books, calling them “racist propaganda.”

So... "Dr. Seuss’s illustrations are steeped in racist propaganda, caricatures, and harmful stereotypes"??

And just WHO is this Old Maid Spinster Librarian?

About Liz Phipps Soeiro
Liz Phipps Soeiro is an elementary school librarian in the Cambridge, MA, Public Schools. She is an advocate for inclusive libraries and active in her community to create spaces that are welcoming to all students.

Sounds like a real keeper.

Clarence... Where's Liz?



Wednesday, September 27, 2017

NFL Logo discovered preserved in amber!

In the "not so distant" future...

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

I've heard all the testimony and I'm ready to render my decision on these Kneelbaggers

In the most bizarre anthem protest yet - in a show of unity of hatred for this country, our armed forces, first responders, police and firefighters - the Cowboys and Cardinals took a knee during the anthem.

'Twas Monday Night football, and all on the field
Not a player was standing, all of them kneeled; 
Their stockings were taped by their knees with care, 
For during the anthem they would all soon would be there;

The fans were standing with their hands on their hearts; 
with visions of patriotism that heroes imparts;

When out on the fifty there arose such a clatter, 
I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter. 
Away to the flat screen I flew like a flash, 
Turned up the volume and threw down the sash. 

When what to my wondering eyes did appear, 
But Trump at the wheel of a combine harvester
and there was 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia
herding the stragglers with his 2-cycle John Deere.

"On Reaping, on Threshing, on Winnowing," he yelled;
As the NFL players got bailed and felled

To Be Continued...

Shame on you, Jerry Jones. The league denied you and your "Cowboys" the small helmet sticker to honor the 5 fallen Dallas officers murdered by a BLM surrogate last year. And now you take a knee in unison with the BLM and America-haters?

I'll have the baliff call you when I'm ready to render my decision... OK, I'm ready.

I, the honorable DaBlade, BlogMaster extraordinaire of the Chattering Teeth blog and  by the powers granted to me, by me as kind of my own domain, do hereby cancel the remainder of the NFL season.  Not in my house.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Kneelers

Is this really appropriate?

THE JIMMY KIMMEL TEST

Obviously, the Detroit Lions will win their first Super Bowl this year so I expect attendance to gradually recover.

As for the NFL kneelers - I've been quick to criticize President Trump when he veers left, so its only fair I give him huge props when he sticks his twitter thumb in the leftist's eyes for righteous reasons.

Which was the case  with this comment (although he was unfortunately stumping for Luther Strange at the time) - kudos for the comment tho...

"Wouldn't you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say 'get that son of a b**** off the field right now - he's fired.'" - Trump

Of course, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell passes The Jimmy Kimmel Test by his knee-jerk response calling Trump's comments "divisive".  Goodell, you sir are a dumba$$. The Commander-in-Chief accurately reflects our collective outrage at these kneeling jacka$$es, who are the ones being divisive here. 

Passing The Jimmy Kimmel Test  does not just have to do with a health care plan that destroys actual health care. Here is the detailed definition, per the Chattering Teeth Blogtionary.

THE JIMMY KIMMEL TEST

1) A living, breathing oxymoron. a conjunction of contradictory terms like "jumbo shrimp" or "late night comedian".

2) A mutually exclusive repurposed exaptation - To reuse for a different purpose to poor results. Like when Donner Party members transitioned from fellow adventurers to "what's for dinner." Other examples -  
Eg1: "funny man" becomes "democrat propaganda shill".
Eg2: "Football Commissioner" to "Constitutional scholar"

3) Someone operating outside their area of expertise. Sports figures, Hollywood libs, wife-beaters, rapists, drug users, and/or killers who lead lives of debauchery, yet lecture the rest of us on culture and civility.


4) Someone who takes Chuck Schumer talking points whispered in his/her ear. (Like Jimmy Kimmel, John McCain, Satan, etc)

Have a great Sunday. I hope you never pass The Jimmy Kimmel Test.

Friday, September 22, 2017

Trump & 11-yr-old 6TH-grader named Frank mow South Korea along DMZ

Are you tired of your neighbors lawn being green and plush while you can't even pronounce it? "

Gleen and prush, gleen and prush..." Does his lawn look and smell like a freshly mown fairway at Augusta National, while yours smells like a toxic dump and looks like a barren desert nuclear testing ground wasteland? 

Hi, Billy Mays here for the world’s greatest lawn care secret, 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia.

You've tried all the fertilizer methods your daddy taught you, but nothing much seems to grow any more over the scattered remains of your uncles, cousins or random prison camp dead. And when something does take root between the cement bunkers and missile launch sites, it just seems to be patches of random weeds sprouting from an otherwise bald dome. Sure, it looks great on you (**harumph***) but not on your lawn.

Whether you’re a fat and squatty despot dictator, or a stay-at-home mom, you deserve a gleen... errrr, a green and plush lawn the envy of your neighbors on the other side of the barbed wired DMZ.

Call now and this 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia will not only get your lawn growing again, but he will throw in the first mow job for free. But that’s not all.

Call right now and we’ll double the offer and send President Trump to walk along side Frank, occasionally tousling his hair and motivating him to do his very best work. Just pay separate shipping and handling.

Ask our operators about how to how to have the United States "nuclear winterize" your lawn, by not shutting yer yapper!

Here’s how to order.