Friday, January 18, 2019

Rare behind-the-scenes footage of Pelosi's delegation being forced to de-plane just prior to takeoff..

Trump cancels Nancy Pelosi's planned vacation trip an hour before departure -

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Pelosi and Schumer make thoughtful pitch for the dissolution of these United States

First, our great President, Mr Donald J Trump, delivered a much overdue address to the nation from the Oval Office pitching to the American public the need for funding the border wall. Next came the response from Pelosi and Schumer. I had no intention of watching it...

but just as I was reaching for the TV remote,  there they were...  the camera begins to pan in on two macabre figures behind some kind of torture podium... "are these demons from the depths of hell?," I ponder... shivers down my spine, I begin to tremble... I try to scream as the figures now fill my screen and the plastic faced apparition begins to speak..
finally I find my voice... REDRUM!!! 


Pelosi and Schumer's response was even mocked on social media.

HERE'S NANCY AND CHUCK! now that'll give ya nightmares.

will somebody give Schumer a toy train to play with, and maybe an extra dose of powder on the massive forehead, as my my large, flat screen LED is being taxed to it's limits...

Monday, January 7, 2019

AOC's Bird Brain Box

Actually, Democrat socialist bird brain Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez did not say that.  She actually said, "I think that there’s a lot of people more concerned about being precisely, factually, and semantically correct than about being morally right." There. Doesn't that sound a lot more eloquent?

You've watched Bird Box, right? According to Netflix metrics, 45 million subscribers did. Of course, these tools are no doubt counting my wife in that tally, and she only made it to about the 10 minute mark. I am a little more easily amused (and entertained) so I pried my eyes open until the bitter end.

One of the more memorable quotes from Sandra Bullock's character,

‘Please don’t take my children!’

which is what parents of college bound children should be screaming these days.


Wednesday, November 21, 2018

Jim Acosta's Thanksgiving Family Invitation Restored!

- With New Kiddie Table 'Rules' of Decorum

But first, a dad joke.

Dad joke: What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo?

Answer: One weighs a ton and the other is a little lighter.

I read that about a week prior to my inadvertent massacred delivery to my 2-week-old granddaughter, Lydia.

Grandpa Version: What's the difference between a Rhinoceros and a butane lighter?

I assume the punchline would have remained relatively the same but I can't be sure since it was never delivered - for after saying my version of the setup out loud, I instinctively knew something had gone horribly wrong. I looked into the beautiful face of my granddaughter, who seemed blatantly unaware of my unfortunate  faux pas. Either that, or she was simply being polite by not calling me out. Her father (my 27-year-old son) who happened to be standing nearby and within earshot was not as gracious. Apparently he knew the joke and therefore my hatchet job done to it, and couldn't wait to interrupt his wife's unrelated conversation in order to whisper this to her. All I can say is that the smiles on their faces as they looked at me was way more humor-filled than the responses illicited by the right telling of that joke, whatever that is... Winning!

And now it's time for my latest poorly executed and copyright infringing photoshop for your enjoyment (or disdain)...


In old news, the organ grinding CNN's very own cymbal banging monkeyboy, Jim Acosta, has had his press pass restored, but with some strings attached.

Here are the latest WH press conference Acosta Rules:

The guy who runs the place is a little temperamental, especially about the jackass leftist so-called reporters not following precedent and well established procedure. Just follow the ordering procedure and you will be fine. As you walk in the place move immediately to your right.
The main thing is to keep the line moving. you hold the microphone loosely, speak your question in a loud, clear voice, step to the left and receive your answer. It's very important not to embellish. No extraneous comments. No questions. No followups. And if you don't get your bread?

In conclusion, we have our second granddaughter! So much to be thankful for. Happy Thanksgiving to all of my blog friends out there!

Thursday, November 8, 2018

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

Crazy Mumbling Nancy is Wielding the Gavel Again

I've been on blog break for a bit. The wife and I have since been BLESSED with the birth of our second granddaughter. Her older sister is about 19 months. As the father of 3 boys, I couldn't be happier with these two beautiful young ladies. I even know a lot of the songs in Moana by heart (though admittedly I might change the lyrics slightly... "I see what's happening here... You're face-to-face with grandpa and he's strange."

I only tell you this for context, as this midterm result has me thinking about this old cartoon.


All day long yesterday, my Facebook feed was jammed with selfies of my FB "friends" posing with their "I VOTED" stickers. With few exceptions, these photos didn't give me warm fuzzies of camaraderie and fellowship - they made me cringe since I know their politics. "Great! Another leftist jackass or uneducated twit voted!," I would think. They pretend to celebrate the freedom to vote, while at the same time undermining the very foundations of our constitution that allow these votes to actually be counted. They vote in Venezuela. They vote in Russia. They vote in North Korea. In fact, it's mandatory under penalty of law and there is only one candidate.

So no, I am not happy these progressive leftist socialist jackasses voted. While I am not beating my chest or sitting in the road crying like these same snowflakes did the morning after Trump's election - only me at the prospect of crazy mumbling nancy wielding the gavel again. I'm just sad for my granddaughters and what kind of country will be left.

originally posted shortly after obama's re-election in 2012.

Just say the words...

I had a dream last night. I was huddled in the back of a plane cruising level at 30,000 feet with several other passengers. The date was September 11, 2001. Terrorists had taken control of the cockpit and were at the controls while others guarded the front of the cabin with box cutters. One of the passengers received a call on their cell and the information received was devastating. As the passenger shared this information, it became clear that this was not a traditional hijacking. The plane would not be diverted to Cuba, nor would our release be negotiated. Regardless of the soothing lies and false promises from the terrorists that "all would be well" if we just cooperated, we were helpless passengers on a suicide run and we would not survive. Most sat there in shock at the news, some sobbing, some praying.

Then a young man in a baseball cap with eyes of focused intensity came forward and quietly laid out a plan to charge the cockpit. I don't recall his exact words, as my fading memory on this point is murky and elusive, as remembered dreams are want to be. I do recall, however, that his message was inspiring. While our odds were impossible, he made us understand that we still had choices. We could choose to bow to this tyranny by remaining quietly in our seats, thereby potentially buying us a little more time but solidifying our collective fates. Or we could leave the false and temporary safety of our foxhole to fight against this tyranny, and die if necessary, for ideals like "freedom" and "liberty".

If this is our time, isn't it better to go on our terms?  If we can't wrest the controls from the terrorists, then isn't it better to drive the plane into an empty field in our attempt? If we are to go, should it be by passive subservience, thereby condemning those at the business end of the terrorist's flight plan?

My dream took a strange twist at this point, as visions passed before my like those old black and white newsreels. General Washington Crossing the Delaware... The battlefield at Gettysburg, filled with cannon smoke and cries of the dying... Heroes leaping into the cold water off the back of an amphibious troop carrier and racing toward the beaches of Normandy - the air filled with bullets and shrapnel thicker than a spring rainstorm.

And then instantly I was back in the plane. That's strange! Slightly more than half of the passengers have moved to the front of the plane and are dancing and laughing and chugging the miniature bottles of hootch pilfered from the galley with the terrorists. More free stuff is promised to them as long as they cooperate. Meanwhile, the party continues as the plane barrels on towards oblivion.

The young man in the baseball cap (I think his name was Todd) looked at me with those eyes of focused intensity and said, "....

TO BE CONTINUED

Thursday, October 25, 2018

Sunday, October 21, 2018

Michigan Wolverines 21 MSU 7 - Hail to the Victors!

Another Michigan State Spartans logo change. Hmmm. I guess this one was necessary. Had this cow college not have several agriculture experts on site, the field could have been ruined after this.

In other news, Mars satellite closeups reveal source of surface scars...

Friday, October 19, 2018

DID TRUMP DUMP ACOSTA OFF AT SAUDI CONSULATE?


CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - Closed-circuit television footage shows a man thought to be CNN reporter Jim Acosta standing outside of the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul and wearing a sandwich board stating, "Low Energy Prince Salman". The man was heard pleading that the sign wasn't his, and that President Trump was actually responsible for the insult attempt against the Saudi Crown Prince.

This coincidentally also happens to be the last place that Saudi journalist and Washington Post contributor Jamal Khashoggi was last seen alive.  Turkish officials claim he was killed and dismembered by a Saudi hit team for being critical of the Kingdom.

We caught up with President Trump in downtown Istanbul at the McDonald's drive thru where he categorically denied the charges. Zip Ties were spotted in the back seat of his limo that matched those used to fasten Acosta's hands to the sandwich board sign and the bone saw from his belt loop.

Stay tuned to the CT Blog for important breaking news updates that will periodically appear here as news breaks and continues breaking... until it is completely broke.

THE END

Thursday, October 18, 2018

Stormy Daniels Horse Face

Stormy D, The Talking Whore

Whores are whores, of course, of course, 
And no one can talk to a whore of course 
That is, of course, unless the whore is the famous Stormy D

Monday, October 15, 2018

“The Republican Club” Painting

Coke With Abraham Lincoln Is Now Hanging in the White House
President Donald Trump liked a painting of him having drinks with Abraham Lincoln, Richard Nixon and Teddy Roosevelt so much that he called the artist on the phone and then put a print of it in the White House.

Called “The Republican Club,” the print of 10 Republican presidents sitting around a table could be seen briefly in the background of Trump’s interview with “60 Minutes” Sunday, and an image of that moment went viral on social media.

It didn't seem finished to me, so I fixed it... (can you spot my improvements?)
You're welcome.

"GARCON! Another Appletini for H.W."

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Broken News

The news is broken. I don't mean 'biased'. Of course it's biased, but hasn't this always been the case? No, what I mean by 'broken' is that when I can scanned the headlines on Drudge this morning as per usual, and I see this little diddy:

I immediately think of this

And why not? The day after Kanye West visits the Oval Office no less. In today's crazy world, I think it just as likely (maybe even more so) that pop singer Michael Bolton would be assigned to the weapons department on the deck of the guided missile destroyer USS Soul Provider (the young Michael Bolton, when he still had flowing locks blowing in the winds of change in the South China Sea - not the old, bald version. It's my nervous breakdown, so my prerogative - at least that's what skinny Elvis sometimes whispers to me).

Don't misunderstand. I LOVE that Kanye visited Trump's White House for no better reason than it has driver the left even more bonkers than they already were (and that is saying something). In fact, I think Trump should give Kanye a key and let him crash on the couch there for a while, since I read that Kim Kardashian is giving him the boot.

As for the broken news, I can't tell you how many times I am reading a story and thinking it is legit, then only to realize I was on The Onion or the Babylon Bee (or Chattering Teeth Blog)... and then thinking, "well, it could have happened that way..."

But why stress? I think I will put on this new album, relax and just Drift Away...

Wednesday, October 10, 2018

ICE ICE BABY!

A productive first day for Justice Kavanaugh...

Tuesday, October 9, 2018

KavaGump - People call me Justice

I like Gump. I like Kavanaugh. I like beer. And now I like Lindsey Graham, but I'm still not sure what he wanted him to tell them...