Wednesday, April 16, 2014

AMCs new series Turn gets a 9.5 out of 10 Desert Tortoises

What I'm watching: AMC's TURN
 ...The storyline follows a farmer who just wants to grow his cabbages in peace, but the red-coated Bureau of Land Management Stormtroopers of his majesty's army have other ideas.

Desperately out-numbered and against all odds, these freedom loving patriots of childhood friends band together to form The Culper Ring, an unlikely group of spies who turn the tide in America's fight for independence.

It's early, and only two episodes in, but so far I give this new historical series a nine-and-a-half Desert Tortoises out of ten. 



 

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Harry Reid clarifies: Only the government can violate the law

“Well, it’s not over. We can’t have an American people that violates the law and then just walk away from it. So, it’s not over,” Reid said.

You ought to pray it's over.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Cowboys and tyrants. God Bless my fellow Americans!

MUST SEE: Citizens Rise Up – The Real Nevada Story the Media Won’t Show You (Video)
I do believe I've watched this movie before. A thief steals a cowboy's property. The thief tries to sell it back to the cowboy. It doesn't go well for the thief.




Bureau of Land Management: "Did you bring some gold or silver with you?"
The Duke: Just lead.

Somebody ought to belt that thief in the mouth, but I won't... I won't...

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Eric Holder is an Asparagus

Holder goes green
Excuse me...
Are there IRS agents targeting tea party groups in my teeth? I did some Fast & Furious tooth brushing, but it still feels like I have some fully armed Mexican Drug Cartels in there. Tell me the truth, do I have a few stalks of dead and abandoned U.S. diplomats in my teeth? You should not assume that is not a big deal to me. I think that it was inappropriate, I think it was unjust. But never think that was not a big deal to me.

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Can you spot the Presidents and First Ladies in this photo?

Jumbotron (no, this is not the code name for Mooshell) during the anthem for the NCAA men’s basketball final. How many POTUS and FLOTUS can you find?

Monday, April 7, 2014

Sunday, April 6, 2014

First Lady Criticized Over Trip To The International Space Station

Fresh on the heels from her estimated $150 Million March Madness trip to China, First Lady Michelle Obama is now en route to The International Space Station (ISS) and once again is accompanied by her mother and daughters. Right wing critics are once again bellyaching at the price tag, this time estimated to be $1.5 Billion.

Once again, the First Lady is traveling conspicuously without her husband, pouring rocket fuel on the rumor flames that their marriage is on the rocks. Sources say the couple had another blowout, during which Mr. Obama was overheard pleading with his wife not to go to the ISS.

Excerpts of fight:
OBAMA: Woman, Where's yo dollah? Don'tchu even think about another vacation woman! Makes no sense! Makes me look bad!
MICHELLE: Don't YOU tell me what to do! I need another vacation from YOU! I need SPACE!
OBAMA: (*pause* *hand on chin in thought* *IDEA!*) Let me be clear. I forbid you to go to space.


A reporter for Chattering Teeth News caught up to the president at the putting green at Augusta National Golf Club.

CT NEWS: "Mister president, there are some who say you used reverse psychology on your wife, and that you really wanted nothing more than having her, the two brats and the mother-in-law orbiting 240 miles above the surface of the Earth because you had already made this tee time.
OBAMA: *wink* Now what kind of husband would I be if I denied my wife another spectacular view of the Great Wall of China.


The First Lady's itinerary includes space walks, zero gravity "Let's Move" aerobics and classroom video lessons, and a possible moon landing to collect rocks and maybe make a deposit or two, depending on the girls behavior.

The space station has more than 15,000 cubic feet of habitable volume, 14,500 of which has been cordoned off by a very demanding mother-in-law, who has already been insulting the international astronauts and scientist with orders to retrieve her floating shawl. 

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Did Obama Daughter's Twitter Post Leak Parent's Divorce Rumors?

"Yah! Two Ramadans Bitches!"

BARACK and Michelle Obama are getting closer to divorce!
He's lost control of his wife
The couple apparently had a MAJOR blowout over Michelle’s lavish vacation trip to China!

Sources say Barack exploded when Michelle refused to cancel her pricey getaway – even after White House advisers warned him that the first couple’s six-year string of extravagant vacations had already drained the U.S. Treasury of a whopping $150 million in tax­payers’ money.

“This was a blowout of epic proportions. Probably the nastiest White House fight they’ve ever had,” a Washington, D.C., insider told American tabloid the National Enquirer.

“They were both screaming at one another."


OBAMA: If my marriage to Mooshell was a sandwich at Zingerman’s, they’d have to call it the Stinkburger, or the Meanwich. Or maybe a Double decker Furberger with cheez whiz... uhhhh, maybe a Bratwurst and fish taco slider. Let me be clear. When this Amazon straps on her cod piece, it's like Chipped Beast on Powdered Toast Man. What a pulled Pork on Panini with limburger crap sandwich.... uhhh, gotta go now. I made myself hungry."

Friday, April 4, 2014

zero-sum passion, and how to properly display the flag

When you watch the following video,

Who do you most identify with?


A) The marine and soldier who "serve their f-ing country" and take back the flag from protesters for disrespecting it.
B) The two protesters on the moped with the upside-down flag, celebrating one of those amendment thingys.
C) The seemingly homeless dude who appears to be panhandling on the side of the road and who mumbles something to the marine soldiers.
D) Any one of the honking drivers who just want them to get out of the way so they can get to the liquor store.
E) Need more info to answer.

I contend the answer is 'E'. I need more information before making an informed selection.

"C'mon 'Blade! The obvious answer is 'A', the marine and soldier who protected the honor of the flag. I thought you were patriotic?"

I am patriotic, just to the country as it was founded. And I have nothing but love and admiration for our service men and women risking everything to protect what's left of our freedoms (just not the pseudo-service folks planning jihad). I just don't salute the 'new' flag and what it stands for these days. I will always salute and honor the Old Glory from the history books. You know, the flag obama refused to salute before Mooshell and him actually loved their country?

Stunning satellite photographs prove Obama is not impressed.





and now for Sports...

I will not be watching the NCAA Final Four Men's Basketball tournament games this weekend. I'm not bragging, just stating a fact. I have only watched parts of two games total in this tournament out of a mild interest in the 'home' teams, Michigan and Michigan State, and they were both losses. That's OK. I'm not bitter and it didn't ruin my day or ruin my non-existing bracket.

I used to care about March Madness. I used to be totally invested. I would have several variety of pools going simultaneously. I watched every game, including matchups of teams I had never heard of... like Gonzogobeans vs Beaver Lick State. I had a war room of brackets affixed to the wall with push pins, inter-connected by various colored crossing strings and yarns signifying outcome scenarious, yellow highlighters and black markers nearby and at the ready. It may have appeared to passerbys I was trying to solve a series of crimes by my "clue wall" rather than following a basketball tournament.

Now? Meh.

Is 'passion' a zero-sum game? Is one's passion like a finite amount of water in a bucket? In other words, if my passion and concern for something is increasing exponentially, does it draw that passion and concern from other areas in my life, thereby causing me to necessarily care less about something else? An interesting query that I would ponder further if I could only manage to muster the passion to care about the answer. Meh.

During the Michigan game, I sensed that my wife was actively rooting AGAINST my Wolverines. After almost 28 years of marriage, you fine-tune that sixth sense regarding your spouse. That, and I heard her say, "I hope Michigan gets their a$$es kicked!," or something to that effect.

Hmmm. She was evidently more passionate regarding this game's outcome than I was. Oh well, here's my 'Man Card'. It was a good run... Wait! My wife doesn't care about basketball, let alone any sport for that matter (unless when her boys were playing).

No, my wife is not a passionate Kentucky fan. And no, she is not a Sparty fan who relishes in the intrastate rival's woes. In fact, her passion for Michigan to lose had nothing to do with basketball at all and everything to do with the story I mentioned in yesterday's blog about the university sponsoring a perverted, disgusting and blasphemous exhibit praising abortion as a "Gift From God".

"Honey, do you think the other team's university is any less secular-progressively screwed up?," I asked.

"I don't care," she answered. AH HAH! ZERO-SUM!

The brand that is "Michigan" has taken one too many hits, as far as my wife is concerned. I get it. I like to watch sports as an escape from the reality that the progressive left has destroyed this nation's cultural foundation, not to be reminded of them. I guess that's hard when your home team's uniform represents a school who's mission seems to be to tear down truth and righteousness. When I see the Maize and Blue, I try to remember the Wolverines from my youth when the brand was shiny and seemingly wholesome.

Maybe that is how to view the flag. I know what it stands for, regardless of how the left tries to re-define it. So without evidence to the contrary, I change my answer to 'A'.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

7.1 MILLION students to attend Obama's speech at U-M in Ann Arbor today proposing to raise the minimum wage to $10.10/hour

(and other completely arbitrary and made-up bogus numbers to appease his low information supporters)

The serial-liar-in-chief really is paying a visit to U-M today, but the 7.1 MILLION attendees number is completely fabricated on my part. I just wanted to get in tune the our president and his propensity to make s*%t up.

Top 5 reasons why the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor is a good venue for Obama:
#1: Mooshell will not be there.

#B: Michigan constitutes one of the largest Arab and Muslim populations in the U.S., and Dearborn to Ann Arbor seems to be ground zero. The president should be made to feel very welcome here.

#&: Obama does NOT have to send his advance team with various tarps and canvas to cover Christian religious symbols like Crosses and any mention of Jesus (like he has done before when desecrating the grounds of Georgetown University or Notre Dame with his presence).

In fact, the University of Michigan actually has a pro-abortion display on campus called “4000 Years of Choice”, which declares “Abortion as a Blessing” and a “gift from God".

Seriously, how much more f%$*ed up can the progressive left get?

(yes, I used an ampersand instead of the #2, and a 'B' instead of a '2'. This is my blog and I can make 'numbers' up to.).

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Mateo Bama!

Cute li'l guy, ain't he?


Common Core in Obama's War Room

What I'm reading

Common Core Predictions Offer Much-Needed Dose Of Encouragement

Though the leftist indoctrination of America’s public school system has been a concern for parents over the past several generations, the introduction of the federal curriculum known as Common Core has caused anxiety to increase exponentially. Course material in all subjects has a very direct political agenda that contradicts the values held by millions of American families.

As disastrous as these initiatives are, some experts have found a potential bright spot. All but five states have begun to adopt the Common Core curriculum and, in those states, the backlash among citizens has been cacophonous. Many feel such activism at the community level will translate to big wins for conservative candidates who adamantly oppose the intrusive and propagandistic educational material.


Obama uses Common Core worksheet for the problem of the day

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Another 'Served' at this Cleveland, Ohio Abortion McClinic

Woman Dies After Botched Legal Abortion, Frantic 911 Call: She’s “Not Breathing At All”

Operation Rescue has obtained a 911 recording and Computer Aided Dispatch transcript that indicates a patient of Preterm, a Cleveland, Ohio, abortion clinic, has died.


This is not an official transcript of the call, as that doesn't appear to have been provided with the story. Rather, this is the artist's interpretation of how he imagines the call to have gone.

DISPATCHER: 9-1-1, what's your emergency?

NURSE: I'M CALLING FROM THE PRETERM CLINIC AND...

DISPATCHER: Uhh... OK, first I'm going to have to ask you to log into the Healthcare Dot Gov website, MmmKay? Let me know when you're done registering or you get the 404 error screen, whichever comes first, and that'd be greeeat.

NURSE:  What? NO! WE HAVE A GAL WHO'S NOT BREATHING!

DISPATCHER: Hmmm. Just a couple of questions, MmmKay? You're calling from an abortion McClinic. If the gal isn't breathing, wouldn't that indicate your procedure has been successful? Are you just calling here to brag?

NURSE:  THE PATIENT IS A 22-YEAR-OLD FEMALE AND I NEED YOU TO HURRY! SHE'S UNCONSCIOUS AND RECEIVING CPR... SEND AN AMBULANCE!

DISPATCHER: 22! That IS a late term, I'll grant you that.

NURSE:  IT'S THE MOTHER YOU MORON!...

DISPATCHER: Mother? I don't mean to be technical, but the word 'mother' is defined as the relation to a female and the child or children to whom she has given birth. It would appear that your patient is actually the antithesis of a 'mother'. I'm not judging. I just want to be accurate. I have forms to fill out and what-not.

Now speaking of which, have you contacted this 22-year-old female's mother?

NURSE:  What? No! Why would we do that?

DISPATCHER: Silly! We need to determine if your 22-year-old patient is a wanted tissue mass of course!

NURSE:  Never mind. She's not breathing at all... Looks like we won't need you. **click**

Sadly, this lady died less than a week ago and I'll bet not many have even heard this story because it's uncomplimentary to the progressive left's unholy sacrament that is abortion. Yet these same 'activists' would camp outside the prison walls lighting candles in support of the life of a convicted cop killer.

Margaret Sanger, founder of what evolved into Planned Parenthood, would be proud that "the patient was African-American, as are about 80 percent of the high-volume clinic’s abortion business." Genocide against blacks was always her goal.

The video clip showed that emergency workers were not performing any kind of treatment on the woman as she was wheeled on a gurney to the awaiting ambulance. There appeared to be a small towel over the woman’s face.

As a matter of practice, paramedics or EMTs do not pronounce death at the scene, but instead transport the victim to the hospital where a physician can pronounce a time of death.

Pastor Henkel told Operation Rescue that after the ambulance left the Preterm abortion clinic, it was followed by a woman thought to be a nurse wearing blue surgical scrubs, the office manager, and a man believed to be abortionist Mohammad Rezaee.


Apparently, this abortion McClinic is behind the times by hauling its victims away instead of utilizing the 'mother' and the fetus parts as a source of low-cost heating fuel.

Left unanswered is whether or not the abortionist's middle name is 'Hussein', or whether he was still carrying his bloody box cutter.

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The One's Fireside Fetus Log Chat With Justice Roberts

Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts entered his study, closing and locking the door behind him. He pulled his black robe over his head and put it on the hook mounted on the back of his door. He always enjoyed sitting around in his plaid onesie unitard sipping hot cocoa after a long day of oral arguments.

Today was different, however. Roberts knew that his performance in the Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood cases against the HHS mandate earlier in the day would have gotten back to The One who shall not be named, and he wouldn't be happy.

**RING** **RING** **RING**

Roberts stared horrifyingly at his ringing Blackberry. Not answering was NOT an option. He'd found that out the hard way in the past when The One's surveillance assets and miniature camo house drones had uncovered his "I was in the shower" lie.

ROBTS: Hullo?

The One: Did you know thaaaat... there are 132 rooms, 35 bathrooms, and 6 levels in the White House?

ROBTS: uhhh... Sir?

The One: That's a lot of rooms to heat. Good thing there are 28 fireplaces here. Problem is, the environmental wackos wouldn't appreciate me burning wood and pollutin' the environment, even though my choom gang puts out more smoke than Airforce One, ya feel me?

ROBTS: I'm sorry, do I feel... wha?

The One: Shut up aaand...  just listen. So then I see this story where 15,000 aborted babies were incinerated to heat a UK hospital, and then it hits me! While my base would revolt against theeee... use of wood, they would have no problem with me burning fetus logs to heat the White House.

Aaaand there is an endless supply of these bad boys... and girls. Over 50 Million abortions in this country makes quite a stack of cord wood, ya know what I'm sayin'? The problem is that I have developed an affinity for the UK fetus logs. Those British babies seem to burn more evenly. What can I say? like fine French wines, I have expensive tastes.

ROBTS: Why are we talking about fetus logs again?

The One: Because Justice Anthony Kennedy is trying to make this case about abortion when he asked whether the government’s reasoning would mean “a profit corporation could be forced in principle to pay for abortions.” Then what did you say Roberts?

ROBTS: I simply stated that the companies say the mandate already does just that.

The One: That's the problem Roberts. I need you to align your position to be in agreement with my female political hack partisan Justices Sonia Sotomayor, Elena Kagan, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg.  Forget once and for all about some 200 plus year old document. This is about women's rights. This is about not daring to oppose me.  Remember last time you tried to oppose me Roberts?

ROBTS: I remember. I suffered a benign idiopathic seizure, which means it does not have a known cause.

The One: Thaaaat's right. But we know what really caused that epileptic seizure, don't we Roberts?


Let me be clear. We can do things the easy way or we can do things the hard way. Do you enjoy flopping around on the ground and foaming at the mouth from a grand mal seizure? Maybe the next time I just give you the Breibart cocktail instead and I find me a new Chief justice. Would you like thaaat Roberts?

ROBTS: *shakes head 'no' *

The One: I saw that. (conciliatory tone) C'mon Roberts. Let's make this easy. Take that old bag Ruth Buzzy Ginsberg. She's, what?... over 100 years old? You think that's luck? No, no, no. Obamacare giveth, Obamacare taketh away. We can prop that old bag up for another term or two. Cooperate and we can do that for you. Are we on the same page again? No more acting stupidely.

Now go drink your hot cocoa.

Monday, March 24, 2014

God's Not Dead and He Shops at Hobby Lobby


Hobby Lobby gets its day in the Supreme Court, with oral arguments to begin tomorrow, March 25.


Obamacare and the HHS Mandate orders people to violate their religious faith and to force their participation in the enabling of the deaths of unborn babies.

Well Virginia, this is it. Do we still have a First Amendment?
(I link to myself all the time because, frankly, I can't find anyone saying it better.)


Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts is not Roman prefect Pontius Pilate, and Hobby Lobby is not Jesus Christ, the Son of God. That said, the same imagery is in my mind with regards to this 'trial'.

Mark 12:17 Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.”

We the people elected obama, and in so doing have enabled this crucifixion of this faith-based company. The next target might be one of yours. You can close our doors and shut us down, but Caesar cannot have our souls. Time to stand up.

Chattering Teeth flashback to June, 2009:




PICTURED: A civilian spy drone camouflaged as a dragonfly captures the rare image of wanted and reclusive Conservative blogger known only as "DaBlade" from Chattering Teeth. The tall and handsome DaBlade is pictured here centered between the traffic lights holding a subversive sign uncomplimentary to President Obama, peace be unto him. When the traffic light changed from yellow to red, and DaBlade was still several feet from the sidewalk, agents quickly moved in and subsequently roughed him and cuffed him and arrested him for jaywalking.  

OK, not really. That is me, but I wasn't arrested... and if Janet Napolitano questions me later, I will swear I made it to the curb before the light changed.

I celebrated Mass at St. Matt's yesterday morning with my lovely bride and several hundred of my brothers and sisters in Christ, then rallied for Religious Freedom and the protest for the defeat of Obama's unjust and unconstitutional HHS mandate. The crowd at the Flint rally was estimated to be over 400, joining the tens of thousands rallying across the country.


END flashback

I still have those signs up in my garage, and the top picture has been my FB profile banner ever since then.

Now go see this movie! We went after church and were 15 minutes early, but the theater was almost already packed! Just Wow! This is powerful. What if just ONE college student stood up?