fava beans and a nice chianti or tabasco with a bottle of ripple?

I'm typing away on the office computer when that tune from the Geico commercials starts blaring in my head. It "I always feel like... Somebody's Watching Me..." I swiveled around in my ergonomically correct desk chair, all levers and dials set at stun. I fully expected to see that stack of money with the googly eyes, but to my horror, I found myself staring into this eyeball! He's Baaaack!

I snapped this picture with my camera phone, not really sure if this macabre apparation would even appear. Either the vampire test only works with real film, or at least this fella is not of the undead. He could still be wired. I plan on setting a snare and we shall see.

If I'm lucky, this guy may learn the painful truth about Thanksgiving dinner during the Obama years. We'll see how anxious he is to eyeball me over the plate of dressing!

Israeli housing strategy: Build, Baby, Build!

New U.S. housing starts in October unexpectedly fell to their lowest level in six months, weighed down by a sharp decline in construction activity for both single-family and multi-family dwellings, a government report showed on Wednesday.

Meanwhile, the Israeli housing market is booming, with the "construction of 900 additional housing units in a Jewish neighborhood in East Jerusalem, which Palestinians claim for the capital of their future state."

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: The status of Jerusalem is not open for negotiation.

Robert Gibbs: We are dismayed. How can Benny boy expect to keep the peace when he is not bowing to the Palestinians in supplication, weakness, apology, and surrender?

Obama to China - "Tear Down This Wall!"

Seriously. I thought my lineage was complicated (right uncle-cousin?). But then came our POTUS with the MOSTUS, Barack Hassan OBowma. He steps off the plane in China and is hugging and bowing like an idiot to another half-brother, this one Mark Okoth Obama Ndesandjo (MOON).

Talk about a shack-living half-brother in every port! If I got this straight, Ndesandjo's mother, Ruth Nidesand, was Barack Obama Sr.'s third wife, thrice removed. Dreams of My Father, indeed! Doesn't sound like either mom or dad were getting much sleep in the day.

Obama then had Michelle strap on his helmet for his tour of the Great Wall of China.



Obama met with Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao on the Wall, and our Chattering Teeth reporter was there...

WEN: The Great Wall is a proud symbol of their heritage for the Chinese people.

OBAMA: Well I must admit that this wall thingy does work. I haven't spotted even ONE Mexican inside your borders since I've arrived. Oops, Hu asked me not to talk about Yuan, know what I'm sayin'?!

WEN: Errrr.... not really. Let me just say that China does not pursue a trade surplus, and my government wants to encourage a steady balancing of bilateral trade.

OBAMA: Speaking of "balancing", watch this! (Obama performs the Karate Kid swan stance on Wall's edge).

WEN: Mr. President, please come down from there!

OBAMA: It's OK Wen, I'm wearing a helmet. Don't get all wee wee'd up!.... Get it? wee wee'd up Wen? So is it true that you can see this sucker from space?

WEN: I do not know understand this question...?!

OBAMA: Cuz' according to NASA, you can see this sucker from outer space (smiles and points to Michelle's big 'ol butt) Know what I'm sayin'?

WEN: May we get back to business please?!

OBAMA: Chinese Premier Wen Jiabao, if you seek peace, if you seek prosperity for China and all of Asia, come here to this gate. Mr. Wen, open this gate. Mr. Wen, tear down this wall!


The official Xinhua news agency stated that Obama's words "forged a good starting point to further Chinese-U.S. ties."

PARENTING YOUR OBAMA

I don't know why Obama's Asian world tour reminded me of Cheap Trick's Asian "Surrender" tour of 1978.

After hopping around Japan over the weekend and blowing smoke rings like some skinny version of Godzilla's baby boy, Godzuki, Obama is spending the day sightseeing in Beijing. Maybe Hu is showing BO the magic of how colorful building facades can hide the blight and ruin.

It is true, though, what they say about Chinese. Just when you fully digest that Obama is in China, you're immediately hungry for him to stay gone.

The Hu and BO show told reporters yesterday that "the United States and China were in agreement on a range of issues, but they spoke only in general terms... Obama said the United States was not seeking to impose its political system on other countries, but he called freedom of expression and worship among the 'universal rights' common to all people".

That makes me think of Obama as a pimply-faced teenager lecturing his parents about rules, while all the while his hand is out for his weekly allowance and keys to dads car.



Which brings us to the newest magazine to hit the newsstands of Shanghai:

PARENTING YOUR OBAMA
Inspired by parenting4dummies:
Teaching Your Teenager The Value Of Money

Cover story of opening issue by Chinese President, Hu Jintao

It is critically important to begin teaching your Obama about money early in their administration. You should give them a few dollars every week which they can spend in whatever way they want. This allowance should not be 'free' but should be dependent on their completing some household chores. You should however work with them and let them decide what chores they want to do (Cap and Trade, universal healthcare, purchasing banks and car companies, etc) instead of giving them particular jobs. In addition, it is important not to set limits on what they can spend their money on and also that, having given them allowance, you do not then simply go on buying them the things they want. They need to, and quickly will, find out that if they spend all of their allowance as soon as they get it they will not be able to buy some of the more expensive things they want.

The communist Chinese chastising Obama for being too socialist? Nah! That would have to be satire, wouldn't it?

Chinese premier Wen Jiabao urges his pet Obama to keep the U.S. deficit to an appropriate size so that there will be basic stability in the exchange rate, and that is conducive to stability and the recovery of the global economy.

Back to the PARENTING YOUR OBAMA piece:

Do not forget also that you can always backtrack. If you discover that your kids are not learning how to to use money sensibly, then do not be afraid to step in and take back control of that money until you are satisfied that they can handle it.

At some point, your teenager will decide to get a job and this is an excellent time at which to introduce them to the benefits of saving.

Obama get a job and save? OK, NOW we have entered into the world of satire.

OBAMA THUMB PUPPET

Wooden Obama thumb puppet toy with red wood base - VINTAGE Old-time toy! Push up on the bottom of his base, he will wiggle, jiggle, and dance! Hold the button in and he will immediately collapse in a full blown treasonous bow; release and he "snaps" back upright! (Japanese Emporers and Saudi kings are not included) Fun toy for all liberals. 4 inches tall. VERY Small parts. Not recommended for adults with intellects over three years of age. Made in China.

Mime Stalkers Among Us

Most folks have a phobia or two (or twelve). Some are afraid of spiders, while others are terrified of snakes. Some people are afraid of the dark, while others are afraid of socialist community organizers winning the presidency. I share all those phobias, but at the very top of my list, the thing that wakes me in the middle of the night in sweat-soaked sheets, has actually happened to actor Nicolas Cage.

STALKED BY A MIME!

Nicolas Cage fans are FAR crazier than Robert Pattinson's!

The Ghost Rider star who's money troubles has been the butt of jokes lately confesses he feared for his life when he discovered a silent and "maybe deadly fan" -- a dreaded white-faced Marcel Marceau-esque mime when lensing on the streets of New York.

"I was being stalked by a mime - silent but maybe deadly," Cage revealed.

"Somehow, this mime would appear on the set of Bringing Out the Dead and start doing strange things. I have no idea how it got past security.

"Finally, the producers took some action and I haven't seen the mime since.

"But it was definitely unsettling."

I consider myself a Christian man, but I have a crisis of faith when I read something like that. How can a Loving God allow such attrocities to occur? I only pray the Keystone Cops catch this Mime with an invisible lasso and lock him up in one of those imaginary boxes they have such a tough time with, and throw away the invisible key.

Obama Afghan strategy: Hither and Dither

During the campaign, I posited this hypothetical question:

There is a crisis brewing. Who do you want to answer the phone?

The choices included Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, or a this relative unknown pictured here. I think you can guess who won that mock poll. Unfortunately, we know the rest. Obama wins the election after having passed over Hillary AND this squirrel for his running mate, instead choosing someone of inferior intellect to both.

So now we have this socialist community organizer with his national security team discussing Afghanistan in the Situation Room of the White House yesterday. Now brings today's rhetardical mock poll question:

General McChrystal has requested an additional 40,000 more troops for a proven counterinsurgency strategy in Afghanistan. Which table of advisors below would you be most comfortable having in charge of this decision? (sorry, the squirrel is not an option here).

(A)

(B)

Obama has reportedly rejected all of the Afghanistan war options before him, and he is apparently unhappy with Afghan President Hamid Karzai's healthcare plan or something. Obama certainly can't be critical of Karzai's "corruption, lack of transparency, poor governance (and) absence of the rule of law," right? I mean, that would be a little ironic, don'tcha think?

OBAMA: I am not comfortable with this concept of "victory" in Afghanistan, and will settle for nothing less than total surrender and humiliation for the United States. That is why I am turning this issue over to my top advisor BO, who has brought in an expert on Afghanistan.

God Bless the Veterans

An American Soldier an American
Beside my brothers and my sisters, I will proudly take a stand
When liberty’s in jeopardy, I will always do what’s right
I’m out here on the front lines, sleep in peace tonight
American Soldier, I’m and American, an American, an American, Soldier.

Yzerman inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame

The Greatest Leader In All Of Sports
Steve Yzerman, retired Detroit Red Wing superstar and gentleman, was inducted in the Hockey Hall of Fame yesterday. He was the Red Wing captain for 20 of his 22-year career, the longest tenured captain in North American sports history.

Toronto --Steve Yzerman stood in the middle of a large circle of media Monday...

"There is such a fine line between winning and losing," Yzerman said. "I came into the league in 1983 and retired in 2006. You win three Cups and you say, 'Wow, it was a successful career.' But the 19 other years weren't so successful.

Those 3 Cups hold many terrific memories, but the other 19 of Yzerman's Wing seasons were also special for me. I had a lot of fun going to games at the Joe or watching the games on TV. I remember being at the game when "Silk" was hit in the face by a slapshot, and I remember watching him lift the first cup while watching on TV at Bubbas.

I remember my 7-year-old son sitting on my lap during a Wings game, when he asked me if maybe he could play hockey. "Sure," said I, having no idea what I was getting myself into (11 years and approximately $50K later). So in a way, I would be driving a much nicer car were it not for Mr. Yzerman!

Truth is, I wouldn't trade these memories for anything.

Pelosicare Pie

Some day we will look back on today's events with this song on our lips...

Pelosicare Pie
DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance to Don McLean's American Pie is strickly coincidental.
A long, long time ago...
I can still remember
How Liberty used to make me smile.
And I knew my vote was my chance
That we could make those socialists dance
Unless the American public was in denial.

But November '08 made me shiver
Hope and Change they did deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step

I can't remember if I cried
When I read about the socialist's bride,
But something touched me deep inside
The day Liberty died

So Die, Die, Sick Americans Die
Drove my SUV to Emergency,
But the Healthcare was dry
And them good old Blue Dog boys were drinkin' Kool Aid cyanide
Singin' this'll be the day my future dies
I should have listened when Joe Wilson yelled, "You lie!"

PCSI Fort Hood (Politically Correct Speech Investigation)

Re: The shooting rampage at Fort Hood that killed 13 people.

Barack Hasan Obama: “We don’t know all the answers yet, and I would caution against jumping to conclusions until we have all the facts.”

Facts:
Hmmm... let's see. We know Major Nidal Malik Hasan was a practicing Islamofacist, not some much as evidenced by his shouting of “Allahu Akbar”, but more by the discharging of his firearms and killing of brave American patriots.

We know that Hasan was shot by a civilian policewoman, Kimberly Munley, in the incident. This blogger will go out on a limb here and call Ms. Munley a hero, even though Obama would just as soon I wait for all the facts. Who knows, she may have acted stupidly by not reading Hasan his rights.

I would caution here that there is absolutely no proof that Hasan was actually born in Hawaii, or if he still qualifies to some day be elected as the President of the Untited States.

Imam Mohammed Abdullahi says Islam is "not responsible" for Hasan's murderous and cowardly actions. In an unrelated story, the pot called the kettle a "shade of gray".

This reminds me of the scene from Stripes, where Francis insists on being called Psycho under threat of great bodily harm... only with a slight twist:

"My name is Imam Mohammed Abdullahi, but don't say that Islam was responsible for Nidal Malik Hasan going on a psycho killing spree. If any of you great satans call him Muslim, I'll kill ya."

Barack Hasan Obama: Do not jump to conclusions here. I know first hand that it is very possible that Hasan spent 20 years worshipping to racist hate-speech in his mosque without "catching that sermon".

Imam Mohammed Abdullahi: By the way, I'd like to give a shout out to the 12th Imam. Yo, you're number one with me dog!

Flintown - South Side Style

Bashing Flint put Michael Moore and others on the map. Now comes The November 10th release of Flintown Kids, an award winning documentary by writer/director, Omar McGee, and featuring fellow Flintoids: Jason Richardson, Morris Peterson, Mateen Cleaves, and others.

In a violent city where murder is the norm, basketball is the only truth. Omar McGee gathers testimony from the street in an attempt to make sense of the world he himself struggled against as a child. McGee chronicles the rich legacy of great ball players that have come out of Flint, Michigan, against the gridlock of poverty, drugs and crime that General Motors left behind.

Flintown Kids Movie Trailer
LANGUAGE WARNING, YO!


Now it's my turn -

From Chattering Teeth Pictures
A Major Motion Picture Exclusive...
Flintown - South Side Style

100,000 population
60,000 Jobs Lost To General Motors
Leads The Nation In Murders Per Capita
Money Magazine Listed The Worst Place To Live In America

cue rap music in opening trailor... or better yet a period piece circa 1975, from Flint's very own Grand Funk Railroad.

From the other side of the Flint river, over on the south side of town, kids growing up in the blue-collar neighborhoods had it tough too... sort of.

cue to documentary filmaker DaBlade, being interviewed by Shepard Smith, Fox News:

Shep: I assume this is another film about growing up in the poverty-striken town of Flint, Michigan, and suffering all of the hardships and crime on Flint’s rough streets?

DaBlade: This film tells it's story from my perspective and through my eyes growing up in Flint. Looking back at my childhood I realize that we weren't rich by any means, but we had a roof over our heads and food on the table. My dad was a Homicide Detective for the Flint Police Department, so while he may not have been pulling GM wages, he certainly had steady work.

Shep: Your comment of "steady work" for your father alludes to the infamous mean streets of Flint and the top ranking for murders per capita. Did you grow up flinching at every firecracker or car back-firing, worried that a bullet was coming for you?

DaBlade: My side of town was completely safe by comparison to McGee's depiction of the north side. In fact, the only drive-bys I dreaded in my neighborhood was the daily delivery truck bringing the newspaper bundles for my paper route. The only "crack" I had to worry about was the kind found on the sidewalks.

Shep: McGee's film, Flintown Kids, makes the case that there are only two ways out of Flint for kids seeking a better life - The drug trade or basketball. Yes?

DaBlade: Uhhh... In the 70's, my two main career options involved a decision as to whether I would be happy pushing a button on an assembly line for 40-60 hours per week, or going to school. While GM jobs are now gone, the school option exists even today. As far as I know, there have always been schools on both sides of the river, so I'm not buying this "drugs or basketball" premise.

Shep: But Flint is known for producing great basketball talent, yet you left that off your list of options.

DaBlade: Oh make no mistake Shep, my brothers and I could 'ball...



But inexplicably, no scholarships came our way (not even to oldest brother Snap, who played for the So'western Colts and is missing from the photo). Oh, and don't ask about my face cast. Just know that I lead with my nose. And apparently I was so tough that I used black electrical tape for cuts on the thigh (Jack Bauer, eat your heart out). It's how I roll.



...especially when Holy Redeemer played those punks from Redeemer Lutheran. Notice the young stud (yours truly) hustling in to line up for a teammate's foul shot. If memory serves, this was my first "shift" of the game with 23 seconds left and a 15 point lead. The coach's expert strategy of saving me until the end worked like a charm, as my fresh legs carried the team to victory.

Anyway, don't worry about bookmarking this people, as it will all be in the movie. At least it will once I secure some financing.

30th anniversary of the United States Embassy takeover

Today's video quiz. Is the following footage that of:
(A) Brave government opposition protesters getting abused at the hands of Ahkmadeenadude's security thugs, or...
(B) Obamacare opponents getting lectured by Obama's civilian security forces?




While more and more videos of American school children singing praises to Obama keep popping up, Iranian schoolchildren have followed suit by singing their own song versions in Tehran. Draped in Iranian flags and celebrating the 30th anniversary of taking U.S. citizens hostage, they chanted: "Death to America!"

I have also come into some information (via radio signals received thru an old molar filling) that these children also chanted: "Mahmoood Ahkmadeenadude! Mmmm mmm mmm!"

The correct answer to the above video quiz is "A". These protesters are reported to have chanted: "Obama, Obama!" "Either you're with them, or with us!"

Obama didn't actually see any of this coverage, but when told about it, had this to say:
OBAMA: What I reject is when some folks in Iran sit on the sidelines and root for Ahkmadeenadude's failure. We don't want somebody sitting back saying you're not holding the baton the right way. Why don't you grab a baton? That's a socialist baton! You're not batoning fast enough. Well, grab a baton!

Election Results: Vast Right Wing Economic Discontent Racist Conspiracy?

Sure, Obama is driving this bus, but he can't be held accountable! This is more a referendum on the state of the road and the tire inflation than on Obama's driving skills.

Not surprisingly, the HuffingGluePost (along with the rest of the left wing blogosphere) is really going out of it's way to hold Obama blameless in the election day Democrat massacre. Arianna's huge block headlines scream:
"IT'S THE ECONOMY (NOT OBAMA), STUPID".

Here are some other headlines on this same topic that caught my eye...

ABC
ABC: Exit Polls Show Voters Approve Of Obama, Wary Of Economy... Majority Of Voters Say Obama Not A Factor In Vote.
Vast economic discontent marked the mood of Tuesday's off-year voters, portending potential trouble for incumbents generally and Democrats in particular in 2010. Still the gubernatorial elections in Virginia and New Jersey looked less like a referendum on Barack Obama than a reflection of their own candidates and issues.

CBS
Exit Polls in Va. and N.J.: The Obama (Non) Factor?
And what about the Obama factor? President Obama campaigned for both the Democratic gubernatorial candidates, even visiting New Jersey as recently as Sunday to stump for Jon Corzine. Still, majorities of voters in both states (56 percent in Virginia and 60 percent in New Jersey) said President Obama was not a factor in their vote today.

CNN
Analysis: Elections not a referendum on Obama
Neither Democratic candidate was Obama; neither was a great spokesman for "change;" and Democratic strategists and grassroots activists said each candidate failed to give independents a reason to support them.

FOX
Republican Victories a Referendum On Obama?
Just take the poll. It's as relevant as all that other bs.

Frankly, I don't care what the headlines or the left wing spin doctors say the day after this tsunami of discontent washes all the liberal bums out of the House in 2010.

Post Traumatic Halloween Disorder

Dear blog,
I think I am experiencing a post-Halloween sugar crash. I guess something like 32 Snickers bars in 48 hours will do that to you. In my defense, I'd like to point out that they were the minis. I don't think I need to remind anyone that we are talking about chocolate covered nougat, peanuts and caramel here. Oh well, other than a minor headache from the sugar binge, I am relatively unscathed. I mean, it's not like I'm talking to myself, right? In conclusion, blog, I'm not exactly sure what "nougat" is but I do know that it is delish.
'Blade

Dear DaBlade,
I am also suffering from the after effects of going cold turkey from numerous mini bags of Skittles stolen from my child's plastic pumpkin head. What can I do to beat these doldrums and find the energy to continue on?
Sincerely,
Barbie

Dear Barbie,
This should do it... Now get back in my glove compartment.
Me