Saturday, February 14, 2015

On Planet Earth, I'll probably stay

"...Son, back in my daaaay, when we heard a song on the favorite local AM radio station (WTAC, "The Big 6"), we rode our bike to Cracker's Records in the Small Mall, or down the road to K-Mart on Dort Highway and bought the entire vinyl album with half-a-week's paper route profits. We would then rush home and play it, stacking our 2-foot speakers in the open bedroom window, cranked and facing out so that our neighborhood Lockhead street friends could also enjoy."

OK, maybe that was a little specific to me.

I bring this up because my 20-year son, Josh, recently "discovered" my Vinyl album collection. It's not THAT impressive of a collection, and the 120-ish albums I still have are only a fraction of what I once owned. Those things were hardly indestructible and would scratch beyond auditory tolerances, even for a teenager. They sometimes would warp so horribly, the needle would jump 3 inches off the turntable every revolution. Or sometimes a favorite album might disappear after it was lent to a friend back in 1980 and you haven't thought about it until just now... Bastard!

And I have no idea whatever happened to those large stacks of 45s, can I get an Amen!? Anyone else once have that gold one?

In any event, Josh asking about my album collection gave me a reason to revisit these and to suggest one or two for his listening pleasure. 

Feast your ears, son! No more music held hostage to a series of sterile digital 1's and 0's. It ain't music unless there is friction involved, along with the familiar vinyl groove produced dirty pop, crackle and hiss.

Numerous selections from multiple artists in no particular order include: Foreigner, Aerosmith, J Geils, Ted Nugent, REO, Cheap Trick, Alice Cooper, Eddie Money, Van Halen, Stones, Seger, The Cars, Talking Heads, Elvis Costello. OK, I won't cherry pick. I also have these... Please don't judge.

I'm very sory you had to see those.

Not that I actually play an album much any more. Maybe once or twice a year I will play a side of one that's one my mind, but usually I just do the YouTube thing for convenience while I'm web surfing or blogging.

When I have a hankerin' for the real thing, my component stereo shelf is wired, ready and willing to melt my face. Behind the glass door on individual stacked shelves is my vintage 35 year-old Technics SL-D3 turntable, a much "newer" Pioneer VSX-402 receiver, as well as a Pioneer CD player.

The wife long ago gave up trying to get me to "garage sale" or otherwise get rid of this techno-dinosaur setup with the accompanying brontosaurus-sized speakers. As an accommodation, the unit sits in a far corner of the lower level, the turntable's arm in the dock and clasped at the "wrist" like a shackle to prevent the prisoner from escaping while awaiting my next "interrogation".

Maybe the reason I have kept those albums and my component setup is for the memories they conjure. My turntable alone elicits a smile just sitting there. Frankly, I am amazed (but happy) it still works. Then again, if it were a similarly aged vintage automobile, it wouldn't yet have 100,000 miles on it, with most of those miles having been traveled in the 1980s.

Ahh, the 1980's, and maybe the real reason I hold on to these vinyl relics of a bygone era, for almost all of them were purchased in the 80s. Music purchased later was either in cassette tapes or compact discs.

The 1980s. For me, they were "the best of times and the worst of times". The decade was like the month of March. You know, "In like a lion and out like a lamb". I spent the 1980s from the tender and idealistic age of 19 through to the wiser realistic age of 29. The wheelhouse of life, as it were. The decade began with my meeting my "now wife", graduating from college and starting my career. Marriage to my sweetheart, then losing my baby brother to a drunk driver, and then losing my father a year later to cancer. Towards the end of the decade comes the birth of my first of my 3 sons. We named him "Adam". The first man. A new beginning.

All of these thoughts and memories are recalled from my browsing through my album collection. Nobody else would understand, for they belong to only me. I'm sure you have your own.

Come back next week for a full recap of the 1990s, and a full dissertation on my furniture pieces from that period. In the meantime, here is what's on my turntable at this moment.


Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Brian Williams gets career on Target!

While a vigorous debate over Brian Williams' future is brewing as "NBC Nightly News", Williams has taken matters into his own hands. Last night he was spotted at a Target store in an out-of-the-way aisle in the toy section soliciting career advice from employees there. 

Last week, these same Target team members became a Twitter hit and internet sensation after helping a young teen who popped into their store in order to buy a clip-on tie for a job interview at a neighboring Chick-fil-A.
The store only had regular ties, so this awesome Target team member took the time to help the nervous teen put on his new tie, tuck in his shirt and then showed him how to give a proper handshake and tackle a few tough interview questions! As the kid exited the store, a bunch of supportive Target team members cheered him on! THIS is true customer service - Right on the mark, Target!! Fingers crossed for this kid'z interview!!

Since this story went viral, these Target employees have administered marriage counseling to various store patrons; helped local police in an ongoing murder investigation across town and helped a University professor grade a student's thesis.

Brian Williams is not the first celebrity to seek out their sage wisdom. They have helped President Obama formulate his latest budget, and it is rumored they were instrumental in finding Bruce Jenner (a/k/a "Jen Bruiser") some cute pumps IN HIS/HER SIZE!

It's all part of Target's latest marketing campaign.
“We want our guests to see and feel that when they shop at Target, they’re part of something bigger than a transaction... and not just trying to sell you something that can be found on store shelves,” said Jeff Jones, executive vice president and chief marketing officer.

Brian Williams was later spotted in a booth at a nearby fast food chain, one shirt tail untucked, stains on his clip-on tie and his normally well-coiffed hair in disarray and mumbling, "Winner, winner, Chick-fil-A dinner!"

Monday, February 9, 2015

Cliffhanger Monday: Did former 'Walking Man' make it to work today in his new Ford Taurus?

I have girded my loins while awaiting word from the media in order to learn if James Robertson made it to work today. After all, today is presumably the first day Mr. Robertson will be driving to work in the last 10 years, and the weather reports state the roads are covered in ice.

It was just last week that we learned the story about James Robertson, a 56-year-old Detroit man who has walked 21 miles a day to work and back AND HAS NEVER MISSED A DAY!! 

Can you imagine that? In this day and age where so many folks are looking for free handouts and expect something for nothing, here is a gentleman of unparalleled work ethic and character.

His story went viral and contributions were collected for over $300,000, culminating in his receiving the new car this past Friday. A shiny new Ford Taurus!

“it’s simple on the outside and strong on the inside — like me.”

And now we wait... Will he get a flat tire or other car issue that ruins his perfect attendance at work? Will he now adopt a sedentary lifestyle, gain 50 pounds and have assorted health issues because he quit walking? Am I the only one who is worried about these questions?

Why can't I read a feel-good human interest story and simply let it warm the cockles of my heart instead of worrying about the potential negative repercussions? 

Do you see the glass as half empty or half full... of coliform bacteria and other toxic disease-carrying pathogens?

Friday, February 6, 2015

Hey! You got Brian Williams in my Obama!

I'll get outraged at NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams and call for his job just as soon as our glorious leader follows suit and issues an apology and steps down his.

OBAMA: Good morning. Yesterday at the National Prayer Breakfast, in my effort to give all praise and honor to Allah, I made a mistake in recalling the events of 800 years ago. . . . I "misremembered"  and I want to apologize. In fact, I've been making sh#(blog edit) up since before the 2008 campaign. It's what I do. 

This was a bungled attempt by me to draw moral equivalence between those freedom fighter ISIS folks and those racists who have acted stupidly in following some Jew carpenter some 2,000 plus years later. I hope those bitter clingers know they have my greatest indifference, and also now my insincere apology.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

Obama and Dalai Lama star in: The National Prayer Breakfast Club

The question on the green lipstick lips of the media seems to be, "will Obama and the Dalai Lama interact during the National Prayer Breakfast taking place this morning?"

I have other questions regarding this breakfast, and I demand to have them answered immediately.

First, I must admit I am for the separation of church prayer and State breakfast, especially with this president of questionable religious faith. For me, it's not really "breakfast" if there is no bacon in attendance. While I was not sent the menu in advance (which is an obamanation in itself), I highly doubt this mouth-watering breakfast staple will be making an appearance.

Secondly, I just assume that obama now takes his breakfast in a bathtub filled with Cocoa Puffs and 70 gallons of 2% milk ever since his interview with GloZell Green last month.
 Just how big is his bathtub, and how many international religious leaders can it hold? Are Islamic extremists invited, and if so, are there enough fire extinguishers on hand?

Give to Caesar what is Caesar's. Especially if its his yellow rubber ducky bath toy.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Local Cowboy confused by McDonald’s new ad campaign, Pay With Lovin'

McDonalds unveiled their new ad campaign with a commercial spot during The Super Bowl. From Super Bowl Sunday through Valentine's Day, McDonald's will be accepting expressions of affection as payment for food. Well, THAT certainly is open to interpretation.

Randomly selected patrons of this fast food chain will be asked to pay for their order with family hugs, high-fives and phone calls to mom.

Here is some free unsolicited advice, and this blog won't even make you perform a silly dance for it. 

When one considers that a Big Mac contains 75 mg of cholesterol, 1,040 mg of sodium and 29 grams of fat, the American Heart Association STRONGLY SUGGESTS you hug all your loved ones (and to make sure all of your affairs are in order) before consuming.

and that's the memo. And now for today's top story:
Naked cowboy on I-75 not likely to be charged

Police said the 53-year-old Bloomfield Hills man may have been suffering from a mental delirium episode when he stripped and walked against traffic, wearing only a cowboy hat, through a snowstorm just before noon Sunday on I-75 in Auburn Hills.

Saturday, January 31, 2015

Did Alabama Trucker really perform own Root Canal on Route I-20?

This may shock some of my blog readers, but I am aware I have been accused of making stuff up in the past.  The veracity of my content disseminated, questioned and scrutinized.  As if my every utterance is suspect unless independently corroborated by trusted sources... to which I say, "Hey, you married me woman!!"

But you, dear blog readers, know that I am not just "Choppin' Broccoli" here in the spacious Chattering Teeth Studios. You know I take my responsibility of bringing you "the rest of the story" seriously.

Some have questioned my investigative techniques of cruising the seedier parts of Flintown in the middle of the night, but you'd be surprised what people are WILLING TO TELL ME for just a LITTLE INCENTIVE. And by "people" I mean inexpensive hookers, and by "incentive" I mean bottles of cheap cookin wine.

But I don't want to give away ALL of my BLOG SECRETS or you would question your reason for coming here (and if you've gotten this far, it's a question I imagine you have already asked yourself repeatedly by now).

And that's the memo. Now for today's top story.

Crash on interstate caused by trucker pulling his tooth

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. (AP) - Alabama authorities say a tractor-trailer crashed on Interstate 20 because the driver lost control while he was pulling one of his teeth.

The Alabama Highway Patrol says the truck driver told troopers he had taken his hands off the wheel to pull a loose tooth when he wrecked near Tuscaloosa. The crash report states: "He had the tooth in his shirt pocket as proof."

The tractor-trailer veered off I-20 into a ditch late Sunday and smashed into a tree. The crash shut down a stretch of interstate for about 11 hours until a single lane reopened Monday morning.

Authorities say the 57-year-old driver wasn't seriously hurt.

I may have been born and fallen out the back of a turnip truck at night, but my momma didn't raise no vegetable! 

I'm calling "B.S." on this story and suspect the illoominazis are behind this complete fabrication. While I still don't have a clue as to their motivation, tonight's excursion with my finest cooking sherry should produce inroads on that topic for later consumption (if there's any sherry left).

As for now, here are THE FACTS that I believe make this story a "FALSE FLAG":

#1) We have a trucker performing a dental extraction on his own loose tooth and causing an accident, right? In TUSCALOOSA? Really? Tusk-a-loose-a? "TUSK", as in an elongated, continuously growing front tooth that protrudes well beyond the mouth and most commonly found on certain mammals like elephants, walruses and southern hillbilly truckers? Tusk-a-loose-a? Are you illoominazis even trying to scare us anymore?

#2) We are supposed to believe the driver lost control while he was pulling ONE OF HIS TEETH. Right. A 57-year-old Alabama trucker with more than one tooth? Well smear my ears with honey and tie me to an ant hill!

#3) And then this: "He had the tooth in his shirt pocket as proof." A SHIRT and a POCKET? What, the tooth didn't get caught up in the collar or silk necktie of this trucker?

PLEASE! *blogmaster swigs cooking sherry* 
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Michelle Obama inadvertently lets her boob slip out in Saudi Arabia

Somewhere in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia... Michelle Obama inadvertently lets her boob slip out. And by "boob", I mean her husband, Barack.

What do you think, "Wardrobe malfunction"?

Keith Koffler, White House Dossier
We get plenty of lectures about not respecting other people’s cultures, but we often do our best. The Saudi leaders arrive here dressed in their pajamas and make our presidents walk along with theirs holding hands like a pair of little girls, as is the Saudi custom. The Saudis should have shown some respect themselves, and shook the first lady’s hand if they were going to go through a receiving line.

Meanwhile, back home...

First, WH Spokesman Eric Schultz refuses to call the Taliban a Terrorist Organization.

“The Taliban is an armed insurgency,” not a terrorist group.

Later, the reclusive yet handsome conservative blogger known only as "DaBlade" from Chattering Teeth caught up with the Spokes Idiot for follow up questions.

DABLADE: So the administration refuses to call the Taliban "terrorists", correct?
SCHULTZ: I believe the correct pronunciation for these freedom fighters is "Toly-Bahn".
DABLADE: OK. How about this... The 1988 movie titled Hero and the Terror starring Chuck Norris, is about an LA cop who hunts down an escaped serial killer nicknamed "The Terror" due to his propensity for snapping women's necks and taking their corpses to his lair in an abandoned movie theater. Would you describe this psycho serial killer as "The Terror" or "serial insurgent"?
SCHULTZ: Why was the movie theater abandoned? Was Selma playing instead of American Sniper?
CHARLES KRAUTHAMMER: Look, you can't parody this administration
DABLADE: Thanks Charles. Doesn't mean I'll stop trying.

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Patriots ballboy leads the "po po" on a low speed chase in a white Bronco with under-inflated tires

PHOENIX, Arizona - DeflateGate takes bizarre turn in week of Super Bowl XLIX!

Chattering Teeth News reports that the New England Patriots ballboy has been fingered in the manipulation of the Patriot's balls. When confronted with these allegations, Patriots owner Robert Kraft continued to insist the organization had done nothing inappropriate, and stated that, "what goes on in the privacy of a team's own locker room should be off limits.

After all, we gave the boy a home!"

When news broke that the NFL had surveillance video showing the ball boy taking the footballs from the official's locker room into another room at Gillette Stadium before bringing them out to the field prior to the AFC championship game, the ball boy fled the scene. He was later spotted on a nearby freeway, and led the police on a low speed chase in a white Bronco with under-inflated tires.

"I'm not surprised the ball boy's tires were under-inflated by a couple psi," stated coach Bill Belichick. "He was always confusing the pressure gauges with the meat thermometers. His gas mileage is bound to suffer, the poor fool."

Belichick was asked why the ball boy was hired in the first place if he was so incompetent. "Because he was cheap. All he requested was a little alone time with the team's balls." "Besides," the coach added. "Incompetence was never a reason for the NFL not to hire their part-time officials."

The NFL grosses $25 billion in annual revenues, yet they can't afford to hire full time officials? Instead, they hire dudes with weekday full time jobs and work for the NFL as a side job?

Coach Belichick promised to not make the same mistake twice, and stated that they already have hired a replacement ball boy with extensive inflation experience. He's currently an NFL official but has decided to climb that corporate ladder.

When quarterback Tom Brady was asked for his opinion on the new ball boy, he answered, "I don't know nuthin'. When you don’t know something, that’s all you can say is, ‘I don’t know nuthin.’"

Brady later managed to lock himself inside coach Bill Belichick's sweltering car in a Walmart parking lot, requiring a locksmith to eventually free him.

The part-time team doctor stated, "Had he not accidentally dislodged his wool cap during his panic attack, he very well might have succumbed to lethal dehydration."

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Budweisersaurus Part Deux

A very large asteroid zoomed passed Earth yesterday named 2004 BL86, coming within only 745,000 miles from our planet. I located this asteroid while drinking beer and playing with the kid's telescope in the backyard.

I spotted a herd of dinosaurs living on this large rock. Not sure why this isn't being covered by the mainstream media, but I really found it strange.

 Most scientists agree that a direct hit to Earth would likely have been catastrophic for these dinosaurs.

Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Obama delivers disjointed apology while unveiling his new Cybersecurity strategy

OBAMA TRANSCRIPT OF ADDRESS: Fellow "citizens of the world." Remember when I first used that phrase during my 2008 campaign speech to massive adoring European crowds in Berlin?  What a difference a little over six years makes. We've gone from my "A World That Stands as One" speech, to "A World That Stands without The One".

I know there are some who are still upset that I didn't make it that Paris rally, but let me be clear. If I had a son who was a leftwing progressive cartoonist, he would look like that "Charlie" fella. No, I don't mean Charlie Hebdo. I'm talking about Charlie Rangel, who recently was quoted as saying that when he served in Korea, he never became upset about seeing dead soldiers unless they looked like him.

Listen here Charlie, I feel ya bro. I'd be upset seeing a corpseman resembling a squatty, tanned Jackie Gleason with a salt N Peppa porn 'stache and a comb-over brow my own self.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. The future must not belong to those who slander the prophet. Or my golf game. Ya hear me Jordan?

But as I was saying. I would have loved nothing better than to be front and center in that Paris street marchathon and taking selfies with y'all, but some of us had to work, ok? The oceans aren't going to recede themselves after all, amIright? I just so happened to be working vigorously on shoring up some of the cyber security issues that have been plaguing us.

The good news is that Healthcare Dot Gov just signed up 10 million ISIS members.

Oh sure, I could have skipped along the Paris streets sipping on a Mocha-flavored shaved icee, but that wouldn't have been very responsible of me, what with our infrastructure at risk. And when I say "infrastructure," of course I am talking about cell coverage for my Blackberry at any of our nation's golf courses.

As I stated yesterday, If we're going to be connected, then we need to be protected. Just ask Miss Sandra Fluke if you doubt how important connection protection is. See what I did there?
Oh sure, I could have frittered the afternoon away hangin' with that chickensh*t Bibi or secretly taping  Merkel's cell calls for kicks and giggles, but then I would have been ignoring clear and present cyber threats. The last thing I need is for my Rangefinder GPS golf watch to get hacked and I get the wrong yardage tomorrow. See what I'm sayin'?

Michelle and I are like parents everywhere... We want to be sure our children are safe online, especially when Malia is shopping for more Cop Hating T-Shirts and gear.

Aaaaand in a world where everyone is banking, buying, and communicating more through digital networks, I need to be able to count on continued unlimited funds from my credit card from the Bank of China in the name of your children.

I will unveil a few more details of my comprehensive cybersecurity strategy at next week's SOTU speech, assuming I come up with a few more. Right now, all I got is this. Change your passwords. Write 'em down on a sticky note and post it on the monitor if you have to. Just change 'em. And number two... keep those car tires inflated.

What does that have to do with cybersecurity you ask? About as much as it does the gas prices, but have you checked the price at the pump recently since I last suggested filling your tires back in 2008? You're welcome.

And that's why I missed the Paris rally.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Snakes on a Blog

If you're like me, you try for a little escapism from the madness of the day by channel surfing, only to stop and watch whatever is on NatGeo Wild or Animal Planet.

And, if you are even more like me, then you also suffer from a posterior "left cheek, right cheek" Donny & Marie tattoo regret. I guess some ideas just sound better when one is in their mid-40s, but that is for another blog. It never occurred to me at the time, but every morning's porcelain appearance of the tanned and tapered hidden imam only serves to remind me of my hurt at their career split. Just take solace in the knowledge that you are not alone. And go easy on the hot sauce with those bean burritos.

But I digest.

Where was I? Oh yah, escapism. Most times these attempts fail due to my overly fertile and brilliant brain thingy making metaphornalogies from seemingly innocuous shows. For example, the other day I was watching an episode of Survivorman where Les was squatting under a makeshift lean-to of leafy foliage in some remote rainforest, cold and wet and subsisting on roasted dung beetle, while staving off attacks by fire ants and sparrow-sized mosquitoes.

I thought to myself, "Well, this would still be preferable to spending another 2 years under the obama administration." And who knows? After another two years of this clown, these survival skills may just come in handy.

The internet is no better. Take, for example, this National Geographic article from the other day regarding Vietnamese fisherman who simultaneously harvest squid and venomous sea snakes.

From "squid" to "sea snakes", and I immediately think from "squish" to "spineless", which naturally leads me to think of House Speaker John Boehner, who happens to be one of the people I am trying to temporarily forget while reading National Geographic.

I decide to trod on and continue to read the article in hopes that this was just a temporary deviation of my escapism efforts.

Fishermen wading barefoot through a writhing ball of venomous serpents can pay a high price for participating in the Gulf of Thailand's sea snake harvest. Some die from snakebites...

Or lose their cushy, plum committee posts...

OK, there I go again, but I defy anyone to read about "a writhing ball of venomous serpents" and NOT think of Congress. It occurs to me that my efforts may be harder than I originally thought. I read on...

Fishermen bitten by their deadly catch believe that drinking ground-up rhino horn—or putting chunks of horn on the wound—can cure them.

AH HAH! There it is! While I am all for grinding up RINOs and consider it good medicine, I am against the archaic practice of the poaching and slaughter of the African rhinos for false medicine. One is on the verge of extinction, while the others are so numerous as to be considered an infestation of what was once a Grand Ol' Party.

So in conclusion:

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Obama to speak (and golf) at Ford Plant today

Obama will be visiting the Ford Motor Co.’s Michigan Assembly plant in metro Detroit today, where it is expected he will once again falsely take credit for "saving" the auto industry.

The good news is that this plant is presently closed this week because of lagging demand for its small hybrid sissy obamacars, so he will be afForded a bit of elbow room. Taking full advantage of another empty factory, and with wind chill temperatures for metro Detroit expected to be in double digit negatives, obama sent his advance team early in order to retrofit the plant into a full 18-hole golf course.

Monday, January 5, 2015

Compromise reached. Boehner out as Speaker, fake house plant in.

In what most are calling a sideways move, House Republicans have replaced John Boehner with an artificial 8' Fire Retardant Weeping Willow Tree as the new speaker of the House.

Emboldened by the landslide victories handed to them by the voters in the mid-terms, and the overwhelming rejection of Barack Obama’s extreme radical agenda, the minority conservatives mounted a spirited challenge to the worthless Boehner. "We just didn't have the votes," said a Tea Party conservative wishing to remain anonymous. "The Republican party has become overrun with RINOs."

That's when Boehner shocked everyone by stepping down. The RINOs acted quickly, and the artificial 8' Fire Retardant Weeping Willow Tree was tapped as the new speaker of the House.

"The people have made it clear they want us to get things done," said Boehner. "I'm hopeful this tree can pick up leadership of this party where I left off."

In many ways, the two are very similar. John Boehner has cried so frequently on the job, he is quietly referred to as "The weeper of the House", so the gag nickname nameplates need not be changed. The manufacturer assures that the artificial Weeping Willow Tree can be dipped and made to glow with a deep, orangish hue, just like John, so there is that.

However, unlike the original Boehner, we don't have to worry about this artificial 8' Fire Retardant Weeping Willow Tree spontaneously bursting into flames during its frequent smoke breaks.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Welcome to The Flatulating Moose

Three men free Alaskan moose buried in avalanche

Is this a "smell bad" or "feel good" story?

Seriously!? What's an environmental PETA whacko to think? On one hand, a poor, innocent creature of the Erf has been saved. On the other hand, moose flatulence has been artificially perpetuated by meddling humanity. I mean, everyone knows that the Erf's temperature has remained a perfect constant for thousands of years, and only began to warm when the humans arrived with their hockey sticks (or something).

Here's what we know:
FACT: This avalanche was the result of Alaska's unseasonably warm weather and unstable snow pack.
FACT: Researchers in Norway claim an adult flatulating moose can produce 2,100 kilos of methane a year, equivalent to the amount of CO2 caused by an 8,077-mile car trip.
FACT: If I were starting this blog today, it would be called ""

We know that forest fires have become increasingly more severe due to human interference and insistence on putting out these fires as quickly as possible in order to save as many mountain mansions of rich venture capitalists as possible, thereby leaving additional dead fall fuel for the next one.

Maybe moose flatulence induced avalanches are just nature's way of keeping balance.

I just hope there is still some snow in Alaska come my planned cruise later this year, or I swear I will hang my tail over the rail and give this moose a dose of his own medicine.