In his speech, Senator Ted Cruz congratulated Donald Trump on his victory and nomination then spoke eloquently of conservative values, staying true to the constitution and of freedom. These are concepts Trump himself never talks about, so you can somewhat understand the confused reaction from the Trumpsters who had just heard these concepts and values for the very first time.
"What is this C-O-N-S-T-i-T-o-o-, whaty? LYING TED!!, LYING TED!"
So what was it that got the entrenched establishment like the pouty Britt Hume fuming, and the fool populists like the Matt Drudges crying? Ted Cruz did not kiss The Donald's ring.
I knew he had hit it out of the park when the camera panned to the Trump kids, all sitting stoically in a row with stunned looks on their faces and their round pieholes in a kind of perpetual selfie duck face. We did get a slow clap out of one when Ted emphatically endorsed the wall. Other than that, there was no sign of life from the Donald's spawn.
I was tired so I retired to bed shortly after Ted's speech, but I had considered slamming several pots of coffee so that I could remain conscious in order to watch Britt Hume wring his hands in mock establishment outrage. Priceless!
I know I am living on a small and very sparsely populated conservative thought island. I get that most of my Republican friends, relatives and neighbors disagree with me. That's fine by me. I am not saying my opinion is any better than theirs (I'm just thinking it) and I still respect all of them (some of them). But trust me, we are going to need an actual conservative banner holder when the dust settles (if the dust settles) in order to clean this mess of from the progressives (or the populists).
We are going to need Ted Cruz when the Trump tower inevitably and necessarily crumbles.
And that's the memo.
THIS JUST IN: From The National Enquirer (Trump's super pac) TED CRUZ'S FATHER, RAFAEL CRUZ PLOTS AGST REMAINING KENNEDYS!!
Shortly after the Trump campaign unveiled yet again another Trump-Pence campaign logo (above), it met with extreme criticism on social media. This time, Russian President Putin tweeted
The Donald has been attempting to woo the socialist kook Sanders voters while completely ignoring the Christian constitutional conservatives, hence the Communist hammer and sickle. Trump has made it clear he plans on being a strongman who supports touch back amnesty, continued funding of Planned Parenthood, and economy-crippling 45% tariffs, while ignoring the constitution. The latest logo has just arrived.
CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - Showing once again why he is the master of misdirection and reality TV, Donald Trump shocks the political world by naming Ruth Bader Ginsburg as his 2016 running mate. This selection comes a day after Trump called for Ginsburg to resign from the court, stating, "Her mind is shot."
Those of us still paying attention should have taken this as a clue, as a "shot mind" would certainly be a prerequisite for anyone desirous of being Trump's VP. Trump and Ginsburg are also both huge Hillary donors and supporters. This would also explain why the crusty old liberal hack, Ginsburg, accepted the nomination shortly after calling Trump a "faker".
Of course, this is just speculation. RBG couldn't be awakened for comment.
And to think I believed the quirky 'Chuck' character from Better Call Saul TV show wrapped himself in foil to protect himself from unseen demons was imagining things.
There we were, my wife and I, minding our own business by the swimming pool after work last night - when in strolls my 24-year-old middle boy and his wife, along with their two German Shepherds they had walked around the block. Small talk ensued while the 3 dogs played. Next thing I know, the kids are running around the yard with their phones held in front of their faces as they pursued these unseen Pokey man thingys. Apparently, they are all around me, but since I don't carry a phone _ I can't see OR capture the little f'ers.
CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - A Dallas police bomb robot surprised a group of Black Lives Matter militants when it rolled into the middle of their basketball game. The group immediately scattered, as the robot is the same model as the one that blew up their former sniper cop-killer point guard. "I was running away, when I looked over my shoulder and I saw the robot dribbling the basketball," said one BLM militant. "It's like he was challenging me to a game, so I'm like 'it's on like Donkey Kong!'"
The bomb disposal robot is commonly used by police, military and other first responders around the world. It is wheeled, weighs 485 pounds, and mounts various sensors and a robotic arm with grippers.
"He couldn't jump, but he couldn't be stopped in the paint either. Not that he needed any layups. He was launching bombs from all over the court," said one winded gang banger through his bandana. "I'm like, 'hands up, don't shoot,' and 'I can't breathe,' but that mo fo just be drillin' it on us all day long!"
The final score - the police bomb robot 11, the BLM gang 0, but nobody seemed to care, as there were smiles and healing taking place in a community desperately in need of both.
"It felt nice," said a neighbor who had watched the whole scene unfold. "Everybody try to make cops seem like they are bad but actually they not, they friendly just like everyone else is," said the neighbor.
After a break and a 40-ounce, the BLM were ready for a re-match.
"How about a game of P-I-G?," joked one of the militants.
The explosion that followed could be heard from several miles away.
After meeting with Lynch on an out-of-the-way airport tarmac to discuss great Thai food, FBI Director James Comey has released a statement saying that no reasonable prosecutor would bring a case against the Dallas cop killers now in custody.
CHATTERING TEETH ISLAND NEWS BULLETIN: Now taking applications for citizenship to my island. Full disclosure, there will be no wealth redistribution, union thuggery, deficit entitlement spending, nor made-up rights to murder your baby. You will have to work for your coconuts. And as your fearless leader, I promise quick and speedy trials for all cop killers - followed closely by public executions.
So there I was, head hung low and standing in the darkened bathroom again for the second night in a row. It's safer here, for some reason. The crackles, fizzles and whistles don't bother me as much as the bangs, but I could do without any of it.
The rest of the family are just wandering around the house like there's nothing f&^%ing wrong! Do they not hear the random and sporadic loud explosions and sonic booms? Do they not feel the house rattle and shake after each one?
I think I know who's to blame. I'd bet a homemade piece of oven-dried beef jerky treat that it's that black cat on Grandwood who's always slunk low in his yard and staring at me with those evil, green orbs when I walk by his house every night on our stroll. He doesn't react or make a peep, even when I holler at him and lunge against my restraint to get to him. "Take this harness off and give me just 30 seconds alone with him," I bark. But they never do.
I'd blame the Lab on the corner, but I don't think he's too bright. He can make a racket, but he does not want a piece of me. I eat raw meat like him for breakfas.
HOLY SCHNIKES!!! How did you not hear that? If you heard that, you would have pasted your ears against your skull in nervous anxiety and confusion. But no! Those silly, round and bald protrusions on the side of your heads are as useless as ever. Not even pricked forward in curiousity.
Don't get me wrong, I love my family but they're almost completely oblivious to their surroundings. How they don't constantly bump into the walls is beyond me. I've never seen them even sniff one pile of excrement! I'm not kidding!
At least they know when it's time to hit the hay. They are laying in bed now. OK, I'm game, let's try this. I'll just curl up here on my bed in the corner.... Ahhhh... this is nice. Head on my paws with the tail tucked... thinking about chasing that squirrel by the bird feeder again tomorrow...
"OH HAILS NO!" "Here we go again. NO, No, don't get up! I'm just gonna wander, slink and pace around the darkened house indiscriminately for a little while longer while I try to reason this out... maybe spend some more quality time in the bathroom. Gonna play it by ear..."
Hmmm, maybe the cat is innocent and it's that rat bastard squirrel... Or they're working in concert...?
I don't know about the rest of the internets, but I cannot sit back and remain silent in the face of the extreme racism exhibited by the so-called "Safety Poster" from The Red Cross.
By my count there are 19 individuals on this poster, 8 with varying degrees of 'color' - but not counting the floating blue whale with the rape whistle. So RIGHT THERE, the 11 crackers out-number the 8 cartoon characters with varying degrees of color by 58% to 42%!
Oh sure, the percentage of 'cartoons of color' are represented way higher than the demographics in the U.S., but far too low for any propagandist poster in today's progressive age.
Out of the 8 minority drawings, FOUR of them are engaged in behavior labeled as "Not Cool" (including the aggravated assault in the lower right corner), for a whopping total of 50%! Oh sure, there are no gun deaths and we would take this kind of behavior in Chicago... but a public pool?
Out of the 11 whiteys, only TWO are engaged in "Not Cool" behavior (only 18%, REALLY, Red Cross?!), and even those may be questionable, as the cracker chasing the brutha was actually trying to get his wallet back - and the poor cracker in Not Cool for drinking bottled water? Maybe he's from Flint and suffering from lead poisoning!
In any case, I think you will agree that these posters are extremely racist. Fear not, for I have a remedy. Rather than spending money and allocating resources in order to round up all these racist posters when that money could go to places like Planned parenthood and funding for the continued extermination of these children thingys - I have come up with a label solution of acceptable "Cool" and "Not Cool" graphics. Simply peel my labels and cover the offending drawings wherever you may find them.
I know I am always comforted by the knowledge that our glorious president, peace be unto him, is on yet another vacation and relaxing while the country continues to unravel. But Putin 'bad'.
Need more labels? Have other ideas? Send me a self-addressed envelop with a blue jolly rancher and I will see what I can do.
"Short Bus" Democrats getting schooled on the Second Amendment.
And now this...
Chattering Teeth Blogxit?
The spacious Chattering Teeth Blog Studios Spa, Bar & Grill remains in tumult this morning as election officials continue to do recount after recount in order to determine the final results.
Will Chattering Teeth remain in the BSU (Blog Spot Union) and will CT's Prime Minister Blogmaster, the elusive yet suave DaBlade step down? How will this affect the blogosphere, and Will household finances plummet as a result of this momentus pending decision?
Exit polls of the CT staff hasn't shed any light on the subject, as the Barbie collection remains mute and their painted doll's eyes aren't giving anything away.
Please be advised - Chattering Teeth is a thrilling, high speed, turbulent blog that includes sharp turns, sudden drops and stops. Please secure all hats, glasses, pocket protectors and loose change before embarking. For your safety, please keep your arms and legs within the blog at all times until it comes to a complete stop. In the unlikely event it becomes necessary for this blog to make a water landing, your seat cushion may function as a floatation device.
If you are a democrat, please refer to placards for a graphic demonstration on how to engage a seat belt. We know this advanced technology can be frightening at first, especially if you're no Thomas Einstein. Please seek the help of a Republican if you entangle yourself. Enjoy the ride!!!