Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Inversed


President Trump's (fill-in-the-blank) is nothing short of treasonous!

Trump's (fill-in-the-blank) was one of most disgraceful performances by a US President!

So the leftists are outraged at President Trump again, and I am supposed to care?

If the amount of caring about something could be quantified and categorized in degrees on a geometric ray displayed horizontally from left to right, whereby the left endpoint 'A' represents a total lack of empathy dedicated to a subject, and every successive point traveling to the right along the ray towards the arrowhead symbolizing infinity is a measureable increase in the amount of concern I feel
- I am never quite able to reach a "full capacity" of caring, as there is always a possibility for additional solicitude. If I were to declare, "I could care less" as my position on this ray for a certain topic, it would mean that I was dedicating some degree of burden, albeit potentially just an infinitesimal sliver('B'). If "I could care less", then by definition, "I care more than nothing". Maybe a lot more, in which case I could specify by stating "I could care tremendously less" which implies a simplified version as "I care"('C').

However,  with regards to the media and their "outrage at Trump" -  I am located at endpoint 'A', it means my level of "care" is a black void of total and utter indifference. That is to say that "I couldn't care less".

Tomorrow's lesson, a pie graph of "not giving a sh*t" and  "People who claim to give 110%". Please remember to bring your protractors. Class dismissed.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

a noble gas


BREACH OF PROTOCOL?

Crop dusting?

Saturday, July 14, 2018

Brent Kavanaugh's Path To Confirmation

This is how he gets in...

Chattering Teeth News - Brett M. Kavanaugh needed 51 votes to become the Supreme Court's next associate justice, and with Republicans holding a 51-49 majority in the Senate, it sounded like a slam dunk. However, with Arizona Sen. John McCain off on sick leave and with Susan Collins of Maine and Lisa Murkowski of Alaska uncomfortable with Kavanaugh's refusal to outright guarantee he would not restrict or outright overturn Roe v. Wade if given the chance, it was clear during the senate confirmation hearings that his nomination would go down in flames.

The democrats were always going to vote as a block against any of the president's picks, and now with the fake Republicans Collins and Murkowski, they held the 51 votes to Bork the jurist with the frat boy name. Kavanaugh had promised repeatedly during the spirited process to follow the law of judicial precedent as it related to the democrat's unholy sacrament of abortion rights, and even offered to change his frat boy first name to more palatable gender-neutral name of "Merrick" or "Barrack".

At first, Coach K believed he was making headway. That is until Dianne Feinstein accused him of putting a pube on her Coke can which motivated Elizabeth "Pocahontas" Warren to initiate her war dance in full Indian headdress regalia. It was clear to all in the chamber that Kavanaugh was no longer a viable nominee and instead was an unwanted tissue mass and just a clump of cells to the democrats.

Thinking quickly, Kavanaugh eyed a near-term pregnant democrat in the audience holding a NARAL sign. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he grabbed the women and threw her down on his desktop. The stunned senators watched in horror as Brett performed a flawless partial-birth extraction of the fetus. He the plunged his pocket knife into the back of the baby's skull before completely extracting it by grabbing a tiny ankle and thrusting it towards the jaw-gaping senators.

"Nobody can tell me what unspeakable macabre acts of horror I can do with my body," Kavanaugh eloquently stated through his maniacal giggle. 

For a full 30 seconds, nothing could be heard on the senate floor except the echo of dripping blood from the now dead baby. And then the democrat side of the chamber erupted into raucous applause.

Kavanaugh was confirmed with 51 votes, getting the 49 democrat and independents as well as with the defections of Collins and Murkowski.

THE END

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

Political Pigskin

It's 2nd down and inches to go from the 50 yard line with 2 minutes left in the ballgame. You are down 2 points and your opponent has all of their time outs remaining. Since halftime, your halfback has been averaging 5 yards per carry and your quarterback has been flawless.

While there are no 100% guarantees, the obvious play is for a hand off to the running back and ramming the ball up the middle. Odds are good for a first down with plenty of time left on the clock. If not, there is always a 3rd down. Maybe a play action and quick throw over the middle. Keep 'em guessing. But what makes no sense at all is for the coach to call for a 65-yard field goal attempt on 2nd down and into the wind.

That's what Trump has done with this Kavanaugh pick.

Saturday, July 7, 2018

The 3 Witches of the Supreme Court

When ever I think of the 3 women on the Supreme Court, I think of the three witches from William Shakespeare's play Macbeth. And likewise, whenever I think of Macbeth's weird and wayward sisters, I think of Sonia Sotomayor, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Elena Kagan.

According to wiki, they "represent evil, darkness, chaos, and conflict... Their presence communicates treason and impending doom... They are not only political traitors, but spiritual traitors as well... They defy logic, not being subject to the rules of the real world." And that was the wiki page describing these present-day female judges (I think).

In fact, what I am about to show you MAY JUST CONVINCE YOU that TIME TRAVEL IS REAL!

The top image is of course our weird women on the SCOTUS. You might assume the bottom image is simply an artist's exact replication of this scene. You would be wrong. The bottom painting was actually completed in 1782 by Henry Fuseli and titled, "The Three Witches." 1782??? HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?!

But I digress. What I really wanted to blog about was President Trump's upcoming nomination for the SCOTUS. It will either be leaked Sunday or announced on Monday, so we won't have long to wait.

And my selection for the 2018 Supreme Court draft is... [mumbles incoherently]. What was that? I said, my selection for the 2018 Supreme Court draft is... Darko Milicic

This pick is more important than the Gorsuch selection (or even the 2003 Detroit Piston's draft pick). Trump wasn't going to do better than Scalia, and thankfully he picked an acceptable replacement. This time we need to gain ground in replacing the unreliable, namby pamby Justice Kennedy with a constitutionalist. There should be no more 'reaching across the aisle'. Rather, there should only be stepping on their throats and grinding in our heels.

Mike Lee should be at the top of all right-minded folks, but for some reason is not expected to be picked. Some speculate a deal was already struck with Kennedy. I hope not. Amy Coney Barrett would be my second choice after Mike Lee. Ultimately, Roe v Wade needs to be overturned. I refuse to join the crowd that suggests that's not possible. Well, maybe not tomorrow, but why not next week?

AND THAT'S THE MEMO...

FULL DISCLOSURE: I studied Billy Shakespeare in college, so this is why you felt intellectually inadequate as I demonstrated my grasp of his little puppet show Macbeth. It was 1985 and I was in my second year at UM-Flint pursuing a BBA. I had to fill an elective humanities requirement, and a class on Shakespeare happened to be slotted on MWF and fit around my Statistics and Operations Mgt courses but still allowed me a lengthy lunch hour to shoot pool with my friends at the UCEN. How hard could thouist be or not to be?, thunkist I. I remember the book (which I barely cracked) was a thunderous tome and cost over $20! (a lot back then) The thing filled up my back pack and I could barely fit in the smallish CliffsNotes version (which I almost read in it's entirety). Either I didn't understand the deeper meanings or my professor was a communist (likely both), for I scored a D-. It was my only blemish and a lesson learned (never take a class requiring such a large book). The takeaway that you need to remember is that I studied Shakespeare in college.

As I was remembering this Shakespeare class, I noticed my eyelids beginning to droop. "Have I been hit with a tranquilizer dart again?," I mused... as I started going numb. I feeel... sooo... sleeeepy... Zzzzz.

~ ~ DREAM SEQUENCE ~ ~ 

EXTRA EXTRA! Researchers Have Found Two New Pages of Macbeth Exhumed From Under the Ancient Foundation of Shakespeare's Two-car Garage!

“By the pricking of my thumbs / Something wicked this way comes,” says one of the Weird Sisters as Trumpbeth approaches their coven

All hail, Trumpbeth, hail to thee, Thane of business. [past]

All hail, Trumpbeth, hail to thee, President of the United States. [present]

All hail,Trumpbeth, the destroyer of Roe V Wade! *gasp* [future].  

"Fair is foul, and foul is fair / Hover through the fog and filthy air" (sounds like Mad Auntie Maxine is approaching - and I awake with a start!!!)

THE END

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Montana Orange Dawg

The Make America Great Again Rally 2018 Victory Lap tour continues tonight at the Four Seasons Arena in Great Falls, Montana. I've never been to Montana. I hear there is a really big block of ice there. In any case, I am so looking forward to watching the clips when I get home tonight.

When I think of Montana, I can't help but think of an episode of Alias Smith and Jones from 1971 titled Night of the Red Dog. That episode was life changing to this then 10-year-old boy, as it exposed him to the card game called Montana Red Dog - which played a prominent role in the plot. My friends and I worked that game into our card game rotation with Buckets, In-Between, and sometimes traditional poker games. What else was I going to do with my paper route money?



Deal me in, and I'll bet the pot!  We have the Trump card!

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Happy Independence Day 2018

Yesterday, July 3rd is Koda's birthday, and this was the sad yet hilarious post by one of my daughter-in-laws. Koda used to live with us before our middle son got married but some things never change. Kind of reminds of the Ace Ventura shower scene when Ace realizes Finkel is Einhorn.

This movie is of course one of my 50 top 10 movies of all time. In it, Ace is tasked with finding the Miami Dolphin's mascot dolphin named Snowflake. Coincidentally, Ace is assuming the position that all snowflakes assume when President DJT takes to his Twitter feed or when the national anthem plays before a ball game.

Happy Independence Day, stay safe and remember to respect your pets and pet detectives hygiene practices during the show.

Tuesday, July 3, 2018

Chattering Teeth Exclusive with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Blade: Today I have the pleasure of sitting down with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the 14-year-old Latina upstart who recently defeated 10-year incumbent Joe Bag-o-donuts by an estimated vote tally of 116 to 80-something. Thank you for doing this - - may I call you Al?

Alexandria: You must call me Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, por favor, and roll your tongue on the Rrrr's.... And I am veintiocho aƱos.

Blade: So Al, congrats on the narrow victory over that white guy in the uneducated and majority Hispanic New York's 14th Congressional District which includes parts of the Bronx and Queens - though most folks don't know where that is.

Alexandria: I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don’t have maps.

Blade: OK, let's talk policy then - What is this Democratic Socialism you so eloquently espouse? Free maps? Free college? Free health care? Free everything? AND THE POOR FOLKS IN THE BRONX ACTUALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF FREE STUFF?

Alexandria: I personally believe that our education, like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as and I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., er should help South Africa, and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so that we will be able to build up our future for our children.

Blade: Wait... your policy platform seems familiar. Some would accuse you of plagiarizing Miss South Carolina from the 2007 Miss Teen USA Pageant.

Alexandria: such as?

Blade: Well, you've convinced me. Now I see what all of the media, hollywood and late night hosts are so fired up about. You are the most brilliant mind to come out of the socialist democrat party this side of Bernie Sanders, Nancy Pelosi or Maxine Waters. And your googly eyes are somewhat endearing. Good luck to you. This is going to be entertaining to us flyover folks.

Sunday, July 1, 2018

Friday, June 29, 2018

Unchained!

When things happen I will sometimes relate the events to an old movie or tv show in my head. Hence the previous post regarding Trump's rally and the movie Fargo. I don't always post them but I am going to today because I have an earworm and I must share it in order to make it go away. That's how it works for me. You've been warned.

The latest thing that happened is Justice Kennedy announcing his impending retirement, and as a result I have the Righteous Brothers "Unchained Melody" soundtrack from the movie "Ghost" on CONTINUOUS LOOP in my head.

"What does one thing have to do with the other?," I imagine you asking. I'll tell you.

This is yet another opportunity for Trump to get America back on track after suffering 8 long years under obama running around like an effeminate gnome and breaking all our clay pots and trying to turn America into one large Fairy Garden. 

Now comes President Trump with a big lump of clay and he gets to mold and form and remake this country's institutions back into the constitutional clay pots our founding father's intended.

See where this is going? You're thinking about the pottery wheel scene from the movie Ghost, aren'tcha? Think Demi Moore playing the part of Lady Liberty sitting at the pottery wheel and stroking the wet clay as Unchained Melody begins to play. Donald Trump is played by a shirtless Patrick Swayze, caressing and guiding her into forming the clay into something beautiful again.

"Ooooooohhh.... my love, my darling. I've hun...gered for your touch..."

Tag, you're it. I give my earworm to you.

Of course, this is not how the left sees it. They are in full panic mode at the prospects of Trump getting another Supreme Court pick. Check out this New York Times clap trap piece of crap if you enjoy bathing in liberal tears as much as I do: Trump Remakes America

OR just watch this old Donald Trump Funny Pottery Adverisement (which is how the left envisions the pottery wheel scene)

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

Trump Visits Fargo - Ya, You Betcha!

President Trump will be holding a rally in Fargo, North Dakota this evening. I don't know about you, but I can't think of Fargo, ND without immediately thinking about that Coen Brothers movie by the same name. And when I think of the movie Fargo, my mind's eye conjurs the bloody wood chipper scene. If you've seen the movie before, so do you.

Even their hometown newspaper The Red River Vally News apparently equates Trumps visit with that “Eager Beaver” backyard wood chipper, as evidenced by this headline:

Fargo is buzzing as Trump makes his appearance in North Dakota

"Buzzing"? Really? Hmmmm... What else "buzzes"? Bees. Flies. Alarm clocks... "You in the back there!"

"uhhh... wood chippers?"

A Kewpie Doll for the crazy scruffy dude wearing the Trapper hat and bloody plaid coat.

Come to think of it, 20,000 Trump supporters in the parking lot waiting for the Scheels Arena doors to open would also make quite the buzzing noise. I highly encourage Mad Auntie Maxine Waters to show up here tonight and harrass them. Why not? Why bother picking us off one at a time at the local gas station, restaurant or shopping mall when you can confront so many at one time?

“Uff da!”

Monday, June 25, 2018

Red Hen Restaurant Just One Year Later - You Won't Believe Your Eyes!

Like I said over at cube's place: If a large gay lesbian couple wanted to go into a bakery and buy them out of all their bake goods, the baker should have sell to them. However, the baker should not be forced to use his art talents in promoting their grotesque hobby in frosting.

The only way this is comparable to the Red Hen kicking Sarah out of the restaurant would be if Sarah used her God-given talents and forced the wait staff to sit in front of her dinner podium while she verbally slapped them around during dessert.

Saturday, June 23, 2018

TIME Mag's Latest Cover Correction

Crying Time magazine subscribers beg to be reunited with the truth.

"Ok, Donald. Listen, listen, listen... "Donald, honey, just listen."

Won't you PLEASE help reunite this poor Guatemala immigrant child with his cupcake?

Here's a preview of next month's cover: If we build a wall, who will pick our lettuce and mow our lawns?




Friday, June 22, 2018

No, I really don't care for the Fake News statist media


Melania wears rain coat with "I REALLY DON'T CARE, DO U?" written on the back in big white graffiti lettering and the leftists are having a field day mocking her. Fake news is reporting this to be evidence for Melania's lack of empathy toward illegal crumb crunchers. The president tweeted it was actually a message directed at Fake news CNN. If that were the case, a huge graphic of a middle finger would suffice. Nobody in their right mind really believes Melania doesn't love children. And somewhere, the nut job Rachel Maddow gently weeps.

THIS JUST IN!!! ANOTHER CHATTERING TEETH EXCLUSIVE!
Hilery (sic) visits Planned Parenthood Flea Market trafficking in the selling of baby parts while wearing a Plus Sized Hoodie with "Another One Bites the Dust" on the front to criticize Melania's stilettos.

Thursday, June 21, 2018

The longest day


"On summer solstice eve, the Great Gaia rises out of her Kale patch and flies through the air with her bag of gender neutral toys for all the little purple penguins. She also leaves free condoms and rape whistles in all the stockings left hung by the incense burner. Wouldn't you like to dance naked with me by the bonfire in the Kale patch on summer solstice eve and wait for the Great Gaia?"


LINUS: "But isn't the summer solstice the longest day of the year, meaning Donald J Trump will be YOUR president LONGER today than any other day?"


NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!