Friday, July 5, 2019

Salute to America


Sad and pathetic America-haters apparently did show up to the White House to protest President Trump's patriotic July 4th celebration - burning flags and playing with a large Trump balloon. I am not sure if Mike Dukakis and his toy tank was among them. I'm pretty sure Ron Silver wasn't, unless he was reanimated by the Red Witch.

Trump gave tribute to the reason for the 4th of July holiday — the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776. "With a single sheet of parchment and 56 signatures, America began the greatest political journey in human history," Trump said. "wait, make that 57 signatures!"

Wednesday, July 3, 2019

FROBAL WARMING


Don't think to much about why Bill Nye the Science Guy would actually light Colin Kaepernick's afro on fire. Just bask in the transient heat provided by this satisfying brush fire. I was going to add Creepy Joe Biden hugging and snuggling Bill Nye from behind, but I thought that would make too much sense.

Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Game of Pong

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dangles 2020 endorsement: Bernie Sanders or Elizabeth Warren?

Only one way AOC will be comfortable making this choice.  That's right...

BEER PONG!!



My money's on The Injun. I still remember fondly her beer Instagram candidacy announcement On New Year's Eve... "I'm gonna get me... ummm, a beer"

Now if she can only get the darn bottle open!

Monday, June 10, 2019

CAN YOU SPOT THE 2020 DEMOCRAT PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES IN THE IOWA MANURE PILE?

OK, admittedly that puzzle wasn't really fair as there is no real difference between these candidates and the background.

It's almost as unfair as expecting Creepy Joe to negotiate his way through a single-stalk Iowan corn maze.



With this invasion of 19 looney dimocrat politicians, you can't blame the natives for seeking the nearest shelter...

photo from roadsideamerica.com

Saturday, June 8, 2019

Glenn Beck's Latest Masterpiece

The Glenn Beck Show (and all of Blaze Media) is in my regular rotation, and that is how I know that this Hitler painting took him 10 hours to complete. His podcast cracks me up - he told the story of when he was just finishing this painting when his wife walks into the room. She looks at the Hitler painting. She looks at her husband and she says, "what are we going to be doing tonight?" - not even commenting on the latest of her husband's idiosyncrasies.

In the painting, Glenn compares the genocidal maniac, Adolph Hitler, with the genocidal government funded Planned Parenthood. Great minds think alike. I had this same though back in 2013. I'll re-post below, but first the painting that Ebay removed yesterday (joining the likes of twitter, Facebook, google and Youtube as leftist propaganda publishers who want to silence the right and are afforded the governmental protections as platforms.)


That sounds like the policies of the past. Learn from the it, or be doomed to repeat it. Bid on my painting based on 1940's U.S. war propaganda and share. All proceeds go to Mercury One for pro-life charities.
- Glenn Beck




and now, this blast from the past (and possibly Beck's motivation for his painting? I want my cut of that $1 sales price!)

Parallel Universe Thursday: Planned Fatherland and the trial of Dr. Mengele

Somewhere in a parallel universe (not that far away); a place where Germany won WWII...

Planned Fatherland is the largest provider of "reproductive health services" in Nazi Germany. Due to the Fuehrer's generous funding, Planned Fatherland has established numerous concentration clinics providing free services to poor Jewish, Christian and black peasants all across New Deutschland, or what was once known as America.

They have come a long way since the 1930s and '40s, when they were able to provide post-fertilization services to only about 6 million indigent Jews. Since then, they have expanded these free concentration contraception services to all who worship at the altar of the "Angel of Death" (but specifically targeted to eradicate from humanity the impure races of Jews and Africans). From 6 million to over 54 million served! Heil Dear Leader!

Earlier this week, Dr. Kermit Gosnell was found guilty. Not because he enjoyed killing thousands of babies by cutting their spinal cords with scissors. Not because he put late-term survivors in a toilet and amused himself by watching them swim. He was not found guilty because he stored remains of aborted fetuses in water jugs, pet food containers and a freezer at the clinic. After all, he was only following the techniques established by Planned Fatherland's founder, "Doctor" Josef Rudolf Mengele, who is famous for performing human experiments on children. 

No, Dr. Kermit Gosnell's crimes are much more heinous than those. You see, instead of quietly going about his spine snipping business behind closed doors, he made the mistake of bringing negative attention to himself and the Nazi ProgreSSive cause.

Planned Fatherland issued this statement:
"We must have and enforce laws that protect access to safe and legal torture and purging from society of the racially undesirable elements."

The life of a Jew after a botched gassing should be left up to the Kommandant, the fuehrer, and the physician.

"ProgreSSives" are the same in any universe, and by any other name would be as morally corrupt.

Tuesday, June 4, 2019

So you really think you can be anything you want to be because you are entitled or something?

I've heard it said that this crop of 20 to 30-somethings were the first generation to have their evil parents tell them they were special. I don't buy that. But maybe they are the first generation where their teacher gave them an 'A' and the coach gave them a trophy just for showing up.

Pop Quiz: Question 1 - Who first said this?
You can have anything you want -
if you want it badly enough.
You can be anything you want to be,
do anything you set out to accomplish
if you hold to that desire with singleness of purpose.

Hint: It isn't Hillary Clinton...

A) Bill Gates


B) That children's show actor who thought he was a climatologist


c) That grown a$$ man who identified as a little girl


D) Abraham Lincoln


The answer, of course, is 'D'. Abraham Lincoln. Honest Abe. Lincoln, the second greatest President just a tad behind our current great, President Donald J Trump.

If you jumped into a time travel phone booth and was transported back to the 1990s and asked a bunch of elementary kids what they wanted to be when they grew up - most would almost certainly say they wanted to be Marine Biologists or an Astronaut. Oh sure, there would be the occasional weirdo who might state they wanted to some day be a pilot of an official Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, but that's just crazy talk. What are the odds of that?

The problem with the above answers, children, has to do with something called 'market forces' and 'supply and demand'. 

Let's look at the numbers. Per the US Census Bureau, the estimated number of U.S. millennials in 2015 was 83.1 million. There are only approximately 8,520 Marine Biologists, and there has never been more than 150 astronauts at any given time. Looks like a few disappointed Johnnys and Sallys.

Oh yah? Well at least they can always be an Oscar Mayer Weinermobile pilot, right?.... Not so fast.

Many university grads saying 'I wish I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener'

The number of applications to become “hotdoggers” has shot up to 7,000 in 2019, ... Oscar Mayer has a tradition dating back to 1988 where six Wienermobiles tour the U.S. and Canada throughout the year promoting the brand name processed meats, usually in crews of two — one male and one female — commandeering the giant-size fiberglass wiener vehicles... Lottery-winning candidates who get hired by Oscar Mayer go through two weeks of Hot Dog High, where they learn about the company and get driver training so they can adeptly steer the Wienermobile.

What? You mean there are no more than 12 “hotdoggers" (6 Pilots for the Wienermobiles and 6 Commander positions inside the giant-size fiberglass wiener vehicles) at an given time?

In conclusion, maybe the weiner-wannas should be more practicle while pursuing the Hot Dog High. A job that is in high demand and produces a product that flys off the shelves... say, a line worker at a trophy manufacturer? Or maybe a hot dog vendor at the local The Home Depot?

Speaking of which, here are some critically acclaimed clips from my interview with just such a vendor a few years back who clearly wasted her money getting loans to go to Hot Dog High...

The wife and I stopped by the local Home Depot after church yesterday to buy a power washer, deck stain and assorted rollers and accessories. Apparently, my wife believes that Memorial Day weekend is meant to be spent in hard labor around the homestead. I reminded her that the day is set aside to remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice for our freedoms, and "how am I supposed to do that while working?" She reminded me that weekends squandered in leisure is not considered an 'ultimate sacrifice', and to "quit yer whining!"

So there I was, pushing the cart of goodies toward the exit just past the hot dog vendor. The misses must have been feeling some fraction of guilt for the lash marks on my back, as she nodded at the hot dog vendor while telling me, "go ahead".

The peddler and purveyor of these plump and prodigious redhots was a young female working alone. Apparently, she was expected to multitask as the chef AND the cashier. I placed my order for a hot dog.

I should have known she was not fully trained when she asked, "What kind? A regular hot dog or a Vienna?"

I was momentarily confused and felt slight vertigo by her question, and wondered if I mistakenly used my fake French accent when placing my order - thereby throwing her off and eliciting her question. I shook off my momentary fugue, and answered in my very best Flint accent, "Vienna, daaaaang girl!"

While she was 'preparing' my post-Home Depot feast, I engaged her in a palaver of verbal confabulation for my own amusement. "I'm sure you are aware, madame - as you are in the business so to speak - that Merriam-Webster just recently declared by decree that the hot dog shall henceforth be considered a sandwich. How does this make you feel?"

She giggled and said she had not heard this and she didn't care one way or the other.

I searched her eyes and face for tics or other tells that might suggest a lack of veracity or that she might somehow be involved in this conspiracy. Finding none, I determined that she really hadn't read or heard about this frankfurter travesty of justice. This immediately enraged me. How can Home Depot enlist a hot dog vendor who doesn't keep up on the very latest hot dog news!?

Calling a hot dog a sandwich? You might as well say the Earth is flat! or that anthropogenic Global Warming is a thing!

I slathered a healthy portion of mustard and onions on my vienna and stormed through the exit, mumbling unintellibles all the way to the car.

THE END

So in conclusion, a hot dog may be a sandwich, but it will never be a sammich!

THE END II

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Kid's Predictions

What you are about to read is ground-breaking prophesy by the one and only Kid of the infamous Diary of a Right Wing Pussycat. It has been shamelessly copied and pasted by me from the comment section of my previous post without permission from the author. Be warned, dear reader. Once read, it cannot be unread. This message will permeate your soul to the core. You may laugh. You will probably intermittently sob. If you choose to proceed, I recommend you have a box of Kleenex handy (and be wearing an absorbent diaper in the likely scenario of a prolonged fugue).

His story must be told.


Ok, Predictions.............

DJ Trump and Mike Pence are consumed by a Jellystone Major Minor Super Volcano while campaigning in where-ever that place is and Nana Pelosi becomes PRESIDENT. The globalist world has a simultaneous orgasm and capitalism dies of a combination of a rabies plus termite infestation combined with Malaria and Polio, And over the top stupididity. Nana chooses longtime San Fran homeless and toothless resident otis the transgender person of unknown gender as his, her or whatitsis as Vice President. The lgbtqrstuv community has a collective orgasmic event that is non-descriptive since none of them actually know how to have an orgasm in a given gender capacity. Lets move on.

Boris Johnson is elected Prime Minister and is immediately eaten in cannibal fashion by a transgender creature who has recently ingested bath salts in Florida. He or she is married to a person of unknown gender who is a Harvard Law grad and who gets he/she or it off on a charge of racial bias, cultural appropriation and virtue signaling. Well, Natch.

Meanwhile barry soetoro is fatally impaled on the bayonet of the first female of the 3rd Infantry Army to serve as a Tomb Sentry and dies as michelle obama instinctively thrusts his/her penis into barry's oral orifice providing barry one last 'taste' of "screw America" visual - physical symbolism. Someone told me this is how it went. Seems a perfect timeline of events.

Monday, May 27, 2019

Nancy Pelosi orders a Triple Martini


The DNC just tweeted a video montage of Nancy Pelosi that was heavily edited to the point where it appeared she had a string of coherent thoughts. The video was so heavily doctored that even her denture slippages and spittle spray were photo shopped out of each frame. It was apparently created in response to this Trump Tweet:

“PELOSI STAMMERS THROUGH NEWS CONFERENCE”

In other news...
The man poised to be the next British leader has hair styled by passing tornado.

And how could we forget... Memorial Days Past:
(2015) Obama's bizarre Memorial Day climate change speech at Arlington National Cemetery



(2016) From the First Family Dogs, Sunny and Bo, to all of you... Happy Memorial Day!



(2017) North Korea Launches skinless Beef Hot Dog



Monday, May 20, 2019

Trump Topiary Tuesday

Rep. Justin Amash, R-Mich., became the first Republican to publicly accuse Trump of engaging in “impeachable conduct”... 

and gets free lawn job.



Sunday, May 19, 2019

Schwarzenegger Snuggled and awkwardly kissed by Joe Biden


Arnold Schwarzenegger savagely attacked and awkwardly kissed by Joe Biden, who was then swiftly pinned down by security.


Friday, May 17, 2019

JUST BECAUSE I AM PRO CHOICE DOES NOT MEAN I AM PRO SLAVERY

It's really just a matter of viability. A slave cannot fend for itself outside of the cotton fields... and really when you think about it, a slave is part of the slave master's body, so no yankee has a right to tell the slave master what to do with his own body.... and the law doesn't even recognize the slave as a person...

You want slavery to become a non-issue? Focus less on telling slave masters how horrible it is to own slaves and start offering them other answers for the high cost of farming....after you’ve stepped back and listened to the slave master's stories, of course.



Why is it the more these lost souls struggle to excuse infanticide, the deeper they get sucked into the quicksand?

JUST BECAUSE I AM PRO CHOICE
DOES NOT MEAN I AM PRO SLAVERY
IT MEANS I UNDERSTAND YOUR
CHOICE IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS
AND I WILL ALWAYS FIGHT FOR
YOUR RIGHT TO CHOOSE A SLAVE

Sunday, May 12, 2019

AOC presides


AOC briefly takes Pelosi's spot

which is good, because she is obviously still teething...

Monday, May 6, 2019

Trump in cars getting Lunch



BLOG NARRATOR: Ever since he resigned as Secretary of Defense last December, James 'Mad Dog' Mattis has been President Trump's wheelman and impromptu valet, whether he needs a driver for a getaway golf round and weekend getaway in Mar-a-Lago or for late-night fourth meal runs. Let's peek in...

Mad Dog: Mr. President, your National Security Advisor, John Bolton, is on the phone.

Trump: If he wants me to bring him a Happy Meal, tell him he's too late. But we will be going through the drive thru at Chick-fil-A... 12 piece nuggets?

Mad Dog: He says there is intelligence that Iran is Threatening American Interests.

Trump: Put him on speaker.

Bolton: Mr President, there is not a pallet of cash large enough for me to get on the current "speaker".  Speaking of that, what do you want to do? The former president would bow repeatedly and load pallets of cash and send to the Iranian regime. Or choice B would entail deploying the USS Abraham Lincoln Carrier Strike Group and a bomber task force to the U.S. Central Command region for a little more "flexibility".

BLOG NARRATOR: WILL TRUMP PULL AN OBAMA AND SURRENDER? WILL TRUMP ALLOW IRAN TO CAPTURE US OUR SAILORS AND HOLD THEM PRISONER TO HUMILIATE THIS PRESIDENT LIKE THEY DID TO THE LAST ONE? WILL TRUMP IGNORE IRAN'S CULPABILITY FOR HAMAS ROCKET ATTACKS INTO ISRAEL AND IN FACT BLAME ISRAEL LIKE THE DEMOCRATS DO? WILL TRUMP OPT FOR NUGGETS OR A SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH AT CHI-FIL-A?

Tune in next time. Same random blog-time, same blog-channel.

Sunday, May 5, 2019

"Creepy Joe" disqualified for awkward Kiss in 2019 Kentucky Derby

Kentucky Derby history was made Saturday at Churchill Downs in Louisville. 


Chattering Teeth News - Maximum Security was undefeated and led wire-to-wire in this year's Kentucky Derby, crossing the finish line in first by almost two lengths. However, the celebration was short lived as the horse was disqualified after race officials noticed Maximum Security's jockey  "Creepy Joe" interfering with the other horses and their mounts, saddling up close to them and rubbing their shoulders or smelling their manes. The track was a sloppy one to begin with, and wasn't helped by Creepy Joe's sloppy and awkward kisses.

Why this horse's owner and trainers selected Creepy Joe to ride their prized steed remains a mystery. Creepy Joe has been a notoriously slow, sleepy and low energy partner who suffers from a career of foot-in-mouth disease. There is talk amongst the handlers to make a jockey change for the Preakness Stakes, and Pokehontas seems to be ahead in the race for this gig by a large nose.