Saturday, March 30, 2013

The Secular Progressive Gay Spring Bunny - Hossenfeffer in the highest!

The secular progressives are at it again with their attack on Christianity and an attempt to eliminate references and symbols of faith from public view. First it was "Christmas" being renamed "holiday" - eg: Happy Holidays, Holiday Tree, Holiday lights, etc.

Now "Easter" is their target, removing and replacing the "Easter" with "spring" - eg: The Spring Bunny, Spring Eggs, The Spring Egg Roll, etc.

Like that egg-headed elementary school principal in Alabama,  who initially decided to cancel the Easter egg hunt. That is, until parents came out of their shell over the issue causing school officials to reimplement it. 

As a compromise, the elementary children were made to put condoms on the eggs during recess while watching a cartoon called, "Humpty the gay egg gets married".

OK, that last part was totally made up.

However, out of concern that the religious connotations of Easter could upset parents and children with differing religious preferences, the Muslim children were allowed to bow out from the Easter egg roll, and instead participate in their traditional Infidel severed doll head roll.

OK, not really, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Friday, March 29, 2013

It has begun, Lord

IMPORTANT MEMO TO SELF (and any googlers who have stumbled here because they misspelled "buffoonery" in their search bar) - My political satire and my childish bufoonery bufoonary bafoonary baffoonary buffunery will return next week.

Great article for Good Friday.
"Behold I Make All Things New" (Rev. 21:5)
"...The devil also reasons that if God is so good, as many claim, than why do people have to suffer, even for a moment?"

Through His crucifixion, death and resurrection Jesus makes all things new. He will use every trial, hardship and suffering that we are willing to offer Him, to transform this world. Though it seems hard to believe that suffering and pain can bring about any good within our own lives, let alone within the world, it magnificently reflects the splendor of Christ who takes the rags and filth of our sufferings and turns them into pure gold.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Sonia Sotomayor sells sea shells by the seashore, Part II

Associate Justice Sonia Sotomayor continues to make her oral arguments before the court in nothing but tongue twisters, frustrating the other justices on the bench and opening up wild speculation as to her actual stances on each case.

It's why she is called the wise Latina. Nobody actually understands what she is trying to say, so they assume it to be a profundity lest they be judged a racist.

In the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) currently before the court, Associate Sotomayer was asked to weigh in on the legitimacy of a federal provision that prevents married gay couples from receiving a range of federal benefits.

Said Sonia, "If Stu chews shoes, should Stu choose the shoes he chews?"

Everyone nodded in agreement, sure that she must be on to something.

"What about the provision in DOMA that defines marriage as between a man and a woman?", she was asked.

SONIA: "Can a clam cram in a clean cream can? Did Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers or canned clams? What about Willy's real rear wheel?"

Meanwhile, Justice Elena Kagan stared silently into space and drool running down one cheek.

We will have to wait until June to see what this collection of powerful minds have come up with, and how creative  or clumsy they are in their continuing mission in ripping up the Constitution and furthering the progressive agenda.

SONIA: "DOMA Arigato, Mr. Roboto. DOMA?"

Indeed, Associate Sotomayor.... Indeed.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Jesus came to FORGIVE sins, not to LEGALIZE them

This Sunday, the faithful will celebrate the single greatest event in all of history. No, I don't mean the season finale of AMC's The Walking Dead (although I'm looking forward to it). Nor do I mean the season premier of HBO's Game of Thrones (again, can't wait).

No, this Sunday is all about The Walking Life who is seated at the right hand of the father on His heavenly throne. Easter! Easter Sunday! The resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!  

Meanwhile, my FB feed is clogged with these large equal '=' signs, apparently signifying support for "gay rights" as so-called "same sex marriage" is debated at the U.S. Supreme Court. Very sad that this is given top priority by so many during this Holiest of weeks.

That's not to say FB is completely filled with garbage. I did come across this posted pic by a FB friend of mine, and some of the comments were very telling. I just can't even begin to understand how liberals think. My friend's response is brilliant, in my opinion.

ANON: What purpose does this serve? Do you actually think that non-Christians will become Christians after seeing this?

FRIEND: Not sure this post serves any purpose for most...just thought it was a cool billboard...and maybe to spur people to consider the holiness of this week in particular...Have a prayerful Holy Week my friends.

ANON: No I mean what is the purpose of the billboard?

FRIEND: I would assume the sponsors intend to use the billboard as a means to remind individuals this is the holiest of weeks of the year and help reflect on the Passion and Resurrection. Your thoughts?

ANON: Hmm. I suppose that is good.

If it is intended to recruit new converts to Christianity, I think the messaging fails to achieve that goal given its target audience. However, if the target audience is existing Christians, that concern wouldn't apply.

FRIEND:  I do not belong to a community of believers that are convinced that easily...maybe some faiths/religions can recruit via billboards...the Catholic faith requires a couple more steps than reading a billboard...

Remember fellow Christians (only two quick Bible verses, I promise).
John 3:16 For God so loved the world, as to give his only begotten Son; so that everyone who believes in him may not perish but may have eternal life.

John 8:11 ...'Neither do I condemn you,' said Jesus. 'Go away, and from this moment sin no more.'

Notice that Jesus did not condemn the adulterer, but neither did He try to make her feel good about her sins. He came to FORGIVE sins, not to LEGALIZE and EMBRACE them.

I think about this story in it's entirety quite a bit. Many times I get angry and clench my fists at the those who attack righteousness and who try to uplift abominations and it makes me want to lash out. Jesus reminds me here that I am not without sin. I am not the arbiter of what sins are most egregious in His eyes, nor do I want that job. The difference, perhaps, is that I do not love my sins. They are stains that only He can cleanse. I would not seek to have my sins accepted or justified by a Godless society. God is my authority. If He is not yours, don't kid yourself into thinking that you don't answer to one. Disbelieving in God and the very busy behind-the-scenes satan doesn't mean you don't align your soul with one or the other.

...and the stone drops harmlessly from my hand.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Should LGBT Corpses be allowed to marry?

Today's blog continues it's mission of linking two seemingly unrelated stories together in hopes of finding that elusive middle ground of compromise and saving the world for the low-informed moderate!

Supreme Court tackles gay marriage
Advocates are starting to line up outside the court and lisping chants of encouragement in anxious anticipation for this week's arguments to redefine marriage in two separate cases.

"Ghost Marriages" in China
The marriage of two dead people in China is a centuries-old custom called "minghun." It involves:
* The family of the deceased male grave robbing for a bride
* A shotgun wedding is performed by a feng shui master (death by shotgun not mandatory)
* and by all accounts -  A "Ghost marriage between two dead people is stable and lasts forever"

China has an abnormal sex ratio because of their "one child" policy and "abortion on demand" (demand of the state) and the overwhelming "choice" for a male baby, so it is sometimes necessary for the groom's family to marry off their dead 87-year-old single grandfather to an 8 month old aborted female fetus.

Hey, don't judge! We are on this same progressive road - just a few twists and turns behind.

Chattering Teeth Compromise Solution:
Time is of the essence, because when those gay rights activists discover that the court won't render a decision until perhaps June, violent hair pulling and sissy slap fights could erupt in the parking lot. Therefore, for now, the Supreme Court should only allow gay and lesbian corpses to tie the knot. Progressive liberalism is all about incrementalism, after all, so this is the logical first step. Today, married LGBT corpses. Tomorrow, LIVE LGBT marriages... Then I suppose legal marriages between a consenting live gay person and a crusty decomposing corpse. Sure, it sounds disgusting NOW, but who would have thought that mainstream America would ever accept the indiscriminate massacre of their young through 56 million legalized abortions... or accept a Justin Beiber for that matter.

The point is, gay marriage and illegal immigration should be our sole focus in this country, and we should completely ignore the economic destruction and imminent collapse brought upon us by this administration. The young especially need to focus on these "rights" so they don't waste time wondering why youth unemployment is over 25% and why their opportunities have evaporated under obama.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Controversy: Obama Speaks Under Arafat Banner. Comedian El Diablobama follows up with a terrific standup performance

I will never forget when wheelchair-bound Leon Klinghoffer - A vacationing American citizen on the Achille Lauro cruiseship - became another Arafat victim when the hijackers wheeled Mr. Klinghoffer over the side of the ship in 1985.

Of course, today's 20 to 30-somethings have no clue who Yasser Arafat was. If you mention the wheelchair murder, they would immediately insist that was Paul Ryan throwing granny over some fiscal cliff.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Obama mistakes today's meeting with Palestinian President Abbas for a pickup game of basketball

President Obama showed up at the Muqata Compound in Ramallah for his noon meeting with Abbas wearing a T-Shirt and sweat pants while bouncing a basketball. Following closely behind Obama was Reggie Love (his "Body Man") and Dennis Rodman (the new "Basketball Peace Diplomat").

"Where are all the Jordanians?," asked a perplexed Obama, as he entered the compound filled with bearded, Keffiyeh-wearing Palestinian Authority terrorists. "You know I'm an Michael Jordan guy and when I heard about all the other Jordanians over here, I said, "SIGN ME UP!" I’m a Bulls guy. (Most of us would say you're a Bull... something)

RODMAN: Where is that short kid with the funny hair cut?

REGGIE: Uhhhh... Do you mean Kim Jung Un, the North Korean leader and starting right guard for the NK Dictators?

RODMAN: Yah, that's him. Man, that cool kid is my new best friend!

Meanwhile, Palestinian militants in Gaza are raining rockets into southern Israel.

REPORTER: "President Obama, will you insist that Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas condemn the rocket attacks?"

OBAMA: "I know the Houston Rocket's are 3rd in the Southwest Division, but I'm tellin' you thaaaat... Jeremy Lin can ball! Granted, he's no Jordanian, but I don't think the Rocket's attack is the problem here."

Obama then spotted the oval trash basket in the corner and decided to use it as a basketball hoop, sending a left-handed hook shot that bounced Abbas' forehead and off the rim of the basket before skittering away.

REGGIE: I guess West Banks are closed on Thursdays bro!

BLOG NARRATOR: And then repeating the catchphrase Dennis started in North Korea that landed him this gig in the Obama Administration, he said...

RODMAN: Obama loves basketball, Abbas loves basketball. Let's start there.

Hakuna Matata, Obama Muqata. It means, "No Worries, No Peace".

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

El Diablobama is back in the Holy Land telling lies to some Jew

Which photo do you find most offensive? On the left, we have the "Ohio School Shooter". He is sporting a "KILLER" T-shirt in court while smirking, giving the finger and spewing vile and unprintable words at his victim's family members as they give tearful testimony.

To the right we have a photo taken in the Oval Office and sent via obama's tweet feed stating "Snack time". "While the president is tweeting about apples and political fights, the families of seven Marines tragically killed Monday in a training exercise are mourning their loss."

Or are these basically the same photo taken from a different lense setting?

Speaking of Obama's "Snack time", don't miss reading how Obama became...

The First Snack President of the United Bakes of America
Excerpt: Now Barry was not only a snack, he was REALLY half a cracker, but Barry and his friends hated to acknowledge his cracker side. (Don’t Call It a Cracker: Wheat Thins Prefers to Be Billed as a Snack) Barry grew up and became the first snack president of the United Bakes. (Yaaaaah!) "I'm skinny, but I'm tough!," Barry liked to say. "All the better to hold the cream cheese I'm gonna spread around to y'all.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Monday, March 18, 2013

Is Obama The Devil? And Did Jesus Lose His EBT?

Obama As The Devil? The History Channel’s The Bible’s Stunning Look-alike
I thought the very same thing at the start of this scene when satan was still in the form of a snake!


The Devil and his Teleprompter

Matthew 4:1-2
1 Then Jesus was led by the Spirit out into the desert to be put to the test by the devil. 2 He fasted for forty days and forty nights, after which he was hungry, 3 and the tester came and said to him, 'If you are Son of God, tell these stones to turn into loaves.'4 But he replied, 'Scripture says: Human beings live not on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.'

First, I would like to make clear that Jesus did not fast for forty days in the wilderness because He forgot to bring along His food "taster".  The scripture verse says "tester" not "taster".

Tester, as in the devil. Satan. El Diablobama.

Why wasn't Jesus eating? Did He lose his food coupons or his EBT card?

In Satan's Charm Offensive, he tries to tempt Jesus. However, El Diablobama's charm offensive yields no breakthrough as Jesus makes it clear there is no "common ground" between them.

BTW, not to ruin it for any "progressives" who might tune in and try to catch up, Jesus didn't fall for satan's lies about all the free stuff he would give him.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Friday, March 15, 2013

Obama Charm Offensive 2.0

In the original charm offensive, Obama orchestrated a quiet and romantic little candlelit dinner with Republican Senators Lindsey Graham and John McCain at a cost to the taxpayers of about 3 weeks of White House tours. The purpose of this dinner was not for negotiation or any kind of compromise - rather, it was a purely political calculation from Obama that the dinner would provide the right optics to his sheeple in the media and the dumbed-down obamabot voter.

Unfortunately for them, their thunder was stolen. For while McCain was on Obama's lap (like that biker broad in the diner booth with Biden during the campaign) - and Lindsey Graham (in his leather coat, chains and front bangs combed the way BarryO likes them) was playing footsy with both - Rand Paul was making his splash with his filibuster across town.

Now comes charm offensive 2.0?
A freshman? Wow, you’re really classing up the place... I can tell you’re a freshman because you didn’t pay much attention to the State of the Union. (Obarry to Michigan Democratic Rep. Dan Kildee)

"My goal is not to be presidential just for the sake of it," Obama told this Chattering Teeth reporter.

An aloof and arrogant Obama berates, chides, insults and otherwise embarrasses a Democrat politician from my home state of Michigan. Finally, something worthwhile from Obambi. If "not paying attention" to this tool and his empty rhetoric identifies one as a freshman, then mister president, we are all freshman now.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Higgs Boson from Buenos Aires?

Scientists confident they have discovered the 'God particle'
Analysis of extensive testing conducted last year conclude that in fact it WAS WHITE SMOKE emanating from the accelerator, not black smoke as originally thought.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Sistine Chapel 16 Candles

You know how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head, a lyric or verse on continuous loop ad finitum? Yah, it's like that. Sistine Chapel 16 Candles Sistine Chapel

Could be worse and should be thankful the Sistine Chapel doesn't rhyme with that Titanic song... what was it? My Heart Will Go On. Then again, Céline Dion... 

Céline Sistine Céline Sistine Céline Sistine

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

The first Papal conclave with bi-focal google glasses

The playing cards were collected from the center of the table. Another red flush! The winner smiled as he took a puff from the cigar clenched between his teeth. He reached in and dragged the pot full of coins, bills and colorful multi-faceted rings.

"Your deal Dolan!" he said in Latin, as the deck was passed.

Outside, black (cigar) smoke continued to billow from the Vatican chimney, signaling the cardinals had yet to elect a new Pope. Throngs poured into Saint Peter's Square, gazing anxiously up at the empty Basilica balcony then back to the chimney in hopes of seeing the mysterious white smoke (known as "the burning of the bicycles" as the playing cards are thrown into the furnace) and the ringing of bells St. Peter's Basilica soon to follow.

The conclave is a highly secretive process. It's mostly speculation as to what happens after the papal master of ceremonies yells, "Extra Omnus`," which literally means "everybody out!”

Therefore, who's to say my dream of the cardinals having a 24-48 hour "winner take all" cigar and Hold 'em fest is wrong?

Monday, March 11, 2013

Obamacare doctor tells ancient egyptian mummy to "take a pill"

CT scans of 137 mummies showed evidence of atherosclerosis

137 mummies that have been dead for thousands of years have just received very expensive CT scans by obamacare panel. This is approximately the same waiting period for this procedure under obamacare, and they have been prescribed Lipitor.
In other news, Queen Bethsheba has been prescribed Activia.

Friday, March 8, 2013

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Consider this your Closed WH tour detour

Abdulrahman (which in arabic translates to "Every jihadist loves Rahman") was a 16-year-old U.S. citizen born in Colorado who was killed in a drone strike while in Yemen. His crime? He was on obama's dance card kill list for "Dreams of his Father".
Senator Rand Paul spoke of this during his filibuster yesterday:
“Here’s the real problem: when the president’s spokesman was asked about Awlaki’s son, do you know what his response was?” Paul asked, referring to former White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs, who made the comment after leaving the White House. “He said he should have chosen a more responsible father.”
AG Eric Holder wrote a letter to Paul earlier this week acknowledging that the administration believes a drone strike on U.S. soil could be constitutional, but they don't "intend" to..
“To be bombed in your sleep? There’s nothing American about that . . . [Obama] says trust him  because he hasn’t done it yet. He says he doesn’t intend to do so, but he might. Mr. President, that’s not good enough... “I will not sit quietly and let him shred the Constitution,” Paul added.”No person will be deprived of life, liberty, or property without due process,” he said, quoting the Fifth Amendment.
After Paul's historic filibuster, the obama administration has conceded SOME ground to the issue.

Drone hits will only be ordered by obama under extreme threats to the homeland, such as a rightwing blogger actively engaging in this "so-called" free speech.

By the way, these Mega mosquitoes set to invade Central Florida this year are not really armed obama domestic drones, and this advance story isn't just propaganda cover to explain these curiosities to the obamabots there.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013


According to eyewitness accounts, a young man was walking along this Florida beach not watching where he was going, as he appeared to be texting on his phone. Suddenly, he appeared to trip and stumble, then he just disappeared.

OPERATOR: "911, what's your emergency?"
CALLER: "My friend vanished before my eyes! I think it's another one of them there sinkholes and it must be huge! It swallered him up whole!"

Within minutes, the beach was cordoned off with barricades and police crime scene tape. If not for the heroics of an unnamed sheriff's deputy who risked life and limb by tying a surfboard sideways on his back, then jumping in and pulling them both to safety, the story would have a different ending.

A vacationing Sandra Fluke awoke a short time later from her slumber. Leaning up on her beach towel, she looked around in confusion by the emptiness of the beach for that time of day. She rolled up her towel and grabbed her backpack full of condoms. It was Spring break and she was planning a very busy day.


And now boys and girls, it's time for today's lesson:
Florida's land mass sits on a thick layer of soft limestone that is susceptible to dissolving, creating dangerous sinkholes.

The overwhelming scientific consensus for the root cause of these sinkholes is now assumed to be due to man made global lack of publicly financed contraception.

Monday, March 4, 2013

Marriage is not like golf, but will Elin still give Tiger Woods a mulligan?

Hollywood Marriages and golf are nothing alike. One is a holy and divine covenant where there is love and commitment, trust and obedience to God's will. The other is a union between like-minded high profile celebrities, usually lasting the weekend.

Today's fake quote:
So Tiger, are you two back together?
TW: "Not so fast. This is just a trial reconciliation with my $110 million, errr.... I mean my Elin and the children."

In golf, a mulligan is a term used for when a player gets a "Do-Over" after an errant shot, allowing them to try again from the same spot of the wild swing without penalty.

RULES for cheating (Hey, even cheaters should have standards!)
Of course, mulligans are against the rules of professional play, but weekend hacks like myself have used it sparringly to our advantage. We would usually limit them to the very first tee, and ONLY after everyone had hit into the strange. If even just one player out of four crushed his drive and split the fairway, there would be no motivation for that player to agree to let the others hit again. Thankfully, the caliber of players with whom I golf has qualified me for a mulligan or two on more than a few occasions.

So a strict interpretation of my standards for the use of a mulligan above (as it relates to Tiger and Elin's situation) would mean that they both would have had to sleep with someone else on their wedding night (first tee). As far as I know, this may not have been the case and it was just Tiger dropping extra balls surreptitiously down his pant leg all over the course.

HANDICAPPING the players before the round
A player's handicap is intended to show a player's potential and to allow for all skill levels to compete on an equitable basis. eg: "I'll play you for $10 Bucks, but you've got to spot me 2 strokes."

Tiger (reportedly worth $600 million) and Elin are apparently in RELATIONSHIP HANDICAPPING negotiations before they decide to tee it up again. Tiger offered a $200 million no-cheating prenuptial agreement and Elin countered with a demand that he cough up $350 million.

Meanwhile, Tiger may be playing a few practice rounds with Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn.

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Worst School Field Trip Ever?

I love the humor for this very serious topic during Colorectal Awareness Month, and Detroit Free Press staff writer Zlati Meyer does a fantastic job in this video (down below).

"we're here inside an inflatable colon. What is the number two most important thing to remember about colorectal health?"

What I don't get are the kids of elementary age, on what appears to be a really crappy school field trip to this large inflatable colon. These kids are about 40 years away from their first colonoscopy, so they aren't really the best target audience in my opinion. (Then again, how many cool places can you still take kids in Detroit?)

When I was this age, our school field trips involved a day at the Mott Farm petting zoo, or maybe an educational romp through Henry Ford Museum & Greenfield Village.

TEACHER: "Don't forget children, your permission slips are due tomorrow, and remember to check your field trip preference for this year: Do you want to ride a bus to see Thomas the Train, or a large poop chute full of gas?"

I'm going to look into whether or not they rent this "tent" out. This would be the perfect Open House tent for our last graduating senior this year. And/or we could take this "turd motel" camping with us to Mackinaw this year.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Sequester begins - Lindsay Lohan Released as a way to save money

Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano raised a few eyebrows this past week when she released thousands of previously detained criminal illegals.

But now all agree that the Obama administration has gone too far with the release of a perpetually intoxicated and disheveled Lindsay Lohan back into the wild.

"Like I told you yesterday," said Napolitano, in her patented husky voice, "We deal with a lot of bad actors and we will have fewer agents to do that with."
Just imagine, if all the bad actors in every Hollywood rehab facility are released to an unsuspecting public all at once...! 

Apparently, prosecutors tried to trick Lohan with a plea deal this week that would force her to do community service and two months of rehab as penance for her latest drunken car crash last summer.

OUTRAGEOUS! Talk about over reaching by the police. Community service? Queen Lindsay Lohan provides community service just by drawing breath (even when it's thru a breathalizer). TWO WHOLE MONTHS OF REHAB? And just WHAT would you like us fans to do during this period? What if she became sober and discovered she actually had no talent?

You might have better luck convincing obamabots that the continuous 4 year train wreck (and counting) has anything to do with Obama the Magnificent and his destructive policies. Given a preference, this country would be in better hands with a hammered up Lohan in the Oval Office.