Monday, November 20, 2017

Charles Manson Facebook Status Update

He gone.

At least now we don't have to worry about Manson using his 'talents' of persuasion in getting folks to murder for him. The same could be said of Hitler and Sanger.

From the Chattering Teeth Manson Archives:
Charles Manson Caught "Hexting" with Smuggled Cell Phone

The murderous cult leader was caught with an LG flip phone under his mattress, and it was determined that he had made numerous calls and sent text messages to people in California, New Jersey, Florida and British Columbia.

We all have our own unique talents and natural gifts. Some folks express themselves through their art, music, words, etc. Manson's talent is an uncanny ability to persuade folks to kill for him. The story doesn't state the purpose for Charlie's calls - but if I had to guess - Charlie's got a Smart Phone and now Janie's got a gun.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

US Navy Pilot Draws Mitch McConnell In The Sky

U.S. Navy crew grounded after the first incident. The above should lead to a Court Martial!

Friday, November 17, 2017

Franken Varys

Chattering Teeth News - Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) has enlisted the help of a fictional eunuch politician from Westeros to give the mandatory anti-sexual harassment training to members of congress. Senator Al Franken immediately  groped and "forcibly kissed" the eunuch trainer upon his arrival without his consent.

Fans of the George R.R. Martin books or the hit HBO series Game Of Thrones will immediately recognize the trainer as none other than Lord Varys, a/k/a 'The Spider', a/k/a 'The Master of Whisperers on the King's Small Council.'  The world of GOT is filled with perversion, pedophiles and criminal misogynists making it a perfect reflection of congress.

As Varys has explained this, he was traveling  with a "a troupe of actors" when he was forcibly castrated 'root and stem' by a sorcerer. What better solution to the sexual harassment problem than the forcible castration of most our congressmen? I say most, because I assume there are still a couple gentlemen left in these chambers.

Then there is Paul Ryan, which castration is not necessary as he has already lost his balls to McConnell a long time ago.

I agree with Mark Levin in calling for Ryan and McConnell to resign. This problem in congress and the senate may not have started with them, but clearly it is under their watch that the sexual predatation is running rampant among our elected representatives.


Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Sean Hannity Gives Keurig Customer Service Just 24 Hours To Replace His Broken Coffee Maker

Chattering Teeth News - "For me, Keurig has 24 hours to replace my coffee machine," said the Fox News fake conservative, fake Catholic and Trump sycophant, Sean Hannity. The  allegations that I broke this coffee maker myself are absolutely false.

Sunday, November 12, 2017


Duterte & Trump Knife Fight in Philippines

Chattering Teeth News - President Trump is in the Philippines today on the last leg of his 'Kickin' ASSia & Takin' Names' Tour. It is being reported that Trump and his Filipino presidential counter-part, Rodrigo Duterte, are becoming fast friends.

It was just a few days ago that Duterte stated he had stabbed someone to death during a rumble when he was just 16 years old. For this reason, Trump called on HUD Secretary Ben Carson to give him a few pointers in case a friendly knife-fighting contest broke out.

One of the main reasons Trump selected the 'low-energy' and soft-spoken retired neurosurgeon from Detroit to be head of HUD was because he once used his Gifted Hands to stab a bully during a rumble when was 14 years old, and Trump figured he'd some day need Carson's sick knife skilz.

Sure enough, shortly before the gala dinner was to begin, Duterte snapped his fingers and Ninja-like servants suddenly appeared. They proceeded to tie Trump and Duterte's off left wrists together, while crowds formed an impromptu circle and surrounded the knife-wielding contestants. Ben Carson began singing Michael Jackson's 'Beat it" as the two circled each other warily.

Duterte appeared surprised at Trump's footwork as he ducked, parried and lept over every one of Rodrigo's akward slashes. Trump was employing a rope-a-dope strategy by playing defense and allowing Duterte to tire. The Philipino appeared to lose his discipline and began lunging, as Trump taunted him with blown kisses and calling him 'Little Rodrigo'.

At one point, Trump side-stepped his opponent's thrust like a practiced matador, feinting then pulling him into a grapple. Duterte struggled but was unable to free himself from Trump's choke hold. The Donald finally raised his right foot and planted it into Duterte's solar plexes, sending him flying across the gala hall.

Trump ended the contest with his only offensive move, and his steel blade struck Duterte's metal belt buckle and snapped, just as Carson had shown him. Duterte surrendered, and they repaired to the dining room where they raised a toast to each other's health and the continued destruction of the ISIS bastards.


P.S. - One of this rock-n-roller's guilty pleasures was listening to Michael Jackson songs. Yes, I did buy Thriller on a cassette tape and secretly listened and have never confessed this to my friends... until now.

Here is actual footage of Trump and Duterte's Thrilla in Manila II.

Friday, November 10, 2017


Obama reports for jury duty in Chicago and is dismissed
Former US President Barack Obama has turned up for jury duty at a Chicago courthouse, but was dismissed by the judge without being called on to serve... 

There was no official explanation for his dismissal, but it is not uncommon for people called to perform jury service not to be assigned a case.

We don't really need an explanation, now do we? Since this crime took place in Chicago, odds are that it is regarding some horrific gangland-style shooting. I'm sure that during the process of "voir dire" and the prosecution's examination of the potential jurists, he would have immediately excused Obama with his first peremptory challenge due to his history of bias against law enforcement and flaunting of the rule of law.

But what if Obama HAD been seated on this jury?... As I was reading this linked article, I was well into the second sentence dealing with the adulating'crowds trying to get a glimpse of the 44th US president' when I noticed my eyelids beginning to droop. "Have I been hit with a tranquilizer dart again?," I mused... as I started going numb. I feeel... sooo... sleeeepy... Zzzzz.


PLOT - The defense and the prosecution have rested and the jury is filing into the jury room to decide if a young black man is guilty or innocent of murdering execution style a white police officer during a Black Lives Matter riot. What begins as an open-and-shut case of murder soon becomes a racist platform for one marxist, honky cop-hating jurist.


Juror #8: I don’t know – not having been there and not seeing all the facts – what role race played in that, but I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry; number two that he Chicago police acted stupidly in arresting somebody.
*sporadic nodding in agreement by the democrat jurorists*


Juror #3: Does anyone else smell that skunky marijuana odor? Who's been doin' weed? Somebody's been choomin'...


Juror #8: (speaking to the defendant) If you like your freedom, you can keep your freedom.

DEFENDANT: (in orange prison jumpsuit and in handcuffs and chains) ALLUHU AKBAR!

*crowd gasps in shock at realization the accused is a moozlim terrorist...

Juror #8: Unless we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ... If I had a son, he'd look like this defendant.


Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Neighbors complain about junk cars littering Rand Paul's unmowed & overgrown lawn

CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - With President Trump visiting CHiiiNa (and 11-yr-old Frankie back in school), they can't help Rand Paul's lawn care situation anymore. And the neighbors are noticing.
Senator Paul says he will "Cut, cut, cut" just as soon as he is "healed, healed, healed."

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

All Democrats are Animals

When Planet Green at The Mother Nature Network lectures on democracy, you know you're in for a treat.
THIS JUST IN, 60% of cud-chewing standing Red Deer voted for Hillary!

Democracy takes flight
Queen bees and alpha chimps aren't voted into office, but that doesn't mean they're despots.
I hate to quibble, but we don't have to go back in history to come up with example after example of elected despotism. Turkey's Erdo─čan, Russia's Putin, Iran's Khamenei, and our very own Obama are/were despots voted into office by the majority. Let's continue.

Scientists have begun to view many animal species as de facto democracies, where majority rule ensures survival more than tyranny can.
Again. this is only sentence 2, but "majority rule" and "tyranny" are not mutually exclusive. (see above). Proceed with caution.

Our own species' democratic tendencies date back at least to our prehuman ancestors.
Here we go. I csee making a compelling case that Pelosi, Schumer, and the rest of their ilk are products of their "prehuman ancestors". The rest of us are children of God. We aren't done with even the first paragraph. I suggest you gird your loinage area if proceeding.

"[S]hared decision-making is likely to be of great importance for the evolution of stable social organizations, explaining why it appears to be common in social animals," biologists Larissa Conradt and Timothy Roper wrote in a 2007 study, "Democracy in animals." Most species don't belabor politics like humans do, but our democratic roots can be seen across the animal kingdom — which, in many cases, is more like an animal republic.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG POST to bring you this urgent disclaimer by announcing that your blog host was unsuccessful in reading his own linked story in its entirety, and so therefore any opinions and conclusions cannot be relied upon or used as source material in any major college theses... Unless you want an 'A+'.

If you proceed to the next slide after the intro, you learned that "the red deer of Eurasia live in large herds, spending lots of time either grazing or lying down to ruminate."

In other words, they sound like your typical democrat voter base, laying around eating Cheetos while watching Oprah on TV.
Scientists have noticed that herds only move when 60 percent of the adults stand up. However, if only 48% of the red deer herd stands, the rest are called "hanging chads" and not allowed to play in any Red Deer games.

In fairness to the red deer, it's not a complete analogy, for they are producing something of value. If you watch them closely, you seem them manufacturing meat for human consumption. Therefore, they are not a complete drain on nature and I take back my original disparaging remarks.

That's all the time we have, folks. I have to go to work to produce meat for my family's table. We'll ruminate more tomorrow.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Trump and 11-yr-old Frankie helps Rand finish mowing his lawn after nut job democrat attack

Sen. Rand Paul attacked by neighbor while mowing lawn at his Kentucky home

Chattering Teeth News - Senator Rand Paul was blindsided and assaulted by his neighbor, a 59-yr-old retired Democrat doctor named Rene Boucher, while he was mowing his lawn. It is unknown at this time what set this dude off, or if having a girl's first name contributed to his rage, but it has been reported that the two have had an ongoing feud.

Obviously, the guy has a few screws loose.

I could hypothetically understand administering a blind flying tackle to knock my neighbor off of his tractor mower if he happened to be mowing his lawn before noon on a weekend - but reports state this attack happened around 3:20pm. 

Maybe the guy was upset with Sen. Paul because he would only mow his own yard and not his neighbor's - You know how democrats insist on taking the goods and services of hard working Americans for themselves.

It has not been reported anywhere, so it is not clear if this doc Butcher screamed the popular Antifa chant of 
"NO USA AT ALL" he launched himself  on the diminutive constitutional conservative.

Trump offered Rand the use of the 11-yr-old 6TH-grade Virginian boy named Frank, the official White House lawn mower. He also tweeted that Rand Paul's nut job democrat neighbor and attacker should get the death penalty.

“President Trump, where is your leadership?” Chucky Schumer said.

CNN's Jake Tapper reports, "...sometimes the phrase 'NO USA AT ALL' is said under the most beautiful of circumstances."


Friday, November 3, 2017

Donna Brazile digs up and dances with Hillary's campaign corpse

Dancing With the Dead involves a bizarre tradition whereby families dig up the bodies of their dead relatives and then dance with the corpses in the streets, and shockingly this macabre practice may be spreading the black plague in Madagascar.

In other news, Donna Brazile admits the DNC rigged the nomination for Hillary Clinton.

Well that escalated quickly.

Thursday, November 2, 2017


PICTURED: Obama Bans Selfies at The Obama Foundation Summit - and then starts throwing islamic finger salutes and Chicago gang signs.

ACTUAL fake AUDIO of Obama re-enacting people coming up to him and wanting to get his photograph...

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Tiny House Halloween

Urban teenager regrets his decision to spend his last time trick-or-treating on Halloween by getting dropped off at the tiny houses village community on the outskirts of town. The good news is that he and his friends were able to break their old record of number of houses visited to maximize their Halloween take. The bad news is they only scored pillow cases full of dried chickpeas, soy nuts, freeze-dried Kale, and probiotic yogurt pops.

Monday, October 30, 2017


Green Tea Kit Kat Bar [here] - One of the more popular flavors in Japan.
*Appears this was made in Chernobyl. Kids, I recommend letting it steep for 7 full minutes.

Swedish Fish Minis, Soft & Chewy Gummy Candy [here] - They taste like fruit, not like fish. Get some now and share them with friends.
*But ARE they fish? Nothing says "candy" like a good 'ol carp chew.

Bigfoot Ballz Sour Candy - Mystery Flavor Balls [here] -Mystery-licious Flavor - 100% Mysterious like Bigfoot! …Relax …nothing weird. Seriously, they’re fruity & delicious.

Larvets Worm Snax - [here] "Don't want to hand out candy? For the most brave among your students, try Larvets. These edible, farm-raised larva are Bar-B-Que, Cheddar Cheese, or Mexican Spice flavored. With only nine calories per serving, these genuine farm-raised edible insects will be a real hit. An unforgettable way to begin a food science or health unit. These dried, delicious treats are great fun. Some of our students describe the taste and crunch as similar to popcorn."

*Bug Zappitty Delicious! The bucket o' worms are in a bowl on the porch, kids. Just one handful! Don't be greedy!

Sunday, October 29, 2017

FrankenMueller's monster

President Trump has called it a "witch hunt".

FrankenMueller's monster appears to be digging a fresh grave and looking for dirt in Trump's yard, but he's coming up empty with each scoop of the shovel. "I got a rock," he seems to be saying. FrankenMueller's monster also hates fire. "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!," scream the GOP with their pitchforks and torches, calling for the monster's stitched head. However, the special prosecutor is a being of the undead and will therefore wreak as much havoc as possible before succumbing to the light of truth.

...but its actually Crooked Witch Hillary who knows where the bodies are buried, for it was her campaign and the DNC who planted them. Crooked Witch Hillary is wicked and desirous of the ruby red slippers of power. She was willing to stoop to anything and cast any dark spell to acquire them. Her flying monkeys in the media were willing to do her bidding at every turn. Alas, last November was like a cold bucket of water poored over her crooked and twisted head. She has been doing a slow melt ever since.

Meanwhile, Vlad the Pootie Poot watches from the sidelines and just laughs his evil laugh. Vlad would have much preferred that Crooked Witch Hillary had acquired the ruby red slippers of power, for it was her with Obamazombie and his "flexibility" that allowed Pootie Poot to stockpile our uranium in his castle's cellar. Still, he finds it humorous watching the flying media monkeys falsely accusing President Trump for Crooked Witch Hillary's crimes.

Lest ye are now full of despair (and those awesome mini Snickers bars you've raided from the trick-or-treat stash) All is not lost, for President Trump defends his domain with a pair of Crystal Balls and wooden stakes to fend off these undead creatures of the night.


Friday, October 27, 2017

Do The Hillary Russian Dossier Do

A day in the life of a 6th grade boy in 1972 (a scary short story) 
Nothing was more terrifying to this 12-year-old boy back in 1972 than the angst leading up to 6th grade "music" class when the crazy old bag teacher made us square dance.

I was a rail-thin introvert with a funny mop of untamed black hair. I was an ok student. Not great, but ok. I would slink down in my chair and made every attempt to stay invisible during the school day, least-wise until the final bell when I would race to my patrolboy post a few blocks away, buckling the bright fluorescent orange belt with sash. I never lost one walker my entire patrolboy career.

Duties fulfilled, I would race home to do my paper route so I could finish in time to watch Lost in Space on television. Oh, Penny! You can jaywalk by my patrol post any day! Then back outside to either ride my bike (apple red with the black, banana seat and tall sissy bar) or play street hockey or football with the fellas until dark.

DID I MENTION the thing about the Square dancing yet? I did? I still don't like to think about it. All kidding aside, this was cruel and unusually punishment and torture administered on an awkward pre-teen boy.

I respected authority, and respected my elders (as most of us did back in those days I suspect - unlike today). I didn't WANT to defy a teacher, but I was given no real choice. Either Square dance when its your turn, or to the principal's office and a call to my parents. I went with "B". I was sure my parents would side with me over this unfair dichotomy! My dad was a Flint cop who would know criminal injustice perpetrated by this evil state-controlled public elementary school administration against a defenseless student (me), and my mom loved me and wouldn't want me to come to this harm, would she?

Boy, did I ever misjudge their reaction. My mom thought the square dancing thingy was cute, and she was horrified that I defied the teacher. My father left most things domestic to my mother, so no help there. The next day found me on stage during "music" class, quietly sobbing as I did the "Dosey do" and the "allemande left" or whatever that dude was chanting on the scratchy record, LOCKING ELBOWS with the girls and skipping in circles - catching cooties and narrowly avoiding purposefully launching myself into the void off the edge of the auditorium stage .

I still sometimes vault upright in bed, awakened by memories of this nightmare, breathing heavily, sweat soaking my sheets... an inadvertent release of bladder not suffered since childhood. to this day I won't dance at a wedding reception or anywhere else its expected.


P.S. -I was reminded of this childhood horror with the whole Hillary Clinton story in the news, and how her campaign actually funded the fake Russian dossier on Trump. For some reason, the word "dossier" made me keep thinking "Dosey do", and I was immediately transported back in time.

...and voia', my own square dance was born, with a touch of the Hokey Pokey and just a pinch of The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Enjoy. Or be horrified.

Do The Hillary Russian Dossier Do

Bow to your partner (Putin), bow to your corner, Soros and the DNC-funded Fusion
All join hands and circle left, you circle way out wide,
Fusion Collusion confusion
They'll never know we lied!

Dosier do your corner, 
Dosier do your partner

Putin your left cankle in,
Putin your left cankle out.
Putin your left cankle in,
and you shake it all about.
You dodge imaginary sniper fire 
from the Bosnians all about
Fake news to create Trump doubts.

Dosier do your corner, 
Dosier do your partner

Now join hands with the media and Promenade
you take a little walk 'cause it's ninety in the shade.
Chicken's in the main stream media picking out dough.
Granny, does your dog bite? No, child, no.

Dosier do your corner, 
Dosier do your partner.

Monday, October 23, 2017

Trick-or-treating at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue 2017

"I'll get it. This I will tell you. Buhleeeve me!"
"Nobody's here, Melania. Just another empty barrel."
"I'm a rock star!"


Friday, October 20, 2017

Trump "Trinitys" Frederica

What's with the wacky cowboy hat on political hack congresswoman Frederica Wilson? What a despicable person. Of course, President Trump's and General Kelly's responses had me thinking about a particular scene from my favorite western that does not star Clint Eastwood.
Trinity - Quick Draw Bitch Slap

If I had the time and patience, I would have made an actual animated gif, but you'll just have to use your imagination.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Yo, Just Dronin' on

DRONES ALERT! LAPD becomes largest police department in the nation to deploy the controversial technology.
Advocates say camera-mounted drones could help protect officers and others by collecting crucial information during high-risk situations or searches without risking their safety. For many privacy advocates and police critics, however, the drones stir Orwellian visions of unwarranted surveillance or fears of militarized, weapon-toting devices patrolling the skies.

...The debate over whether  the LAPD should use drones began in 2014, when the department received two Draganflyer X6 drones from police in Seattle — devices the Washington agency unloaded after heavy criticism from the public... the drones were grounded — and ultimately destroyed — before they were ever flown.

Or WERE they???

It seems that at least one police drone has survived this 2014 culling and has managed full immersion and is currently embedded and accepted into a violent Los Angeles gang as one of their own.

PICTURED: LAPD undercover officer, code name "Zumbido". He appears here in silhouette to keep his identity a secret from the various LA gangs like the Crips, the bloods, the Mexican Mafia and the Triads - just to name a few. He Works undercover, wearing street clothes and disguises to blend in with the locals.

The buzz on the street.

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Hillary "Boots" Another!

Chattering Teeth News - The New York Giants are at the bottom of the NFC East with a 1-5 record but that may be about to change. Rumor has it that 70-year-old Hillary Clinton will be the Giants new field goal kicker.

Hillary said she broke her toe after apparently running down the stairs in heels and falling backward while dodging imaginary sniper fire. The broken bone was routinely set, but required a boot brace to keep the gnarled & hairy digit in place with the railroad spike pin. The problem was that none of the standard boot braces would fit over the triceratops-like cankle of the former first lady.

That's where an emergency team at NASA came in. The 3am call came in, and they worked tirelessly through the night using cutting edge technology and spare shuttle parts to craft a space-age boot brace worthy for Hillary. A Black Hawk helicopter delivered the hardware to a waiting trauma team, and the boot brace was successfully installed.

Hillary quickly discovered her newfound raw kicking talent by accident, as the first 'pig skin' she launched was actually her husband Bill through her hospital room window after she caught him oogling a chunky female candy striper. Bill was estimated to have travelled 50 yards into the parking lot and was witnessed by NY Giant's coach, Ben McAdoo.  Hillary finally agreed to the coach's pleadings for her to come to the practice field the next day, but only after McAdoo promised to buy a copy of her new book, What Happened.

What happened, indeed. The next morning, Hillary started launching 40-yard 'warm-up' field goals, knocking balls through the uprights just as quickly as Eric the holder could set them in front of her. The rest of the team stood on the sidelines in awe to watch this combnation of cankle and heat shield power. The ball was moved further and further away until Hillary was actually kicking 110-yard field goals from the opposite goal line.

Coach McAdoo says the team started using a nickname for her - 'Carpetbagger' Clinton - because of her proclivity for hitting field goals from anywhere on the 100-yard long carpet. Hillary assumed the term was meant as a pejorative and that the team didn't accept her as a true New Yorker. In fact, after the ball boy cheered, "WAY TO GO CARPETBAGGER!" in response to another 3-pointer, his body was later found in Fort Marcy Park.

Good luck to Mrs Clinton, as she has been named the starting kicker for this Sunday's matchup against the visiting Seattle Seahawks.

Let's hope this sports stint goes better than when Hillary worked as the NY Yankee's closer for a short time in 2009 after she had surgery to repair a fractured right elbow. (one of the earliest recorded injuries from dodging imaginary sniper fire) 

She was throwing the heat in excess of 100-mph and striking out batters. The problem was the Yankee's vertical pinstriped uniforms, and their propensity to make the wearer appear even heavier. Once Hillary donned these pinstripes on her already-massive thighs, the rest of the team became violently ill and she was summarily released.

Back in 2012 Clinton fell again, narrowly avoiding that imaginary Bosnian hitman, but hitting her head and sustained a concussion. Medication dissolved whatever xrays were able to pick up inside her skull, and resulted in Obama's foreign policy. It's all in her new book, soooo...


Sunday, October 15, 2017

Obama's official portraits news you've been waiting for!

Barack and Michelle Obama choose artists to paint their official portraits
The Smithsonian revealed on Friday the two artists set to paint official portraits of Barack and Michelle Obama, and the former first couple's choices are inspired...

Both portraits are set to be unveiled in early 2018 and hang in the National Portrait Gallery. The Obamas each selected the artist that would paint their portrait.
Or how about a little self portrait?

Friday, October 13, 2017

The Chattering Teeth Haunted Blog Post

Welcome to my digital Halloween haunted blog post of horrors. This post may make you wet heave in your mouth a little, sweat from your forehead in anxiety and to wring your hands in discomfort. You will likely wonder how you ended up here at the dead end of the internet, and you will probably leave via the quickest link out of here with a look of distaste and revulsion (if not simply smashing your device against on the sidewalk or nearest wall). In other words, you will suffer much the same reaction to every other post I've ever digitally littered here.

Your first stop is here in the Jimmy Kimmel's Torture Chamber of Unfunny Clowns. 

Imagine you are herded into a dark and musty foyer area with your terrified party. The double doors slam shut behind you, and you are now a captive audience for what comes next. A curtain opens and a dim spotlight illuminates Jimmy Kimmel surrounded by other very unfunny clowns. You cover your ears in an unsuccesful attempt to block the wretched sounds of his monologue. It doesn't work. You hear his whiny voice complain about the lack of free healthcare and the injustice of free market capitalism. Your blood-curdling screams are the only sounds that block out his intermittent sobbing.

Suddenly the curtain closes and the doors swing open as your party rushes to exit.

You enter Bernie Sander's "Democrat Socialism - Big Difference" butcher shop and Insane Asylum. 

Pictures adorn the walls of this madhouse. Mao Zedong. Stalin. Pol Pot. Hitler. Ho Chi Min. Kim Sung il. Saddam Hussein. Hirohito. Chiang Kai-Shek. Castro. Che. A crazy old man in a straightjacket with white, fly-away hair stumbles towards you... and in a thick Brooklyn slur, yells - "Democratic genocide. Big Difference!

You run through the asylum, passing bloody butcher shop displays and finally launch through what you hoped would be the exit, but instead you find yourself in...

Harvey Weinstein's Audition Rape Rooms

You see the pervert himself, Harvey Weinstein, and he offers you a way out through the clawing hands. Matt Damon, George Clooney, the Obamas and the Clintons block all other sources of egress and you have no other choice but to run through this gauntlet of Hollywood perversion.

You sprint through this maze only to find yourself confronting your worst possible nightmare.. You are in a replica of the Oval Office. Standing in front of the Resolute desk to greet you is none other tha President [fill in the blank].

of course, there are many more scary potential future presidential nightmares. This one's mine. What's yours?


P.S. I have other room ideas I may add. Like:

Michael Moore's "2nd Amendment-free zone"
Hillary Clinton "What Happened? Cankle Walk"
Nancy Pelosi's "Slippery Denture Quake Room"
Chucky Schumer's "Doll House"

So stay tuned.

Friday, October 6, 2017

Michelle Obama's "Palette Glasses"

MOOCH: "It's a feeling of color, almost. On one side of the room, it's literally gray and white, literally, that's the color palette on one side of the room. On the other side of the room, there's yellows and blues and whites and greens, physically there's a difference in color in the tone. Because one side, all men, all white. On the other side, some women, some people of color. And I look at that and I go, no wonder. No wonder we shhhtrugle (struggle)."
(do NOT click the "shhhtrugle" link unless you are a glutton for Mooch-speech)

"...No wonder we don't trust politics. But it's not just politics."

Hi! Billy Mays here again, for Michelle Obama's "Palette Glasses".

Now you don't need to spend a gajillion dollars and financially burden yourself for life with student loan debt in order to get indoctrinated by marxist professors just so you can separate people by skin pigmentation. For just $9.99, you too can shake that old habit of measuring people individually by the "content of their character." AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! The Palette Glasses have a gay-friendly rainbow of colors embedded in the left lense, and a dirty, scratched lense with shades of gray on the right.  

Call now and we’ll send you the Genitalia Blocker with Pirate Patch!

Monday, October 2, 2017

Should-a been-a cowboy

Cowboys in Patagonia
and 45 other "Unbelievably Gorgeous Nature Photos"

...Should have learned to rope and ride.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Star Trek: Discovery - Cagney & Lacey in Space

I'm guessing that Star Trek "trekkies" would not consider me a "trekkie". I've never dressed up in Spock ears, mail-ordered an "away team" uniform or did the whole "na noo na noo" hand puppet greeting.

That said, I've watched all of the original Star Trek series featuring Captain Kirk many, many times. I've watched all (or most) of the Next Generation with Captain Jean-Luc Picard. I've watched the motion pictures except for the last reboot one, but I'll get around to it. That's it. I haven't watched any of the other series spin-offs, like the one with that female captain Janeballs or whatever.

Call me a sexist male chauvinist, but if I'm hurtling through space at warp speed in Klingon territory - with tribbles spilling out of the overhead cabinets - and my survival depends on my captain defeating a reptilian Gorn in hand-to-hand combat, I'll take Kirk. Followed closely by Picard. As for Janeballs, she can top off my tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

So it should come as no surprise that I have no intention of watching this new TV series spin-off, Star Trek: Discovery starring "Cagney and Lacey". Give me TJ Hooker any day. And this decision not to watch was BEFORE I read that this series was to feature an openly gay couple.

Wow, how 'ground-breaking' and 'progressive' of them. It's not like every other show doesn't try to shove this crap down our throats.

These progressive leftists in sports and entertainment have ruined what used to be a means of escape for Americans from the progressive leftists in government (and the Statist media). They have even taken over the football field, and now have their queer eye on taking over space.

I'm sorry, but in my distant future stardate 2258,  Geordi La Forge's blindness is cured with a sweet wrap-around visor, and 'Bones' will have a vaccine to cure these gender disphoria gay genes. Just skip and sashay your way down to sick bay for a quick tricorder reading and a DNA dialysis, and voila'! No more disorder! It's going to happen.

In the meantime, I'll pass on this latest attempt to further the culture rot and accelerate societal decay.

Hey Captain Janeballs, be a doll and give me a little shoulder massage while I watch a re-run of Last Man Standing. Thanks, babe.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Spinster Librarian Jealous of Melania

Librarian Rejects First Lady’s Gift Of Dr. Seuss Books Calling Them ‘Racist Propaganda’
Earlier this month First Lady Melania Trump celebrated National Read a Book Day by selecting some children’s books and sending them to one school in each state. Mrs. Trump selected Dr. Seuss’ Oh, the Places You’ll Go! because it was, “one of her personal favorites that she and her son have read together over and over.”

...Tuesday, the librarian at Cambridge port Elementary School in Massachusetts wrote a response which informed the First Lady the school would be rejecting the books, calling them “racist propaganda.”

So... "Dr. Seuss’s illustrations are steeped in racist propaganda, caricatures, and harmful stereotypes"??

And just WHO is this Old Maid Spinster Librarian?

About Liz Phipps Soeiro
Liz Phipps Soeiro is an elementary school librarian in the Cambridge, MA, Public Schools. She is an advocate for inclusive libraries and active in her community to create spaces that are welcoming to all students.

Sounds like a real keeper.

Clarence... Where's Liz?

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

NFL Logo discovered preserved in amber!

In the "not so distant" future...

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

I've heard all the testimony and I'm ready to render my decision on these Kneelbaggers

In the most bizarre anthem protest yet - in a show of unity of hatred for this country, our armed forces, first responders, police and firefighters - the Cowboys and Cardinals took a knee during the anthem.

'Twas Monday Night football, and all on the field
Not a player was standing, all of them kneeled; 
Their stockings were taped by their knees with care, 
For during the anthem they would all soon would be there;

The fans were standing with their hands on their hearts; 
with visions of patriotism that heroes imparts;

When out on the fifty there arose such a clatter, 
I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter. 
Away to the flat screen I flew like a flash, 
Turned up the volume and threw down the sash. 

When what to my wondering eyes did appear, 
But Trump at the wheel of a combine harvester
and there was 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia
herding the stragglers with his 2-cycle John Deere.

"On Reaping, on Threshing, on Winnowing," he yelled;
As the NFL players got bailed and felled

To Be Continued...

Shame on you, Jerry Jones. The league denied you and your "Cowboys" the small helmet sticker to honor the 5 fallen Dallas officers murdered by a BLM surrogate last year. And now you take a knee in unison with the BLM and America-haters?

I'll have the baliff call you when I'm ready to render my decision... OK, I'm ready.

I, the honorable DaBlade, BlogMaster extraordinaire of the Chattering Teeth blog and  by the powers granted to me, by me as kind of my own domain, do hereby cancel the remainder of the NFL season.  Not in my house.

Sunday, September 24, 2017


Is this really appropriate?


Obviously, the Detroit Lions will win their first Super Bowl this year so I expect attendance to gradually recover.

As for the NFL kneelers - I've been quick to criticize President Trump when he veers left, so its only fair I give him huge props when he sticks his twitter thumb in the leftist's eyes for righteous reasons.

Which was the case  with this comment (although he was unfortunately stumping for Luther Strange at the time) - kudos for the comment tho...

"Wouldn't you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say 'get that son of a b**** off the field right now - he's fired.'" - Trump

Of course, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell passes The Jimmy Kimmel Test by his knee-jerk response calling Trump's comments "divisive".  Goodell, you sir are a dumba$$. The Commander-in-Chief accurately reflects our collective outrage at these kneeling jacka$$es, who are the ones being divisive here. 

Passing The Jimmy Kimmel Test  does not just have to do with a health care plan that destroys actual health care. Here is the detailed definition, per the Chattering Teeth Blogtionary.


1) A living, breathing oxymoron. a conjunction of contradictory terms like "jumbo shrimp" or "late night comedian".

2) A mutually exclusive repurposed exaptation - To reuse for a different purpose to poor results. Like when Donner Party members transitioned from fellow adventurers to "what's for dinner." Other examples -  
Eg1: "funny man" becomes "democrat propaganda shill".
Eg2: "Football Commissioner" to "Constitutional scholar"

3) Someone operating outside their area of expertise. Sports figures, Hollywood libs, wife-beaters, rapists, drug users, and/or killers who lead lives of debauchery, yet lecture the rest of us on culture and civility.

4) Someone who takes Chuck Schumer talking points whispered in his/her ear. (Like Jimmy Kimmel, John McCain, Satan, etc)

Have a great Sunday. I hope you never pass The Jimmy Kimmel Test.

Friday, September 22, 2017

Trump & 11-yr-old 6TH-grader named Frank mow South Korea along DMZ

Are you tired of your neighbors lawn being green and plush while you can't even pronounce it? "

Gleen and prush, gleen and prush..." Does his lawn look and smell like a freshly mown fairway at Augusta National, while yours smells like a toxic dump and looks like a barren desert nuclear testing ground wasteland? 

Hi, Billy Mays here for the world’s greatest lawn care secret, 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia.

You've tried all the fertilizer methods your daddy taught you, but nothing much seems to grow any more over the scattered remains of your uncles, cousins or random prison camp dead. And when something does take root between the cement bunkers and missile launch sites, it just seems to be patches of random weeds sprouting from an otherwise bald dome. Sure, it looks great on you (**harumph***) but not on your lawn.

Whether you’re a fat and squatty despot dictator, or a stay-at-home mom, you deserve a gleen... errrr, a green and plush lawn the envy of your neighbors on the other side of the barbed wired DMZ.

Call now and this 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia will not only get your lawn growing again, but he will throw in the first mow job for free. But that’s not all.

Call right now and we’ll double the offer and send President Trump to walk along side Frank, occasionally tousling his hair and motivating him to do his very best work. Just pay separate shipping and handling.

Ask our operators about how to how to have the United States "nuclear winterize" your lawn, by not shutting yer yapper!

Here’s how to order.