Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy Halloween! Go watch a scary movie

Speaking of scary movies:
LA Times still refuses To release the video reportedly showing Obama, peace be unto him, praising PLO sympathizer Rashid Khalidi.

Whoopde-do. If they can afford the late fee at MSM VideoWorld, keep the dang thing. I know I'm not waiting to check it out. I've seen that movie (or near enough like it) already. Besides, it's not like it would matter. Al Qaeda has already endorsed The One. Ahkmadeenadude, Hugo Chavez, Osama Bin Laden, and probably all the other third world dictators, despots, hooligans, terrorists and Marxists named "Hussein" have endorsed The One.

So why should the support of some wide receiver for the PLO Sympathizers named Rashid make any difference. Nobody around here seems to be paying attention anyways.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

ALL the $ spent on Obama's infomercial could have fed the poor for a year!

I missed Barack Obama's 30-minute campaign commercial last night.
I just HAD to watch this instead...

While I had no luck finding Nemo, I'm pretty sure I got a glimpse of Carl, the surgically repaired angelfish.

After watching that twice, there was still a little time left where I could have caught the end of Obama's little ego-fest. I mentally juggled my options for my viewing pleasure...

I could watch this 30-minute Barack barrage of B.S. or watch paint dry.

I could watch (on purpose) this pathetic marxist attempt to manipulate those of us still left with their senses, or watch videos of grass growing.

But I hear that I didn't miss much.
From Susan Davis at the Washington Wire:
In an email briefing to reporters this morning, a McCain aide also quipped, “If infomercials were a winning campaign strategy, Billy Mays would be President of the United States and every American would own Mighty Putty or Oxi Clean.”

In other news:
Did you see where Obama was stumping in Raleigh and confused black TV sitcoms "Sanford and Son" with "The Jeffersons"???

"...You’d be having a – you know like, what was it. ‘Sanford and Son,’ ‘I’m coming Weezie.’"

That's "I'm coming Elizabeth" you d-bag! and after THIS, you still want us to trust you with our economy?

Obama is exactly my age, and I must have watched the majority of S&S and Jeffersons episodes, so he has no excuse to cross his wires here. My guess is that Obama is a closet Chattering Teeth reader, and this now famous post was in the back of his mind.

Rev. Wright & Obama in "Sanford and Son" remake

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Vote NO on proposal 2

What is the purpose of Proposal 2?

The purpose IS NOT to find cures and new treatments for diseases and illnesses, as supporters would argue. Rather, the purpose is to further cheapen human life, treating "it" like a commodity by expanding the use of human embryos for research. The fact that adult stem cells have shown SOME promise while human embryonic stem cell research has produced NOTHING doesn't exactly help the worshippers of death.

And now, for fair and balanced coverage, Chattering Teeth presents the ghost of Dr. Josef "Angel of Death" Mengele for counterpoint:

I'm sorry, but Dr. Mengele can't come to the blog right now as his spirit is busy burning in hell. He would probably argue that he be allowed to run his experiments because, "hey, they're just gonna discard them anyways!"

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


There is a popular opinion going around that the ideal outcome of the election would be Obama as president, with a Republican House in two years. I guess that even liberals are a little nervous about Obama's Marxist mantra of the virtues of "redistribution of wealth".

For me, I hold the exact polar opposite view. On one hand, the conservative in me understands that this is just another election. You can't win them all, and we did survive Jimmy Carter once. On the other hand, The Christian in me KNOWS this is the most important election of my lifetime. The next POTUS will set the cultural course of this nation for the next generation through their shaping of the courts.

The Brookings Judicial Issues Forum hosted a September 4 discussion of how John McCain or Barack Obama will influence the courts with their Supreme Court appointments:
At the Supreme Court level, we always talk about the Supreme Court at a tripping point and in a very visible sense this year I think that's probably actually true. You have two blocs of four justices on a delicate seesaw over the fulcrum of Anthony Kennedy who is the decider in an incredible number of cases. Because of the age of some of the justices particularly on the liberal flank, the next president, presumably if he's John McCain, has a genuine opportunity to create a decisive majority on the conservative side. And similarly, a Barack Obama administration would have the opportunity at a minimum I think so substantially reinforce the liberal flank with much younger justices and you could imagine in the course of particularly an 8-year Obama administration an opportunity to pick off or replace one of the five members of the conservative majority. So you could really imagine a very different Supreme Court after 4 or 8 years of an Obama administration than after a McCain administration.
WHAT IF? Who would I vote for if the Republican and Democrat platforms were exactly the same except for the one small issue of abortion? I've asked myself that question many times, and I always come up with the same answer. I would vote for the pro-life candidate. Even if that person had terrorist friends; attended a racist church; wanted to gut the military by 25% and withdraw from Iraq in defeat; even if he espoused Marxist "redistribution" economic policies and wanted to turn this great country into a welfare state. As long as that candidate recognized abortion for what it is - morally repugnant infanticide and a gross miscarriage of the Constitution.

I imagine a game show where the host gives me the choice of two levers to pull, just like the voting booth.

GAME SHOW HOST: "Pull lever number one and you win a new car! But that's not all! You also get a mansion on the waterfront of your choice, enough money to last the rest of your life, and a brand new iPhone! Pull lever number two and things are gonna suck for you big time!"

ME: "What's the catch?"

GAME SHOW HOST: "Not a big deal, really. It's a small thing if you don't think about it. Lever number one will also have a side effect of about 50 million dead babies, but hey! Think about the other stuff! You don't even know these babies. They're unwanted tissue masses, really. Sure, the hairs on their tiny heads may be numbered in the womb by the Father, but I'll throw in a boat! Whaddyasay?

ME: "Why is the blood dripping from lever number one?"

An open blog to Christians planning to vote for Obama next Tuesday. If you follow through with this choice, I pray (among other things on your behalf) that you live a long life. At least long enough that you have the convenience of time to wipe the blood of the next 50 million babies off your hands. There is nothing you can do now for the first 50 million babies, dead at the hands of the activist liberal "Justices" that allowed these atricities in the name of Roe V. Wade. But rest assured, the next 50 million are exactly what is at stake in this coming election. For that, YOU have culpability. For those poor souls not yet massacred at the unholy altar of the left and discarded in medical waste dumpsters or flushed down toilets, you have a say. Make no mistake. Pulling that lever for Obama in the voting booth is the moral equivalent of you personally inserting the surgical scissors into the base of these babies' skulls and sucking out their brains. If you do follow through and vote the populist's choice for "feel good" reasons- how will you explain yourself to Him?

Just wondering.

Sunday, October 26, 2008

"Odds & Ends" mood

Let those who ride, decide!:
Welcome to Taco Bell, may I take your order?
LAKEWOOD, Colo. – A Colorado couple found an unusual topping on their order of tacos: a small bag of marijuana.

They discovered the drugs with their order from a Del Taco restaurant and called police, said Lakewood police spokesman Steve Davis.

Alright, who ate my Volcano Taco? Volcano Tacos only 89 cents! ALSO, get your soft drink in a souvenir BONG, while supplies last! Excuse me occifer, but those Tacos are strickly for medicinal purposes!

Honey bees down under?:
Australian scientists claim "that honey bees can count to four", (Doubling the math skills of Paul Hogan of Crocodile Dundee fame).
At least the mystery of their disappearance has been solved. They're just on holiday mate!

Corpses need bailout in Michigan! Just in time for Halloween!
No rest for dead at foreclosed Mich. funeral home
PONTIAC, Mich. (AP) - Even the dead can't escape foreclosure in suburban Detroit. Five bodies and the cremated remains of 22 people were evicted Friday from a funeral home in Pontiac.
Obama has promised that his administration would "spread the ashes around".

"A sweet odor like honey"?:
Toilet stench clears out London airport
London City Airport was briefly evacuated and flights grounded Friday due to fumes emanating from the toilets, police said.
Where is Joe the freakin' plumber when you need him? Somebody needs to spread the Lysol around. Horrors! What if this perpetrator had actually made it onto a flight!?

Rat smells his own hole first?:
new flatulence research:
A smelly rotten-egg gas in farts controls blood pressure in mice, a new study finds.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger?

Friday, October 24, 2008


If so, let's hope he has more luck with that then he did with the Lions...
Brett Favre angrily denies the FOX Sports piece that made the accusation that he "shared information" with the Detroit Lions prior to their 48-25 drubbing on Sept. 14 at the hands of the Green Bay Packers. Brett did admit to having a phone conversation with then-Lions president Matt Millen, stating:
"Matt and I are friends," Favre said. "He was inviting me to come to his place to hunt. He lives about an hour from here. But I'm sure his intentions were to fish me for fair information, just ask me how we attacked them last year. We attacked them pretty good. Didn't give him any game plan. I haven't been in that offense in over a year."
Favre also stated that it was Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo who called him asking for advice on playing through injuries.
"Let me clarify this: I did not call the Lions, nor did I call Tony Romo," said Favre, who once played half a season with a broken thumb. "I don't know what else to tell everyone. I'm not calling people."
"I'm not calling people?" That's not what I'm hearing.

DaBlade, chief blogger at, has received information that Brett Favre secretly phoned Vice President Dick Cheney to advise him on last minute campaign strategy for Republican candidate John McCain.

FAVRE: Dick called me. He heard that I was a hunter and was simply inviting me to go skeet shooting with him. I told him, 'no thank you, I don't have a death wish.' Sure, he asked me what I thought about Joe The Plumber, and I told him that he should be the Lions starting quarterback for the rest of the season. They need to see what the guy can do. This is the Lions, after all. They really have nothing to lose.

My source then reportedly administered smelling salts to Mr. Favre in an attempt to sharpen his focus, and asked him again if it were true that he gave political "strategery" to Cheney on how McCain should best run his two-minute warning drill.

FAVRE: That's just a bunch of rhetorical flourish. We didn't talk politics, but he asked me about my experiences in close games where the referees were "in the bag" for my opponent. I told him it's tough when the refs blow the whistle against you on phantom calls, but purposefully ignore the opponent's constant infractions. I stated that you just have to stick to the game plan when the fix was in and hope that superior talent wins the day.

and if McCain loses?

FAVRE: The Lions should tap him for outside linebacker.

Thursday, October 23, 2008



Ed Morrissey over at Hot Air posted on the fact that Obama has lost six points in three weeks among likely voters in the latest AP poll. It's virtually tied up folks. Much, if not ALL of the credit for McCain's SUCCESSFUL SURGE is being given to Joe "The Plumber". Obama "The Wealth Spreader" and his sidekick "Joe Dirt Biden" shouldn't order any curtains just yet.

Says Morrissey:
McCain has now obviously found a winning message that negates Obama’s economic populism. These respondents hadn’t yet heard Joe Biden’s warning about Obama’s election provoking an international crisis to test his mettle, another message that will regenerate doubts about voting for a man with no executive or military experience in the middle of a war... McCain and Palin need to keep pressing the attack on Obama’s redistributionism and inexperience.

On the twelve days before the election, The Plumber gave to me
A McCain/Palin VICTORY!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Today's Spotlight: Two typical Obama supporters

Dictator-groupie "Sean Penn is back in Venezuela visiting his favorite American-hating Marxist, Hugo Chavez". The two hit it off back in 2007 when Penn was playacting as a freelance journalist. It appears to me that Penn is looking at Hugo as a father figure. Isn't that all that liberals want in their leader? Someone to be their father. It must explain a good portion of Obama's support. "He will take care of us! He will provide for us! He will make nice with those misunderstood islamofacists, and we will be respected in the world again!"

Good luck with that.

In other news:
CODEPINK women have been stalking Karl Rove. Could it be that these liberal woman follow Rove around because they are subconsciously infatuated with him? They are in San Francisco after all, and the usual crowd they hang with doesn't include any real men like Rove.

Protester in SF attempts to handcuff Karl Rove:
Karl Rove appeared at the Mortgage Bankers Association's annual convention in San Francisco yesterday, when a 58-year-old CODEPINK wack job stumbled on the stage. she mumbled incoherently as she approached, then tried to handcuff Rove in what she called a citizen's arrest for "treason."

"The Architect" never acknowledged the approaching wack job, and when she put her hands on him in a really lame attempt to handcuff him, he doubled her over with a sharp elbow to her solar plexus. From the seated position, Rove then delivered a forearm shiver, sending the CODEPINKO reeling. In a blink of an eye, Rove launched at her as she windmilled toward the edge of the stage, and finished her off with a sweeping high-kick, launching her into the crowd...

*snap* Sorry. Guess I was daydreaming again. Actually, she was simply escorted off the stage, and for the record, I'm happy that Rove showed restraint. However, I couldn't help thinking, "C'mon! At least 'taze her, bro!'. The jolt of electricity might shock her back to reality."

"In total, five Code Pink members were removed from the hall during Rove's appearance. The organization says none of the five women were charged."

Not even with "idiocy"? Oh well, I guess some things are readily apparent. We can all agree that these women are not following this panel of scientists advice on five simple things a day to stay sane.

CODEPINK's official release is slightly different than my version, but you can judge for yourself by watching the video here.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Joe "The Biden" needs a plumber for leaking truth

"Gird your Loins":
“Mark my words, it will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like they did John Kennedy. The world is looking. We’re about to elect a brilliant 47-year-old senator president of the United States of America. Remember I said it standing here . . . we’re gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy.”

"They’re going to want to test him. And they’re going to find out this guy’s got steel in his spine. And he’s gonna need help. And the kind of help he’s gonna need is, he’s gonna need you - not financially to help him - we’re gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it’s not gonna be apparent initially, it’s not gonna be apparent that we’re right.”
Let me repeat, mark my words, 6 months after the start of the Biden administration, say January 21st or 22nd, we just don't know which date with certainty, President Government will be tested by Al Queda. But not in Iraq, because as we all know, Al Queda is not in Iraq. Mark my words, it will not be six months before the world tests Barack Obama like the Green Goblin did Spiderman. God love ya, what am I talking about..."

Remember I said it standing here ... and I might add that I'm standing here for Chuck. I am up for Chuck. When you think of me, think "UPCHUCK!" Let's all stand up for Chuck! God love ya, what am I talking about..."

"Let me repeat, we're gonna have an international crisis, a generated crisis, to test the mettle of this guy, and they're going to find that his spine is filled with fiber optic cables and that he is actually a cybernetic super diplomat. He will launch eloquent speech at the terrorists and murderers who perpetrated the attack, and he will melt them with his superfluous rhetoric. The rest of the world of socialist despots, thugs, and dictators will once again respect us for showing weakness."

And he's gonna need you to stand with him because it will be immediately apparent that we are clueless. Let me repeat, I've forgotten more about foreign policy than most of my colleagues know. It comes down to a three letter word. F-O-R-E-I-G-N P-O-L-I-C-Y. I remember some of it.

Biden continued his ramble, predicting that Barack America would have very low poll numbers in the future because of how he handles the crisis his election would bring about. He stated that future decisions were "not likely to be as popular as they are sound. Because if they're popular, they're probably not sound."

Sounds like he is making the case that the decision making of President Bush has been pretty darned sound. Bush is not exactly "popular" for his "sound" decisions that have kept us safe since 9/11.

In a nutshell (pun intended), Biden is guaranteeing another attack against us if we foolishly elect them.

Still voting for Obama/Biden?
"Whoa, wait a minute, yo, whoa, whoa, I don't know about that decision"!

Monday, October 20, 2008

From pigeons to politics

* Iran busts 'spy pigeons' near nuclear site: "One of the pigeons was caught near a rose water production plant in the city of Kashan in Isfahan province, the report cited an unnamed informed source as saying, adding that some metal rings and invisible strings were attached to the bird."

However, what really gave the pigeons away was the little Yamakas they were wearing on their feathered heads. Mahmoud Ahmadeenadude has finally met his intellectual equals in these pigeons. So far, the birds haven't cracked under his questioning, cooing that the "metal rings and invisible strings" were simply pigeon goth body art. "Hey, we are only here for the 1,500-meter-long ostrich meat sandwich," claimed one of the hooded captives.

* North Korea is set to make an "important announcement" today. What could it be?

My prediction: Kim Jong-Il has either died or is incapacitated. However, either his corpse or his comatose body will be propped up and continue to lead the country and to endorse Obama.

* NEWS FLASH: Colin Powell endorses Obama and IS NOT a conservative! *yawn* He was a great general and let's leave it at that. He is just lashing back because he felt ill-used in the WMD presentation at the UN.

* 18 days out from the election and the polls have McCain down by 5 points in his bid for President of the United States, while these same polls have Obama up by 5 points in his bid for President and Exulted Leader of the citizens of the World.

* NASA to launch probe to study edge of solar system:
"...a space probe that will go into orbit high above earth to study the distant edge of the solar system." "The Interstellar Boundary Explorer (IBEX) is on a two-year mission" to study this vast area of "turbulent gas and twisting magnetic fields". (Sounds like that tricky area between the first and second bowl of chili.) The article goes on to say, "The interstellar boundary regions are critical because they shield us from the vast majority of dangerous galactic cosmic rays". Now we can get the FACTS on the REAL damage SUVs have been causing to this outer boundary!

The environmentalists of tomorrow: "boundary huggers"

* You may have read about Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin having his dog outfitted with a collar that will allow him to track her movements by satellite. (That's "movements" as in "whereabouts"... sheesh!) Putin has now ordered tiny Vodka bottle collars for his personal inventory of spirits. Get it? A Russian... and his vodka? errr, nevermind. They all can't be gems. Hey! Maybe those pigeons in Iran are wearing Putin's collars and are really Russian double agents.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

fish eggs registered as democrats?

Oh my! Billions of fish, fish eggs die in power plants!

IMPORTANT BLOG DISCLAIMER: No fish eggs were harmed in the making of today's blog entry. The same can't be said of the typical Michelle Obama 4 O'Clock lunch break at the Waldorf Hysteria hotel.

The debate over the future of a nuclear plant in the suburbs north of New York City - juxtaposed with my thought-provoking analogy of the abortion issue, where I demonstrate the total hypocrisy of the left's hand-wringing concern over fish eggs.

BUCHANAN, N.Y. – For a newly hatched striped bass in the Hudson River, a clutch of trout eggs in Lake Michigan or a baby salmon in San Francisco Bay, drifting a little too close to a power plant can mean a quick and turbulent death.

Sucked in with enormous volumes of water, battered against the sides of pipes and heated by steam, the small fry of the aquatic world are being sacrificed in large numbers each year to the cooling systems of power plants around the country.
The baby is partially delivered, with just his little head still stuck inside. With his little feet kicking, surgical scissors are inserted into the base of his skull. A high-powered suction tube vacuums up the baby's brains leading to a quick and turbulent death. The small human-fry of the "pro-choice" world are being sacrificed in large numbers each year at the liberal extremists' altar of death.

Environmentalists say the nation's power plants are needlessly killing fish and fish eggs with their cooling systems, but energy-industry officials say opponents of nuclear power are exaggerating the losses.Pro-life conservatives say the nation's abortion mills are usurping the Constitution and Christians add that this infanticide is a grievous affront to God, but liberal democrat politicians say opponents of woman's reproductive rights are exaggerating the losses.

"We're not killing grown fish," says Jerry Nappi, spokesman for Entergy Nuclear Northeast, owner of Indian Point. "If we were killing billions of grown fish you'd be able to walk across the Hudson on their backs."C'mon! 50 million baby carcasses take up less space than Michael Moore's underwear drawer. Let's not make a mountain out of a mole hill.

And Nappi says the fish population in the Hudson is stable...Illegals crossing the Mexican border, with their '12 kids per family' birth rate will re-populate the democrat voting bloc.

Environmentalists believe many fish and other creatures are killed in this process, or are injured and die later. "When you hit a deer in your car, just because it gets up and runs away doesn't mean it's not going to die," Haren said.We shouldn't care that Obama didn't support providing medical care for newborn babies from botched abortion attempts, but we should care about the fate of this hypothetical deer that ran away?

Article discussion questions:
Do the environmentalists care more about shutting down progress on nuclear energy than they do for the lives of the poor fish, turtles, seals and sea lions? What about the birds killed by wind turbines?

Would environmentalists lose their opposition with the new power plant if it generated electricity out of aborted baby carcasses?

Is there a more repugnant phrase than "Michael Moore's underwear drawer"?

Friday, October 17, 2008

NO BLOG FOR YOU! - Have some soup

I can almost hear the "Blog Nazi" shouting to me this morning - "NO BLOG FOR YOU!"

Time poverty. Now if That One can figure out how to "spread the time wealth" around from those that have it to those who don't...

There was this science news that caught my eye, via Drudge, today...
OUTER space smells of fried steak, metal, motorbike welding:
Astronauts reported the bizarre scents on their suits when they returned from space walks.

Is it really a good idea for NASA to repair and fire up the Hubble telescope at a time like this? Do we really want to look into the deep, dark annals of space for the source of this smell?

Could it be "A sweet odor like honey"?
[More inappropriate guy humor stuff] The wife just shook her head as she walked through the study this morning, a look of disgust on her face. "How can you laugh at that?," she asked...

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Debate highlights - Squid pro quo

Outtakes from last night's presidential debate:

OBAMA: "I would be completely supportive of late-term abortion restrictions as long as there's an exception for the mother's health and life."

Giant Squid: "Obama is well aware that the whole 'mother's health' caveat renders his lip service meaningless. No squid mother I know would put her own life ahead of her egg brood. We lug our egg pouches around in our tentacled arms for months, even though doing so makes us vulnerable to predators. Any squid mother that would terminate her eggs for her own convenience just so she could be free to wrestle with the nearby sperm whale is no squid mother that I would want to associate with."

MCCAIN: "I agree with the squid. He is a good and decent mollusk. As far as I know, he has never contributed a million dollars to ACORN or ever associated with terrorist buddies. The giant squid has been known to engage in cannabalism. In other words, he takes on those in his own party, making him the ultimate maverick of the high seas."

JOE THE PLUMBER: "Obama wants to tax me and my small business more. Tax, tax, tax. Spend, spend, spend. I've plunged bigger turds than him."

OBAMA: "Say it to my face!"

Or maybe I had just been dozing...
According to the Chattering Teeth poll, McCain won the debate in a landslide! The poll consisted of one vote (mine) and if you disagree, the poll is now closed. If you agree that the wrinkly white-haired dude followed through on his promise to whip That One's you-know-what, please cast your vote and list the accolades in the comment section.

So did you hear what you WANTED to hear, or did you hear what they actually said? Do you Obama supporters care what the consequences of his policies would be, or are you excited because you think That One "appeared presidential"?

Moderator Bob Schieffer did a wonderful low-key job. If he has an "Obama is the messiah" type book coming out in the near future, I haven't heard about it (right,Ifill). Schieffer interrupted the candidates little, and annunciated each word clearly when he did - not wanting to make it all about him (right, Brokaw?). I thought Schieffer also made McCain look young and vivacious in comparison - almost like a schoolboy! Good job Bob.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Giant Squid viable third party candidate?

According to The Onion, a 900-pound giant squid joins Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Sherri Shepherd as a cast member on 'The View'. As I excitedly read this article, I was thinking to myself, "Wow. That might actually make that show worth watching".

But then I came to the following paragraph and I began to suspect that this might just be a spoof...
Some viewers... have complained that the squid is too conservative. During an interview last week with Republican presidential candidate John McCain, the squid sat silently sprawled across the center of the studio and didn't ask the senator a single hard-hitting question.

"That squid is there for one reason, and that's to push its right-wing conservative agenda," Denver, CO viewer Mary Foley said. "Come on, give us viewers a little credit here."
Hey, call me a skeptic, but those pinkos over there would never allow another conservative on the panel sitting next to their token whipping post, Hasselbeck. Not even one as quiet and reserved as the squid here.

Maybe the giant squid feels he can do more good working within the system and join the presidential race already in progress!

As I watch the debate tonight, I will imagine the giant squid standing behind it's own podium as a viable third party candidate, taking questions and waving a tentacled 30-foot arm for emphasis.

Then it inks Obama.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

ACORN - A Collection Of Republican Notes

ACORN: “The truth is that far-left groups in this country will do anything to help the Obama-Biden Democrats win the White House and maintain their majorities in Congress,” Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin writes in a fund-raising e-mail...

What's a little voter registration fraud hurt anyways? Besides, "community organizing" sounds so pure and charitable, don't it?

Sen. Joe Biden said Monday that the tenor of the presidential campaign has gone “over the edge” and that if John McCain continues to push some lines of attack against Barack Obama he may regret it “for the rest of his life.”

Does anyone take Joe Biden seriously any more? I mean, even from the other side, this guy is an absolute joke, right? "Over the edge"? He might know, since he is metaphorically just barely clinging to a branch there.

Video: McCain rips John Lewis for comparing him to George Wallace: "I never believed that John Lewis, who is an American hero - who I admire - would ever make a comment of that nature..."

Wow. Radical stuff. McCain's problem is that he doesn't know HOW to rip into his opponents. All this "Obama is a good and decent man" crap, and that an "Obama presidency is nothing to be afraid of". I believe I was the one to rip Lewis a new one. Some day John Lewis will google search his own name and find that post on page two thousand and something, and he can be enlightened by my brilliance.

‘Howard Stern Show’ Quizzes Obama Supporters in Harlem on Candidate Policies
"Are you more for Obama's policy because he's pro-life? Or because he thinks should stay in Iraq and finish this war?"

Those questioned had no idea at all what policy positions were held by Obama, nor did they care. This is what we are up against? I'd like to point out that this guy would have received the same glassy-eyed responses from a large percentage of white voters in downtown Manhattan. Or San Francisco. Or take your pick. Of course, the blacks in Harlem could never state publicly that they were anything but Obama supporters, lest they suffer the wrath of this monolithic Democrat voting block.

There is a bigger chance of finding people critical of Hamas in the streets of Lebanon.

"I came from the once great city of Detroit and the great great state of Michigan. If America wants this country to smell and conduct themselves and be this huge sucking sound like Detroit has become, then by all means, vote another Democrat in. Detroit and Michigan is a case study in liberal Democrat policies being forced upon a once great great state."
Ted Nugent, on Hannity and Colmes last night

I was listening to Phil Valentine on the way home from work yesterday, and he suggested an interesting drinking game for the debate tomorrow night. He suggested chugging a beer for every time McCain uses the phrase, "my friends". For you elitist dems, how 'bout sipping some Pinot Noir for every time Obama starts a sentence with "aaaaand" or "you know". Either way, I suggest an alcholic beverage or two for this debate. You wouldn't get a cavity drilled without anesthetic, would ya?

UGGGHH! Make it be over! I'm hyperventilating! *deep breathes* *think Gump*

...Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich. That- that's about it.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

Are Democrats like Congressman Lewis "crazy"?

Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., accused McCain of 'sowing seeds of hatred' with his negative tone, comparing him to George Wallace. How dare McCain and Palin stir up passion by having the audacity to point out that Obama "pals around with terrorists"!! Why, this could lead to church bombings, right congressman? With all due respect sir, "are you an idiot?"

WHO IS Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga.?:
The hypocrisy of John Lewis - He is willing to stay up all night in candle light vigil for a convicted cop killer, but has a "perfect score" on his voting record supporting the maximization and proliferation of infanticide.

The U.S. Supreme Court on September 23, 2008, issued a stay of execution for Troy Davis just hours before he was scheduled to die by lethal injection for the murder of a police officer, Mark McPhail. Davis is black, McPhail was white. If you ask the Democrat lunatic base, the majority would say this fact alone is enough to set Davis free. Per AlterNet (a left wing wacko internet mag.), "the case was largely built on witness testimony," and there is "no direct physical evidence tying Davis to the crime scene. The murder weapon was never found, and there's no DNA or fingerprint evidence."

Hmmm... No evidence like, say hypothetically... bloody footprints made by rare Italian-made Bruno Magli size 12s? Blood at the scene and bloody gloves that contained genetic markers of the suspect (who just happened to have a cut on his finger)?

Don't misunderstand, I'm not here to retry the Davis or the OJ Simpson case. Hang with me and you'll get it. Let's listen in on Rep. John Lewis, prior to Davis' stay:
This is a very sad and grave day in the state of Georgia, in our nation and in the world. A man that could really be innocent... may go to his death later today as an innocent human being. And when you commit that final decision and later discover that he is truly, truly innocent of the crime that he's been accused of committing, there is not any way to bring him back. I just think it's wrong and it's unfair, and it will be the greatest miscarriage of justice...

It is my hope and my prayer that Troy Anthony Davis will find peace in some way and somehow, that his life will be spared. But if not, he is a witness to this unbelievable craziness that still exists in one of the most developed places in the world, in America. And we advanced so far, but at the same time, we're so far behind, when it comes to respecting the dignity and the worth for every human being.

WOW! If there is one thing that John Lewis stands for, it is respecting the dignity and the worth for every human being, RIGHT?

John Lewis on Abortion:
Voted YES on expanding research to more embryonic stem cell lines. (Jan 2007)
Voted YES on allowing human embryonic stem cell research. (May 2005)
Voted NO on restricting interstate transport of minors to get abortions. (Apr 2005)
Voted NO on making it a crime to harm a fetus during another crime. (Feb 2004)
Voted NO on banning partial-birth abortion except to save mother’s life. (Oct 2003)
Voted NO on forbidding human cloning for reproduction & medical research. (Feb 2003)
Voted NO on funding for health providers who don't provide abortion info. (Sep 2002)
Voted NO on banning Family Planning funding in US aid abroad. (May 2001)
Voted NO on federal crime to harm fetus while committing other crimes. (Apr 2001)
Voted NO on banning partial-birth abortions. (Apr 2000)
Voted NO on barring transporting minors to get an abortion. (Jun 1999)
Rated 100% by NARAL, indicating a pro-choice voting record. (Dec 2003)
Emergency contraception for rape victims at all hospitals. (Sep 2006)
Rated 0% by the NRLC, indicating a pro-choice stance. (Dec 2006)
Protect the reproductive rights of women. (Jan 1993)
Ensure access to and funding for contraception. (Feb 2007)

Apparently, Rep. John Lewis, D-Ga., only cares about "the dignity and the worth" of every convicted black cop killer, but doesn't consider babies to be "innocent human beings". Lewis is right in that "unbelievable craziness" exists in America, and that we are "so far behind, when it comes to respecting the dignity and the worth for every human being." It's just that Lewis doesn't understand he is part of the craziness.

Getting back to Lewis' original charge of McCain stirring up hate. Speaking for myself, I must admit feeling a very high degree of "hate." There, I said it. My hate, however, is not directed at the individuals on the other side of the polital aisle. Rather, my hate is directed at the liberal wacko views held by them. While I may not "Love the sinners" over there, I definitely hate their doctrine.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Gump quotes are "sugar" to take with your medicine (news)

I recently received this email from Cartman titled "Lieutenant Dan !!!!!" in the subject.

A 66-foot shrimp trawler on autopilot crashed into a North Carolina pier while its driver was taking a sip of soda, causing thousands of dollars in damages. The accident left five wrecked boats, boat lifts and the floating dock in its wake, according to North Carolina’s Star News Online.

Click here to read the story at
"Lieutenant Dan! Ice cream!" According to a Petty Officer for The Coast Guard, he is "not yet authorized to release the driver's name."

Could it be...?
GUMP: No, we are not relations, sir.

It's impossible to read that story and not picture Tom Hanks in character as Forrest Gump mouthing the dialog of the shrimp boat captain, "I couldn't find nowhere to tie up the boat!" It's also equally impossible for me NOT to smile when I think of that movie. It's one of my all-time favorites.

After checking the email, I jumped on the information highway. Let's check Drudge. Hmmmm.... The stock market continues to crash (I’ve lost half my net worth and I still have a wife. - via "Hot Air") and every poll continues to inexplicably favor Obama. There are plenty of reasons to become depressed. I just don't want to today. Hopefully, there is plenty of time to become depressed later. Today, it's going to be "don't worry 'bout a 't'ing, every little t'ing gonna be alright".

I read the Drudge headlines and decided to think of an appropriate movie quote from Forrest Gump. You know, sort of like a spoon full of sugar to help the medicine go down.

DRUDGE: DOW LOSES 18%... Crisis becomes global crash...
GUMP: Lieutenant Dan got me invested in some kind of fruit company. So then I got a call from him, saying we don't have to worry about money no more. And I said, that's good! One less thing.

GUMP: I gotta pee.

DRUDGE: Obama fundraiser, convicted of fraud, spills beans...
GUMP: "Life was like a box of chocolates..."

DRUDGE: UPDATE: McCain questions Obama's link to radical Ayers ...
GUMP: My Mama always said you've got to put the past behind you before you can move on.

DRUDGE: VIDEO: Farrakhan on Obama: 'The Messiah is absolutely speaking'...
RECRUIT OFFICER: Nobody gives a hunky shit who you are, pus ball. You're not even a low-life, scum-sucking maggot. Get your ass on the bus...
GUMP: I'm sorry I had to fight in the middle of your Black Panther party.

DRUDGE: Carter slams Bush on market crisis...
GUMP: Stupid is as stupid does.

DRUDGE: WASH POST: The End Of American Capitalism?
GUMP: I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floatin' around accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it's both.

That's all I have to say about that.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Worst Halloween ever?

Ted Nugent for Michigan Governor in 2010

Campaign motto: Working hard, playing hard!
Uncle Teddly, the Motor City Madman, is the tonic we need to turn this once great state around. Besides, I wanna rock.

It probably was around 1977 when I saw Nugent at the old IMA auditorium for my very first rock concert. What a great venue for shows that was. Can I get an "Amen!" on that (even from you liberals?)

I saw a lot of great bands in their prime in that old barn . Ted a few times, Bob Seger, J. Geils, Kiss, on and on...

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Let's go Red Wings! Do it again!

If you're like me, then the season opener for your favorite NHL team will find you plopped down on the couch - the heels off, and the gloves on, with a beer in one hand and the TV remote in the other.

NOTE: You must keep the remote handy in the event that the opponent scores a goal and you need to mute the sound. I don't want to hear about it from the commentators, and I certainly don't want to hear any music and crowd celebration during away games. Likewise, when the Wings score, the volume must go up when Mickey Redmond is giving the color. "Holy Mackerel!"

Tonight, the 11th Stanley Cup championship banner gets hoisted to the rafters of "The Joe" in pre-game festivities. I plan on calling my old high school chum - who now lives in Colorado and is a diehard Avalanche fan, so that he may share in my joy again. Yes, I will rub it in (again) as he has done to me on numerous occasions when the Cholera-ado hAvbeenalanche were talented. Besides, I know he is expecting that call (right Mike?).

Enjoy it while you can, 'cuz this might be San Jose's year (right MonkeyDarts?). You never know. The Detroit Swedes might revolt and give your boys a turn.

OK, enough of my arrogance. I would just ask once again that you not hate us Wings fans because we are perpetually beautiful. Just remember that we also have the Detroit Lions in town. With everything, balance. Can we agree that the Lion's pathetic record is a counterweight for the Wing's success?

Firing Lion's GM, Matt Millen (31-84 record since 2001) after the 0-3 start this season had the same positive effect as the newly printed trillion dollars thrown at the mortgage mess. The Lions lost 34-7 at home to The Bears last week.

The march down the road of futility continues. For the Lions too.

One of my favorite sports writers, Bob Wojnowski of the Detroit News, says "New year, same quest..."
Of course, they're returning almost the entire roster from a team that stomped to the best record in the league, then rolled through the pressure-soaked playoffs. They added the best free agent available, ex-Penguins forward Marian Hossa, who stunned the hockey world by turning down multi-year offers of as much as $80 million to sign for one year at $7.4 million. Hossa made it clear he came here only to win the Cup...
Hossa is not the only underpaid player on this team, with player after player signing for less for the privedge to play for Detroit. In fact, the money left on the table, so to speak, would be enough to bail out Wall Street.

I'm a little concerned that the Wings have no official "enforcer" on the roster. Sure, the frequency of fighting is not what it used to be in the NHL, but it never hurts having a tough guy at the end of the bench ready and willing to stick up for the skilled players at a moments notice. The regular season is a long grind and you can bet that at one point or another, frustrated opponents will take liberties on the likes of Zetterberg, Datsyuk, and Lidstrom. Then who ya gonna call, Babcock? Aaron Downey, that's who.

Thankfully, as Downey put it, "Nobody wanted me." He cleared waivers and will be sent to Grand Rapids to start the season. I predict that before too long, Aaron will be skating with the Winged-wheel on his sweater and throwing one-punch haymakers at belligerent passersby.

Come to think of it, I could use an enforcer in the business office. Cartman? You up to it? Pic Pic?

The Wings will miss more than just Downey's fists. He is another one of those "character guys" in the lockerroom that you can never have enough of. Just ask Tigers manager Jim Leyland if he misses firstbaseman Sean Casey, after the disasterous season the Tigers just suffered through (then again, you'd better not ask Leland about that).

The Tigers went into last season with skyhigh expectations, but they quickly found they had lost their lockerroom mojo and team chemistry. Shipping Sean Casey (voted in 2007 as "the friendliest player in baseball" by fellow players) to the Red Sox before last season is just the best example of what went wrong, but certainly not the only one.

But I digress. We were talking about the Red Wings. The good news is that there is no evidence of any team chemistry problems. Their biggest challenge will be fighting the "Stanley hang-over" and staying motivated - hungry to do it again.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Mood Ring Blue

"McCain is proposing a $300 billion program for the federal government to buy up bad home mortgages and allow homeowners to keep their houses."

Someone offer to pay down on my mortgage and you have my vote.

In for a penny, in for a pound. Normally my vote's not for sale but the ol' mood ring is a dark blue this morning so screw it, "my friends." Between McCain's government takeover of mortgages and "That One's" socialist agenda, it's going to be "the stupid economy stupid" from here on out. This great American experiment is being frittered away piece by piece.

The only thing on my list worthy of consideration now is that the next POTUS may pick as many as 3 Supreme Court Justices. Obama can NOT be that "decider". President Bush has hit homeruns with Alito and Roberts. We need a couple more.

Then again, maybe it's just hormonal.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Today's science lesson - Birds sing, skunks stink

Researchers at the RIKEN Brain Science Institute in Japan say that the male bird brains get high on dopamine when chirping smack to the gal chicks. Not to be outdone, a Johns Hopkins University study claims that the male starlings’ "mating songs are more than just empty amorous enticement," rather, a proclamation of productive fitness.

"Yo Adrian! You like the 'Pec(k)s?'"

I have no idea why you should care. I just find comfort in the knowledge that scientists across this globe are devoting untold resources studying birds, so you should too. These secrets must be unlocked!

Of course, the big "science" news all over cyberspace are the dire predictions of mass global critter extinctions. According to the International Union for the Conservation of Nature (IUCN), 25% of land mammals are endangered.
Life on Earth is disappearing fast with man inflicting most of the damage…. On land more species face oblivion because of loss of habitat, hunting and climate change while in the oceans pollution and the side effects of fishing are taking a huge toll.
Who knew that fishing kills fish?

I checked the "animal punk'd" list, and unfortunately, skunks are doing just fine. I don't know about the rest of the planet, but around here, man has not inflicted nearly enough damage to the skunk's environment. When I see skunk squash on the road it evokes no sympathy, just a desire to avoid getting the toxic little road pancake's smell on my tires. I know that's callous, but they stink! What kind of cruel evolutionary defense mechanism joke is that anyway?

Evolution: Hey! I got it! When cornered, I'll have this furry little squirrel-like creature expel a cloud of noxious spray of no inherent value, other than to fully offend any innocent bystanders. And after I'm finished creating a "liberal", I'll move on to that striped mammal over there.

Monday, October 6, 2008

Palin keeps Michigan in her sights

From James Cameron's 1997 hit movie Titanic(Kate Winslet as Sarah Palin, and Leonardo DiCaprio as "Michigan)

"Hold on Jack!"
"I'll never let go."

First THIS:
"Todd and I, we'd be happy to get to Michigan and walk through those plants of the car manufacturers," Palin said, referring to her husband. "We'd be so happy to get to speak to the people in Michigan who are hurting because the economy is hurting."

Palin acknowledged the GOP ticket's lackluster poll ratings in the state, but said: "I want to get back to Michigan and I want to try."

"I want to try." How refreshing is that!? I have an image of Sarah doing a Jerry Maguire, "help me to help you" plea to us. (Cuba Gooding Jr. plays the part of "Michigan" in this clip from the movie)

Then THIS:
Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin continues questioning presidential candidate John McCain's decision to abandon efforts to win Michigan.
"Honestly, in Michigan, we are hurting so bad," she said. "We don't want to hear just 'by golly, aw shucks.' We want to hear what are you going to do to help everyday citizens."
Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm

Seriously Jenny? Did you say that with a straight face? Nice and professional of you to make fun of her dialect, eh? (dialect: a regional variety of language distinguished by features of vocabulary, grammar, and pronunciation from other regional varieties..), you elitist Canadian snob. The "everyday citizens" of Michigan don't need any more of the kind of "HELP" you and your ilk bring to the kitchen table.

All I have to say, by golly, is COME BACK!

or if you prefer...
Don't give up on us baby!

Baby Come Back

Traveler advisory - Beware the "Fantasy Suite upgrade"

Notre Dame beat Stanford 28-21, but that's not what I'm here to talk about.

Hotel rates are always jacked up for football weekends at Notre Dame, and we were quoted as much as $650 per night (two night minimum) at one of the nicer accomodations right in town, just minutes away from the stadium. While this rate DID include all-you-can-eat waffles every morning, it was a little rich for our blood. Not surprisingly, hotel rates declined the further away from the stadium - the city - the state of Indiana - if you were willing to commute on gameday.

Hence, the reason why the wife and I arrived in Elkhart, Indiana (which is about 12 miles east of South Bend) Friday afternoon. Mrs. DaBlade had made reservations at one of those cookie-cutter economy lodges with a name like "Comfort Econo Quality Sleep Inn Cabins & Suites" (or something like that). The plan was to check in, stow the luggage in the room and spend the rest of the day with our college boy on campus.

There was a strong and overpowering smell of chlorine from the 5X10 "pool" as we entered the lobby. So strong, in fact, that my eyes teared up from the fumes. I smiled, conforted in the knowledge that any stray bacteria I may have been carrying had just been stripped away (along with a few layers of eye skin).

A gentleman of about 80 years of age was at the counter speaking with the clerk. It was obvious that he didn't have reservations. "foolish old man," thought I smugly. "What if there are NO ROOMS available in all of Elkhart!" "I know I won't be sleeping in MY car tonight because my wife and I had the foresight to make reservations for $215 per night (yes, for a two night minimum) in advance." We understood that this rate was a ripoff for the accomodations offered (no waffles), but we still felt frugal for our willingness to stay 12 miles down the toll road.

We listened in as the elderly gentleman inquired as to the availability of a room for his wife and him. The clerk said all she had available were two fantasy suites, and quoted him a price of $290 per night with a two night minimum, and with the AARP and AAA discounts he was entitled to. The kindly gentleman smiled a "no thank you" and that he "only needed a room for one night" and began to walk away. The clerk said, "sir, I will let you have it for $135 for tonight."

Now in my defense for what happened next, you would have had to witness the look on Mrs. DaBlade's face when she heard this transaction take place. She turned her back to the counter and whispered angrily, "I want that rate," and "why were we made to reserve for two nights?" and mumbling something about "the injustice of being punished for making reservations ahead of time" as she stormed away. Just then, the old dude completed his transaction, choosing the Taj Mahal Fantasy Suite.

"May I help you?," asked the clerk.

"I want the same deal you just gave that guy," I stated (as I quickly hid the reservation printout behind my back).

"OK, I'll give you the last suite for the same rate. Did you want it for one night or two?"

Now I was flabbergasted! I never really expected to get this special senior citizen's rate, nor did I expect to get just a one-night commitment. All this, AND for some kind of "SUITE", no less. We would be upgraded AND save $300 to boot! (*Barney Fife sniff as I hitched up my drawers*)

Before I accepted, the clerk added, "That is... unless you already HAVE reservations. Do you sir?"

Now I'm normally an honest kind of guy, but when Mrs. DaBlade isn't happy, that is no time for taking the moral highground. "No, I don't," I answered, which was technically not a lie since the reservation was in the wife's name. I nervously handed over the credit card, answering with address and phone info when asked. I was sure that the transaction would be interrupted prematurely and that my "scam" would be discovered. I feared at any moment a loud siren and flashing lights going off, a rush of security guards capturing and waterboarding me with the chlorine pool water for my deception.

To my relief, I was given the room key and excused. I approached the wife and proudly gave her the good news! She gave me a look that said, "maybe you're not as big an idiot as I thought." That look lasted right up until the moment we wheeled our luggage into the suite.

"What the... there are palm trees growing out of the freakin' walls!"

I guess I didn't stop to consider what a "fantasy" suite was, or why the clerk was so quick to downgrade the rate. I was immediately struck by an overpowering perfumy smell that I was sure was there to cover up something sinister. WARNING - Clicking this link is not recommended, but it is honestly what I was thinking, but not sharing with the wife. It was a long drive, and sleeping in the car seemed more torturous than even this possibility (one that I planned on keeping to myself).

I looked around, taking advantage of the wife's momentarily silence born of stunned disbelief. The bed was round. ROUND!? It had a mirror above it that lit up like a star-filled sky and tiki torches on either side of the reinforced headboard! The furniture was bamboo and the TV was on a swivel with a built-in VCR. There was a hot tub encased in lava stone and surrounded by mirrors. The walls were painted with volcanoes and island scenes. Did I mention the real imitation palm trees? Fantasy suite? Maybe for Tarzan. Or Gilligan.

"Honey, did you pack my robe and pipe?"

She was not amused. "All I meant was that I wanted the cheaper one-night rate on our original NORMAL room!," she snapped, as she removed the comforter from the bed and began tearing up the sheet from each corner checking for bedbugs. Hey, once bitten, twice shy, and certainly this room would rank high on the "probable list" for infestation.

Thankfully, no bugs were found, but some unidentifiable stains on the floor, drapery, and mirrors were. I wondered how many porn flicks had been filmed in this very room. I knew I had to blog this, and snapped these photos with my digital. The wife hollered for me to stop, horrified at the idea that someone outside might see that flash photography was taking place and draw the wrong conclusions.

We quickly left the room as planned, and spent the day on campus, the day before the big football game. When we returned to retire for the evening, the wife stripped the bed again for the obligatory bug check. We bundled up in long-sleeve sleepware, even leaving on our socks to avoid as much contact with the bed as possible. We looked ready for a space mission, killing any chance that the misses would be even remotely interested in taking advantage of the mirror on the ceiling above. I've found that "bug checks" have a way of killing the mood for woman. If the wife finds a spider on the wall of the bedroom back home, romance becomes radioactive, with a half-life rivaling that of plutonium. I was sure the Taj Mahal was seeing more action this night.

"What is THAT smell?," I heard her mumble, as I sank into blissful oblivion.

Friday, October 3, 2008


It started at 9PM on the button last night, and I sat there and watched the whole thing. I know others watching may have been nervous, wondering if their favorite would make an embarrassing gaffe. Not me. I was confident that my candidate was not skating on thin ice. There was the predictable "one-on-ones". The tiresome "back and forths". "Ohhh... That was a great shot!," thought I. Or, "nice deflection".

No, the title of this post is not lie. I am not "pulling a Biden" on you here. I was in the hockey rink last night watching the 94 Icelander's Bantaam AA hockey practice.

I don't mean to sound like a big shot here (yes I do), but I have been selected as the chief financial officer for this traveling hockey squad of 14-year-olds. This year it will be ME that gets to collect the monthly ice bills from the parents. I get to send the snarky emails to parents that may fall behind. (There is always SOMEBODY who foolishly chooses to buy groceries for the family over paying for the ice bill when times get tight. NOT ON MY WATCH!) I really don't mean to brag (yes I do), but I will be writing the checks to the arena for the team's obligations, most of them in four figures. (*Barney Fife sniff*)

So you see, I missed the VP debate. Doesn't matter. I am not in the "undecided" column, and Sarah's "performance" was irrelevant. From what I've read though, she did just fine and won the debate. Poll numbers will now sway back to favor McCain, as "undecideds" feel more favorably for Palin after last night.

The "undecideds" are like minnows swimming along the beachfront. First one way, then the other. No long-term memory to build a coherant basis for future moves. Just a 2 second short-term memory for these aquatic cockroaches. It's all "feel" and "instinct" with the minnows. Unlike the Whale, which is actually a mammal, and can memorize stuff like "whale songs". Admiral James T. Kirk actually used two Humpback Whales to answer an alien probe that threatened Earth. Kirk didn't use the minnows, did he? What were we talking about again?

A crab hitching a ride on top of a Gigantic Jellyfish off the coast of Florida?

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Outtakes from tonight's VP debate

Joe Biden is legendary for his
fits of brain flatulence and has been called
a human verbal wrecking crew.

Sarah Palin has been roundly and routinely criticized for her "performance" during the Gibson and Couric interviews.

The media ignores and covers up Biden's gaffes (Hey, it's not like he can't spell POTATO) because they are in the tank for "Obama America" and "the Biden administration" (Joe's words, not mine). Palin, on the other hand, is under the mainstream microscope for her "inexperience". Where are the SNL skits lampooning Biden?

So bring on the debates! We are all about style over substance, so their individual beliefs matter naught! It's about hair plugs and lipstick.

Outtakes from tonight's debate (secured by my time machine software):

BIDEN: "When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened.'" (Pssst! Hey Joe. FDR wasn't president yet and television wasn't invented for another decade or so).

BIDEN: "stand up FDR, let 'em see ya." (Pssst. FDR died in 1945). "God love ya, what am I talking about... You can tell I'm new..." "Well, if he were here, I'd tell him to stand up!." (Uhhhh... nevermind)

BIDEN: "When the British attacked Pearl Harbor, Paul Revere didn't just sit there on his horse and complain. No! He got on the radio and warned the colonists!"

Ifill: "I thought it was the Germans?"

BIDEN: "God love ya, what am I talking about?

BIDEN: “I've said it before and I'll say it again. Hillary Clinton is more qualified than I am to be vice president of the United States of America.. Quite frankly, she would have been a better pick than me. In fact, FDR's corpse would be a better pick than me. God love ya, what am I talking about?”

PALIN: "I need more than 10 seconds to respond."

Ifill: "Well, that's all you've got!"

BIDEN: “Might I just say Gwen (moderator Gwen Ifill), that you are looking especially articulate and bright and clean. God love ya, what am I talking about?”

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

October has arrived! *woo woo*

Season of the pumpkin.
To celebrate Octobers arrival, let's all recognize and applaud Steve Connolly of Sharon, Mass., for his dedication and "sticktoittiveness" in the nurturing of his backyard pumpkin from a seedling to an 1,800 pound behemoth - all, apparently, to the neglect of his gaunt and drawn son - pictured with the family vegetable (Well, he looks a little thin to me!). Imagine having to compete with a gourd for your father's attention.

According to the news story, Connolly "planted the pumpkin on May 1 and then pollinated it on July 3 and it's been growing into a monster for the past three months. He said on some days during its rapid growth phase it was putting on about 45 pounds per day." (sounds like Michael Moore's toddler years)

As for you Pumpkinguy, that's wonderful. Really. Congratulations. But can you peel away from the giant squash for a sec. and make your boy "Linus" there a sandwich?