Monday, November 20, 2017

Charles Manson Facebook Status Update

He gone.

At least now we don't have to worry about Manson using his 'talents' of persuasion in getting folks to murder for him. The same could be said of Hitler and Sanger.

From the Chattering Teeth Manson Archives:
Charles Manson Caught "Hexting" with Smuggled Cell Phone

The murderous cult leader was caught with an LG flip phone under his mattress, and it was determined that he had made numerous calls and sent text messages to people in California, New Jersey, Florida and British Columbia.

We all have our own unique talents and natural gifts. Some folks express themselves through their art, music, words, etc. Manson's talent is an uncanny ability to persuade folks to kill for him. The story doesn't state the purpose for Charlie's calls - but if I had to guess - Charlie's got a Smart Phone and now Janie's got a gun.

Sunday, November 19, 2017

US Navy Pilot Draws Mitch McConnell In The Sky


U.S. Navy crew grounded after the first incident. The above should lead to a Court Martial!

Friday, November 17, 2017

Franken Varys

Chattering Teeth News - Speaker Paul Ryan (R-Wis.) has enlisted the help of a fictional eunuch politician from Westeros to give the mandatory anti-sexual harassment training to members of congress. Senator Al Franken immediately  groped and "forcibly kissed" the eunuch trainer upon his arrival without his consent.

Fans of the George R.R. Martin books or the hit HBO series Game Of Thrones will immediately recognize the trainer as none other than Lord Varys, a/k/a 'The Spider', a/k/a 'The Master of Whisperers on the King's Small Council.'  The world of GOT is filled with perversion, pedophiles and criminal misogynists making it a perfect reflection of congress.

As Varys has explained this, he was traveling  with a "a troupe of actors" when he was forcibly castrated 'root and stem' by a sorcerer. What better solution to the sexual harassment problem than the forcible castration of most our congressmen? I say most, because I assume there are still a couple gentlemen left in these chambers.

Then there is Paul Ryan, which castration is not necessary as he has already lost his balls to McConnell a long time ago.

I agree with Mark Levin in calling for Ryan and McConnell to resign. This problem in congress and the senate may not have started with them, but clearly it is under their watch that the sexual predatation is running rampant among our elected representatives.

THE END

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Sean Hannity Gives Keurig Customer Service Just 24 Hours To Replace His Broken Coffee Maker


Chattering Teeth News - "For me, Keurig has 24 hours to replace my coffee machine," said the Fox News fake conservative, fake Catholic and Trump sycophant, Sean Hannity. The  allegations that I broke this coffee maker myself are absolutely false.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

THRILLA IN MANILA II

Duterte & Trump Knife Fight in Philippines

Chattering Teeth News - President Trump is in the Philippines today on the last leg of his 'Kickin' ASSia & Takin' Names' Tour. It is being reported that Trump and his Filipino presidential counter-part, Rodrigo Duterte, are becoming fast friends.

It was just a few days ago that Duterte stated he had stabbed someone to death during a rumble when he was just 16 years old. For this reason, Trump called on HUD Secretary Ben Carson to give him a few pointers in case a friendly knife-fighting contest broke out.

One of the main reasons Trump selected the 'low-energy' and soft-spoken retired neurosurgeon from Detroit to be head of HUD was because he once used his Gifted Hands to stab a bully during a rumble when was 14 years old, and Trump figured he'd some day need Carson's sick knife skilz.

Sure enough, shortly before the gala dinner was to begin, Duterte snapped his fingers and Ninja-like servants suddenly appeared. They proceeded to tie Trump and Duterte's off left wrists together, while crowds formed an impromptu circle and surrounded the knife-wielding contestants. Ben Carson began singing Michael Jackson's 'Beat it" as the two circled each other warily.

Duterte appeared surprised at Trump's footwork as he ducked, parried and lept over every one of Rodrigo's akward slashes. Trump was employing a rope-a-dope strategy by playing defense and allowing Duterte to tire. The Philipino appeared to lose his discipline and began lunging, as Trump taunted him with blown kisses and calling him 'Little Rodrigo'.

At one point, Trump side-stepped his opponent's thrust like a practiced matador, feinting then pulling him into a grapple. Duterte struggled but was unable to free himself from Trump's choke hold. The Donald finally raised his right foot and planted it into Duterte's solar plexes, sending him flying across the gala hall.

Trump ended the contest with his only offensive move, and his steel blade struck Duterte's metal belt buckle and snapped, just as Carson had shown him. Duterte surrendered, and they repaired to the dining room where they raised a toast to each other's health and the continued destruction of the ISIS bastards.

THE END

P.S. - One of this rock-n-roller's guilty pleasures was listening to Michael Jackson songs. Yes, I did buy Thriller on a cassette tape and secretly listened and have never confessed this to my friends... until now.

Here is actual footage of Trump and Duterte's Thrilla in Manila II.

Friday, November 10, 2017

11 ANGRY MEN AND A SKINNY KENYAN

Obama reports for jury duty in Chicago and is dismissed
Former US President Barack Obama has turned up for jury duty at a Chicago courthouse, but was dismissed by the judge without being called on to serve... 

There was no official explanation for his dismissal, but it is not uncommon for people called to perform jury service not to be assigned a case.

We don't really need an explanation, now do we? Since this crime took place in Chicago, odds are that it is regarding some horrific gangland-style shooting. I'm sure that during the process of "voir dire" and the prosecution's examination of the potential jurists, he would have immediately excused Obama with his first peremptory challenge due to his history of bias against law enforcement and flaunting of the rule of law.

But what if Obama HAD been seated on this jury?... As I was reading this linked article, I was well into the second sentence dealing with the adulating'crowds trying to get a glimpse of the 44th US president' when I noticed my eyelids beginning to droop. "Have I been hit with a tranquilizer dart again?," I mused... as I started going numb. I feeel... sooo... sleeeepy... Zzzzz.

WE INTERRUPT THIS NONSENSICAL BLOG POST TO BRING YOU THIS NEW MOVIE TRAILER FOR WHAT WILL BE THE BLOCK-BUSTER MOVIE EXTRAVAGANZA THIS SOLSTICE SEASON! 11 ANGRY MEN AND A SKINNY KENYAN...

PLOT - The defense and the prosecution have rested and the jury is filing into the jury room to decide if a young black man is guilty or innocent of murdering execution style a white police officer during a Black Lives Matter riot. What begins as an open-and-shut case of murder soon becomes a racist platform for one marxist, honky cop-hating jurist.

NARRATOR - WATCH THEM. AND PRAY, FOR SOMEDAY YOU MAY BECOME ONE OF THEM. 12 MEN WITH THE SMELL OF VIOLENT DEATH IN THEIR NOSTRILS.


Juror #8: I don’t know – not having been there and not seeing all the facts – what role race played in that, but I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry; number two that he Chicago police acted stupidly in arresting somebody.
*sporadic nodding in agreement by the democrat jurorists*

Juror #4: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU GUYS? YOU'RE LETTING THIS COP-KILLER SLIP THROUGH OUR FINGERS!

Juror #3: Does anyone else smell that skunky marijuana odor? Who's been doin' weed? Somebody's been choomin'...

NARRATOR - 12 MEN... TURNED INTO 11 CLAWING ANIMALS, AND ONE EFFEMINATE SISSY SLAPPING AMERICA-HATING PROGRESSIVE

Juror #8: (speaking to the defendant) If you like your freedom, you can keep your freedom.

DEFENDANT: (in orange prison jumpsuit and in handcuffs and chains) ALLUHU AKBAR!

*crowd gasps in shock at realization the accused is a moozlim terrorist...

Juror #8: Unless we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ... If I had a son, he'd look like this defendant.

NARRATOR - YOU'LL LAUGH! YOU'LL CRY!! YOU'LL DEMAND A REFUND!!! 11 ANGRY MEN AND A SKINNY KENYAN. COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU!

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Neighbors complain about junk cars littering Rand Paul's unmowed & overgrown lawn


CHATTERING TEETH NEWS - With President Trump visiting CHiiiNa (and 11-yr-old Frankie back in school), they can't help Rand Paul's lawn care situation anymore. And the neighbors are noticing.
Senator Paul says he will "Cut, cut, cut" just as soon as he is "healed, healed, healed."

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

All Democrats are Animals

When Planet Green at The Mother Nature Network lectures on democracy, you know you're in for a treat.
THIS JUST IN, 60% of cud-chewing standing Red Deer voted for Hillary!

Democracy takes flight
Queen bees and alpha chimps aren't voted into office, but that doesn't mean they're despots.
I hate to quibble, but we don't have to go back in history to come up with example after example of elected despotism. Turkey's Erdo─čan, Russia's Putin, Iran's Khamenei, and our very own Obama are/were despots voted into office by the majority. Let's continue.

Scientists have begun to view many animal species as de facto democracies, where majority rule ensures survival more than tyranny can.
Again. this is only sentence 2, but "majority rule" and "tyranny" are not mutually exclusive. (see above). Proceed with caution.

Our own species' democratic tendencies date back at least to our prehuman ancestors.
Here we go. I csee making a compelling case that Pelosi, Schumer, and the rest of their ilk are products of their "prehuman ancestors". The rest of us are children of God. We aren't done with even the first paragraph. I suggest you gird your loinage area if proceeding.

"[S]hared decision-making is likely to be of great importance for the evolution of stable social organizations, explaining why it appears to be common in social animals," biologists Larissa Conradt and Timothy Roper wrote in a 2007 study, "Democracy in animals." Most species don't belabor politics like humans do, but our democratic roots can be seen across the animal kingdom — which, in many cases, is more like an animal republic.

WE INTERRUPT THIS BLOG POST to bring you this urgent disclaimer by announcing that your blog host was unsuccessful in reading his own linked story in its entirety, and so therefore any opinions and conclusions cannot be relied upon or used as source material in any major college theses... Unless you want an 'A+'.

If you proceed to the next slide after the intro, you learned that "the red deer of Eurasia live in large herds, spending lots of time either grazing or lying down to ruminate."

In other words, they sound like your typical democrat voter base, laying around eating Cheetos while watching Oprah on TV.
Scientists have noticed that herds only move when 60 percent of the adults stand up. However, if only 48% of the red deer herd stands, the rest are called "hanging chads" and not allowed to play in any Red Deer games.

In fairness to the red deer, it's not a complete analogy, for they are producing something of value. If you watch them closely, you seem them manufacturing meat for human consumption. Therefore, they are not a complete drain on nature and I take back my original disparaging remarks.

That's all the time we have, folks. I have to go to work to produce meat for my family's table. We'll ruminate more tomorrow.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Trump and 11-yr-old Frankie helps Rand finish mowing his lawn after nut job democrat attack

Sen. Rand Paul attacked by neighbor while mowing lawn at his Kentucky home

Chattering Teeth News - Senator Rand Paul was blindsided and assaulted by his neighbor, a 59-yr-old retired Democrat doctor named Rene Boucher, while he was mowing his lawn. It is unknown at this time what set this dude off, or if having a girl's first name contributed to his rage, but it has been reported that the two have had an ongoing feud.

Obviously, the guy has a few screws loose.

I could hypothetically understand administering a blind flying tackle to knock my neighbor off of his tractor mower if he happened to be mowing his lawn before noon on a weekend - but reports state this attack happened around 3:20pm. 

Maybe the guy was upset with Sen. Paul because he would only mow his own yard and not his neighbor's - You know how democrats insist on taking the goods and services of hard working Americans for themselves.

It has not been reported anywhere, so it is not clear if this doc Butcher screamed the popular Antifa chant of 
"NO USA AT ALL"
...as he launched himself  on the diminutive constitutional conservative.

Trump offered Rand the use of the 11-yr-old 6TH-grade Virginian boy named Frank, the official White House lawn mower. He also tweeted that Rand Paul's nut job democrat neighbor and attacker should get the death penalty.

“President Trump, where is your leadership?” Chucky Schumer said.

CNN's Jake Tapper reports, "...sometimes the phrase 'NO USA AT ALL' is said under the most beautiful of circumstances."

THE END

Friday, November 3, 2017

Donna Brazile digs up and dances with Hillary's campaign corpse

Dancing With the Dead involves a bizarre tradition whereby families dig up the bodies of their dead relatives and then dance with the corpses in the streets, and shockingly this macabre practice may be spreading the black plague in Madagascar.

In other news, Donna Brazile admits the DNC rigged the nomination for Hillary Clinton.

Well that escalated quickly.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

OBAMA BANS SELFIES

PICTURED: Obama Bans Selfies at The Obama Foundation Summit - and then starts throwing islamic finger salutes and Chicago gang signs.


ACTUAL fake AUDIO of Obama re-enacting people coming up to him and wanting to get his photograph...

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Tiny House Halloween

Urban teenager regrets his decision to spend his last time trick-or-treating on Halloween by getting dropped off at the tiny houses village community on the outskirts of town. The good news is that he and his friends were able to break their old record of number of houses visited to maximize their Halloween take. The bad news is they only scored pillow cases full of dried chickpeas, soy nuts, freeze-dried Kale, and probiotic yogurt pops.