Friday, January 27, 2012

My Daily Haiku with my Barbie collection

I call this one...
"Lather rinse and repeat":

Life is rock and roll
Sisyphus Vesuvius
Pyroclastic flow


If you're like me, you are a middle-aged male who likes to discuss politics and pop culture with his collection of Barbies. They all come from a diverse background of varying plastic-based vinyl molds, so it's usually a lively debate. As I tell them repeatedly, it doesn't matter the size of your colorful wardrobe or the value of your accessories, especially when you're at the bottom of a pitch black sock drawer.

So I lined them up on the window sill this morning and read them my Haiku.

At first, they just sat there in stunned silence, staring back at me through souless, painted eyes.

Pictured (left to right): My 1959 original Barbie, S&M Barbie, Earring Magic Ken and my tattoed-up Tokidoki

I take another pull from my brown bag as I wait, and the silence is finally broken.

Ken: I think it means that life is awesome. You know... sex, drugs and high-energy rock and roll!

Tokidoki: Since Haikus are Japanese poetry and I am the only Japanese inspired doll, I think I am the most qualified here to do the interpretation.

Ken: OK. And?

Tokidoki: (pause) I got syphlis once from a tat needle.

S&M Barbie: He said "Sisyphus", not "syphlis" ho.

1959 original Barbie: If I remember my Greek Mythology correctly, Sisyphus was a king who ticked off the gods, so his punishment involved having to roll a large boulder up a hill only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this throughout eternity.

Ken: I didn't study Geek Monopoly, but I would think being named Sisyphus was punishment enough. At least he wasn't forced to listen to Miley Cyris' "The Climb" in a continuous loop on his iPod. Not even the gods could be that cruel.

S&M Barbie: Hey! I like that song!

Ken: Try Boston's "Satisfied" instead. (starts to sing) "You gotta have a little rock 'n' roll music to get you through the stormy weather... cuz Win or lose, it's alright... nothin's gonna help you more than rock and roll."

1959 original Barbie: Be quiet and learn something. In 1942, a gentleman by the name of Albert Camus had a philosophical essay published titled, "The Myth of Sisyphus." In it, Camus argues that Sisyphus symbolizes "man's futile search for meaning" and concludes with this: "The struggle enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine Sisyphus happy."

Tokidoki: So basically Hannah Montana had it about right. It is the climb.

Ken: Talk about a "man's futile search". At least Sisyphus wasn't unemployed in the Obama economy. Maybe that's where the volcano in the Haiku comes in.

I hear a car pull into the driveway. "Back in the sock drawer people!"

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Secular Grinch

He HADN'T stopped Tebow from Tebowing! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
It came without packages, boxes, or bags!

He puzzled and puzzed till his puzzler was sore. Then the secular Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. Maybe Tebowing, he thought... doesn't come from a score. Maybe Tebowing, perhaps... means a little bit more!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Woman hit with tacos during argument in Flint

Think outside the pun
FLINT, Michigan — A woman was struck with tacos Thursday after getting into an argument with her child's father in Flint, according to a police report.

The woman called police around 4 p.m. after the man began arguing with her while they sat inside her vehicle outside a residence.

During the argument, the man threw tacos at the woman before taking her black purse and exiting the vehicle. The man then allegedly grabbed a brick and threw it through the driver's side window before fleeing to an unknown location.

The Flying Taco
All I have to say is "FOOD FIGHT!!!" I thought tomorrow was "Taco Tuesday"?

Somehow, I don't think that throwing Tacos would slow down a charging Michael Moore, Flint's most famous native son.

Great comments from fellow Flintoids!

"When they take this taco from my cold dead hand!"
When they outlaw tacos, only criminals will have tacos.

Hopefully they were soft tacos

Lettuce get to the meat of the matter here...

Never bring a taco to a chalupa fight.

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Children of the Corn

In an attempt to shrug off his expected poor showing in today's Hawkeye Cauci, Republican Presidential hopeful Jon Huntsman was quoted last week as saying, "They pick corn in Iowa."

Armed with a disposable cell phone and an Iowa phone directory, I decided to put his allegations to the test.

Shock Mock Poll Results:
When Iowans were given a choice between A random generic ear of corn or Jon Huntsman, they "picked corn" 5 to 1. Huntsman was also outpaced by write-in candidates, an arrogant carrot and punch-drunk bunch of grapes.

In a retraction attempt, Huntsman tries a final appeal to Iowans:

"Corn is the fruit of the sea... err, I mean vegetable of the fields. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, saute it. Dey's uh, corn muffins, corn bread, corn-kabobs, corn creole, corn gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried creamed corn. There's corn casserole, corn salad, corn holios, pepper corn, corn soup, corn stew, corn and potatoes, corn pancakes, corn mash. That- that's about it."