Saturday, September 30, 2017

Star Trek: Discovery - Cagney & Lacey in Space


I'm guessing that Star Trek "trekkies" would not consider me a "trekkie". I've never dressed up in Spock ears, mail-ordered an "away team" uniform or did the whole "na noo na noo" hand puppet greeting.

That said, I've watched all of the original Star Trek series featuring Captain Kirk many, many times. I've watched all (or most) of the Next Generation with Captain Jean-Luc Picard. I've watched the motion pictures except for the last reboot one, but I'll get around to it. That's it. I haven't watched any of the other series spin-offs, like the one with that female captain Janeballs or whatever.

Call me a sexist male chauvinist, but if I'm hurtling through space at warp speed in Klingon territory - with tribbles spilling out of the overhead cabinets - and my survival depends on my captain defeating a reptilian Gorn in hand-to-hand combat, I'll take Kirk. Followed closely by Picard. As for Janeballs, she can top off my tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

So it should come as no surprise that I have no intention of watching this new TV series spin-off, Star Trek: Discovery starring "Cagney and Lacey". Give me TJ Hooker any day. And this decision not to watch was BEFORE I read that this series was to feature an openly gay couple.

Wow, how 'ground-breaking' and 'progressive' of them. It's not like every other show doesn't try to shove this crap down our throats.

These progressive leftists in sports and entertainment have ruined what used to be a means of escape for Americans from the progressive leftists in government (and the Statist media). They have even taken over the football field, and now have their queer eye on taking over space.

I'm sorry, but in my distant future stardate 2258,  Geordi La Forge's blindness is cured with a sweet wrap-around visor, and 'Bones' will have a vaccine to cure these gender disphoria gay genes. Just skip and sashay your way down to sick bay for a quick tricorder reading and a DNA dialysis, and voila'! No more disorder! It's going to happen.

In the meantime, I'll pass on this latest attempt to further the culture rot and accelerate societal decay.

Hey Captain Janeballs, be a doll and give me a little shoulder massage while I watch a re-run of Last Man Standing. Thanks, babe.

Friday, September 29, 2017

Spinster Librarian Jealous of Melania

Librarian Rejects First Lady’s Gift Of Dr. Seuss Books Calling Them ‘Racist Propaganda’
Earlier this month First Lady Melania Trump celebrated National Read a Book Day by selecting some children’s books and sending them to one school in each state. Mrs. Trump selected Dr. Seuss’ Oh, the Places You’ll Go! because it was, “one of her personal favorites that she and her son have read together over and over.”

...Tuesday, the librarian at Cambridge port Elementary School in Massachusetts wrote a response which informed the First Lady the school would be rejecting the books, calling them “racist propaganda.”

So... "Dr. Seuss’s illustrations are steeped in racist propaganda, caricatures, and harmful stereotypes"??

And just WHO is this Old Maid Spinster Librarian?

About Liz Phipps Soeiro
Liz Phipps Soeiro is an elementary school librarian in the Cambridge, MA, Public Schools. She is an advocate for inclusive libraries and active in her community to create spaces that are welcoming to all students.

Sounds like a real keeper.

Clarence... Where's Liz?



Wednesday, September 27, 2017

NFL Logo discovered preserved in amber!

In the "not so distant" future...

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

I've heard all the testimony and I'm ready to render my decision on these Kneelbaggers

In the most bizarre anthem protest yet - in a show of unity of hatred for this country, our armed forces, first responders, police and firefighters - the Cowboys and Cardinals took a knee during the anthem.

'Twas Monday Night football, and all on the field
Not a player was standing, all of them kneeled; 
Their stockings were taped by their knees with care, 
For during the anthem they would all soon would be there;

The fans were standing with their hands on their hearts; 
with visions of patriotism that heroes imparts;

When out on the fifty there arose such a clatter, 
I sprang from my couch to see what was the matter. 
Away to the flat screen I flew like a flash, 
Turned up the volume and threw down the sash. 

When what to my wondering eyes did appear, 
But Trump at the wheel of a combine harvester
and there was 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia
herding the stragglers with his 2-cycle John Deere.

"On Reaping, on Threshing, on Winnowing," he yelled;
As the NFL players got bailed and felled

To Be Continued...

Shame on you, Jerry Jones. The league denied you and your "Cowboys" the small helmet sticker to honor the 5 fallen Dallas officers murdered by a BLM surrogate last year. And now you take a knee in unison with the BLM and America-haters?

I'll have the baliff call you when I'm ready to render my decision... OK, I'm ready.

I, the honorable DaBlade, BlogMaster extraordinaire of the Chattering Teeth blog and  by the powers granted to me, by me as kind of my own domain, do hereby cancel the remainder of the NFL season.  Not in my house.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

Kneelers

Is this really appropriate?

THE JIMMY KIMMEL TEST

Obviously, the Detroit Lions will win their first Super Bowl this year so I expect attendance to gradually recover.

As for the NFL kneelers - I've been quick to criticize President Trump when he veers left, so its only fair I give him huge props when he sticks his twitter thumb in the leftist's eyes for righteous reasons.

Which was the case  with this comment (although he was unfortunately stumping for Luther Strange at the time) - kudos for the comment tho...

"Wouldn't you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say 'get that son of a b**** off the field right now - he's fired.'" - Trump

Of course, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell passes The Jimmy Kimmel Test by his knee-jerk response calling Trump's comments "divisive".  Goodell, you sir are a dumba$$. The Commander-in-Chief accurately reflects our collective outrage at these kneeling jacka$$es, who are the ones being divisive here. 

Passing The Jimmy Kimmel Test  does not just have to do with a health care plan that destroys actual health care. Here is the detailed definition, per the Chattering Teeth Blogtionary.

THE JIMMY KIMMEL TEST

1) A living, breathing oxymoron. a conjunction of contradictory terms like "jumbo shrimp" or "late night comedian".

2) A mutually exclusive repurposed exaptation - To reuse for a different purpose to poor results. Like when Donner Party members transitioned from fellow adventurers to "what's for dinner." Other examples -  
Eg1: "funny man" becomes "democrat propaganda shill".
Eg2: "Football Commissioner" to "Constitutional scholar"

3) Someone operating outside their area of expertise. Sports figures, Hollywood libs, wife-beaters, rapists, drug users, and/or killers who lead lives of debauchery, yet lecture the rest of us on culture and civility.


4) Someone who takes Chuck Schumer talking points whispered in his/her ear. (Like Jimmy Kimmel, John McCain, Satan, etc)

Have a great Sunday. I hope you never pass The Jimmy Kimmel Test.

Friday, September 22, 2017

Trump & 11-yr-old 6TH-grader named Frank mow South Korea along DMZ

Are you tired of your neighbors lawn being green and plush while you can't even pronounce it? "

Gleen and prush, gleen and prush..." Does his lawn look and smell like a freshly mown fairway at Augusta National, while yours smells like a toxic dump and looks like a barren desert nuclear testing ground wasteland? 

Hi, Billy Mays here for the world’s greatest lawn care secret, 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia.

You've tried all the fertilizer methods your daddy taught you, but nothing much seems to grow any more over the scattered remains of your uncles, cousins or random prison camp dead. And when something does take root between the cement bunkers and missile launch sites, it just seems to be patches of random weeds sprouting from an otherwise bald dome. Sure, it looks great on you (**harumph***) but not on your lawn.

Whether you’re a fat and squatty despot dictator, or a stay-at-home mom, you deserve a gleen... errrr, a green and plush lawn the envy of your neighbors on the other side of the barbed wired DMZ.

Call now and this 11-year-old sixth-grader named Frank from Virginia will not only get your lawn growing again, but he will throw in the first mow job for free. But that’s not all.

Call right now and we’ll double the offer and send President Trump to walk along side Frank, occasionally tousling his hair and motivating him to do his very best work. Just pay separate shipping and handling.

Ask our operators about how to how to have the United States "nuclear winterize" your lawn, by not shutting yer yapper!

Here’s how to order.

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Trump uses "Best Words" In U.N. Speech

...threatens to ‘totally destroy' Colin Kaepernick for kneeling during U.N. speech.

I loved the speech. Especially the dumbfounded looks on the rogue despot mouthpieces when they were called out.

(Not an Excerpt)
TRUMP: The radical Islamic Salt Vampire creatures have stockpiles of salt and they are plotting to use their suckers to destroy their neighbors by removing their body salt. They are lying shapeshifters. Frankly, that deal is an embarrassment to Star Fleet, and I don’t think you’ve heard the last of it, believe me.


Monday, September 18, 2017

THIS photo proves time travel is real!

Chattering Teeth News - By now, everyone knows that President Donald J Trump allowed an 11-year-old boy, Frank, to mow the White House lawn for free in his opening move to cut waste, fraud and abuse.

BUT DID YOU KNOW that Frank received an automated rejection from then president obama when making the same request? And that obama was the first and ONLY president that has denied Frank's free lawn mowing proposal since Washington?

This is likely the earliest photograph of White House staff members at work.

Notice anything eerie?

Frank told this reporter that Nixon was the worst Republican tipper, but still more generous than every democrat president to date who has yet to tip or even thank him.

THE END

Friday, September 15, 2017

Tea Time with the Intolerables - Episode 2


POP QUIZ: Match the person with the quote
Who said...
A) NANCY PELOSI
B) SALLY FIELD
C) CHUCK SCHUMER

1) “He likes us!”

2) "you like me!"

3) Lim Nanyell Madonna


The quotes are links to the answers, but unless you're a bernie voter I bet you figured it out. With Chuck Schumer's hot mic pickup gushing that Trump "likes us", after he struck the deal with Schumerand Pelosi to raise the debt ceiling and hasten us to financial oblivion, I couldn't help but hear Sally Field repeating this from her 1985 Academy Awards speech.

Sally Field "You like me!" 1985 Academy Awards


I was a Cruz guy and was tough on Trump during the primaries. While I couldn't bring myself to vote for him (let's not re-litigate the whole 'binary choice' thing with a 'yah, but Hillary') I've stayed away from bashing him since his election. I understand why you, my friends did vote for him.  Honestly, I was hopeful he would do the right thing. A couple of times he has. But really, I don't see much daylight on the big issues between Hillary and him.

Let's see... what happened to tearing up that terrible Iran deal on day one? And how about that repeal of Obamacare? Lovin' that! Trump has also reneged on the wall and on amnesty. I'm old enough to remember him hammering Little Marco and low energy Jeb for the same position. I'm also really enjoying these huge tax cuts and all those $Trillions pouring in from overseas. And really so proud of Trump for staring down the dems and raising the debt ceiling without defunding the murders operating Planned Parenthood.

OK, maybe I shouldn't be so cynical. Maybe he really is playing underwater three dimensional Parchesi with one arm tied behind his back. MAGA MAGA MAGA!

Two NY Liberal Presidential Candidates From Opposing Political Parties Walk Into a Bar...






just kidding... I can't stand this f&*%er.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Next up: Hurricane General Robert E Lee?

A CHATTERING TEETH ALL-POINTS AMBER WEATHER BULLETIN ALERT THINGY

When dealing with the weather, there are some things we know for certain and some things we can only surmise. For example, we know that pink skies at night are a sailor's delight while pink skies in morning, sailor's take warning. Scientists like Algore and Bill Nye also know absolutely what the global temperatures will be many decades out, but forget about an accurate forecast for this coming weekend. And forecasting hurricanes? Fuhgeddaboutit! Until now.

WHAT WE KNOW
The National Hurricane Center  is watching 2 disturbances in far eastern Atlantic with wind speeds of 35 mph. A storm is named when it reaches tropical storm strength with winds of 39 mph, and becomes a hurricane or typhoon when its wind speed reaches 74 mph.
So if the next tropical depression in the chamber gains tropical storm strength, what will it be called (and who is in the path)?

The following is the list of names for 2017 storms that have already occurred in the North Atlantic:

Arlene, Bret, Cindy, Don, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey, Irma, Jose (active), Katia

With Jose still active and threatening the East coast, and Katia already striking Mexico, the next unused name on the list is Lee.

Lee (unused), Maria (unused), Nate (unused), Ophelia (unused), Philippe (unused), Rina (unused), Sean (unused), Tammy (unused), Vince (unused), Whitney (unused)

WHAT YOU AREN'T BEING TOLD (UNTIL NOW)
The illuminazis who run the World Meteorological Organization in charge of storm names are keeping it hush that storm name 'Lee' is short for General Robert E. Lee, and the tropical swirl right on his heels is none other than his trusty steed, Traveller.

SHOCKING STORM PREDICTION
These 2 storms will join up in the middle of the Atlantic (because this Confederate General never went into battle without his famous horse during the Civil War) to form an unprecedented mega Cat 6 Hurricane named General Lee.

Its no surprise that this tropical depression was born on the sun baked west coast of Africa IN THE SAME AREA THE SLAVES WERE TAKEN! and will follow THE SAME SLAVE TRADE ROUTE across the ocean!

This potentially catastrophic and racist storm will come ashore somewhere in Dixie, and the meteorologists on staff here in the CT weather bunker agree that the wind speeds will likely reach strengths enabling these whirlwinds to blow down all the city hall warehouses and storage facilities all across the south where the Robert E. Lee statues are now located. The updrafts from this perfect storm will then lift the Lee statues into the whirlwinds, carrying them back to the parks and courthouses from where they had been removed, and gently placing them back down on their pedestals.

After that, Hurricane General Lee's storm surge is expected to locate all of the fascist 'antifa' communist cupcakes in their cute li'l dressup black bandanas AND the white-supremacist goons playing Nazi and drag them ALL out to sea.

SPAGHETTI MODEL - 
Here is the current favorite spaghetti model favored by our action weather team.
It's the Fisher Price Spaghetti Pretend Play Food Set

Stay tuned for important weather updates.

THE END

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

MONKEY SELFIES 3 "NO JUSTICE, NO FECES"

PETA REJOICES! - Settlement Reached: ‘Monkey Selfie’ Case Broke New Ground for Animal Rights
After roughly two years of court battles, the groundbreaking lawsuit asking a U.S. federal court to declare Naruto—a free-living crested macaque—the copyright owner of the internationally famous “monkey selfie” photographs has been settled...

As a part of the arrangement, Slater (the photographer who's camera this jacka$$ monkey used without permission) has agreed to donate 25 percent of any future revenue derived from using or selling the monkey selfies to charities that protect the habitat of Naruto...

This is great news, and just in time to salve the pain for the people still suffering from losses sustained by the recent hurricanes in Texas and Florida.

A quick re-cap of our journey (and because I like to recycle my old memes when I'm pressed for time).

MONKEY SELFIES 2 - MACAQUE-A-PHOBIA


The good news for you is that, now that this injustice has been set right, I will no longer feel obligated to blog on the subject. Or will I?...

the PETA article concludes: We’ll continue working in the courts to establish legal rights for animals. Everyone deserves the rights we hold dear: to live as they choose, to be with their families, to be free from abuse and suffering, and to benefit from their own creations.


PICTURED ABOVE: Naruto the monkey during harder times in the jungle when he was denied the right to keep his own photographs, paintings, musical compositions and other fruits from his artistic endeavors.

Now that Naruto is filthy rich, it begs the question, "where is he now?"

Monday, September 11, 2017

Latest Weather Machine News

If we've learned anything from our national treasure that is Nicolas Cage, we've learned about the existence of the "President's Secret Book", which contains documents collected "by Presidents, for Presidents' eyes only", covering such controversial subjects as the JFK assassination, Watergate, Area 51, AND George W Bush's Hurricane Weather Machine.

Hurricanes Harvey and Irma prove that President Trump has fired up the George W Bush Weather Machine, but for what ill purpose - we still don't really know. The hopes that his tiny hands wouldn't be able to operate the Weather Machine's controls have been dashed.

The nation girds its collective non-gender specific loin area for what may come next.

Stay tuned to this blog for important updates you will not get anywhere else. Seriously, just stare at the screen and occasionally hit refresh. You'll be glad you did.

In the meantime, learn more about the Weather Machine and its nefarious roots from this schorlary work  [here]
George W. Bush’s Hurricane Machine is the machine that George W. Bush used to make Hurricane Katrina, because he does not care about us black people. If George Bush did care about black people, I do not think he would have made Hurricane Katrina with his Hurricane Machine. I think he would have used it to make a hurricane that would destroy Iraq instead, and bring the troops home, if he cared about black people and American soldiers. I do not think George Bush was a good President. I voted for Obama. In this report I will explain many things about President Bush’s Hurricane Machine, which is the topic I decided to research for my report. I will also explain why President Bush was a bad President, and why we should have elected Al Gore instead, because Al Gore was far more qualified and invented the internet, which is a major accomplishment. All President Bush invented was his Hurricane Machine. I think the internet is a much larger accomplishment then a machine that makes hurricanes, even though I am doing my report on George W. Bush’s Hurricane Machine. I used the internet for much of my research, which proves how much more important the internet is. I would not use a Hurricane Machine to research the internet.
WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS WAS ON THE INTERNETS?

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Go Away Irma Part 2

Hurricane Irma knocks Cuba back half a century...
Same here... (not mine, but...)


Where's "The Cone" now?

Continued prayers for the good folks in this storm's path.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Florida Gas Station Finally Sells Hot Dog That Had Been On Roller Since 1972

Chattering Teeth News - Bob, a long-time employee of a southern Florida gas station is in shock today, as he arrived to work this morning without his friend Frank to greet him. 'Frank' is the name Bob had given to a petrified hot dog that had been tirelessly rolling away in the back row of the gas station's reliable Hot Dog Rolling Machine for as long as he can remember.

"I took this job back in 1972, and Frank had already been workin' there for a while at that point," said Bob, as he plugged in the coffee machine to re-heat yesterday's coffee for the expected morning rush. "If I was having a bad day, he was always there to listen to me."

Bob told this reporter that he didn't notice Frank at first, and would begin each morning shift with plugging in the coffee machine and turning on the frankfurter's heat lamp. When patrons continued refusing to purchase the discolored fella with the strange aroma, Bob just says he moved it to the back row and forgot about him. That is, until some time in the late 80's when Frank started talking to him during the slow hours.

After that, they became fast friends.

Until yesterday, when Bob reported to work and learned that Sally from 2nd shift had sold Frank to a hungry customer. Apparently, this customer had come looking for gas for his moped in order to flee the approaching hurricane, but to no avail. Not only did the station run out of gas, but previous panicked customers had already cleared the shelves of all the shrink-wrapped jerky, candy and bags of pork rinds.

And so Frank was an impulse purchased and Sally hasn't been seen since.

THE END

Prayers for the folks in this storm's path.

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Go away, Irma

Florida residents empty shelves of water, batteries, food and stilettos.

I'm old enough to remember when we had a president with the powers to control the weather.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Joel Olsteen preparing another Estes hobby toy rocket launch in response to hurricane criticism

Joel Osteen flexes his hobby toy rocket skills and maniacal white-toothed grin.

Chattering Teeth News - Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church reportedly appears to be making preparations to launch a hobby toy Estes Alpha III Rocket  in response to criticism he has received for turning away Hurricane Harvey victims in need of food and shelter.

The rocket brags a projected maximum altitude of 1,100' with a 12" diameter parachute for rocket recovery.

While this rocket series is easy to assemble and designed with beginners in mind, Joel Olsteen is sure to increase his knowledge and technical capabilities with each launch.

He could feasibly reach a skill level 5 rocket like this Black Star Voyager, with its laser cut wood, waterslide decals, and an 18 in. parachute recovery, and an ability to deliver a 7-ounce payload of "sympathy and benevolence" at Joel's whim.




NASA's Shocking plan to relieve Yellowstone's pressure with Melania's Shoes

Chattering Teeth Science News - NASA believes the Yellowstone super volcano is a greater threat to life on Earth than any asteroid  (and second only to Trump's presidency).

NASA’s researchers were tasked with coming up with strategies to avert a super volcano catastrophe. At the top of this list of 'fixes' was implementing suffocating new taxes coupled with an Al Gore and/or Michael Moore propaganda movie aimed at anesthetizing the American people into unconsciousness. While the taxes would have no effect on the volcano, it would line the marxist's pockets to ensure survival of our 'best and brightest'. 

The second strategy, while more practical, was substantially more dangerous and having to do with drilling 10km deep holes adjacent to the magma chamber and pumping in cooling water. “Don't Mess With Yellowstone Super volcano” Geologists Warn NASA! The “risky” plan could actually backfire and trigger an eruption – potentially triggering a deadly nuclear winter.

As a compromise, NASA Imagineers have developed a plan to relieve Yellowstone's super volcano pressure with Melania Trump’s black snakeskin 5-inch stilettos. Volcanologists agree that, while the 5-inch stilettos would not drill down as deeply, the sheer volume of puncture holes could theoretically decrease temperatures by 35%.

However, if Melania's stilettos inadvertently triggered a devastating super volcanic eruption, it could lead to potentially deadly consequences, including breaking and melting the 5-inch stilettos heels.

THE END