Monday, September 18, 2017

THIS photo proves time travel is real!

Chattering Teeth News - By now, everyone knows that President Donald J Trump allowed an 11-year-old boy, Frank, to mow the White House lawn for free in his opening move to cut waste, fraud and abuse.

BUT DID YOU KNOW that Frank received an automated rejection from then president obama when making the same request? And that obama was the first and ONLY president that has denied Frank's free lawn mowing proposal since Washington?

This is likely the earliest photograph of White House staff members at work.

Notice anything eerie?

Frank told this reporter that Nixon was the worst Republican tipper, but still more generous than every democrat president to date who has yet to tip or even thank him.

THE END

Friday, September 15, 2017

Tea Time with the Intolerables - Episode 2


POP QUIZ: Match the person with the quote
Who said...
A) NANCY PELOSI
B) SALLY FIELD
C) CHUCK SCHUMER

1) “He likes us!”

2) "you like me!"

3) Lim Nanyell Madonna


The quotes are links to the answers, but unless you're a bernie voter I bet you figured it out. With Chuck Schumer's hot mic pickup gushing that Trump "likes us", after he struck the deal with Schumerand Pelosi to raise the debt ceiling and hasten us to financial oblivion, I couldn't help but hear Sally Field repeating this from her 1985 Academy Awards speech.

Sally Field "You like me!" 1985 Academy Awards


I was a Cruz guy and was tough on Trump during the primaries. While I couldn't bring myself to vote for him (let's not re-litigate the whole 'binary choice' thing with a 'yah, but Hillary') I've stayed away from bashing him since his election. I understand why you, my friends did vote for him.  Honestly, I was hopeful he would do the right thing. A couple of times he has. But really, I don't see much daylight on the big issues between Hillary and him.

Let's see... what happened to tearing up that terrible Iran deal on day one? And how about that repeal of Obamacare? Lovin' that! Trump has also reneged on the wall and on amnesty. I'm old enough to remember him hammering Little Marco and low energy Jeb for the same position. I'm also really enjoying these huge tax cuts and all those $Trillions pouring in from overseas. And really so proud of Trump for staring down the dems and raising the debt ceiling without defunding the murders operating Planned Parenthood.

OK, maybe I shouldn't be so cynical. Maybe he really is playing underwater three dimensional Parchesi with one arm tied behind his back. MAGA MAGA MAGA!

Two NY Liberal Presidential Candidates From Opposing Political Parties Walk Into a Bar...






just kidding... I can't stand this f&*%er.

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Next up: Hurricane General Robert E Lee?

A CHATTERING TEETH ALL-POINTS AMBER WEATHER BULLETIN ALERT THINGY

When dealing with the weather, there are some things we know for certain and some things we can only surmise. For example, we know that pink skies at night are a sailor's delight while pink skies in morning, sailor's take warning. Scientists like Algore and Bill Nye also know absolutely what the global temperatures will be many decades out, but forget about an accurate forecast for this coming weekend. And forecasting hurricanes? Fuhgeddaboutit! Until now.

WHAT WE KNOW
The National Hurricane Center  is watching 2 disturbances in far eastern Atlantic with wind speeds of 35 mph. A storm is named when it reaches tropical storm strength with winds of 39 mph, and becomes a hurricane or typhoon when its wind speed reaches 74 mph.
So if the next tropical depression in the chamber gains tropical storm strength, what will it be called (and who is in the path)?

The following is the list of names for 2017 storms that have already occurred in the North Atlantic:

Arlene, Bret, Cindy, Don, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey, Irma, Jose (active), Katia

With Jose still active and threatening the East coast, and Katia already striking Mexico, the next unused name on the list is Lee.

Lee (unused), Maria (unused), Nate (unused), Ophelia (unused), Philippe (unused), Rina (unused), Sean (unused), Tammy (unused), Vince (unused), Whitney (unused)

WHAT YOU AREN'T BEING TOLD (UNTIL NOW)
The illuminazis who run the World Meteorological Organization in charge of storm names are keeping it hush that storm name 'Lee' is short for General Robert E. Lee, and the tropical swirl right on his heels is none other than his trusty steed, Traveller.

SHOCKING STORM PREDICTION
These 2 storms will join up in the middle of the Atlantic (because this Confederate General never went into battle without his famous horse during the Civil War) to form an unprecedented mega Cat 6 Hurricane named General Lee.

Its no surprise that this tropical depression was born on the sun baked west coast of Africa IN THE SAME AREA THE SLAVES WERE TAKEN! and will follow THE SAME SLAVE TRADE ROUTE across the ocean!

This potentially catastrophic and racist storm will come ashore somewhere in Dixie, and the meteorologists on staff here in the CT weather bunker agree that the wind speeds will likely reach strengths enabling these whirlwinds to blow down all the city hall warehouses and storage facilities all across the south where the Robert E. Lee statues are now located. The updrafts from this perfect storm will then lift the Lee statues into the whirlwinds, carrying them back to the parks and courthouses from where they had been removed, and gently placing them back down on their pedestals.

After that, Hurricane General Lee's storm surge is expected to locate all of the fascist 'antifa' communist cupcakes in their cute li'l dressup black bandanas AND the white-supremacist goons playing Nazi and drag them ALL out to sea.

SPAGHETTI MODEL - 
Here is the current favorite spaghetti model favored by our action weather team.
It's the Fisher Price Spaghetti Pretend Play Food Set

Stay tuned for important weather updates.

THE END

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

MONKEY SELFIES 3 "NO JUSTICE, NO FECES"

PETA REJOICES! - Settlement Reached: ‘Monkey Selfie’ Case Broke New Ground for Animal Rights
After roughly two years of court battles, the groundbreaking lawsuit asking a U.S. federal court to declare Naruto—a free-living crested macaque—the copyright owner of the internationally famous “monkey selfie” photographs has been settled...

As a part of the arrangement, Slater (the photographer who's camera this jacka$$ monkey used without permission) has agreed to donate 25 percent of any future revenue derived from using or selling the monkey selfies to charities that protect the habitat of Naruto...

This is great news, and just in time to salve the pain for the people still suffering from losses sustained by the recent hurricanes in Texas and Florida.

A quick re-cap of our journey (and because I like to recycle my old memes when I'm pressed for time).

MONKEY SELFIES 2 - MACAQUE-A-PHOBIA


The good news for you is that, now that this injustice has been set right, I will no longer feel obligated to blog on the subject. Or will I?...

the PETA article concludes: We’ll continue working in the courts to establish legal rights for animals. Everyone deserves the rights we hold dear: to live as they choose, to be with their families, to be free from abuse and suffering, and to benefit from their own creations.


PICTURED ABOVE: Naruto the monkey during harder times in the jungle when he was denied the right to keep his own photographs, paintings, musical compositions and other fruits from his artistic endeavors.

Now that Naruto is filthy rich, it begs the question, "where is he now?"

Monday, September 11, 2017

Latest Weather Machine News

If we've learned anything from our national treasure that is Nicolas Cage, we've learned about the existence of the "President's Secret Book", which contains documents collected "by Presidents, for Presidents' eyes only", covering such controversial subjects as the JFK assassination, Watergate, Area 51, AND George W Bush's Hurricane Weather Machine.

Hurricanes Harvey and Irma prove that President Trump has fired up the George W Bush Weather Machine, but for what ill purpose - we still don't really know. The hopes that his tiny hands wouldn't be able to operate the Weather Machine's controls have been dashed.

The nation girds its collective non-gender specific loin area for what may come next.

Stay tuned to this blog for important updates you will not get anywhere else. Seriously, just stare at the screen and occasionally hit refresh. You'll be glad you did.

In the meantime, learn more about the Weather Machine and its nefarious roots from this schorlary work  [here]
George W. Bush’s Hurricane Machine is the machine that George W. Bush used to make Hurricane Katrina, because he does not care about us black people. If George Bush did care about black people, I do not think he would have made Hurricane Katrina with his Hurricane Machine. I think he would have used it to make a hurricane that would destroy Iraq instead, and bring the troops home, if he cared about black people and American soldiers. I do not think George Bush was a good President. I voted for Obama. In this report I will explain many things about President Bush’s Hurricane Machine, which is the topic I decided to research for my report. I will also explain why President Bush was a bad President, and why we should have elected Al Gore instead, because Al Gore was far more qualified and invented the internet, which is a major accomplishment. All President Bush invented was his Hurricane Machine. I think the internet is a much larger accomplishment then a machine that makes hurricanes, even though I am doing my report on George W. Bush’s Hurricane Machine. I used the internet for much of my research, which proves how much more important the internet is. I would not use a Hurricane Machine to research the internet.
WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME THIS WAS ON THE INTERNETS?

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Go Away Irma Part 2

Hurricane Irma knocks Cuba back half a century...
Same here... (not mine, but...)


Where's "The Cone" now?

Continued prayers for the good folks in this storm's path.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Florida Gas Station Finally Sells Hot Dog That Had Been On Roller Since 1972

Chattering Teeth News - Bob, a long-time employee of a southern Florida gas station is in shock today, as he arrived to work this morning without his friend Frank to greet him. 'Frank' is the name Bob had given to a petrified hot dog that had been tirelessly rolling away in the back row of the gas station's reliable Hot Dog Rolling Machine for as long as he can remember.

"I took this job back in 1972, and Frank had already been workin' there for a while at that point," said Bob, as he plugged in the coffee machine to re-heat yesterday's coffee for the expected morning rush. "If I was having a bad day, he was always there to listen to me."

Bob told this reporter that he didn't notice Frank at first, and would begin each morning shift with plugging in the coffee machine and turning on the frankfurter's heat lamp. When patrons continued refusing to purchase the discolored fella with the strange aroma, Bob just says he moved it to the back row and forgot about him. That is, until some time in the late 80's when Frank started talking to him during the slow hours.

After that, they became fast friends.

Until yesterday, when Bob reported to work and learned that Sally from 2nd shift had sold Frank to a hungry customer. Apparently, this customer had come looking for gas for his moped in order to flee the approaching hurricane, but to no avail. Not only did the station run out of gas, but previous panicked customers had already cleared the shelves of all the shrink-wrapped jerky, candy and bags of pork rinds.

And so Frank was an impulse purchased and Sally hasn't been seen since.

THE END

Prayers for the folks in this storm's path.

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Go away, Irma

Florida residents empty shelves of water, batteries, food and stilettos.

I'm old enough to remember when we had a president with the powers to control the weather.

Monday, September 4, 2017

Joel Olsteen preparing another Estes hobby toy rocket launch in response to hurricane criticism

Joel Osteen flexes his hobby toy rocket skills and maniacal white-toothed grin.

Chattering Teeth News - Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church reportedly appears to be making preparations to launch a hobby toy Estes Alpha III Rocket  in response to criticism he has received for turning away Hurricane Harvey victims in need of food and shelter.

The rocket brags a projected maximum altitude of 1,100' with a 12" diameter parachute for rocket recovery.

While this rocket series is easy to assemble and designed with beginners in mind, Joel Olsteen is sure to increase his knowledge and technical capabilities with each launch.

He could feasibly reach a skill level 5 rocket like this Black Star Voyager, with its laser cut wood, waterslide decals, and an 18 in. parachute recovery, and an ability to deliver a 7-ounce payload of "sympathy and benevolence" at Joel's whim.




NASA's Shocking plan to relieve Yellowstone's pressure with Melania's Shoes

Chattering Teeth Science News - NASA believes the Yellowstone super volcano is a greater threat to life on Earth than any asteroid  (and second only to Trump's presidency).

NASA’s researchers were tasked with coming up with strategies to avert a super volcano catastrophe. At the top of this list of 'fixes' was implementing suffocating new taxes coupled with an Al Gore and/or Michael Moore propaganda movie aimed at anesthetizing the American people into unconsciousness. While the taxes would have no effect on the volcano, it would line the marxist's pockets to ensure survival of our 'best and brightest'. 

The second strategy, while more practical, was substantially more dangerous and having to do with drilling 10km deep holes adjacent to the magma chamber and pumping in cooling water. “Don't Mess With Yellowstone Super volcano” Geologists Warn NASA! The “risky” plan could actually backfire and trigger an eruption – potentially triggering a deadly nuclear winter.

As a compromise, NASA Imagineers have developed a plan to relieve Yellowstone's super volcano pressure with Melania Trump’s black snakeskin 5-inch stilettos. Volcanologists agree that, while the 5-inch stilettos would not drill down as deeply, the sheer volume of puncture holes could theoretically decrease temperatures by 35%.

However, if Melania's stilettos inadvertently triggered a devastating super volcanic eruption, it could lead to potentially deadly consequences, including breaking and melting the 5-inch stilettos heels.

THE END