Friday, May 30, 2008


Rasheed Wallace of the Detroit Pistons has been fined $25,000 for his use of profanity and criticism of the officiating following Wednesday night's loss in game 5 to the Celtics. His next technical foul earns him a one-game suspension. Still no word on whether the league will fine the refs working game 4 of the Spurs and Lakers game, where they totally blew the game-ending no-call. I think the fine should be a set percentage of the amount the closest referee had riding on the game with their bookie.

'Sheeeed!. You love him or you hate him. I think it all depends on whether you are a Pistons fan or not. For me, it all depends upon if he delivers in game 6 in the conference finals. Then game 7. Then in the finals. That's it. That's all. Just deliver. Go ahead and keep chatting with those "cats", just don't get T'd up. As for the $25K, that is like having to donate to the office "quarter curse jar" for you and me.

What exactly did he say?
"All that bull(bleep)-ass calls they had out there. With Mike [Callahan] and Kenny [Mauer] - you've all seen that (bleep)," Wallace said. "You saw them calls. The cats are flopping all over the floor and they're calling that (bleep). That (bleep) ain't basketball out there. It's all (bleeping) entertainment. You all should know that (bleep). It's all (bleeping) entertainment."
That's it? I've said worse after an order screw up from the fast food drive-thru. When I nic myself shaving. After every other shot in golf. When I hypothetically ram a Your Ride bus and crinkle my hood at the corner of Dort and Court. I'm sure there are other examples, but I have to jump in the bleepity bleep shower so I'm not bleeping late for bleepity bleep work.

So will they do it tonight in game 6? I have my prediction, but I'm keeping it to myself. I'm not sure how these jinx fairies work, but I know that they have been following me. That's why I have censored all blob predictions on that other team from Detroit who plays that game that uses curved sticks (shaped like Al Gore's propaganda global warming graphs) and skates around on ice (whats left of it, right Al?). Nope. Not gonna tempt fate until they are sipping from a very large cup.

Rasheed bleeping Wallace and his (explicative deleted) code of freakin' conduct:
"I don't talk about nobody's mom, wife or kids. There is a line and I don't cross it."

From The Onion: NBA Names New Foul After Rasheed Wallace:

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Obama & Mahmoud go fishing

meetings without precondition

Obama has stated time and again that, as president, he would be willing to meet with and talk to Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (and other rogue leaders). First it was without pre-conditions, then it was with "preparations". He has said on the campaign trail early on that we need to talk to Iran because "they're going to have responsibilities if Iraq collapses."

As Rush would say, what a "glimmering jewel of colossal ignorance." Of course they would. They have been "responsibile" for much of the killing of Americans in Iraq. Even Hillary has called Obama's desire to pal around with Mahmoud "irresponsible" and "frankly naive". And by the way, he gives away his true foreign policy plan with the "if Iraq collapses" phrase. That would be the result under his administration, where his goal is to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory. This is why Obama turned down McCain's proposal for them to visit Iraq together. He can't handle the truth of how well the surge is working.

Allahpundit at Hotair nails this:
The left would have you believe Iraq hawks can’t admit that any aspect of the war might be going badly, but the opposite has always been more nearly true. For purposes of the Narrative, it’s doves who can’t admit that any aspect of the war might be going better, as if to acknowledge that the surge has helped to improve security or that the Iraqi army is performing better than expected lately or that plenty of Shiites are tired of Sadr’s crap would be to validate neoconservatism or somehow tacitly rubber-stamp an invasion of Iran.
Maybe Obama's desire to meet with Ahmadinejad has nothing to do with foreign policy under his administration. Maybe Obama realizes he is going to get drubbed in the general election, and he is just trying to line up Mahmoud to pal around with. Maybe go bowling. They could get a burger at McDonalds and swap WWII holocaust fairy tales.

"Hey Barry. tell me the one again about how your uncle liberated the Auschwitz concentration camp."

"You first Mahmoud. Tell me the one about how Israel will 'soon be wiped out' and that the holocaust is just a myth".

Maybe Obama just sees a kindred spirit in Mahmoud and is looking for a fishing buddy so that he can get out of the house and away from the nagging...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Hillary needs a ride home

Bawitdaba-da bang-da-bang-diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie-said up jump the boogie
Bawitdaba-da bang-da-dang-diggy-diggy-diggy
Said the boogie-said up drop the boogie
My name is Kid... Kid Rock!

Tomas Holmstrom celebrates his goal in the first period as Detroit rocker Kid Rock cheers on...

Bob Wojnowski of the Detroit News writes:
Sidney Crosby? Evgeni Malkin? Anyone seen Pittsburgh's stars yet, buried under all that red, outscored 7-0 in two games? The Penguins' top three centers, Crosby, Jordan Staal and Malkin, have been about as effective as Crosby, Stills and Nash, only with mangier beards.
That's a great line Bob!

Sticking with the music theme today, let's talk Hillary Clinton (sour note!). Did you see where her husband accused his own party of covering up the fact that Obama is a loser in the fall? Bill is quoted as saying, "Oh, this is so terrible: The people they want her. Oh, this is so terrible: She is winning the general election, and he is not. Oh my goodness, we have to cover this up."

Bill is right. Well, even a stopped clock is right twice per day. Hey Bill? When your party's Jimmy Carter led superdelegates officially kick Hillary to the curb, are YOU going to drive her home?

The Cars - Drive

Who knew that Benjamin Orr was singing about Hillary way back in 1984?:

Whos gonna tell you when
Its too late
Whos gonna tell you things
Arent so great
You cant go on
Thinking nothings wrong
Whos gonna drive you home tonight

Whos gonna pick you up
When you fall
Whos gonna hang it up
When you call
Whos gonna pay attention
To your dreams
Whos gonna plug their ears
When you scream

You cant go on
Thinking nothings wrong
Whos gonna drive you home tonight

Whos gonna hold you down
When you shake
Whos gonna come around
When you break

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Deee-troit! A happy memorable day

Monday is Memorial Day, but yesterday was a memorable day.

Pictured: My brother Snapper and I enjoy a cigar while waiting for the start of the baseball game in the Chelis Chili corral. Mr. & Mrs. Snapper invited Mr. & Mrs. DaBlade along to help them celebrate their 32nd wedding anniversary. Mrs. 'Blade had a great time, despite the fact that she is not a fan of baseball.

2:15PM: Begin the one hour-ish trek to Deeee-troit from Flint for the 7:05PM start of the Tigers game. Two other Dee-troit teams had playoff home games this night. The Red Wings hosted the Penguins in game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals, and the Pistons played the Celtics in game 3 of the Eastern Conference finals. Mercifully, The Dee-troit Lions were nowhere to be seen this night.

3:30PM: Parked in to the Greek Town Casino ramp and wound our way through the casino area making our way down to the street. Oh, the familiar sights and sounds of the casino - the blinking lights and bells from the slot machines - the folks pulling the handles, with sunken and hollow eyes and lost looks of despair - it was like a siren's song - trying to pull me in for "just a quick play or two at the Black Jack tables". But we were on a schedule, and if there is anything Mrs. 'Blade dislikes more than baseball, it's smoky casinos. Snap simply stated, "let me break even 'cuz I could really use the money!"

3:30-4PM: Walked along the store fronts of Greek Town. There were sidewalk artists and street corner musicians. Downtown was alive. We stopped at a diner to discuss dinner plans over a beer, and Mrs. 'Blade began throwing back her Peach Schnapps concoctions at an alarming rate.

4-5PM: We ate dinner in the upper loft of the New Parthenon Greek restaurant. Very nice! Started with an appetizer of Greek sausage and a plate of saganaki, which is flaming cheese that the waitor lights on fire at your table with a loud and drawn out "OOOOOOO_PPPPAH!". Main course included lamb chops, kebob, spinach pie, baked stuffed eggplant, grape leaves stuffed with something good... I liked (except for the fact that one of the armless Greek sculpture dudes seemed to be staring at me).

5-6:30PM: Short walk down Brush Ave. to Ford Field, with a left turn and one block walk to Chelis, where the beer was cold and the DJ was playing decent classic rock. Stayed there enjoying the beer, music, and cigars, watching the black-market ticket commerce. Very interesting.

7PM-2AM: Tiger baseball! Are you kidding me! 19 runs to 3 trouncing of Minnesota! We had great seats in right field and everyone cheered Magglio Ordonez wildly every time he took the field. He had a monster game. The fifth inning seemed to last for 4 hours, according to Mrs. 'Blade. A good 'ol fashioned butt whooping.

After the game, we made our way across the road to the Hockeytown Cafe with herds of other fans with the same idea, to watch the end of the hockey game. I never realized that they had a large screen with theatre style seating for just such an occasion. Awesome! Another Deee-troit administered butt whooping! SWEDE!

The walk back to the car took a little longer than necessary, as the Fox Theatre's large crowd of Color Purple goers all wanted to go the other way. One elderly man, dressed to the nines, asked me, "who won the game?" I told him that Tigers won 19-3, and the Wings won 4-0. "What about the Pistons?" Never mind.

Deee-troit was looking good last night!

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Is Hillary threatening to "pop a cap"?


"My husband did not wrap up the nomination in 1992 until he won the California primary somewhere in the middle of June, right? We all remember Bobby Kennedy was assassinated in June in California. I don't understand it," she said, dismissing calls to drop out.

So she is just sticking around in case Obama gets shot?

Also per the NYPost article:
Any comments about assassination and the primary contest are especially sensitive because Obama is the first African-American to advance so far in the race for the White House and he has faced threats, congressional sources have said.
Why "especially sensitive"? Are they suggesting that Obama is at a greater risk because he is black? (Well,he HAS faced threats!) And Hillary hasn't? What about President Bush? Is there a more hated and despised (by liberals and terrorists) person on the planet?

Hillary doesn't just stumble upon a subject so taboo by accident. It really is hard to believe that "the smartest woman in the world" would make this kind of slip. There is no doubt in my mind that this was a very carefully choreographed and strategic statement. Why not? Her campaign is in dire straits. She's desperate.

I believe there to be two major subliminal messages in Hillary's statement.

She is talking to the Obama supporters. She seems to be saying to them, "If you love Barack Obama, then SAVE HIM!. If you love Barack Obama, don't be selfish by voting for him and putting him at risk. If you really love him, then vote for me." I'm Hillary Clinton and I approve this message.

I believe the other subliminal message is directed at Obama himself. Hillary is issuing a thinly veiled threat to Obama. She seems to be saying to him, "Hey Barry! Don't make me go all Vince Foster on yo' a$$. You heard about my ex-boyfriend Vinny, haven't you? Drop out now Barry. Don't make me pop a cap in yo' a$$".

It's a lock box!

Now I'm not saying that I believe Hillary personally took out her ex-boyfriend Vinny, or that she hired some guy named Snake or Gillooly to do it for her. I'm not suggesting that Vince didn't commit suicide (as is the official ruling) then pre-pay to have someone move his own body to Fort Marcy Park to avoid a misunderstanding involving the Clintons. What I am saying is that there are a lot of questions about Foster's death, and Hillary is planting a seed in Barry's head to "watch his corners".

Many unfortunate things happen to individuals who have gotten in the way of the Clintons. Heck, even if they like you, it leaves a stain.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Youthful enthusiasm is not what we need now

McCain Sarcastic!, screams ABC News:
“I admire and respect Sen. Obama,” McCain said. “For a young man with very little experience, he’s done very well. I appreciate his very great lack of experience and knowledge of the issues. He’s been very successful... he does not have the knowledge, background or judgment to lead this nation in these difficult and challenging times."

Hey! Obama is just displaying "youthful enthusiasm". Isn't that all we need in a president? Who cares about substance when Obama has so much style! Obama is so dreamy! He is going to "talk" to that Ahk-ma-dena-dude from Iran, and all will be just peachy with the world! McCain is just an old crotchety curmudgeon!

(Disclaimer: This blog author believes Spongebob Squarepants to be a cartoon character of non-specific human racial attributes. The yellow skin tone of Spongebob is not meant in any way to insinuate that Obama's ideology is in lock step with Chinese communist founder, Mao Tse-tung. WARNING: Some hyper-sensitive "progressives" may find this blogger's comparison of Obama to Spongebob offensive and accuse blogger of sponge discrimination.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Somewhere over the rainbow

They bore me right now. The Onion does offer this "Nightmare" scenario:Obama, Clinton, McCain Join Forces To Form Nightmare Ticket

"For just one vote, citizens will get four years of McCain's brilliant temper, the incredible inexperience of Barack Obama, and the powerful two-headed monster of Hillary and Bill Clinton. It will be very exciting to see what they're capable of destroying."

Entertainment News: American Idol - Simon Cowell apologizes! *yawn*

Both contestants sang three songs on Tuesday night's showdown, and Simon clearly stated that Archuleta won by a knockout. The fan voting process was going to be just a formality because when "Simon says," people believe. (Pssst. Hillary. Cook's Idol victory last night proves that if Simon can be wrong, so can those pundits and polls. You keep going girl!)

I found the whole "Simon apology controversy" a little silly. Immediately prior to the results being announced, Simon apologized to Cook for being "disrespectful" and then changed his tune and stated that he didn't care who won.

A show of hands. How many out there believe that Simon had no idea what name was inside the envelope in Seacrest's hands? Anybody? Anybody? Bueller? Bueller? A little reputation rehabilitation going on here? Come on Simon! Man up! State your opinion but stick with it! Quit waffling! Leave that to the bloggers. I knew Cook would win all along.

In case you missed the winning performance, ENJOY!
I move away from the PC monitor to breathe in.

In other news: Weather
Thursday is golf day around these parts, so I am always interested in checking the latest updated weather forecast at It's going on June and the best I can hope for is the high 50's this evening? It's just like the environmental wackos. The absolute certaintly in global climate is that it is CONSTANTLY CHANGING. Yet Al and his gang of boobs have a 50/50 chance of predicting warming or cooling and still manage to screw it up.

Speaking of rain (?), the mystery of what is at the end of the rainbow has been solved... and I guess you could say there is a pot of gold at each end.
Left side:

Right side:

YES! Just made it...


Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Menudo-bama: your next American Idol?

The young, unvetted, and inexperienced candidate versus the "been around the block" wily veteran. Of course I am talking about last night's sing-off between 16-year-old David Archuleta and 25-year-old David Cook. Hey, maybe becoming the next American Idol isn't quite on the same level as becoming leader of the free world, but even Drudge saw the analogy with this splash - ELECTION NIGHT: 'IDOL' FINALE DETAILS...

I have gone on blog recently of my dislike for that squinty-eyed and grinning like an idiot kid (Yes, Obama fits here too, but I'm talking about Archuleta). I've predicted that Cook would spank this little pseudo-humble child Magoo, or so help me Sanjaya, I swore I'd never watch again!

It's not that the little punk can't sing. In fact, I would readily admit that the cadence, rythym, and tone of his voice is hypnotic. Just like Obama, every utterance out of little David's pie-hole is sweet nectar to the ears. But just like Obama, it's empty rhetoric that will never grace my 8-track car stereo. I don't buy what either Obama or little David are selling.

I will concede that, if given a choice between the two, the country would be in safer hands with Archuleta at the foreign policy wheel and Obama being the front man to the next Menudo.

The crowd of mostly pre-pubescent teens in the audience went crazy nuts before, during, and after little David's songs. There were high-pitched screams of adoration, with several star-struck gals holding up signs. One sign read "I NEED A PROM DATE". I was reminded of this scene:

And so it appears that "little d" and "little o" will win the nomination in their respective contests. (I predict) Archuleta will become the next American Idol in the Idol convention tonight, but fall flat in the general election (retail sales), getting out-sold by the second place Cook by a large margin. The deck is stacked. Even the superdelegates of Randy, Paula, and Simon heaped nothing but praise on the kid, afraid of the lash back from the enthusiastic, yet intellectually vacuous crowd.

Maybe I'm wrong and little d loses the Idol crown and Hillary gets the nod over little o in the Democrat race. Erin Carlson, AP writer, asks us to "Imagine all the people, voting against such a sweet, shy kid. Like kicking a puppy."

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


"This house... is clean"

The curse has been broken! I watched the series clinching victory of the Detroit Red Wings over the Dallas Stars on the big screen TV! (I had been self-banished to the bedroom 9" B&W TV when it became clear that my wide screen was cursed). When the Wings went up 3-0 in the series, I decided to chance it and this strategy almost backfired, as Dallas won the next two. But I stuck with the Big screen, refusing to "go into the light". The demons were finally chased away and it wasn't even close, as the winged wheelers dominated from the first drop of the puck. So it's back to the Stanley Cup Finals, where the Wings will face Pittsburgh and the boy wonder Sidney Crosby. Wings in 5.

But that's not all Deee-troit sports fans! It's the Pistons vs. Celtics in the Eastern Conference finals! I have a very strong dislike for Boston (probably a hangover memory from the "Bird stole the ball" days). Anyways, while the Pistons don't have any Swedes on the team, they have the next best thing. They have a "Sheed". Pistons in 6.

I haven't taken the time to compare the schedules to see if the Pistons and Red Wings play on the same night. Just my luck, I will have to constantly be switching channels between basketball, hockey, and dancing with the stars. Oh well. At least it will be in High Def!

Hey you peoples that aren't Deee-troit sports fans. Don't hate us because we are beautiful right now. Remember. We also have the Lions and Tigers in our town.

Speaking of the Tigers, did you catch the news? Tiger Woods will be putting on a clinic at Comerica Park on June 24, during the Buick Open time frame. It will be nice to see a Tiger succeed again in Comerica. Larry Peck, marketing manager for Buick golf, stated that, "the details of exactly what Woods will display haven't been finalized, but it's possible a limited-distance ball might be used for some of his shots." Well that must be the Deee-troit Tigers problem. They are playing with "a limited-distance ball."

Thanks to "MSgtEd" in Flint for this picture:

Monday, May 19, 2008

Genesee Towers new home for biogas plant?

Gang graffiti vandals STRIKE AGAIN!
Genesee Towers

Shena Abercrombie of TFJ writes:
FLINT, Michigan -- The saga continues over a downtown landmark now that a Genesee County judge has overturned an arbitrator's ruling that the city must pay millions of dollars to take over the dilapidated Genesee Towers... It reverses an earlier decision by... a former Genesee circuit judge, who ruled the city would have to pay more than $6 million to Genesee Towers owners... to take over the site.
Realestate values are dropping all over. Why should this building be any different? Not even gross mismanagement of this by "the Don" will save the owner this time. The only reason for the inflated value in the first ruling was because the "good" mayor's plan had backfired. Appears to me that he had twisted arms to have the city continue to value this building at $7 million for confiscatory tax purposes, hoping to leverage the owner into dumping the property prematurely at a cut rate. This strategy failed, when the earlier judge said, "hey, if the city says it's worth $7Mil, who am I to say differently?"

Meanwhile, "Genesee County's tallest building" (the second tallest I believe to be my backyard pole barn) has sat vacant for the last 10 years plus. Just left to decay and become an eyesore and another black eye for the city. Heck, even in my old Burton neighborhood, when a porcelain throne was retired to the front lawn (after serving it's primary responsibilities with honor) it was at least "prettied up" with a bloom of flowers in the bowl. I guess you can't put lipstick on a pig in a pantsuit.

So now the question becomes what to do with this building. Tear it down or retrofit it? If the building is salvageable, what should it be retrofitted as? Remember, this is Flint. How about the World's tallest Coney Island Restaurant (with a Halo Burger on the top University floor for the fancy customers)? Auto World II with the Tower of Terror thrill ride? Take the floors out and have about 30 first floor college dorm rooms that are 17-stories high?

I'm sure you agree that these are all great ideas. But I believe I may have come up with the game winner here ladies and gentlemen, but first let me tell you about a recent repeat episode I saw of the TV sitcom, Scrubs, titled "My Porcelain God". The hospital janitor installs an "epiphany toilet" on the roof "claiming that he can look at his life better than if he used a germ-infested stall in the building." It also affords a panoramic view of the city below, allowing for free thinking and problem solving - all while taking care of necessary business.

I think you can see where I'm going with this. Install an epiphany toilet on the roof of the Towers and make it available for use by downtown workers, city residents, and for the expected influx of tourists. Charge at the door, or allow monthly memberships. But wait! That's not all!

Might as well put the by-products of the epiphany toilet to good use and retrofit the Tower's innards with the Sweedish gizmo everybody is talking about.

Ron Fonger of TFJ writes:
The city and a Swedish company plan to turn the city's human waste stream into fuel for powering vehicles or generating electricity... the partnership... could make Flint a national leader in the biogas industry. The news comes as other fuel costs soar and worries over fossil fuels linger.
Fossil fuels to fecal fuel. A city's rebirth!

Genesee Eyesore Towers (Related story)

Brawl at Chuck's Place (UNRelated story) ("WE have no knowledge of either of these events," claims local golf league.)

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Saturday Smokin'

President Bush in Israel at the Knesset:

THE PRESIDENT: "Some seem to believe that they are not bound by laws. They feel that they are not held to common civility, decency, and manners, and that they can engage in chain-smoking cigarettes in smoke-free areas. We've seen this foolish elitism before. We have an obligation to call this what it is: the false comfort of nicotine addiction which has been repeatedly discredited by history." (applause)

BARACK OBAMA: "John McCain and President Bush are being dishonest and divisive. That's some politrickin' being played!"

NANCY PELOSI: "You know, we have a protocol, that we don't criticize the president when he is on foreign soil. We wait to do it when we are on foreign soil."

MEDIA REACTION: (reading democrat cue cards) "A deliberate attack", "An unprecedented political attack," "Bad form".

WHITE HOUSE REACTION: We were talking about Sean Penn illegally smoking at the Cannes film festival in France, not "Smokin' O".

Hmmm. Somebody a little defensive? The Kool-Aid drinking liberal democrats may buy your "bloated hands" defense, but we know who the gloves best fit.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Environ-wackos: "Good day sunshine"

Paul McCartney has single-handidly hastened the globe's slide into a fiery oblivion.

Proof that drug use has long lasting and devastating effects:
The former Beatle has long been an outspoken advocate of environmental causes and animal rights. He is a vegetarian who won't even wear leather shoes. But now he's being criticized for having a hybrid Japanese car flown to him in Britain rather than having it sent by ship...But environmentalists quickly pointed out that the use of a cargo plane to deliver the car to England completely offset any environmental gains resulting from the car's use.

Apparently, the cargo plain uses fuel equivalent to driving the car 300 times around the world. Environmentalists are angry that the car wasn't put on a boat. Last I knew, boats used fuel also. Unless they meant that the car should be sent from Japan on a canoe.

Hey Paulie! If we are going to burn to a crisp because of this cargo plane mishap, you might as well cheer up and sing!

I need to laugh, and when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about
I feel good, in a special way
I'm in love and it's a sunny day

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

(Beatle tune from '66)

Chris Farley: you remember when you were with The Beatles, and you were supposed to be dead, and, uh, there was all these clues, that, like, uh, you played some song backwards, and it'd say, like, "Paul Is Dead", and, uh, everyone thought that you were dead? That was, um, a hoax, right?

Paul McCartney: Yeah. I wasn't really dead.

Hey! Is that Al Gore in a hippy wig walking out of step in the above photo? I think someone's playing another hoax on us, and it isn't "awesome". McCartney is apparently already running on a full tank of B.S. That explains the funny smell from the tailpipe of his $158,000 Lexus.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Idol chit chat

If you're like me, every morning in the shower the detachable sprayer becomes your microphone, as you sing and mimic these awesome moves to the greatest song ever recorded! And if you're honest with me, then you like to cruise downtown with the windows down on your rusting 2000 Oldsmobile with the stereo up FULL BLAST just kicking it!

The incredulous looks I get from the sidewalkers is really humbling.
wish they were me.

I'm sorry about that. I don't really hate you, it's just that I'm not happy this morning. I feel... agitated. ornery. out-of-sorts. And I took it out on you. I don't know, maybe this crappy malaise is due to a lingering effect of Obama's visit to the "great 57th state" of Michigan yesterday, where he received a ringing endorsement from John Edwards (what a freakin' risk-taker, that Edwards. Nothing like waiting until it's obvious who will win the democrat nomination before throwing your full support behind them. Slimeball).

A gallon of gas at the pumps cresting over $4 per gallon yesterday hasn't helped brighten my mood either. If I had any discretionary income, I'd probably have to make tough decisions by cutting back on luxury items. Of course, I can't get by without my basic essentials (like golf, cigars, hair gel, balogna and thong underwear).

Nor did it help that the Detroit Red Wings finally lost to the Dallas Stars last night. I could blame this loss on the hard and disciplined play of the Stars. Or I could spew sour grapes by blaming the refs for being completely in the tank for the Stars last night, evidenced by the game's first goal by Datsyuk being erroneously waved off for goalie interferrence (more Swede prejudism against Holmstrom), thereby changing the pace and momentum of the game. No, I choose to correctly blame Monkeydarts for the Wings loss. You know why.

Maybe I'm bummed because the polar bear was just declared a threatened species because of "the global warmings". There is no doubt that this will be used by the socialists in this country who perpetuate the man-made global warming myth to further regulate carbon dioxide, thereby leading to economic collapse of capitalism, spreading to misery and dispair (your democrat platform, ladies and gentlemen). The real endangered species on the verge of extinction is the CONSERVATIVE Republican in the mold of the Great Ronald Reagan.

Or maybe I'm cranky because (Guilty pleasure admission alert) America voted and decided to boot Syesha Mercado off American Idol last night. This ticks me off, not so much because I enjoyed watching the beautiful Syesha (I did), but more because David Archuleta made the final cut. I hate this kid! All squinty-eyed and grinning like an idiot, with the "aw shucks" routine that has become more and more tiresome as the season progresses! Cook will beat him like a little toy drum next week, or so help me Sanjaya, I'll never watch again!

By the way, I switched to Idol during the intermission of the Wings game to watch the final tally. I turned back afterward and had missed the first 3 minutes of the third period and the goal by Zetterberg. He scored when I wasn't watching. Do you need more proof MD?

Wednesday, May 14, 2008


Rush is right when he says that Barack Obama is "Nothing new. He's Carter without the cardigan".

President Bush is right to worry about an Obama administration and his disasterous foreign policy eventually "leading to another attack on the United States".

I am right (I always am) when I say that Obama has the potential to be the absolute worst president in our nation's history (on the heels of one of our better ones)...

But Barack would also positively KILL doing standup. In fact, after watching this video, I believe that the presidential debates should use a ROAST format.

(Language Alert)

Obama Does Def Comedy Jam - Watch more free videos

ALMOST LIVE! FROM NEW YORK! John McCain will appear on Saturday Night Live this week. He's got his work cut out for him. ("B%&$* be politrickin'")

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


By writing about the Red Wings, I realize I am tempting fate and risk jinxing them. I can see the headlines in the Dallas Morning News now - ZETTERBERG ARRESTED FOR COW TIPPING. Or maybe - HOLMSTROM IN BODY CAST FROM FREAK SLIP AND FALL (caused by stepping on a cow pie). Something will go wrong. And apparently I'm blaming cows. I guess it's just a Texas association thing.

Why the paranoia? (the voices inside my head asks)

Because the topic of my last Red Wing post was Johan "Mule" Franzen after he scored the overtime game winner to put the Wings up 3 games to 2 over some team from Nashville in the first round.

Where is the Mule now? (that disembodied voice inquires sternly)

Funny you should ask. He is home nursing his groin.

That is Chauncey Billups of the Detroit Pistons who has the groin injury you fool. Franzen is out with a concussion suffered in the Colorado series. (that voice again! incessantly emanating from somewhere within my eminence!)

The point is, I post about Franzen and Franzen gets taken out. It's a "cause and effect" thing. Sure it didn't happen right away. In fact, Johan had a couple of hat tricks between my mention of him and his injury, but I set the clock ticking against him. The only reason the Red Wings are on the roll that they are is because I have been watching the games on the 9" B&W instead of the large flat screen (thanks to MonkeyDarts for pointing out that little "cause and effect")

The Red Wings performance has NOTHING to do with what TV you are watching! (Oh, evidently this voice in my head is not superstitious!)

Anyway... what we were discussing? Oh yah, the Wings. With their man-handling of the Stars in last night's 5-2 victory, they are up 3-0 for the series with a lock on going to the Stanley Cup Finals. Only two teams in NHL history ever have come back to win a series after trailing 3-0, hence the reason for my tempting fate by mentioning this. And the fact that Stars goalie Marty Turco has never beaten the Wings.

You're not going to mention Pavel Datsyuk's hat trick, and the fact that the answer to the question, "Ovechkin or Crosby?" is DATSYUK? (go haunt someone else! I had hoped to leave him out of this just in case!)

Too late. In my mind's eye I can see the Dallas newspaper's front page with the bold A1 splash - DATSYUK DEVELOPS MAD COW DISEASE.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Bush wedding: Missionary accomplished!

Jenna and Henry's wedding at the Bush family ranch in Crawford, Texas, went off with a hitch yesterday, and I dreamed I was there. It was a beautiful dream ceremony, other than a few minor disturbances. For example:

During seating prior to the wedding, Helen Thomas made a scene by whacking an usher with her purse for his refusal to seat her in the front row.

John McCain, originally seated on the bride's side of the church, kept getting up and crossing over to the other side of the aisle, at one point bumping into W as he escorted Jenna during the Wedding March. He was finally tethered to his chair so he wouldn't wander off.

Bush made quite a splash of his own, as he swaggered down the aisle in full formal flight suit regalia, complete with long tails that thankfully covered the butt cheeks that his chaps failed to.

The crowd murmured noticeable when the groom's "best man" appeared by his side at the start and was recognized to be none other than Mary Cheney.

Those expecting fireworks, what with the "good" reverend Jeremiah Wright officiating, left disappointed. No "God $#%& America" or "chickens coming home to roost" in his entire sermon.

There was one tense moment, however, when reverend Wright followed his script and got to the traditional part of the ceremony where he stated, "speak now or forever hold your peace." Several things happened at once. Thinking that Wright was challenging his Second Amendment rights to hold his "piece", Cheney stood while simultaneously pulling out his hunting rifle from beneath his tuxedo and let go with a volley of buckshot into the air; John Kerry took this as an invitation to stand and loudly declare that he was "in Vietnam"; while secret service scurried to restore order.

The ceremony had a strange conclusion as Wright prounced Henry and Jenna "man and wife," and only the right side of the church stood and applauded.

At this point, first lady Laura Bush reminded her husband not to forget to "throw Rice" at the happy couple as they exited the church. Doctors report that Condeleeza is expected to make a full recovery.

During the reception, German chancellor Angela Merkel remarked on the beautiful wedding dress worn by Jenna. Mis-remembering an earlier conversation between mother and daughter on this topic, W winked at Merkel and confidently declared that no expense was spared as the dress was designed by none other than "Oscar de la Hoya". Laura immediately corrected him by stating "La Renta". W furrowed his brow at this and said, "A rental? While I appreciate the frugalification, couldn't we afford to buy it for her," as Merkel slowly backed away.

A confused cindy sheehan set up a pup tent outside the boundaries of the crawford ranch wedding site to protest the wedding all alone. W rode out on horseback to take her a piece of wedding cake.

And then the band played. Al Gore was spotted doing "the robot", Nancy Pelosi led the crowd in the chicken dance, and Karl "M.C." Rove was the life of the party, as he danced and rapped to the hokee pokee.

Dick Cheney was also over-served, as evidenced by his prank 3 A.M. phonecall to Senator Clinton, where he asked, "Do you have prince John Edwards in a can?"

George 41 wouldn't give Dick his car keys at the end of the party and insisted he accept a driver. An inebriated Cheney responded by slurring, "Read my lips, no new taxis". At this point, an unamused Barbara put Cheney in a headlock and threw him out the front door.

This is where I awoke. So congratulations to the happy couple. Missionary accomplished!

Late-Night Political Jokes

"Best wishes to President Bush's daughter, Jenna. She's getting married this weekend. I understand both John McCain and Dick Cheney will attend. That way they'll have something old and something blue." --Jay Leno

"Hey, you know who is getting married this weekend? One of the Bush sisters. Jenna Bush is getting married this weekend at her father's place in Crawford, Texas. And this is no surprise: the $2 billion ice sculpture contract went to Halliburton." --David Letterman

"But it's a big deal. I mean, when there's a family wedding, I mean, it's great, isn't it? Everybody gets in the big family wedding spirit, and everybody is helping out with the big Jenna Bush wedding. As a matter of fact right now, right now, Dick Cheney is waterboarding the groom." --David Letterman

Friday, May 9, 2008

Obama is a "cockadoodie!"

You've already heard about Hillary's comments in a USA Today interview where she makes the claim of having broader appeal and cited an AP article that "found how Senator Obama’s support among working, hard-working Americans, white Americans, is weakening again, and how whites in both states who had not completed college were supporting me.”

What is Hillary up to?

Is this a last gasp effort to keep her campaign alive, or is this a scorched earth policy?

Annie Hillary...
"Whatever you're thinking about doing,
please don't do it."

My guess is on the later, and that she grudgingly accepts that Obama will get the nod this go-around. I buy into the theory that she thinks the presidential "throne" is her destiny, and her best chance now lies in 2012 on the heels of a McCain first term. Of course, to get there from here is the tricky part. She has to hobble Obama (that "cockadoodie!") prior to her dropping out of the race, then act like she is his "number one fan" by half-heartedly campaigning on his behalf.

"Misery" loves company.

Charles Krauthammer-ed the nail on the head (or the foot on the ankle) in his latest piece where he makes the point that Hillary has finally figured out a winning strategy to beat Obama, but "it's too late". He writes:
It wasn’t until late in the fourth quarter that she figured out the seam in Obama’s defense. In fact, Obama handed her the playbook with Jeremiah Wright, William Ayers, Michelle Obama’s comments about never having been proud of America, and Obama’s own guns-and-God condescension toward small-town whites.

The line of attack is clear: not that Obama is himself radical or unpatriotic, just that, as a man of the academic Left, he is so out of touch with everyday America that he could move so easily and untroubled in such extreme company and among such alien and elitist sentiments.
Makes sense to me. She can't beat Obama by trying to draw distinctions in ideology and policy (one zebra looks like another) but she can whip him on the cultural front (Wow. Did I really just type that?). Her old strategy was a contest of "cult of personality" that favored Obama. The too-late winning strategy is sort of a "culture of personality", which Hillary only wins by comparison with this guy.

Hey Hillary. You can't call a time-out when you don't have any left!

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Hillary exit strategy

My Hillary exit strategy advice
Apparently she is not taking the hint.

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton lent her presidential campaign another $6.4 million over the past month, adding to the millions she has lent herself this year.

I wonder what kind of interest she is paying herself. WAIT A MINUTE! Could this be the reason she is staying in the game?

"Ah! It's a profit deal! Takes the pressure off!... Take a chance and win some crap!" (Navin Johnson epiphany again)

Dennis Miller advises Barack Obama not to select Hillary as his running mate on the basis of the above AP photo: "I would never have Bill Clinton over my shoulder. I haven't seen a guy that florid... He looked like an albino at spring break," Miller quipped.

Rush Limbaugh attempts to read Bill's mind in this picture. "There have been 43 presidents of the United States. Forty-three. And I, I'm the first damn one of them whose wife wanted the damn job, too; and I gotta sit there and act like, 'Whoa, that's great, honey! What can I do to help you?' This woman has been trying to take over every day of my life!"

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Split the wacko vote!

"I'm still in the race, and I'm — I'm a candidate. We only have a couple more primaries left. And we want to maximize our influence... (Is it over?) Well, yes, he has the votes, so it's — in that way, it is, but it's not over until it's over."

Hillary Clinton, after yesterday's primary debacle you say? Nope. That's Ron Paul being interviewed by Neil Cavuto on why he is staying in the race. Paul hints that he would be more likely to vote for the democrat nominee than for McCain because "Their rhetoric is slightly better". Maybe Hillary and Ron will eventually break out and form a third-party team to split the wacko vote.

One can dream, can't one?

Meanwhile, from Eyeblast TV, take another look at the eventual Democrat nominee (Via

Video: Eyeblast TV Creates - ‘A Video Portrait Of Barack Hussein Obama’ - This 13 minute video is a compilation of the absurdity that defines the left and the sad state of affairs of those that march in lock-step with the uninformed masses that bow to the altar of the new “Rock Star, Obama.”

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Wilson the volleyball leads in Dem polls

Did you hear that actor Tom Hanks just endorsed Barack Obama for president? He thinks "Wilson" should be his running mate. Ba-dum-bum!

If you ask me, the bloody volleyball should front that ticket. Hanks is a fine actor but there is no question he would lose to "Wilson" in a solo game of mental tetherball.

Hanks is just the latest celebrity to jump on his bandwagon. He joins Oprah Winfrey and Bruce Springsteen (along with racist reverend Jeremiah Wright and terrorist Bill Ayers). This is not a collection of mental giants, to say the least. I picture this group prancing down a yellow brick road towards Oz, a utopic society promised by the Wizard of "Hope" and "Change". A place where there is no George Bush; a place where the government takes care of everybody; a place where no one has guns and war is declared illegal and we all lived in peace eating tofu; a place where their guilt is assuaged; a place where none of the daughters are "burdened" with children... on and on ad-infinitum (and ad-naseum, and other French words that presently escape me).

Springstein would be the Scarecrow, loveable in his dimwitedness. Instead of Oprah singing "Over the Rainbow" as Dorothy, The Boss sings a different soundtrack themesong as they scamper down the golden bricks toward the Promised Land... "Cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run."

I'll cast the "good" reverend Wright as the Tin Man. Not a whole lot of heart for a supposed man of God. Bill Ayers is the perfect fit for the Cowardly Lion. If anything, "coward" is too nice to describe this POS. How he can walk around a free man stepping on Old Glory is beyond my me.

Hmmm. Let's see. Pelosi as the Wicked Witch. For Munchkins (think BIG HEAD ON LITTLE BODY popping up along the roadside) I have Ted Kennedy, Howard Dean, Al Gore, John Kerry, John Edwards, ahh heck... let's not leave out anybody - throw in the entire democrat side of the aisle. (I suddenly have an urge to play Wack-a-mole!)

This could be a multi-million dollar budgeted motion picture directed by Oliver Stone, and they could use every opportunity to bash Bush and the war on terror. Of course, virtually no one would pay to go see this thing, but that hasn't stopped Hollywood yet.

I guess that leaves an open role to cast for Toto. Any ideas out there?

Monday, May 5, 2008

The Bridges to the Denver Convention

Hillary appeared on ABC's This Week with George Stephanopoulos, where he: "pointed out that radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh has encouraged Republicans to vote for Clinton to divide the Democratic Party, prompting one of the lighter moments of the show. He's always had a crush on me, Clinton said, as the room of about 200 people erupted into laughter.

Now, just in time for the summer motion picture season... a sure-fire blockbuster sequel to The Bridges of Madison County. Make way for The Bridges to the Denver Convention.

While her husband Bill and daughter Chelsea are away campaigning on her behalf at some flyover state fair in the Summer of 2008, Rush Limbaugh happens upon the Hillary Clinton in the local cigar shop and asks her for directions to her campaign headquarters. Rush explains that he is on a self-appointed special assignment from his EIB command headquarters to make a contribution to her campaign. He explained that it was all part of his Operation Chaos, a brilliantly conceived and flawlessly executed strategery to keep her campaign alive, thereby throwing the Democrats in turmoil. She agrees to show him to her campaign HQ (as she never met a contribution that she could refuse) and thus begins the bittersweet and all-too-brief romance of her life. Alas, it was over all to quickly for her, as they returned to their separate lives. She writes it all down in her 3-volume diary. Her favorite memory was how Rush would tell her, "I can make you feel like a real woman," as he unbuttoned his shirt. "Once Rush removed his shirt, I knew I was in the presence of A REAL MAN, as he threw it at my feet and stated, 'iron it'," she wrote lovingly.

"This is the story of love that happens just once in a lifetime -- if you're lucky"...

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Rush helps carry Hillary around the bases

It is a fact that Republicans are crossing Over to vote in the Democratic primaries in large numbers. However, the question being asked is: Is this a show of sportsmanship, like what was on display in the girls softball game last week between Western Oregon and Central Washington University, or is this a case of "mischief-making"?

LARRY ROHTER of the NY Times writes:
Since the start of the primary and caucus season in January, Republican voters have been crossing over in increasing numbers to vote in Democratic contests — supplying up to 10 percent of the vote in states that allow such crossover voting — and they are expected to play a pivotal role in the fiercely contested primary here. What is less clear, however, is the motivation for their behavior: are they genuinely attracted by the two Democratic candidates? Or are they mischief-making spoilers, looking to prolong a divisive Democratic fight or support a candidate Mr. McCain can beat in November?
Is this a rhetardical (sic) question?

Remember way back when Hillary Clinton was the presumptive nominee and everybody was just waiting for the time to corronate her? And then remember when the messianic Barack Obama won the Iowa primaries handily on the "style over substance" message of "Hope" and "Change", vaulting him into a seemingly insurmountable lead? And remember when Rush Limbaugh and his Operation Chaos helped throw the Democratic party into turmoil by ressurecting Hillary's campaign and allowing voters a chance to find out who Barack Obama really is? Wasn't that awesome!? Did you see Die Hard?

Yes, Chris, I saw the movie Die Hard, and yes it was awesome!

Some would say that Hillary is metaphorically walking barefoot on the broken glass of her own campaign and the delegate count is against her. But the longer she stays in the fight, the more obvious it becomes that Obama is a far far left socialist with no experience or clue. The Democrats are now realizing that they have two worthless candidates, and they are pretty much stuck with giving the nod to Barack Obama when all is said and done. Hopefully, this won't happen until the August convention in Denver, allowing for more blood to spill on the floor. The fact is, Obama is unelectable (even against McCain).

All I can say to that is "Yippee-kay-aye!"

Filly euthanized after 2nd-place finish

"Is this what our country has come to!," thought I, as I read that headline. Just because she finished second in Guam?! "It was only by 7 votes for Rush sakes!"

Then I realized the headline referred to the tragic ending for Eight Belles, runner-up in yesterday's Kentucky Derby. This horse broke both front legs during the post-race slowdown, a death sentence for any horse with just such a devastating inury.

Much "political hay" is being made out of the fact that Hillary had picked this horse to "win, place, and show", while Obama had picked Colonel John to win, Pyro to place, and the eventual winner Big Brown to show.

Are the Clintons treating Obama like a lawn jockey by leveraging this "country's latent racism against this incredible man", or did I just throw that in at the last minute in keeping with the horse theme? (dang. I feel soiled just typing that. But as Steve Martin used to say, "comedy is not pretty")

Friday, May 2, 2008

An "Odds and Ends" Friday

(From Cartman)
A classic clip of Ma and Pa Kettle, or an early Bill O'reilly interview of Bill and Hillary Clinton explaining their tax policy.


Dave Barry blogs this NFL DRAFT UPDATE- In the 832nd round, the Dolphins have selected Amy Winehouse. Great! Lions miss out once again. Winehouse would definitely be an upgrade to their offensive line. They still have a shot at Supreme Court Justice, Ruth Bader Ginsburg in the next round. Who would you like to see the Lions select? Just about anything would be an improvement. Even animated and moody watermelons and assorted vegetabeles (courtesy of channelfrederator).

Lastely, from "You The Man Now Dog," Is this the Greatest Game Intro EVER?

Wait for it... wait for it...

Thursday, May 1, 2008


"Good Lord - I've heard about this - cat juggling! Stop! Stop! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Good. Father, could there be a god that would let this happen?"

The title of this post was a line from Navin Johnson, Steve Martin's character in The Jerk. If you didn't know that already, then we have nothing more to say to each other. Turn off your computer immediately and go rent this movie. Watch it repeatedly until you can rattle off "everything between the Chicklets and the erasers".

My post from yesterday dealt with Constitutional law, so obviously I quoted from commedian Steve Martin. Actually, it reminded me of my idolatry of Martin in the 70's and 80's. I used to go through the TV guide every week to find all of his appearances, from Johnny Carson to SNL to various talk shows. I bought all his albums (still have them) and have seen all of his movies ad-infinitum. I have also read all of his books. His latest, Born Standing Up: A Comic's Life, is a must-read for any like-minded arrowheads.

So far so good. I'd be willing to bet that most of you have, at one time or another, worshipped a particular athlete or celebrity. You hung on their every word or game stat, am I right? Well, were you ever chased out of a crowded theatre carrying the life-sized promotional cardboard cutout of your idol, narrowly escaping the parking lot on two squealing tires? And did this cardboard likeness stand proudly in your bedroom in the basement of your parent's home until you had to begrudgingly let it go when you got married, because that BIOOOOOTCH said, "Your not keeping that ridiculous thing in our apartment!"?... No?

Sorry. I guess there are still some bitterness issues I'm dealing with. I thought those scars had healed.

Anyway, this was not a case of unrequited love. Many of my other close friends may be surprised to learn that Steve Martin and I used to be pen pals. (I don't like to brag or draw attention to myself). OK, so the term "pen pals" may not be 100% accurate, since we didn't write back and forth. Mostly I wrote. However, I think he finally recognized that we were kindred spirits, and he answered with a personal letter. I have kept it safely tucked away and share it now with you. It still moistens the corners of my eyes to think that he had one of his numerous handlers take the time to do this for me *sniff*...