Imagine you are an unattached Georgetown University male philosophy major and it's 2 minutes before 2AM, closing time at the local watering hole. The only females left in the bar are a table of women's rights activists. Think "Star Wars Cantina" bar scene. You decide to approach the only one at the table not sporting a mustache thicker than yours. While she's not exactly a beauty, the lighting is dim and you are wearing very expensive beer goggles.
Before you make your approach, you take out your wallet and are relieved to feel the circled indentation of a condom. You pop your collar and congratulate yourself for being responsible and ready to engage in casual and possibly consensual "safe sex". As you stagger towards the table, you recognize the identity of your target of lust. It's none other than Sandra Fluke.
She makes eye contact with you, reaches into her purse and thrusts a red ticket dispenser in your direction.
"Take a number," she orders.
What should you do?
As a philosophy student, you've wrestled with the most perplexing questions that have haunted man since the beginning of time. Does a tree falling in an empty forest make any noise? Does a bear truly defecate in these same woods? And now, possibly the greatest philosophical question in the modern day:
If a student can afford tuition to attend Georgetown University, how massive must be the quantity of sex to cause this same student to go broke buying contraceptives?
Wilt Chamberlain laid claim to having relations with 20,000 women during his NBA career. He stated that he once had 23 women in 10 days. Even at this rate, and considering the retail cost of contraception, Wilt couldn't have kept pace.
The solipsist might say pain is needed to appreciate pleasure, but surely he has never met Miss Fluke.
It's now 2AM, and bar patrons are being herded towards the door. If you are to proceed, you realize you will need to take extra precautions in order to satisfy your personal "safe sex" requirement. You tally the cost of these extra precautions in your head.
First, as the lights come on, you quickly realize you're going to need more beer.
Additional beer cost: $How much you got boy?
Next, you realize you would need something to do while waiting in line.
New Phone APP cost: $0.99
Hey, you believe her and you don't want to get lost!
spelunking equipment cost: $150
In case of spelunking equipment failure...
GPS wrist band locator: $1,350
This pocket condom ain't gonna cut it with this chick.
These suits can cost anywhere from $4,000 - $10,000 each, and may need to be disposed of after one use, depending upon what they were exposed to and how contaminated they are.
Cost of going back to your dorm room alone to listen to the latest Rush Limbaugh podcast:
Well Ok then, One More Chet Before We Change Channels. -
3 hours ago