In a surprise move by Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney, he has announced his long anticipated decision on a running mate, and it is none other than Brad Pitt's mother, Jane.
"She is obviously much better prepared and has more experience to govern than our current president," said Romney. “I’m not proposing anything radical here. It's not like I'm proposing job-killing, dependency expanding tax hikes that will only fund the government for a little over a week, Mitt argued. “Nothing radical here.”
Jane Pitt's selection comes on the heels of controversy, as there was a firestorm of criticism over her recent public criticism of Obama.
“I think any Christian should spend much time in prayer before refusing to vote for a family man with high morals, business experience, who is against abortion and shares Christian conviction concerning homosexuality just because he is a Mormon.”
Pitt went on to say, “Any Christian who does not vote or writes in a name is casting a vote for Romney’s opponent, Barack Hussein Obama – a man who sat in Jeremiah Wright’s church for years, did not hold a public ceremony to mark the National Day of Prayer and is a liberal who supports the killing of unborn babies and same-sex marriage.”
Jane told this reporter that Mitt and she would wear vials of each other's blood around their necks during the campaign in a show of solidarity. "Really?" I asked. "No, not really," stated Pitt. "That would be retarded."
When NJ Governor, Chris Christie heard the news, he was a little disappointed. "My phone rang and I saw it was Mitt calling. I obviously thought he was going to select me as his VP. Instead, he just wanted to borrow a spare belt to fix his bus or something."
So far, Jon Voight has refused any future Romney cabinet positions, but does promise to kick any godless libs asses if they even get near his daughter's mother-in-law, as they have threatened.