A page from my high school yearbook. I look so young here!
Senior class at Comedy Prop Prep
The ringing phone woke me from my alcohol-induced slumber at 9AM this morning.
*Riiiiinngg!*... *Riiiiinngg!*... *Riiiiinngg!*...
I gave the plastic winder on the side of my jaw a couple clockwise turns to set my perfectly aligned and sparkling white Teeth a Chatterin' and picked up the receiver.
"Hello?," I chattered.
"What do you want Whoopee Cushion? This better be good, waking me at this hour."
"Good morning to you too Chattering Teeth! Did you see the *pfffft* news yet this morning?"
"No. I believe I already mentioned the fact that you woke me up. I got in late last night. Me and the Mrs. went to the local Speak Easy and chattered and danced the night away. My teeth are still sore. *Clack, clack, clack*
"How is Joy Buzzer, still shockingly gorgeous? I still can't believe you convinced her to put her battery-operated and carefully concealed ring on your finger. *Pfffft! *BLLLAPP!*"
"She's sleeping. Probably still a little buzzed. What's up? What news were you referring too? *Clack, clack, clack*"
"Some high school students in California sent Camilla up to the top of the atmosphere on board a suborbital helium balloon! *"Pffffft!* Go check it out bro! I'll call ya back, but first I'm gonna fill up on some helium. *BLLLAPP!*"
"Helium? Wha...? Nevermind. He hung up."
Now I should tell you that Camilla was the Rubber Chicken that Whoopee Cushion and I went to high school with at Comedy Props Prep. Whoopee Cushion had a crush on her back then (he still does, if I read his flatulence right), but Camilla was rubbernecking with Wooden Mallet back in those days. I hear they broke up in college when Woody changed his name to "Sledge-O-Matic" and got mixed up using bad watermelon with some dude named Gallagher. Nobody has heard from him since. If Rubber Chicken would have had half a brain, she would have just sat on Whoopee Cushion.
So I hung up the phone and jumped onto the information highway, quickly finding the news story Whoopee had steered me to.
The latest from NASA: Rubber Chicken (Camilla) Flies into Solar Radiation Storm
According to the story, Camilla didn't technically make it into space, but at an altitude of 120,000 feet, she was 99% of the way there. Apparently, she was the subject of an experiment where she was equipped with sensors to measure radiation from high-energy solar protons she was exposed to at point-blank range.
As I watched the video, I couldn't help but wonder if the old saying was true, that "In space, no one can hear you cluck". This balloon ride might only be One small flight for a rubber chicken, but it is one giant leap for comedy props. While science still can't provide an answer to the age-old question: Why did the chicken cross the road?" They certainly can shed light on why the chicken crossed the stratosphere. To get bombarded with radiation, of course.
OK, so those were pretty lame observations I know, but my palate is still pounding from last night. *clack* *clack*
Us Comedy Props take a certain pride when one of our own makes it big. You might be thinking that getting strapped to a high altitude balloon during a solar storm is not your idea of "making it big". What can I chatter? It's what we are made for. Human's amusement. Our kind has come too far since the days when we were discriminated against, when no self-respecting comedian would get caught dead using a comedy prop. Things got better for a short time when Arrow Through the Head and Bunny Ears made the big time! They haven't been spotted in public for many years now, and rumor has it they are wasting away their retirement years in Steve Martin's sock drawer.
As for me, I'm happy to be partnered up with this conservative blogger fella. He keeps me amused.
More About The Swamp - *It's not a swamp. It's a cesspool!* In spite of their length, please watch these two videos from December 13, 2017 hearings in the House of Representative...
3 hours ago