Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Hello, this is your friendly ObamaCare Navigator, how may I assist you?

From "our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred Honor" to "Our Obamafones, our free contraceptives, and our EBTs" -  a 200+ year journey

**RING** **RING** **RING**
WELCOME TO THE OBAMACARE HELP DESK. THIS CALL IS BEING MONITORED FOR QUALITY CONTROL PURPOSES, AND POTENTIAL IRS TARGETING. TO CONTINUE TO AN OBAMACARE NAVIGATOR, PRESS 1 FOR SPANISH PRESS 2 FOR FARSI PRESS 3 FOR MANDARIN PRESS 4 FOR LATIN PRESS 5 FOR PUNJABI PRESS 6 FOR NAVAJO... (20 MINUTES LATER) PRESS 666 FOR ENGLISH


Oops: MSNBC Anchor Can’t Access Obamacare Exchange

After failing to log in to the Obamacare Exchange web portal, MSNBC’s Mara Schiavocampo then called the help desk and was put on hold for 35 minutes trying to reach a Navigator.

“If I were signing up for myself, this is where my patience would be exhausted,” Schiavocampo said before she gave up.

OK, so there were a few "glitches" on Day One, but Castro didn't build the utopic Cuban health care system overnight. (just ask any Cuban refugee rubber raft immigrant) In fact, this is good news. Employment figures are sure to improve as Obama ramps up the public sector Navigator jobs. All we need is a swelling bureaucracy to meet the demand.

Remember, the reason so many were having problems getting through was because the lines were being tied up by millions of Obama voters. Let's listen in to some of these calls...

NAVIGATOR: Hello, this is Al-Shabab, and I'll be your Obamacare Customer Care Navigator Representative today. First, we need to set up you account. In case you lose your password "KENYANMALL", we ask some security questions. Therefore, I am going to ask you a series of questions about Islam that any good Muslim would know. I hope you know the answers or things could go very badly for you.


ObamaBot1: Yo, check dis out. I went in to order seven McDoubles and one McChicken and one fry, but when I got to my truck and I got ready to leave, I looked in my bag and come to find out I only had six McDoubles.

**RING** **RING** **RING**

NAVIGATOR: Help desk, what's your emergency?
OBAMAFONE LADY: ...CLEVELAND HEIGHTS, YOU CAN RUN AROUND OUTSIDE BUCK NEKKID! I need more Obama Phone minutes!

**CLICK**

Meanwhile, the Giant Pandas from the National Zoo have escaped and are still at large, and no bamboo shoot is safe. Mei Xiang and Tian Tian's escape was made possible due to the Republican-led government shut down. No funding, no Panda Cams, PROOF that the lack of constant surveillance can be dangerous. How was this considered non essential?! Thanks Tea Party!

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