Border Folly

Please to excuse me , oh infidel rancher on the great satan side of the border. I am sure I left my prayer rug and Islamic literature in your barn after sneaking in with a legion of my terrorist friends hidden within your ongoing open border surge. Please to help me find it before I keeeel you?

 Is it brown with white markings on it and smell like camel piss?

No, no, no. It is more green with beautiful fringe and off white Islamic markings, praise be to Allah.

 Nope. Haven't seen it.

 I must have it immediately before prayer for your destruction, then off to shoot pool with your president. If I don't have it, what am I to press my forehead to?

I have that covered. Ahkmed, meet my friend Remington.