Monday, February 23, 2009

The Following Takes Place Between 6pm and 7pm

The search for Dubaku continues for Jack Bauer during happy hour in a popular Manhattan bar.
The tabloids paint Kiefer Sutherland as a wealthy industrialist, playboy, and philanthropist... errr... Wait! That's Bruce Wayne's bio. Keifer, Jack Bauer's alter-ego, is supposed to be some kind of drunk and spoiled Hollywood actor who only cares about himself. Yah, right! As if! What is it about the term UN-DER-CO-VER that you don't get doofuseses...es!?
The 42-year-old actor, who plays Jack Bauer on the hit FOX-TV show 24, appeared "wasted" when he arrived at the popular Manhattan bar Peter Dillon's with friends on Feb. 12, the eyewitness told The ENQUIRER.

"He initially was soft-spoken, mellow and pleasant," said the eyewitness. "He was ordering Maker's Mark whiskey cocktails and was even posing for some pictures."

But it wasn't long before Kiefer, who has admitted to having a drinking problem, ran into trouble. According to the eyewitness, Kiefer exploded after another patron near the pool tables said something to the actor - and the two ended up in a pushing and shoving match.

"Pals had to hold Kiefer back from decking the guy," continued the eyewitness. "After the incident, Kiefer appeared disheveled and drunk and had to be helped out.

"He tripped twice on his way out the door, but was apologizing for his actions."

Kiefer grabbed a $20 bill from his pocket to leave as a tip and tried to throw it onto the bar as he left.

"But he was so wasted, he flung the bill and it landed nowhere near the bar," said the eyewitness.
Jack's pals had to hold him back from pummeling some terrorist as they helped him out of the war zone (Tony Almeida and Bill Buchanan no doubt), with Chloe O'Brian running the operation from a lap top in the parking lot. Being a true hero and man of honor, Jack pays the pool shark for his whispered tip of Dubaku's location by feigning like a drunk tipping the bartender as they hustle out the door.

Instead of getting the credit he deserves, Jack is shunned and treated like a pariah. Instead of decorations and awards, he is brought up on charges and forced to testify in front of congress and APOLOGIZE for keeping THEM safe! And does the MSM report the truth? Noooo! All we hear is that Keifer the playboy is in trouble again.

*sigh*

The sacrifices this man continues to make for his country are staggering.

5 comments:

RightKlik said...

heroes are always misunderstood

Yehudi said...

No worries, though...he'll be sobered up in time to save the world again! If I believed in reincarnation, I'd want to come back as Jack Bauer.

Pasadena Closet Conservative said...

I have missed the last two seasons. Gotta catch on NetFlix.

cube said...

Maybe instead of saving the world, he should concentrate on saving himself.

DaBlade said...

Hey, we have to have a vice or two, right? Or three. How about Four? Four! Can I get an amen on five?