Saturday, January 31, 2015

Did Alabama Trucker really perform own Root Canal on Route I-20?

This may shock some of my blog readers, but I am aware I have been accused of making stuff up in the past.  The veracity of my content disseminated, questioned and scrutinized.  As if my every utterance is suspect unless independently corroborated by trusted sources... to which I say, "Hey, you married me woman!!"

But you, dear blog readers, know that I am not just "Choppin' Broccoli" here in the spacious Chattering Teeth Studios. You know I take my responsibility of bringing you "the rest of the story" seriously.

Some have questioned my investigative techniques of cruising the seedier parts of Flintown in the middle of the night, but you'd be surprised what people are WILLING TO TELL ME for just a LITTLE INCENTIVE. And by "people" I mean inexpensive hookers, and by "incentive" I mean bottles of cheap cookin wine.

But I don't want to give away ALL of my BLOG SECRETS or you would question your reason for coming here (and if you've gotten this far, it's a question I imagine you have already asked yourself repeatedly by now).

And that's the memo. Now for today's top story.

Crash on interstate caused by trucker pulling his tooth

TUSCALOOSA, Ala. (AP) - Alabama authorities say a tractor-trailer crashed on Interstate 20 because the driver lost control while he was pulling one of his teeth.

The Alabama Highway Patrol says the truck driver told troopers he had taken his hands off the wheel to pull a loose tooth when he wrecked near Tuscaloosa. The crash report states: "He had the tooth in his shirt pocket as proof."

The tractor-trailer veered off I-20 into a ditch late Sunday and smashed into a tree. The crash shut down a stretch of interstate for about 11 hours until a single lane reopened Monday morning.

Authorities say the 57-year-old driver wasn't seriously hurt.


I may have been born and fallen out the back of a turnip truck at night, but my momma didn't raise no vegetable! 

I'm calling "B.S." on this story and suspect the illoominazis are behind this complete fabrication. While I still don't have a clue as to their motivation, tonight's excursion with my finest cooking sherry should produce inroads on that topic for later consumption (if there's any sherry left).

As for now, here are THE FACTS that I believe make this story a "FALSE FLAG":

#1) We have a trucker performing a dental extraction on his own loose tooth and causing an accident, right? In TUSCALOOSA? Really? Tusk-a-loose-a? "TUSK", as in an elongated, continuously growing front tooth that protrudes well beyond the mouth and most commonly found on certain mammals like elephants, walruses and southern hillbilly truckers? Tusk-a-loose-a? Are you illoominazis even trying to scare us anymore?

#2) We are supposed to believe the driver lost control while he was pulling ONE OF HIS TEETH. Right. A 57-year-old Alabama trucker with more than one tooth? Well smear my ears with honey and tie me to an ant hill!

#3) And then this: "He had the tooth in his shirt pocket as proof." A SHIRT and a POCKET? What, the tooth didn't get caught up in the collar or silk necktie of this trucker?

PLEASE! *blogmaster swigs cooking sherry* 
I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

5 comments:

Shang Kwon said...

That pesky Obamacare.

cube said...

For her freshman year, my youngest went to the University of Alabama, an oxymoron right there ;) I'm not surprised about anything I hear about Bamalamans.

Ed Bonderenka said...

What did Josh Earnest have to say about it?
I'll believe the opposite.

DaBlade said...

Nice one Shang! Where's the outrage against obamacare, now that working class truckers have to perform their own dental work? The next step is that YOU will have to see this trucker for cleanings because the real dentists will be gone.

cube, Only her freshman year? and Bamalamans... I like that! Just so u know, no actual Bamalamans were injured in the making of this blog post.

Ed, so far the admin is suspiciously quiet on this story, but I like your strategy.

cube said...

I made up the word 'Bamalaman' to torment my daughter whenever she used words like 'ya'll' and 'sweet tea'.