Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Obama's Iranian Crap Sandwich


The GOP presidential candidates stopped over to the Chattering Teeth Studios today to watch the obama news conference concerning the Iran nuke deal on my 21" big screen TV.


OBAMA: After two years of negotiations, I have achieved something that decades of animosity has not...

Ted Cruz: We know. Complete and utter surrender to the axis of evil.

OBAMA: ...This deal is also in line with a tradition of American leadership. It’s now more than 50 years since President Kennedy stood before the American people and said...

Rick Perry: Look Jacqueline, a book depository!

Rick Santorum: Is it just me, or does the Vice President look like he had a bad burrito for lunch?

Marco Rubio: Joe definitely looks like he's late for an appointment to drop the obama kids off at the pool.

John Kasich: Quiet guys! I want to hear this!

OBAMA:  ...this deal is not built on trust. It is built on verification. ...

Donald Trump: Speaking of "trust, but verify"... I TRUST that was just gas. However, I really think I ought to VERIFY that El Chapo didn't just make another prison break, if you get my drift.

Chris Christie: Can we stop with the juvenile fart and poop jokes please? I'd like to hear our commander-in-chief speak! Hey Carly. Would you be a doll and get me another donut?

OBAMA: ... under this deal, Iran will also get rid of 98 percent of its stockpile of enriched uranium....

Scott Walker: Speaking of ridding the stockpile, and judging by Biden's pinched face, it looks like the missile may be peaking from the silo.

Carly Fiorina: Joe may have just found the hidden imam!

Jeb Bush: Silencio, por favor. quiero escuchar este!

Mike Huckabee: Blow me, Jeb. We're just having a little fun here while we can. You know, before the inevitable mushroom cloud obama has just guaranteed.

Bobby Jindal: While we have all been fixated on Biden's constipated face, and rightfully so, has anyone else noticed the camera framing our big-eared president's head in front of the chandelier? It makes him look like he is wearing pearl earrings and a pearl necklace, courtesy of Iranian President Hassan Rouhani.

Lindsey Graham: Out of everyone here, I have the most forun policy expeeeeriunce.

Ben Carson: You can pucker up too, Lindsey. Nobody takes you seriously here.

OBAMA: ...And finally, I want to thank the American negotiating team. We had a team of experts working for several weeks straight on this...

Rand Paul: Wait, experts? I thought he had John Kerry on this?

Donald Trump: Seriously, why didn't the president put Biden the "underwear bomber" in the room to negotiate this deal...  Roushani would have taken one look at that face and either made a rushed deal to our benefit, or called for a UN inspection and cleanup team in hazmats to investigate.

Except for a few dissenters, it appears we are all in agreement. Obama just made us another big ol' crap sandwich. I expect Israel's "let's move" response, and I don't think it will be Michelle's program.

3 comments:

Ed Bonderenka said...

Wow.
You could have called.
I'd have driven over to meet them.
Sounds like a great time.

Z said...

First of all, he looks LIKE a 'bad burrito'....


This is really well done, Jerry.....bravo.
I'm heartsick that he's saying he'll veto anything not throwing a ticker tape for his brilliance.

DaBlade said...

Ed, You're invited next time. These guys show up and all my beers get drank. Or is it, when all my beers get drank, they show up? I never knew Huck was such a dirty drunk.

Z, He is never to be defied. Not in this, and not in anything. I see he successfully brought the Israelis and Saudis together though. Now if he had the same effect on all Americans who still love the country...