CHATTERING TEETH NEWS — President Obama will travel to Orlando Thursday, but not to pay tribute to the victims of the worst mass shooting in U.S. history, as the White House has reported. Chattering Teeth is breaking with this bombshell exclusive that Obama will be reacquainting with Seddique Mateen, The Orland gay club gunman's father who also happens to be a self-hating homosexual muslim.
"They have a lot in common. They both are for the transforming of America," said a silhouetted and unidentified source in a hijab and wishing to remain anonymous.
Obama and Seddique have connected many times, using a gay dating app. They like to ride the roller coasters and usually stay on It's a Small World ride for several cycles in a row.
"When the president is here surreptitiously with Seddique, the Hall of Presidents always seems to be coincidentally down for repairs. That's because Barack Obama's Animatronic is flown back to Washington to act in the president's stead and so his presence won't be missed," claimed the anonymous source.
AND HOW ABOUT THIS STARTLING CLAIM: Some of the president's best speeches were actually delivered by his robot!
(how to tell when it's really obama talking)
Barack Obama's Animatronic is constantly serviced and maintained by a staff of ex-NASA rocket scientists who are constantly reprogramming the presidential look-alike with recorded speeches and looped messages. They are currently programming the robot with the "bitter clinger" rhetorical flourish routine, which consists of a series of random anti-second amendment threats and Christian insults.
All so the president can go golfing Thursday.
Was Obama Animatronic at Disney's Hall Of Presidents Dismantled by the Reagan Bot?
|The Hall of Presidents attraction at Walt Disney World's Magic Kingdom in Orlando, Florida, has been taken over by a large segment of the Animatronic presidential figures this President's Day, 2014. This bloodless coup seemed unprovoked, when suddenly the Ronald Reagan Animatronic slipped the surly bonds of his robotics to "touch the face" of Obamabot. Reagan had the Obama figure in a headlock while the founding fathers pummeled it. When the dust settled and the curtain dropped, all that was left of the Obama robot was a pile of nuts and bolts and a slightly used Obama rodeo mask...|
REAGAN: Well, I'd had just about enough of that, how about you?