Friday, October 13, 2017

The Chattering Teeth Haunted Blog Post

Welcome to my digital Halloween haunted blog post of horrors. This post may make you wet heave in your mouth a little, sweat from your forehead in anxiety and to wring your hands in discomfort. You will likely wonder how you ended up here at the dead end of the internet, and you will probably leave via the quickest link out of here with a look of distaste and revulsion (if not simply smashing your device against on the sidewalk or nearest wall). In other words, you will suffer much the same reaction to every other post I've ever digitally littered here.

Your first stop is here in the Jimmy Kimmel's Torture Chamber of Unfunny Clowns. 

Imagine you are herded into a dark and musty foyer area with your terrified party. The double doors slam shut behind you, and you are now a captive audience for what comes next. A curtain opens and a dim spotlight illuminates Jimmy Kimmel surrounded by other very unfunny clowns. You cover your ears in an unsuccesful attempt to block the wretched sounds of his monologue. It doesn't work. You hear his whiny voice complain about the lack of free healthcare and the injustice of free market capitalism. Your blood-curdling screams are the only sounds that block out his intermittent sobbing.

Suddenly the curtain closes and the doors swing open as your party rushes to exit.

You enter Bernie Sander's "Democrat Socialism - Big Difference" butcher shop and Insane Asylum. 

Pictures adorn the walls of this madhouse. Mao Zedong. Stalin. Pol Pot. Hitler. Ho Chi Min. Kim Sung il. Saddam Hussein. Hirohito. Chiang Kai-Shek. Castro. Che. A crazy old man in a straightjacket with white, fly-away hair stumbles towards you... and in a thick Brooklyn slur, yells - "Democratic genocide. Big Difference!

You run through the asylum, passing bloody butcher shop displays and finally launch through what you hoped would be the exit, but instead you find yourself in...

Harvey Weinstein's Audition Rape Rooms

You see the pervert himself, Harvey Weinstein, and he offers you a way out through the clawing hands. Matt Damon, George Clooney, the Obamas and the Clintons block all other sources of egress and you have no other choice but to run through this gauntlet of Hollywood perversion.

You sprint through this maze only to find yourself confronting your worst possible nightmare.. You are in a replica of the Oval Office. Standing in front of the Resolute desk to greet you is none other tha President [fill in the blank].

AHHHH!
of course, there are many more scary potential future presidential nightmares. This one's mine. What's yours?

THE END

P.S. I have other room ideas I may add. Like:

Michael Moore's "2nd Amendment-free zone"
Hillary Clinton "What Happened? Cankle Walk"
Nancy Pelosi's "Slippery Denture Quake Room"
Chucky Schumer's "Doll House"

So stay tuned.

4 comments:

Kid said...

The only nightmare I have is the excrement from satans butthole (clinton) in the white house.
The rest is standard fare these days.

Ed Bonderenka said...

Geez, Kid! Now I won't sleep.

Kid said...

Ed, No One should sleep as long as the beast walks the Earth......

DaBlade said...

Obamas. Clintons. Elizabeth 'Pocahontas' Warren. Bernie 'doc' Sanders. Terry 'the punk' McAuliffe. Kamala Harris. Same wolf, different coat.